Microsoft

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
NoAppleEireFlag.png
MicrodickSoft
Type Insecurely and Richly Public
Traded As Windows ME
Area served Anyone who has used Windows Vista
Industry Apple Killing
Location Redamondo
Founded 1BC
Money $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Revenue

Microsoft is the second richest American tech company. Its main rivals are Apple, Ubuntu, Kubuntu, Mubuntu, Ugundu, and other software companies. Microsoft is short for Micro Software., although recently they have also branched out into hardware with the Xbox and the Surface line. Microsoft is infamously well-known for going to court in the Late 90s for being the richest company. In the end, they had to allow Apple to be the richest tech company.

History[edit]

Microsoft as a company was founded in 1975 when some nerd known as Bill Gates created BASIC, a thing that no-one cared about until recently. Although creating something new for technology, it was seen as a money-making machine for many as every time you typed in code, the company gained $100. That explains why Microsoft is so rich. By this time, Microsoft's dominance was well-established. Microsoft eventually made a new tech expansion titled the Xbox in 1978. However, it failed into obscurity until recent times. Soon enough, Windows was made and Microsoft soon became the most powerful company of the 80s, 90s, and 2000s until they had to hand that position to Apple.

Windows which is still the main income of Microsoft needs updates as of 2018. It serves only to consolidate all power and attention to the Gates, allowing his ultimate authority over every decision made for Microsoft.

Revenue[edit]

Microsoft's trading particularly comes from Windows, being the most-used OS. They also have the Xbox, which claims to be the most powerful, and Office, which is the only office suite.

Location[edit]

Microsoft's HQ lies in Redmond Washington, which is, north of Oregon, west of Montana and south of Canada. It is one of the most-visited tourist attractions as well. With $12,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, Microsoft is home to 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 services, and another 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 more updates for Windows 10, making it the world's most active service.

Fanbase[edit]

An impersonation of Microsoft via Windows.

Microsoft's fanbase are divided along what tech people mostly use. Roughly 60% of the native users fall into the "Windows" class, being connected to Bill Gates with updates. The remaining part of users use the Xbox (39.9%) and Bing[1] (0.1%)

Terminology[edit]

Companies Owned[edit]

Logo and wordmark

Proud sponsors of Panty Creamings.


  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation


Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easiereasy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




Footnotes[edit]

  1. ↑ Really it's probably 0.0001
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Microsoft.
Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=Microsoft&oldid=6214911"