Chad
Country of Hobos And Deros The Grand Divine Empire of Chad Chad | |||
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| Motto: It never rains in Chad. It has never rained in Chad. And it never will rain in Chad. | |||
| Anthem: Rain Dance | |||
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| Capital | Ft. Lamy | ||
| Largest city | Not'Djibouti | ||
| Official language(s) | German, Arabic, Meaningless Empress-worshipping Babble | ||
| Government | Dictatorship | ||
| Empress | Chad | ||
| National hero(es) | Chad and | ||
| Currency | Chadlin | ||
| Religion | Empress Worship, but definitely everyone's desperately praying for food and water. | ||
| Population | 46,000 (90% nomadic, because most land is owned by Chad) | ||
| Area | Many square kilometres, all of them worthless. | ||
| Ethnic groups | Starving Chads: 99.8 % | ||
| Major exports | The first name of Chad, Quality Crack, Terror, Conquest, Apotex AIDS Pill | ||
| Major imports | Military Dictatorships, people called Chad | ||
| Favourite pastime |
Conquest of other nations | ||
“I remember the good old days fucking Chad all night long... oh wait, you're talking about the country”
“I Is that country smoke?”
“There's nothing to say about Chad.”
“We can't read this web page.”
“Hi, I'm Chad, I'm from Chad. I gotta say, I wish neither were true.”
“They stole our flag!”
Chad is a little known country in north central Africa, that's nothing but sand. It is a chunk of the Sahara Desert, and is the native homeland of absolutely everyone, without exception, named Chad. As such, a popular dish that Chads claim to be from their home country is Monster Energy and some unholy concoction made up of a Big Mac, 30 days worth of workout sweat, and dirty socks. Of course, this is nothing more than a hazing ritual in disguise mixed in with a tinge of denial.
Being a completely desolate waste land, its only citizens are currently living overseas, and many people have become citizens for the sole purpose of setting up an illegal bank account.
People[edit]
There is absolutely no rain in Chad. The starving Chaddish people attempt to farm but can only grow sand and then usually become nomads or commit suicide (see: Hanging Chads). Nomads in Chad generally find more sand. There is a small manufacturing sector in Chad which manufactures sand. There is no food in Chad other than sandcakes, they're quite the delicacy. Sand is the only form of money in Chad, known as Chadlins. Currently Chad is raging a bloody conquest of all countries located in Southern Africa, as well as countries named after people. (Hey, better watch out, the republic of Joe, cuz' you gonna get done in by Chad!!! >:>)If you visit Chad, you will learn that in reality Chadainians often kill others as a form of aliviation from their naturally miserable lives. Chad has a very high birth rate because there is little else to do but sex (seeL pregnant Chads) however, due to the high death rate in Chad (caused by thirst/starvation/mercy killing), it is projected by the UN that there will be nobody still living in Chad in 2012 or, at most, 17 people. Accurate population figures are hard to establish in Chad, however, since many Chadainians are at least partly buried in sand, be they dead or alive.
History[edit]
Ancient[edit]
Chad's name originated from the little known acronym: Can't Have Another Donut. The meaning and relevance of this statement has been lost in the sands of time and Chad. From these odd beginnings, Chad went on to officially become the World's most useless country. A sandstorm erupted in Chad in 1329, killing off all of its 3 inhabitants. Despite this, Chad went on to become one of the worlds largest cocaine exporters. People born in Chad are often referred to as Chaddians (not to be confused with Canadians), or simply Chaddyrific. Everyone in Chad chose to be named Chad which led to much confusion as the population increased.
1980s[edit]
In the 1980s, Libyan leader Qaddafi declared war on Chad and invaded with a whole shitload of Soviet-made tanks. Chad's army, despite having only a bunch of sand, and crippled by the fact that France was on their side, too, got on a bunch of Toyotas and completely destroyed the Libyan army. No, this is totally legit, I swear. Look it up in Wikipedia!
In 1989, Chad invaded the central European country of Romania, overthrowing their dictator Nicolae Ceausescu; this made them the first African country to colonize Europe. NATO and the European Union acquiesced to the brutal Chadian occupation of Romania for fear that they too could be next, and that the Chadian army would turn all of Europe into an uninhabitable wasteland, as they had already done in their home country. Resistance by the Romanians was sporadic and ineffective; in 2008, the Romanians sent 120 troops to Chad in retaliation, but found no one there to kill, and soon died of thirst.[http://www.eubusiness.com/news-eu/1201722422.02/].
1990s[edit]
The Chad government collapsed in 1998 after the realization that they were losing sand money from their tax system, and that Lake Chad, the source of all their water, turned out to be sand. Although all controlling bodies have vacated the land, the original banks, Casinos and Brothels have remained, resulting in an influx of foreign interest into the country, mostly from deposed dictators.
Chad continues to set new standards of uselessness to this day, and is unparalleled in its lack of natural resources; even the sand is low quality. Perhaps the only useful thing ever to have been achieved by Chad is the invention of the Chad Rune, a mystical item founded in the depths of "Lake" Chad (20mm in the wet season) said to bestow all of Chad's powers of uselessness onto the owner.
Flag[edit]
A little known fact that the only significant thing about Chad that doesn't involve violence or famine is the fact that its flag is almost identical to the flag of Romania which causes many Romanian's to think the Chad are copy-cats. Some on both sides have demanded that the other change the flag. Unfortunately for the fifteen Romanians concerned and the three literate Chadian's the majority of Romania is more concerned with Dacia, God, Sports cars, Gypsy hunting, and expensive sunglasses while the Chad are far more concerned with warding off invaders/creatures with clubs and trying to find food... and those are simply the literate ones. I believe that the flag of Chad should be shot to pieces with the unknown-before-now sand guns they are exporting to Romania (or some other weird country that either doesn't have rain or doesn't have sand).
Tourist Attractions[edit]
“Chad: If you're looking for Food or Water, go somewhere else.”
“In spite of everything else about our rotten country, we hold claim to the World's Largest Sand Dune! It's three kilometres across! Please remember to bring your own water, and that it costs money. All profits will immediately be used by Chad's people for food/water.”
Warning: Anyone who visits Chad not carrying lots of food and water on his back shall be sentenced to death.
Economy[edit]
Country Profile of Chad[edit]
Man settled Chad thousands of years ago. It turned out to be one of the stupidest decisions anyone has ever made. Chad has the most worthless land of any country in Africa. Chad is a very desperate country, even by African standards. It doesn't rain in Chad, except in one town known as Verywetville, which has 1 millimetre of rainfall every year. In Chad, that's considered a flood. The french tried to settle in Chad in the 1800s. They soon realised it was "le place worthlese", and left.
- Annual Precipitation: -1 millimeter, as Lake Chad is slowly draining
- Average Temperature: 40ºC
- Literacy Rate: About 1% of the population can read
- Starvation Rate: 99% of Chad's population is starving, 1% is peckish.
- Major Cities: None, by the rest of the world's standards
- "Major" Bodies of Water: Lake Chad
- Major industry: None
- Major Exports: Sand, Quality Crack
- Major agriculture: None
- GDP: 947,465,385,931,390.74 Central African Francs (.05 USD)
- Where most of Chad makes its food: Algeria
- Major Religions: Unknown, but definitely everyone's desperately praying for food and water
- Resources: Nothing but sand, so nothing really
- Where to Drink Water: Places outside of Chad
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