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Today's featured article Today's featured article – Kristi Noem Kristi Lynn Noem (noʊm, née Arnold; born November 30, 1971) is the Republican Governor of the U.S. state of South Dakota, and was an up-and-coming favorite for Vice President for the 2024 campaign until disclosing that she shoots cute puppies. Noem was born on the farm, as she will never let her campaign audiences forget, in Watertown, S.D. to parents of Norwegian ancestry. Noem's political career began in 1990 as she was elected to the important statewide post of South Dakota Snow Queen. She got college credits at the allegedly real Northern State University, Mount Marty College, and Fred's Institute of Technology, but had to curtail her studies to return to the farm and add a hunting lodge, interpretive museum, and signs claiming you'd be able to see Mount Rushmore right over there if the trees had not grown up. In 2006, Noem was elected to the South Dakota House, and in 2010, she became 100% of the South Dakota delegation in the U.S. House of Representatives. In 2012, she achieved a personal best, attaining an actual majority of the vote rather than backing in after many voters wrote in "None of the above" or "What's Congress?" (more...) Recently featured: Calcium Mike Johnson Henry Kissinger Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Calcium Calcium is the twentieth element in the Idiotic Table, and is a form of metal that can be found in the earth's crust. Down there, it is the fifth most popular metal, putting it very high on the leaderboard for most famous metals. (more...) Did you know... *... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that you should not cross a bridge before it is hatched?

Word of the Day procrastination Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. In the news Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs (pictured) NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Sunak soaked for General Election announcement Ferrell sues owner of look-alike dog Alfa Romeos to get even uglier Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered UK bans puberty for children On this day... October 6 : Anniversary of the Invention of Fire, World's Most Dangerous Day to Be Flammable 4,327,340 BCE - Fire is invented. Matches, which had been in use for years beforehand, now finally have a use. 4,327,339 BCE - The competition to create the biggest bang results in the accidental creation of aerosols. 105 BCE - The Greeks invent a fire which doesn't go out when in contact with water. They call it "Greek Fire". It is quickly nicknamed AAAAAAAAA! 103 BCE - A hasty rebranding of Greek Fire goes wrong, and the newly renamed "AlphaFire+" is scrapped. Nobody bothers to write down the formula. 1081 - King Wilhelm IV of North West Prussia dies. The North West Prussia Gazette finally has front page news that doesn't involve the word "sauerkraut". 1611 - Several people are executed for petty theft in Hungary, much to the amusement of the Austrians, who framed them. 1612 - Hungary goes to war with Austria. 1613 - Several Austrians are extradited to Hungary, where they are executed for obstructing the cause of justice. Hungary withdraws from Austria, after 40 million people have died. 1846 - Mr. Georges "Bang-Bang" Firework, of Sparkler Street, Catherine Wheel, New Jersey, finally invents the trampoline. 1859 - Mr. Henry "Boing-Boing" Jumper, of Trampoline Terrace, Bouncy, Ohio, finally invents the firework. Various historians later switch the facts to amuse themselves. 1910 - People realize fireworks are better at night. It would be several centuries before it is also realized fireworks are better outdoors. 1913 - Parties are held throughout London, celebrating the fact that they have just signed a peace treaty with Germany. 1936 - An Austrian physicist discovers the long lost formula for AlphaFire+. Unfortunately, his lab then burns down. 1957 - Historians jump with joy as they discover what Edward Crapper invented. 2002 - The official date of the discovery of fire is discovered by historians. They attribute the discovery to Mr. Alfred "Burn-Burn" Hotstuff.

Today's featured picture The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. Photo credit: Mosquitopsu Archive - Nominate new image

Recent Articles Odysseus (pictured) | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism | UnTunes:I'm Just Ten | Taylor Swift | Praey for the gods‎‎ | Henry Kissinger | Sandra Day O'Connor | Battle for Dream Island | Rastadon | Quintana Roo | Digestive system | The Sims 4 | Ahsoka (TV series) | King Charles II | The Man from U.N.C.L.E.‎‎ More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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