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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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- ... that NASA built the shuttle buses used to take astronauts to the space shuttle to the same exacting standards it used to build the space shuttles themselves? (pictured)
- ... that I only slept with your wife as a prank?
- ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
- ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period?
- ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
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In the news
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Onay isthay ayday...
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March 2: International Kill a Cartoon Character Day
- 40 million BCE - Heaven is created after God gets drunk and accidentally kills Tony the Tiger and needs a place to hide the body.
- 1901 - Heaven is finally accepted as a member of the United Nations, just a shade over 40 million years after Tony the Tiger's death.
- 1902 - Nietzsche kills the Trix Rabbit over the latter's Überwabbit philosophical theories.
- 1912 - Chip and Dale get killed in fiery auto accident with Donald Duck and a turkey. Turducken is then invented when the group is found to taste "just like chicken".
- 1962 - Barbara Walters begins murdering the Rice Crispy boys one by one by breaking their necks with a satisfying *snap*, *crackle* and *pop*.
- 1967 - To the relief of Tokyoites, Godzilla just comes as far as Zushi Beach to enjoy a sunny day. He builds an immense sandcastle, plays in the surf, then returns to the ocean at sunset. Later, winds would blow the sand into Tokyo, destroying it.
- 1973 - Bob the Builder is killed by Patrick Stewart in freak dodgeball accident.
- 1978 - The Roadrunner pushes Wile E. Coyote off a cliff.
- 1984 - Gorby names March 2 the "Saddest day ever".
- 1985 - New Kids on the Block kill Fat Albert, proving they have some kind of talent after all.
- 1992 - A giant Kryptonian beast kills Superman, just before having a couple tall buildings for dessert.
- 1994 - This is the day that I kill Kenny. (You bastard!)
- 1996 - Sylvester Stallone kills Sylvester the Cat for name rights.
- 1999 - Disney cartoon characters are murdered by more favored anime fans.
- 2001 - President Bush's "War on Spongebob" begins with the carpet bombing of Bikini Bottom. This is just another example of one cartoon character trying to kill another.
- 2008 - Popeye dies after being poisoned by Salmonella bacteria in spinach.
- 2010 - Sam I Am chokes on his Green Eggs and Ham. He is a poet but don't know it.
- 2012 - Itchy and Scratchy kill Tom and Jerry.
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
