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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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- ... that a Russian-built virtual voice-and-image anti-collision warning system has now been installed in 95% of its domestic aircraft? (pictured)
- ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone?
- ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears?
- ... that Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct because it couldn't reach anything put on a top shelf?
- ... the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
- ... goldfish have been found not to be particularly aggressive, yet they can often be found guarding a castle?
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In the news
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Onay isthay ayday...
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February 7: National Don't Memorize Your Lines Day
- 33 CE - Jesus memorizes his lines.
- 1756 - Oscar Wilde opens in a play for which he did not memorize his lines. He improvs the whole play, to everyone's amazement. This dialogue became the basis for Wilde's 'The Importance of Being Ernest'. It also lead to the consequent discovery of cheese.
- 1823 - ummmmm... Line!
- 1876 - Steam locomotive forgets its lines, derails, crashes, kills hundreds. Fuckwit.
- 1901 - Sherlock Holmes forgets his "lines".
- 1950 - The... teleprompter... is... invented... for... people... who... do... not... something.
- 1965 - Birthday of Gamera. Gamera gets his ass handed to him before he can destroy Tokyo by Godzilla. Since Tokyo is now not in any immediate danger, Godzilla destroys Tokyo.
- 1967 - The Japanese monster movies introduce their most terrifying monster character yet: "Hitler" - a human who attacks other nations without provocation and slaughters millions. His most successful movie, World War II, pits him against another monster, Stalin. Stalin is given eye beams to counter Hitler's flame-breath. In a strange turn of events, Tokyo is not destroyed. Modern science is baffled.
- 1975 - American troops in Vietnam forget their lines. The A team are wrongly accused of this. They promptly escape using a combination of Bill Clinton's cigars, a cabbage launcher and Mr T's pity. The rest is history.
- 1980 - Riverdance is originally performed by Shetland ponies. However, thrown horseshoes kill several audience members so human replacements are used afterwards.
- 1998 - OMEs plan to to declare war on the emos... but they forget their lines.
- 2005 - This is the day the All Mighty Muffin Lord takes over Earth Beta. He conquered the previous ruler because he had his lines memorized.
- 2007 - The All Mighty Muffin Lord forgets his lines and is killed by the Earth Beta version of Peyton Manning (who is, in this timeline, a neo-Nazi overlord).
- 2008 - Don't know what happens today? Well if you'd learned your lines you'd know what this was going to say. Tough shit.
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Oday'stay eaturedfay icturepay
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Iterwray anday Oobnay ofay ethay Onthmay
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
