From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
left
37,394 articlesay inay Englishay
|
|
|
|
|
|
Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
|
Idday ouyay owknay...
|
- ... you are in a maze of twisty little passages, all different? (pictured)
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK PEPSI COLA
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998?
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... a stoat bloated with oats in the moat floats all boats?
- ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a bovine is known as reincownation?
|
|
In the news
|
|
|
Onay isthay ayday...
|
January 26: National Hail Zeus Day (Ancient Greece)
- Beginning of Time - Zeus is begat by Chronos and Chaos. You really don't want to know the details.
- 3457 BCE - Zeus gets it on with his wife/sister, Hera. He has Orpheus invent the banjo to provide some mood music for their wedding night. Unfortunately, the song he creates for that special occasion is later used in the film Deliverance.
- 78 - Chickens convert to Christianity in droves and rise in revolt but they are slaughtered by the millions.
- 353 - Christianity takes a whack at Zeus. Cthulhu bides his time.
- 700 - Zeus commands the French to worship him. When they refuse, he curses them with garlic and an irrational fear of washing.
- 1879 - Zeus smites the prototype caboose to avert unflattering poetry. Unfortunately, it is reinvented three days later.
- 1901 - The popular phrase "I don't give a fuck" is used for the first time by John Keats when he finds out that the toothpaste he was using is actually his shaving cream.
- 1922 - Zeus is so nearly forgotten by this time that most people celebrate the day by going to their local zoos.
- 1939 - The Zeus suit is created, with a reet pleat and drape shape.
- 1947 - Zeus withdraws his sponsorship of Captain Marvel and Achilles follows suit. The superhero then signs up Poseidon and Orion. With Billy Batson prohibited from shouting "SHAZAM!" (Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, Mercury), he now yells "SHAMPOO!" to transform into Captain Marvel, leading to mockery by his evil opponents and his younger brother.
- 1959 - Under the pen name Dr. Zeuss, Zeus begins to write children's literature. His first book is "Hop on MILF", in which a Greek god transforms into various animals in order to make out with human women.
- 1974 - Zeus curses John Boorman for using his wedding-night song in Deliverance. When Boorman's next film, Zardoz, flops, Zeus simply laughs.
- 2002 - Zeus decides he doesn't like George W. Bush and decides to strike him down, but can't find any lightning bolts. Instead he sends him a cursed pretzel.
|
|
Oday'stay eaturedfay icturepay
|
[vote]
| Trojan horse.png - 20 Happy Humpin' Horses ( 20 / 0 )
|
|
Looking for protection for your stallion? Safe sex whilst getting your oats? Look no further than Trojan Horse condoms. For the serious rider. Available in "Large", "Extra Large" and "Ouch!".
Image credit: sannse
|
|
Iterwray anday Oobnay ofay ethay Onthmay
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You only have 5 (Five) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,394 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Otectedpray ybay ethay Airfay Useay Auseclay, anday anay eliteay anclay ofay Injasclay.
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
