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There is nothing wrong with your computer screen. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. I am controlling transmission. If I wish to make it louder, I will bring up the volume. If I wish to make it softer, I will tune it to a whisper. I control the horizontal. I control the vertical. I can roll the image, make it flutter. I can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next decade, sit quietly and I will control all that you see and hear. I repeat: there is nothing wrong with your computer screen. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to Zombiebaron.

“As one judge said to the other, 'Be just and if you can't be just be arbitrary.'”

“I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.”

Clock.gif This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
16 years,  1 month and 22 days.

Admin-pms.png This user is an administrator, which explains his/her exceptionally high stress levels.
Dancing psycho.gif This user has been an admin on Uncyclopedia for
14 years, 9 months and 8 days.
Answer to Life.png My edits: 30,361
Future-100pxsmall.gif This user has been a bureaucrat on Uncyclopedia for
10 years, 3 months and 13 days.

Master-pc.jpg This user is a Master in the Potatochoppers' Guild, and has earned the respect and admiration of all for outstanding work. Ask this user about joining!

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This article was nominated for deletion on 29 July 2012.
The result of the discussion was Zombiebaron.