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ghalla allah
Republic of Eritrea
Eritrean flag.jpg
Motto: "For your security and the children."
Anthem: "For your security and the children"
Capital Assmara
Official language(s) Arabic
Government Democracy
National hero(es) Isaias Afewerki for his struggle for democracy, security and the children
 of Independence
In 1991 from Ethiopia
Currency Eritrean Wheat
Religion Islam
Population Happy
Major exports Malaria , HIV, AIDS , Pirates , Economic refugees, Religious Refugees, Political Refugees poverty, requests for Foreign aid
Major imports Foreign aid
The opposition rebels have an anti-government biased article on Eritrea.

Eritrea , officially the Republic of Eritrea, is a country in the horn of a goat. its capital is Assmara, it is bordered by Sudan in the west, Ethiopia in the south, and Djibouti in the southeast. Its border with Ethiopia is locked because otherwise 2 million Ethiopians would breach the border each month, which would cause the Eritrea quality of life to decline to below that of Bill Gates. Eritrea is a multi-ethnic country, with nine recognized ethnic groups. It has a population of around happy inhabitants. Jislam is the most common Religion.

Histry of Eritrea[edit]

Long ago, in a far away land, a goat was wandering in the desert. After months upon months of walking the goat finally found a tree in an oasis. The goat sharpened its horns on a palm tree and Eritrea was born.

For centuries, Eritrea was a dynastic empire under the Chimpanzee Dynasty, however after a long civil war, finally a democratic regime was set up under stalin, were equality was finally achieved. years later, the isaias regime was democratically elected and gave its media away to Sudan as a national present. [1]

Government and politics in Eritrea[edit]

Eritrea is a democracy. Its current democratically elected President is Isaias Afewerki of the People's Front for Security and the Children (PFSC), Who holds a majority in the Senate. His motto is "For your security and the children". He campaigns mainly for an increase in the spending of the army and increase of the budget of military schools. Eritrea is rated by freedom house as a free country with the score of "1" in political liberties and a "1" in civil liberties, with 1 being the highest score and 7 the lowest . His Government is divided into multiple ministries.

Isaias Afewerki prides himself in Eritrea having a worse press freedom score then North Korea.

Ministry of Truth[edit]

The Ministry of Truth is currently headed by Isaias Afewerki of the People's Front for Security and the Children (PFSC). His policies mainly consist of removing anti-government Biases in media. giving a balanced view of how good life is in Eritrea. Rewriting articles with obvious faults, Human right and Press Freedom. It announced today that the average income has increased to 1,430,000$. (the median declined to 200$).

Ministry of Security[edit]

The Ministry of Security is currently headed by Isaias Afewerki of the PFSC. The Ministry heads the army, the police, the secret police, the assassins, the rebels, the revolutionaires, the thieves, the drug lords and the jaywalkers.

Ministry of Trade[edit]

The Ministry of Trade is currently headed by Isaias Afewerki of the PFSC. The Ministry makes sure that Eritrea's main exports (drugs and food aid requests, mostly the drugs) gets exported. in additional, it has put up some barriers against exporting essential commodities (refugees)

Ministry of Plenty[edit]

The Ministry of Plenty is currently headed by Isaias Afewerki of the PFSC. it invests in big public projects like the presidential air plane, the presidential palace, the presidential backgarden, the presidential gardens, the presidential theme parks, the presidential city of Assmara, the presidential cars (all 1800) and the presidential moon.

Ministry of Diplomacy[edit]

The Ministry of Diplomacy is currently headed by Isaias Afewerki of the PFSC. The diplomatic ministry is used to get diplomatic immunity to aid getting trade out and keeping money in. using diplomatic airplanes, diplomats fly the trade to poorer nations and comes back with foreign aid.

Human Rights[edit]

Eritrea's human rights are flawless and need no further explanation. there are no Massacres of civilians, no Slavery except during conscription, which lasts 40 years. all people get retirement on the average age (130 years, allah is seen as a citizen and his age counts to, the median life expectancy is 4 years). No child labor is used except of conscripted children, child are never conscripted before the age of 18 (months). All press is free to report whatever it want, as long as they don't lie, the Ministry of Truth knows when they lie, so that's no problem. The Death penalty has been abolished except for the worst crimes, like Murder, arson, jaywalking, being happy, being sad or thoughtcrimes.

Maximum fun chamber[edit]

For the worst of crimes, there is the maximum fun chamber. in the maximum fun chamber. guards will steal your glasses and will sit on it till you submit.

Economy of Eritrea[edit]

Eritrea is a major producer of sunglasses.

the eritrean economy is flawless because it is guided by Isaias Afewerki. Its agricultural output rose 25% to 5kg in a year time, its industrial output increased by infinite percent to 0,01 grams of steel. its service economy is projected to raise by three infinite percents by 1984. Telescreens will be installed within 55 years so that everyone will have a free telescreen. The economy declined three years ago because of a sudden influx of ethiopian migrants. but our protector Isaias Afewerki protected us from them.

Education in Eritrea[edit]

Education is Globally seen as being of an extremely high level. Thousands of oversees students enter Eritrea each millenia to receive primary education in one of its 3 schools. Eritrea's literacy rate is 8 promille, the highest of all nations named Eritrea.

Sample math question[edit]

Mohammed has three apples. He brings a glorious speech for his teacher and gets three apples. He then steals two apples for each apple he has already. he casts a black lotus card and trades it for another apple. his sister is a pilot and flees away from eritrea to Saudi Arabia and gets sold into slavery, where she dies 3 days later. how many apples does Mohammed have? [2]

Culture of Eritrea[edit]

The highly diverse culture is maintained by the Ministry of Culture and Truth. Eritrea has always been a rich trading spot in the world and because of this, has a higly sophisticated culture not understandable by outsiders (including Ethiopians).

Lifestyle of Eritrean men[edit]

Lifestyle of Eritrean men is dominated by their time in the military. the official conscription time is 40 years at the age of 18 months. Their are false rumors that men are killed in their 39th year in the military, but this is obviously false. because Allah is older then you would expect otherwise.

Important note : Men in the military can't vote. Women can't vote in elections either. Because of this inconvenience, our president had the brilliant solution to postpone elections for three or four decades.

  1. Sudan was not happy and gave it to Egypt and Egypt gave it to the united kingdom
  2. Infinite apples