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Today's featured article Today's featured article – The Witcher The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula. The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered. A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...) Recently featured: Chess pieces John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...) Did you know... *... Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle Is Partly Visible? ... the Ronco Pocket Fisherman lets you go fishing anytime in your jacket pocket? ... and it can also be used to play pocket pool? ... but wait, there's more...

Word of the Day procrastination Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. In the news Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election On this day... July 25: International Talk Like Yoda Day, it is. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...: Social Security investigators witness Yoda's light saber battle with Count Dooku, they do. Hmmmm. Realise, they do, that the walking stick thing is a charade. "Your incapacity benefit try and remove, we will" they tell him. "Do or do not", cleverly replies he, "There is no try." 306: Proclaimed Roman emperor, Constantine I is, by his troops. 1946: Detonated underwater, it is, in the lagoon of Bikini atoll, an atomic bomb. Swimsuits of Women are torn in half, they are. Protest, by this action, they show. 1947: The United Nations, Talks Like Yoda Day, it inaugurates. 1951: The Korean War, pauses it does so that both sides can this day enjoy. 1962: President Kennedy visits Berlin and proclaims "Ein Berliner, Ich bin." 1969: Neil Armstrong lands on the moon. His first message: "Hm, yes, one small step for man, this is. One giant leap for mankind, also it is." 1970: When asked, Mao Zedong is, by reporter ██████ ████ whether more powerful capitalism is than communism, replies, he does, "No. Quicker, easier it is." 1980: "Eheh. Wars not make one great!" quips Jimmy Carter. He is soon defeated in a landslide. 1981: "Mr. President! Freed the hostages are!" shouts a reporter as Ronald Reagan declares "Darth Ayatollah, powerful and bearded he is!" 2004: George W. Bush spends most of the day pretending to listen to questions put to him, then widens his eyes and says "Yoda! You seek Yoda!" This goes on until Dick Cheney breaks his arm with a tire iron. 2005: Ted Kennedy remarks to Howard Dean, "John Kerry was our last chance to stop Bush and Cheney." To which Dean replies, "No....there is another!" It is later revealed that even though they once made out, Hillary Clinton is John Kerry's sister. 2006: For the previous entry, shot an uncyclopedia editor is. 2007: National Bonking Day introduced.

Today's featured picture The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. Photo credit: Mosquitopsu Archive - Nominate new image

Recent Articles Blue Fairies (pictured)| People's Action Party (Singapore | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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