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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name. Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...) Recently featured: Star Trek Windows XP Switzerland Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Star Trek Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...) Idday ouyay owknay... ... that an all-cat version of The Shining is set for theatrical release this Christmas season? (pictured) ... that in the dark, all cats are in the dark, too? ... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience? ... that the word 'fuck' originally referred to a cross between a frog and a duck? ... the person that was sitting next to you and jerking off during fire scenes in Only the Brave just might have been a pyromaniac? ... the song Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... that your Windows computer is still updating?

In the news Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Onay isthay ayday... April 13: Gangster Rap Appreciation Day (United Spades of Amerika), Shower With Your Best Friend Day (Singapore), Smell Your Feet Day (Hong Kong) 16 CE - Jesus Christ and the Buddha form the seminal gangster rap duo Shakyamuni and the JC. 1507 - First yo momma joke is told: "Ye of whom ye were borne is so Fatte, She wase burnede as threescore witches rathere thanne One." 1901 - Don Corleone and his family form their hip-hop crew. They will have top-charted hits like Keep da Enemies Fu'kin' Closer and An Offa' Ya Motherfu'ka' Can't Refu', believed to be the major influence for the words "gangster rap". 1962 - First rap-related homicide is reported in Springfield, Nebraska. 1976 - Richard Nixon is made available to catalogue shoppers for the first time. 1979 - Da Pinky Foil drops its first gangster rap conceptual album Da Hood with the cooperation of the Fuhrer. They will have a lot of hits such as Another Chic' in da Ho, Hey You, Nizzle!, Yo! Momma, In da Fest', etc. 1984 - Ingsoc releases minitrue-approved rap artist Doubleplus Hardcore Niggaz. The first song on the disc, BB Inflicts Doubleplusgood Wounds on Proles goes doublegood award, but da crew is disbanded after recording Fuck tha Thoughtpolice. 1985 - The space shuttle Challenger is dubbed "unexplodable" by NASA at a news conference. 1994 - Tupac Shakur goes platinum with his new album, N-word, Fuck, Fuck, Bitch, N-word, Mothafucka, Ho, Bitch, N-word, Fuck. Shakur thanks God. 1995 - Tupac Shakur fakes his own death. 1999 - Eminem becomes the unopposed best rapper alive. Tupac Shakur actually kills himself. 2010 - The EU demands cash from Iceland. Iceland sends ash. Europe is buggered for weeks.

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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