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Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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- ... that global warming is forcing yeti and other animals to migrate farther north? (pictured)
- ... that resistance is futile, so you should calculate using impedance instead?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... the US Postal Service delivered over 7.7 billion pieces of mail last year?
- ... and that unfortunately those started out as 5.2 billion packages and letters?
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that incomplete sentences cause?
- ... The Rapture came and went and left behind everyone except for six people and an aardvark?
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In the news
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Onay isthay ayday...
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January 15: Festival of the Yak (Uranium)
- 1 million BCE - Yaks discover the Himalayas by just being there in the same place.
- 4004 BCE - The Yak begets Adam and pulls out his rib to give birth to another yak.
- 1077 - Yaks invent the telephone but the treeless tundra with its lack of poles to string wires leads to failure.
- 1787 - The Yak begets 535 people for the United States Congress. This is widely regarded as a bad move.
- 1864 - Alexander Graham Cracker invents the bell.
- 1958 - The Coasters release Yakety Yak. It is adopted into the liturgy for the First Church of the Incredible Yak.
- 1986 - The Yak is irritated by Soviets, destroys Chernobyl.
- 1988- Johanna Hedberg, infamous Norwegian Big Brother winner, also famous for a line of clothes (C.U.N.T) made of skin from cucumber, fur from navy seals and toddler's nostrils, is born and digested.
- 1992 - Yak Shaving Day replaces Festival of the Yak. This is stopped when thorough shaving reveals goats under gigantic coats of hair.
- 1995 - UN resolution number 377536 proposes that January be renamed Yakuary. Only Belgium, Nepal and Wales actually instigate this.
- 2001 - Wikipedia is created without yak approval.
- 2001 - Wikipedia is extensively vandalized by yeti.
- 2005 - 10th anniversary of Yakuary is marred when February gets really drunk, tries to hit on April, June, and Lindsay Lohan.
- 2006 - The millionth Wikipedia article is vandalized. Nobody cares except for one small bot pretending to fix pages but actually embedding code for Hypnotoad.
- 2009 - The Yak goes into hiatus. The world falls into a new dark age.
- 2010 - Return of The Yak predicted, even though most retail stores do not allow returns after 30 days.
- 2100 - The Yak returns, only to find the world destroyed by extraterrestrial cows.
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Oday'stay eaturedfay icturepay
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Iterwray anday Oobnay ofay ethay Onthmay
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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