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Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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*... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
- ... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
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| Word of the Day
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procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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| On this day...
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October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 4004 BC - God invents breasts.
- 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
- 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
- 2680 BC - Mayans invent chocolate and promote it with the slogan "Everything goes better with chocolate including human sacrifice".
- 500 - Germans invent beer. Anglo-Saxons would drink it but save up their ice for skating upon.
- 623 - Sloth is declared a mortal sin by the church but morphs into the three-day holiday.
- 1234 - The handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1889 - Auguste Eiffel builds his famous tower when his indulgent grandmother buys him a large Meccano set.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia and becomes the first user ever reverted and banned.
- 1921 - Americans invent the bacon cheeseburger. Grease salesmen have their best year ever.
- 1949 - Danes create Lego. Everyone else still prefers to use landmines to cause crippling injuries.
- 1952 - Deep fried spam is invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love.
- 1964 - Hippies swap free love for pot.
- 1979 - The Victoria's Secret Catalogue is introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie; it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolt. Nobody cares.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers are invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
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| Today's featured picture
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The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Photo credit: Mosquitopsu
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| Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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