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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that Attila the Hun could never find the right sized leather jockstrap? (pictured)
... that walking in the air will not make you fly in the moonlit sky?
... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
- ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... about alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?

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On this day

April 7: Hallucinate While Juggling Porcupines Day

65 million BCE - Raptor Jesus becomes extinct for your sins.
9 CE - General Publius Quinctilius Varus is showing off for his troops by juggling five porcupines at once when his distracted legions are attacked by Germanic tribesman in the Teutoborg Forest. Varus attempts to hide in a tiny cave but the now-angry porcupines turn on him and kill him. Upon hearing of the disaster, Emperor Augustus would exclaim, "Varus, give me back my legions and bring back real vaudeville!"
1067 - The first ever Battle of Hastings re-enactment is fought.
1544 - Queen Elizabeth I starts her famous celebrity gossip column in The Times.
1741 - The War of Jenkins' Ear spreads down to his legs.
1906 - Mt. Vesuvius erupts due to a bout of tectonic indigestion.
1954 - Jackie Chan is born and kung-fu kicks your mom in the delivery room.
1969 - The Beatles publish their greatest work, the Communist Manifesto.
1988 - Sheryl Crow breaks $15,000 worth of crockery with one wave of her baseball bat.
2004 - Mike Tyson gets beaten with a three-round TKO by Jaleel White. Vegas bookies go bankrupt after millions are bet on Erkel.
2007 - Every woman across Mozambique burns down her house in an act of defiance against the evil rule of Captain Birdseye.
2009 - Madonna adopts her 20th child from Africa after finally eating the previous one.

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