|Today's featured article
Today's featured article – Mike Pence
Michael Richard "Mike" Pence (born June 7, 1959) was the 48th Vice President of the United States from 2017 to 2021, under Donald Trump's administration. At a young age in Indiana, he was known as a hero for killing Bigfoot and burning the corpse despite several tough air-pollution laws. It was through this feat and holding multiple political offices that Pence earned a reputation as thoroughly Godly — and thoroughly boring. The former means it would be awesome if he were elected President. The latter guarantees he never will be.
Pence was born in Christopher Columbus, Indiana. It was when he turned 7 that he wrestled Bigfoot and won, an achievement that would be praised by his family and hometown for years to come. He graduated from Indiana University with a degree in Electroshock Therapy.
Pence started off as a Democrat who voted for Jimmy Carter in the 1980 election, but later found religion and became a born-again Christian. He eventually screwed enough people over to not only serve in the U.S. Congress from 2001 through 2013, but to be occasionally mentioned as a candidate for President. (more...)
Star Wars: Ahsoka, or just Ahsoka, while also referred to as Star Wars Rebels Season 5, is an American limited-series written, directed, produced and created by Dave Filoni. It is set within the Star Wars franchise, acting as the second spin-off from 2019's The Mandalorian, with the first being 2021's The Book of Boba Fett. It also serves as a continuation of the animated shows Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels, while also being a prequel to the other animated show Star Wars Resistance (which nobody watched, anyway). The thing that these five shows, six if you include Ahsoka, have in common is that Dave Filoni was behind all of them — in more ways than one. (more...)
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December 3: World Structural Engineering Day
- 2542 BCE - Egyptian Pharaoh Khufu commands that a round tower be built as his tomb. Engineers and the constructors build a giant pyramidal structure instead following earlier practices. After a facepalm, Khufu requests the engineers and construction managers to inspect the structure's interior, then seals them all inside. He then buys a plot at Forest Lawn, where he rests today.
- 422 BCE - Ancient Greece develops the concept of ethics. This would be ignored by structural engineers and most people throughout history.
- 24 CE - Jesus becomes a carpenter but many of his projects would be denied licenses without approval by structural engineers. Luckily, the cross He will be crucified on is fast-tracked by Roman engineers.
- 901 - Vikings remove the horns from their helmets due to attacks by amorous bulls and nearsighted toreadors.
- 1173 - The foundation is laid for the Tower of Pisa; and the building almost immediately begins to tilt. Historians investigating the cause found original plans which had the name of the architect and the construction company cut out. They suspect the Mafia to be responsible as that group controls not only construction companies but picture postcard sales of the tower as well as every image of it on Getty or Shutterstock.
- 1923 - Bumblebees are forced to walk everywhere as calculations show they should not be able to fly.
- 1940 - Engineers fresh from building thrill rides at Coney Island and Palisades Park supervise the completion of their design of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. They decide to spice up the trip for commuters, exceeding their best efforts at the aforementioned amusement parks. (pictured) The U.S. government would later enlist the engineers in the war effort by having them volunteer for tank and aircraft construction in Germany and Japan.
- 1989 - The Stone Roses band writes a song that says they "want to be a door".
- 2013 - The 2.2 mile (3.5 km) eastern section of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge is completed with a cost overrun of only US$6.25 billion. With all of its subsequent problems, the bridge section has now been slightly downgraded to allow 35 cars an hour in each direction, and will stand up to winds of up to 10 mph (16 kph) and earthquakes of 3 on the extended wimp scale. Engineers assure that it will withstand an asteroid impact on Jupiter. Resistance to kaiju attack has not been addressed.
- 2018 - The SR 99 tunnel, created by boring a huge tunnel under Seattle, was celebrated at its opening by a crowd on the Viaduct, which not only had no toll and a view, but would later be torn down in favor of the toll tunnel.
|Today's featured picture
The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Photo credit: Mosquitopsu
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|Writer and Noob of the Month
wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold
ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many
articles to Uncyclopedia
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the
award that all newbies want and Sinner George
has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George
writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many
months years to come!
It is said last months winner
has an ego comparable to Napoleon
but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty
, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is
a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
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