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Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
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*... that Tetris is generally considered to be the cause of the collapse of the USSR?
- ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
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| Word of the Day
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hillock
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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| On this day...
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March 20: Procrastination Day (extends until tomorrow)
- c.170 million BCE - Sloths plot their invasion of Africa but are thwarted by continental drift before they can act.
- 8065 BCE - Atlantis passes flood control legislation but never gets around to buying the equipment to implement it.
- 814 - Charlemagne devises a plan for world peace but fails to write it down before he dies.
- 1510 - Martin Luther writes his 95 Theses and intends to post them, but keeps forgetting to bring nails to hammer them to the church door when he attends Sunday services.
- 1602 - The Dutch East India Company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar.
- 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule.
- 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value.
- 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin is published, setting racial equality back for an estimated two hundred years.
- 1864 - Dick Cheney gets bitten by a vampire. The vampire dies of poisoning.
- 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams, and mind-control paraphernelia.
- 1914 - The first International Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity.
- 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen.
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| Today's featured picture
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The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Photo credit: Mosquitopsu
Archive - Nominate new image
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| Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
