Main Page/Beta

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Welcome to Uncyclopedia

the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

Today's featured article

Today's featured article – UnNews:Bad karaoke costs boys their vocal cords


NORTHAMPTON, England -- Three friends with learning difficulties, including one with Down's syndrome, performed such a poor rendition of the Beatles' classic "Hey Jude" at the Abington Pub in Northampton that the pub landlord removed their vocal cords.

Suspicions grew after landlord Neil Bartholomey purchased a bumper pack of best-value gags, three 2m × 2m cemetery plots, and a DIY embalming kit. It was later revealed that the whole patronage of the pub had been in on the plot to end the boys' budding singing careers.

"They were driving away customers with their ranting," Mr. Bartholomey explained. "It's not like this is the first time they've done it, either! Sometimes they just come in at about 3 o'clock, order a dozen Shirley Temples, and don't leave until their mum picks them up at 9!"

Mr. Bartholomey denied that extracting their vocal cords and leaving them to bleed violated human rights. "It was for the good of humanity!" he shouted as police subdued him. "If they wandered into your pub and started belting out "Yellow Submarine", you'd do the same, unless you're just not enough of a man!" (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – Concision

Less is more.jpg

Concision (also called brevity, laconicism, crispness, briefness, succinctness, pithiness or compactness but not to be confused with terseness (which is concision to the point of rudeness) or sententiousness (which is concision in the service of pompous moralising, or sanctimonious lecturing)) is a writing principle (or doctrine of composition) which promotes the advantages of eliminating, removing or excising redundancy from prose, verse and other forms of expressive writing. (more...)

Did you know...
*... that Dog is offended by this statement?
  • ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of Did you know-nth day of Christmas.png gifts?
Word of the Day
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
In the news

On this day...
The Virgin Mary with a Virgin Mary

May 20: Have a Vision of the Virgin Mary Day (South America and Spain), Bacon Appreciation Day (America)

  • 200 - Bacon is invented in Turkey.
  • 1492 - Christina Columbus, the illegitimate daughter of a mediocre sailor, discovers a new continent, only to have her father Christopher claim the discovery as his own.
  • 1551 - For an entire year, people make lame jokes about anagrams and dying of syphilis.
  • 1732 - Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen, declares war on France. Again.
  • 1874 - Pope Pius IX sees the Virgin Mary on a strip of delicious bacon.
  • 1927 - Charles Lindbergh impresses two continents and wins a load of cash.
  • 1932 - Popeye is introduced to extra virgin Olive Oyl.
  • 1971 - Responding to the Soviet Union's announcement of the day before the BBC start legal proceedings for copyright violation, claiming Mars 2 is just a cheap knock off of Button Moon.
  • 1988 - Night Court is cancelled. The suicide rate for shut-ins triples overnight.
  • 1995 - Some guy finally translates De Bello Gallico.
  • 1999 - Sophia Capicola directs the The Virgin Suicides to the delight of spaced out club kids everywhere.
  • 2004 - McCaulay Caulkin finally loses his virginity while falling from a cliff.
  • 2007 - Illegal aliens crossing the US/Mexico border see the Virgin Mary in the Bush Administration's new 10000 volt border fence.
Today's featured picture
Hand Grenade

The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.

Photo credit: Mosquitopsu
Archive - Nominate new image

Recent Articles

Baire category theorem | Chickpea | Red squirrel | Iron law (pictured) | The Wheel of Time | James K. Polk | Chandigarh, India | Barcode | Billy Cunningham | The Catwoman in the Hat | Cake (band) | Aviation safety | Ketanji Brown Jackson | B-52 (r/w) | Cup of Joe | SZNZ | Pokémon games: Pokémon video games (3DS era)Pokémon video games (Switch era) | Ghana: KumasiKoforiduaAccraTakoradiTamalePassion AirKakum National Park | Solo: A Star Wars Story | Ukraine: 2022 Russian invasion of UkraineHistory of Ukraine | Ann Nooney | The Monks (UK band) | Guinea (r/w) | The B-52s | DNA (r/w) | Scratch disk

More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month
Writer of the month.png
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text).png UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext.png Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
UnBooks UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetia UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo.svg UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why.svg Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo.png UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
UnBestiary UnBestiary
Moo! Grrr! Narf! Harblesnock!
Uncyclomedia Commons notext.png UnCommons
Broken media repository

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 36,750 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:

For nonsense related IRC chat, see this instructional video.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Main Page