Burkina Faso

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What's that smell? Is that a person?
The Banana Republic of Burkina Faso
Burkina Faso
Burkina faso flag.jpg
Motto: '"Why do I go to Burkina Faso? I guess its the raging civil war is what's so attractive about the place."'
Anthem: "Que nous dominons le monde entier!" ("Some people think we're bonkers, But it's called poverty, Our leader's Leslie JG, AKA Logsleeeee!")
No stupid, that's Bikini Fatso!
Capital It's WHAT?? You expect me to pronounce that? You-ooga-duggar?
Largest city Ouagadougadougadougoudagoudoudagou
Official language(s) French, Clingon
Government Banana Republic
King of the Banana Republic Leslie 'BK' JG (brother of Dizzee Rascal)
‑ President Kylie Minogue
National hero(es) Susan Boyle
 of Independence
September 1, 1975
Currency Giant Stone Wheels, Bananas
Major exports Spam, Scam

“Oh, they speak French there do they? Interesting.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Burkina Faso

Burkina Faso is a nation inadvertently founded as a byproduct of the release of the Dark Side Of The Moon by Pink Floyd in 1973. Burkina Faso is thus not only the first country to have been produced as a direct result of popular culture, but is also the only country to use vinyl records for its currency.

This curious financial system has created a tragic disparity between rich and poor. After the death of the founding president Syd Barrett in 1980, in a tragic tea cake related accident, the economy collapsed as a result of the influx of cheap country music albums was shipped in by the CIA so as to install a US puppet dictator. At the worst of the period of hyperinflation, the purchase of a single banana required the 600 copies of entire Hank Williams catalog.

The current president Kylie Minogue came to power as the result of the people thinking she was going to provide a nationalised railroad, only to find out that Locomotion was just a chessy pop song with a lame dance. She remains president as she has a nice arse.


Burkina Faso was first discovered by the Romans in the 5th Century BC. There, the Romans built the wonderful city of Ouagadougou (In ancient Afro-Latin, it means "The City With Name As Cool As Hippopotamus Back", plus you can barely say it 10 times fast) to house their convicts. Eventually, the Romans packed up and left, and the town (and country) was invaded by African "hunter-gatherer" types. They found an obese guy in the middle of the savannah, so they named the country "Burkina Faso", which is English-as-a-second-language-ese for Burger King's Fatso , and until the 19th century, nothing happened. In 1875, the French came and taught the poor Burkina-Fasoans how to speak their language, as well as converting them to Satanists, then they were abruptly scared off because famine turned the Burkina-Fasoans into cannibals. In 1910, Burkina Faso invaded the less-known Furkina Baso (it's Gibberish for "Yo, french fries, we're a country too! Colonize us", and ever since Furkina Baso has been part of it.

After Burkina Faso acquired Furkina Baso, its thirst for power became greater, and so they proceeded to invade a number of other countries: Bangladesh, Bhutan, Kazakhstan, Tajikstan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and every other third-world country ending in -stan. In 1934, the new "Empire of Burkina-Faso" got rid of its president and instated its current empress HRIMHIM Condoleeza Rice.

Burkina Faso used to be called something else until 1987, but the person who renamed it was killed in a coup shortly afterwards, and no-one else can remember the old name. This means it doesn't show up on maps: no mapmaker dares risk the wrath of an innocent country by deleting it in favour of somewhere where Kylie Minogue is appreciated. Several countries, among them Niger, Sudan, and Laos, have admitted unofficially that they're pretty sure they share a border with Burkina, but the border region is invariably an unfrequented desert or marshland where accurate and recent news is hard to come by. The United Nations ambassador is stuck in New York, as there are no flights back home. Their only other ambassador is in Paris, and has been dead drunk since 1991, and doesn't care what country he represents as long as he can keep on parking for free.

Current affairs[edit]

The Banana Republic is oxymoronic. Currently, the state is suffering from massive debt, due to the lavish parties and expensive wardrobe of Empress Condoleeza (that the President can't control her is a sign of dark times ahead). Though some revenue has been made from the black market sale of nuclear arms from North Korea, its sole remaining colony, there are still major monetary problems in the country. Condoleeza seems to live in her own little world, when the people said, "But we have no bread!" Condoleeza is reported to have responded: "Let them eat cake!". Condoleeza must also take a jet from Ouagadougou to Washington each week (to fulfill her duties as a spy in the American government), which means no cars (no fuel) for the Burkina-Fasoans(except for Her Imperial Excellency). The country also has many connections with Gangsta-Rap artists who exploit the cheap African labour to mine for diamonds.

Many Burkina-Fasoans are getting tired of their Empress's expensive lifestyle and some are even talking of some sort of "Revolution". Plans to elect Susan Boyle as Queen.