Palau
Baloo err uh Belau Island Mandate of the Palau That country with that fucked up name | |||||
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| Motto: "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like us?" | |||||
| Anthem: "I Will Survive" (by Gloria Gaynor") | |||||
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| Capital | Palau Beach | ||||
| Largest city | Palau Park | ||||
| Official language(s) | English, Gibberish, Seaweed language | ||||
| Government | None, there is really no actual government. The mayor just calls his party after himself. | ||||
| Mayor | Bob | ||||
| ‑ Sheriff | Joe | ||||
| ‑ Deputy | Larry | ||||
| National hero(es) | That drunk seal, That cruise ship that was nice enough to stop by to see Palau, The one guy who was lost named Jeffery, Jeffery's girlfriend Samantha, the early Japanese settlers | ||||
| Declaration of Independence |
1994, after the U.S. got bored of having it. | ||||
| Currency | Stones | ||||
| Religion | Seaweedism | ||||
| Major exports | Seaweed, some guy's goggles found on the beach, rocks, sand, water, minnows, Pop Rocks, cocaine | ||||
| Major imports | Animals found on the beach | ||||
| Hours of operation |
8:30 A.M. to 10:30 P.M. (on weekdays) 8:00 A.M. to 12:00 A.M. (on weekends) | ||||
Palau, also known as Belau, is a country located in the Pacific Ocean somewhere where nobody gives a shit about. It used to be owned by the U.S., but in 1994, they realized how boring and dull it was, so they let them be independent. Palau is the sibling of the mentally challenged Marshall Islands and Micronesia.
History[edit]
In 1667, some bored Japanese were sailing on a boat when they found an island. It was the most dull and boring island of the bunch. They slept there for a few days before saying to themselves, "you know what, let's live here." Unfortunately, that was a stupid idea. Because they began to eat shit and it became pretty distubing and a few died.
Nobody cared about Palau for a while, until the U.S. got angry that there was an island hiding from them. As we all know, nobody hides from the all powerful U.S. of A. So they went and decided to rule them. They then realized that it seemed to be a very boring place.
Palau then was granted independence in 1994, of which the people celebrated for a long time until it was 2009; which they then said "Wait, now what?"
Geography and Politics[edit]
Palau is a small island the size of a centipide's dick, which we assume is very small. Its capital is Palau Beach, the only beach on the island. A cave near the beach is where Mayor Bob holds office. Bob was elected mayor in 1994, he has always run unnopposed (excluding 2001, when a dolphin named Stewart attempted to run against, but lost).
Palau is also famous for having one park. The park has a teeter totter and a swing set, and it's own merry go round! And it has a really big slide too! Palau Park is the main attraction in Palau. Another big thing to do there is yelling, the national sport of Palau. There are many yelling championships. Kitten huffing has not been that popular since Palau's 1996 Huffing Law.
Notable people[edit]
In 2003, a guy named Jeffery got shipwrecked with his girlfriend in Palau and they slept overnight.
In 2005, a cruise ship was nice enough to stop and ask for directions to Micronesia, and said hi to Mayor Bob.
In 2008, a famous incident happened where a seal got drunk and began baging it's head on rocks and made a new language called Drunk Seal, making him a national hero.
Emblems[edit]
Palau's national emblem is a yellow butt, possibly a reference to the early Japanese settlers. The blue background is either the Pacific Ocean or Mayor Bob's wading pool he keeps in his tool shed.
Languages[edit]
Palau's languages include English, Seaweed Language, Gibberish and other islandic languages. At least 50 % of families make up their own languages. Palau does not speak Japanese anymore, possibly due to there being no Japanese there to speak it.