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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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- ... that Baron Hofstedter von Grunke used Christmas tree ornaments from the royal tree to give himself awards and medals? (pictured)
- ... and when discovered, he was not jailed but left outside with the trash on the first week of January?
- ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"?
- ... that it's not butter?
- ... that nihilists believe that life is like a box of chocolates?
- ... and that it is a Whitman Sampler that has been sitting on the shelf for too long?
- ... that you should not cross a bridge before it is hatched?
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
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In the news
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Onay isthay ayday...
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June 22: International Yaoi Appreciation Day
- 1767 - Wilhelm von Humboldt is born. Several years later, a large plot of hemp is discovered in his county.
- 1804 - Buttsecks invented; fangirls rejoice.
- 1805 - The 1,000,000th "George Washington and Benjamin Franklin" fanfic porn story is written. As a consolation prize, its writer is given a certificate to get a life.
- 1812 - Napoleon invades Russia.
- 1813 - Napoleon realizes how dumb an idea it was to invade Russia.
- 1814 - Napoleon abdicates the throne, but takes his decision back a few minutes later.
- 1815 - Napoleon abdicates the throne again.
- 1865 - Yams take over the world for five days until they forget about it.
- 1892 - Tchaikovsky responds to Napoleon's invasion by writing fanfiction featuring gay cannons.
- 1904 - A strange racist albino falls from a cloud into a remote village in the alps.
- 1941 - Nazi Germany invades Jane Fonda in Operation Barbarella. (pictured)
- 1965 - "Glow-in-the-dark" is invented; ravers rejoice.
- 1969 - Judy Garland dies. Wicked witches everywhere breathe a collective sigh of relief.
- 1970 - First yaoi work drawn by a gay male released to the public. Fangirls get totally fucking pissed and glomp the artist to death.
- 1972 - Gay aardvarks riot outside homophobic petting zoo in Schenectady, New York.
- 1985 - Pioneer kitten "Mr. Kitty" becomes first cat to legally change name to "Dr. Kitten".
- 2005 - All Michael Jackson jokes officially become not funny anymore. This paves the way for the newly hilarious Micheal Jackson jokes.
- 2006 - First International Festival of Man-Secks is celebrated.
- 2007 - First International Festival of Man-on-Man-Secks is celebrated.
- 2008 - Graham Poll causes mayhem as he dishes out over 400 bookings before the game between Croatia and Australia has even started.
- 2009 - Napoleon rises from the dead and invades Russia again.
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Oday'stay eaturedfay icturepay
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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