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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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 - ... that the black crinoid living on the seafloor is the only such animal mentioned on a humor website? (pictured)
- ... and that it would be greatly amused by that fact if only it had a laptop, which would be crushed at such depths?
- ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"?
- ... the Boy Scouts were actually a concept developed by Gen. Gordon at the siege of Khartoum? And since the scouts saw no boys in the Mahdi army, they failed to give an alarm and the British garrison was wiped out?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears?
- ... that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
- ... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
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In the news
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Onay isthay ayday...
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February 8: Worship an Idol Day (Canaan), Weorshcipe an Heathern God Dai ([Eald England])
- 4527 BCE - The Eald Englanders worship Odin, although he has not yet obtained an official God licence (for your own contact 0800-GOD-LICENCE-PLEASE (US only)), as he was licenced under Zeus (0300).
- 1856 BCE - Hebrews arrive at the Promised Land, start worshipping Baal (then no licence, now under 2110).
- 1020 BCE - Rome built in 23 hours and 58 minutes.
- 407 BCE - The Olmecs pray to their rain god and are rewarded with huge amounts of rain. Unfortunately, their later prayers to the god of swimming lessons are not heard and the civilization is wiped out.
- 33 - Jesus visits 50 people at the same time and laughs about how they try to explain it while watching from his cloud.
- 76 - Roman philosopher Flushibus Maximus publishes his masterpiece, Indoor Plumbing, the Devil Incarnate. Rome is destroyed by typhoid.
- 77 - Romans pray for deliverance from typhoid. Their pleas are answered by the twin goddesses of tripping and falling and the god of lead poisoning.
- 1755 - In Massachusetts, John Kerry and the Antipope offer 20 pounds for scalps of Native American boys and girls, Protestants, and Senate Majority Leaders.
- 1819 - Mary Shelley creates Frankenstein. The beast runs amok and destroys most of the species on Earth. Charles Darwin is inspired by this and together with Richard Dawkins creates the theory of evilution.
- 1925 - Rl'yeh rises from the ocean floor. The Cthulhu Cult rejoices. The rest of the world shits their pants.
- 1926 - Simon Cowell rises from the ocean floor. The Cult of Insincere and Soulless Cover Songs rejoices.
- 2001 - California Adventure establishes its independence from Disneyland, with the aid of terrorists Don al-Duck and Huey Hussein.
- 2008 - Osama bin Laden is elected member of Parliament for Bradford, Leeds (UK).
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
