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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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- ... that Elon Musk is a wimp for only going to Mars by 2022 whereas we were already able to visit Saturn in 1939? (pictured)
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that it wasn't a rock? It was a rock lobster.
- ... that the A Train is "a" train?
- ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... showings of the movie Frozen 2 will require moviegoers to sit in a tub of liquid nitrogen for maximum effect?
- ... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
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In the news
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Onay isthay ayday...
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August 12: Madonna Depreciation Day (Worldwide)
- 3 CE - The original Madonna writes an original song called Like a Prayer but is prevented from publishing it by an injunction filed by time-travelling lawyers.
- 1675 - The Vegetable Armistice is signed, ending the Great Tomato War.
- 1840 - Martin Van Buren is somehow re-nominated for the presidential election by the Democrats, despite being a pretentious douche and insisting on making lame genitalia jokes at passing squirrels.
- 1908 - First Model T Ford built. It faces stiff competition from the pirate-made Model R (pictured).
- 1921 - Joseph Lister invents Listerine, Craigslist and high society's A-list in quick succession.
- 1960 - Echo I, the first communications satellite, launched.
- 1960 - Echo I, the first communications satellite, launched.
- 1964 - English novelist Ian Fleming passes away when he is mistakenly served a vodka martini stirred, not shaken.
- 1983 - Contending that Madonna made an admission of being "over the borderline", coordinated Chinese People's Army and Air Force units attack her while she is on tour. Madonna fends off an estimated 5,000 troops for a week using a high heel and stale popcorn from her dressing room. She deftly uses lawyers in a flanking counterattack; unacceptable casualties cause the withdrawal of Chinese forces.
- 2005 - Madonna is sued for plagiarizing 4 notes for her song Frozen from poor, helpless Belgian songwriter Salvatore Acquaviva, who coincidentally has lots of lawyers for friends. During a concert in Werchter, Belgium, one of the lawyers accidentally falls onto the stage and Madonna bites his head off. She would later need treatment for rabies as a precaution.
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Oday'stay eaturedfay icturepay
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[vote]
| Africamapclear.PNG - 14 total votes ( 24 / 10 )
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Africa is widely known by those in the US to be Earth's shittiest continent. For one thing, the land is wracked with hunger, poverty, disease, and genocide. It is also filled with monkeys, like those parks where they tear your car to shreds. Not a pleasant place, all things considered. (Rwanda sucks and has a very retarded name.)
Things from Africa include: zoo animals, human trials, like monkeys; lots of fruit...um... AIDS? AIDS is from there, right? And black people? Hey, is that where African Americans came from? Yeah? Well, who knew?
Image credit: Jordanus
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Iterwray anday Oobnay ofay ethay Onthmay
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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