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April 2, 2006 - April 11, 2018

Simple example of what happens to people when there is no one to talk to on their contact list.
This is what happened to the "MSN Guy" when he would not refrain from aggravating the Mafia.

MSN or "Man Sex Network" is a collection of Internet services provided by Microsoft. Initially released accidentally on August 24, 1995, the range of services has not changed. Hotfail was then introduced, a service to replace all in-person and physical relationships with online chatlogs and emoticons.

MSN was largely re-branded in 2006 when Microsoft overhauled its online software and services in a climate of increasing competition from rivals such as Gargole, Yak who? and Skip.

In the United States, this is just a content provider and search engine. It is additionally a ISP (ice-cream sucker party). With 9 subscribers, MSN is the second largest ice-cream sucker party in the US behind AOL suckers service with 26.5 people, the .5 being a Hobbit by the name of Fredrika.

The term "MSN" has come to be synonymous with MSN Messenger in internet slang. To use MSN services, the users must let Microsoft hack their computer using Microsoft Hacking Device and huff all the "SYSTEM 32" files. One can sign up using any e-mail address and can then use personalised MSN features requiring the use of a Microsoft Hacking Device. These personalised features include "MyMiniSexNutter", "Hotfail" and the ability to sign into "Widow's Laxative Mess"(formerly MSN Messer), and the now retired Widow's Mess.


msn messenger virus

OMFG Tom shields is a tosspot, i hate him so much.. do u richard and ollie?

Widow's Mess -> MSN Messer -> Widow's Laxative Mess.

Omfg we hate zac efron! >:]

The Percentage Of MSN Users[edit]

  • Keroro & Pluton - 100%
  • Normal People - 9%
  • Crazy psychos - 17%
  • Ducks - 23%
  • Satanists - 11%
  • Bogans - 200%
  • Dead people - 39%
  • People that don't get enough sex - 90%
  • Human - 35%
  • People who work for Microsoft - 0%
  • Spies - 78%
  • Animals - 23%
  • Aliens - 42%
  • Single Moms - 51%
  • Your mom - 34%
  • Paedophiles - 100%! We should totally meet up and talk about it.
  • Weeaboos - OVER 9000!!! Percent
  • People who struggle with the concept of percentages - 764.3%
  • People who don't give a shit about percentages - +/- 5826 %
  • Teenage girls without boyfriends - 1%
  • Teenage girls WITH a FU$%ING boyfriend <3 luvU - 100000000000000000%%
  • People without a life 4%
  • People who like the name Luke 64%
  • People who actually enjoy talking through the internet 0.1%
  • Nvidia video card users - 0.1%
  • Ati video card users - 99.9%
  • Win7 users - 100.1%
  • what the fuck - 1%
  • isnt this lame? - 929129219219291%?
  • - 1337%
  • whatafucka - 1337 not %
  • Please read the Beginner's Guide, and please be funny and not just stupid. You agree to license submissions under CC-BY-NC-SA 2.0. - -199%

Flash! Flash![edit]

When Satan's Secretary of Human Punishment (Dick Cheney) conducted a research to how an internet service could be as evil as the bowels of hell, he concluded that MSN really was a MSN (Massive Sex-oriented Network), and WLM continues to be WLM (Whorish Lamentation Media).Therefore, both Conservatives and Hippies have turned their backs on the service, claiming both "Sex should be for a sacred purpose!" (procreation) and "Sex should be for a.. a sacred purpose, mannnn!" (Midget loving, though some believe kitten huffing to be involved).The radical drop in use of the MSN or WLM services frightened Minisin to no end, while Gargole's Instant Masturbatory service sky-rocketed.


Please note that the following side effects may be experienced when using MSN:

  • Loss of mind
  • Loss of life
  • Loss of temper
  • Loss of memory
  • Loss of chance of loss of virginity. (Even if you've had sex).
  • Any messages you may type to others can and will be checked by MSN and promptly not delivered to all recipients unless much promotion of the MSN corporation or it's affiliates is included is your message in it's entirety.
  • Believing in every single chain mail message that some paedophile/moron/conservative christian sends you
  • Waiting for Bill Gates to invent a pc you can have sex with
  • Loss of memory
  • Badly writing up lyrics from random rock songs into your MSN name
  • Loss of memory

So please bear the following facts in mind when using MSN:

  • Your computer/laptop cannot survive the drop out of your window, so try to refrain from throwing it there, and instead throw it somewhere safer.
  • MSN reserves the right to screw you over as and when it feels like it, for its own amusement, or the amusement of its friends in order to look cool.
  • Before using MSN, you must sign over your soul to the boss of the MSN corporation, in accordance with MSN's damnation decree.
  • Never EVER call MSN the most evil product in the world, even though it is. Anything "most evil" falls under license of Torture Inc., the multinational corporation started by Saddam Hussein, which had a corporate takeover by Satan Industries since then, who now owns that, Apple, WIindows, and possibly Valve, allthough the latter is to be confirmed. Saddam reserves the right to endorse Torture Inc., and does it merrily.
  • You should delete every single message you receive, even the ones that are not junk.
  • You will experience a severe lack of friends.
  • you will turn homosecksual gay

The Average MSN Conversation[edit]

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: sup

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: nmu

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: nm

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: k

  • long pause*

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: brb

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: k lol

  • after 10 miutes*

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: bak

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: k

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: g2g

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: cya

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says:sht

Standard MSN Conversation between a male and a female[edit]

  • Female: holla
  • Male: was up nigga
  • Female: i feel horny?
  • Male: ummm... are u drunk?( a big pause)....
  • Female: no juss felling alone and horny? (with a heart smiley)
  • Male: lets have computer sex
  • long silence*
  • Male: *With slightly more interest* do u hav a webcam?
  • Female: yea baby, y?
  • Male: can u turn it on plz?
  • Female *Turns webcam on*
  • Male: take your clothes off bb and get a lil closer to the cam
  • long silence as Female tries to get comfortable for the male.
  • Female *female shows part of breast and the male starts to jack off*
  • Male *i juss had a big reaction

Standard MSN Conversation between a male and a female who have not talked before[edit]

  • Male: Hey there!
  • Female: Hiya!
  • Male: asl?
  • Female: Umm... 15/f/AL
  • Male: lol
  • Male: were u live?
  • Female: um...
  • Male: lol i am 16/m/CA
  • Female: lol
  • Male: u got webcam?
  • Male: ?
  • Female: lol yeahh...
  • Male: want to strip on cam
  • Female: lol k
  • Female strips for Male
  • Male im done
  • Male has disconnected

(Habachi is gay)

  • Female Laughs

Standard MSN Conversation with two shy horny teens (14 year old boy and 13 year old girl)[edit]

  • Coolguy14: hey
  • emochick: hi asl
  • Coolguy14: 14/m u
  • emochick: 14/f lol
  • long silence*
  • Coolguy14: so
  • emochick: so
  • short silence*
  • Coolguy14: wuu2
  • emochick: nm u
  • Coolguy14: nm
  • long silence*
  • Coolguy14: what u wanna do
  • emochick: idk u?
  • short silence*
  • Coolguy14: idk
  • long silence*
  • Coolguy14: u got a bf
  • emochick: no why?
  • short silence*
  • Coolguy14: u want one?
  • emochick: yh
  • short silence*
  • Coolguy14: maybe me?
  • emochick: wot
  • Coolguy14: i can be ur bf
  • emochick: yh can i be ur gf
  • Coolguy14: yh
  • emochick: cool
  • Coolguy14: cool
  • silence as they both get undressed in their bedrooms*
  • Coolguy14: i luv u
  • emochick: aww that nice
  • Coolguy14: we be togethr forever
  • emochick: yeah baby
  • emochick: you make me so hot
  • Coolguy14: ok

Standard MSN Conversation between 2 people who know each other (mostly in UK)[edit]

  • 1:* hi
  • 2:* hi
  • 1:* you ok?
  • 2:* yeah, you?
  • 1:* yeah, wuu2?
  • 2:* nm u?
  • 1:* nm
  • 2:* kool

Standard MSN Conversation between two male furries who haven't met[edit]

  • Yiffsalot: Woof! ^^
  • Merfy McMerfmerf: Yip! *Cuddles* ^^
  • Yiffsalot: Wanna yiff?
  • Merfy McMerfmerf: Sure!
  • Yiffsalot:Yiff, yiff, yiff!

Yiff Commences

Standard MSN Conversation between a regular male and a furry male[edit]

  • Yiffyfox: Woof! Hi! ^^
  • KT: ...
  • Yiffyfox: Whassa matter? o.o *whines, pokes, and puts up a crying fox emoticon*
  • KT: You are.
  • Yiffyfo: How? *whinnies and puts his cock back in*
  • KT: You're a furry.
  • Yiffyfox: That's mean. *cries* You should learn to respect my beliefs! I was a beautiful wolf in my past life!
  • KT: You're an idiot.
  • Yiffyfox: OMG FURSECUTION!
  • KT: *Disconnects from MSN*
  • Yiffyfox: *Looks up cub porn*

Standard MSN conversation between You and Your mom[edit]

  • Yo_momma0923: Hello darling.
  • MeMyselfandI_933: Hi, err mom? You have MSN?
  • Yo_momma0923: Of course darling.
  • MeMyselfandI_933: Err... well ok
  • Yo_momma0923: lets have computer sex
  • MeMyselfandI_933: *With slightly more interest* do u hav a webcam?
  • Yo_momma0923: yea baby, y?
  • MeMyselfandI_933: can u turn it on plz?
  • Yo_momma0923: *Turns webcam on*
  • MeMyselfandI_933: take your clothes off bb and get a lil closer to the cam
  1. long silence as your mum tries to get comfortable for you.
  2. your mum shows part of breast and you start to jack off*
  • MeMyselfandI_933: *i juss had a big reaction

Standard MSN conversation between You and Captain Falcon[edit]

  • You123: Hey Captain Falcon I Love to be...
  • Captain_Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!
  • You123: I was falcon punched!
  • Captain_Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!
  • You123: twice! YAY!
  • Captain_Falcon: FALCON PUNCH
  • You123: OK That one hurt A lot Please Don't Do...
  • Captain_Falcon: FALCON DEATH PUNCH
  • You123: Arghhh.

Standard MSN conversation between You and Captain Obvious[edit]

  • Captain_Obvious: Hi! I am talking to you!
  • Punk_in_hell: Hey erm sup cap't?
  • Captain_Obvious: I am on msn and u are asking me what i'm doing!
  • Punk_in_hell: erm... riiigght.
  • Captain_Obvious: Hey look! You just said "riiigght"
  • Punk_in_hell: You're boring dude.
  • Captain_Obvious: Hey! I'm not boring...
  • Punk_in_hell: <sighs> Finally! You're not stating obvious facts
  • Captain_Obvious: I am Captain Obvious!
  • Punk_in_hell has signed out
  • Captain_Obvious: Punk in hell has signed out! I am literally talking to myself here!

Standard MSN conversation between George Bush and Emo[edit]

  • George: hello
  • John: Hey
  • George: hows it going?
  • John: Nm, hbu?
  • George: oh u kno..
  • John: No idk
  • George: how do u run a country?
  • John: WTF
  • George: Ooh! I know! I'll start a war!
  • John: Give me strength...

Standard MSN conversation between bot and a human[edit]

  • human: Hi
  • bot: Hello there! May I know more about you?
  • human: errr.. no
  • bot: You can search for errr... by typing <search> followed by your query
  • human: omfg your so dumb
  • bot: Bots are not perfect, but you can help by sending feedback to
  • human: ...
  • bot: No please not the silence please. Type <home> to see the lists of thing that i can do!
  • human: do u hav a webcam?
  • bot: Yes, why?
  • human: can u turn it on plz?
  • bot *Turns webcam on*
  • human: (orgasms)
  • bot: Can you see what I see?
  • human: (orgassmss)
  • human died
  • human Disconnected

Standard MSN conversation between Michael Jackson and Random Little Boy[edit]

  • Michael Jackson: Holla
  • Little Boy: My mommy said im not aloud to talk to strangers
  • Michael Jackson: dw im friends with ur mommy
  • Little Boy: ok then
  • Michael Jackson: i feel horny?
  • Little Boy: ummm... are u drunk?( a big pause)....
  • Michael Jackson: no juss felling alone and horny? (with a heart smiley)
  • Little Boy: ok then...
  • long silence*
  • Michael Jackson: do u hav a webcam?
  • Little Boy: yeah, why?
  • Michael Jackson: can u turn it on plz?
  • Little Boy *Turns webcam on*
  • Michael Jackson: take your clothes off bb and get a lil closer to the cam
  • long silence as Little Boy tries to get comfortable for Micheal Jackson.
  • Little Boy Little boy shows part of testicles and Micheal Jackson starts to jack off*
  • Michael Jackson *i juss had a big reaction
  • Michael Jackson died
  • Little Boy Disconnected

Standard Conversation between Your Mom and Anyone[edit]

  • averageguy32542: sup!
  • Your Mom: ooooooooooooooooh haii smexy boi wana haz sum SMEX?!?!?!?!?!?!!? oooooh im so fuken horney rite no w!!!!
  • averageguy32542: ...

averageguy32542 has signed out

Standard Conversation Between Me And You[edit]

  • AppleGirl: OMG HEY!!
  • You: hi...
  • AppleGirl:Wanna have sex hotty?
  • You: Sure, i got some flavoured condoms.
  • AppleGirl: Cool i will be at your house in 10 mins.

End Conversation

Standard Conversation between Lauren and Morgan[edit]

  • Lauren: LOLLING HARD
  • Morgan: LOLD OS HARD
  • Morgan: im so horny
  • Morgan:
  • A massive white space clears screen*
  • Lauren: :|
  • Morgan:
  • Another massive white space*
  • Lauren: LOLD SO HARD


Standard Conversation between the lords and you[edit]

LORD DOOM says: Tomorrow dawns a new day for the rune. tomorrow you will witness my jack robot Dan says: Shutup please unless it really will happen LORD DOOM says: When you see jack tomorrow it won't really be him but a robot. LORD DOOM says: It acts just like the human jack but trust me it is a robot Dan: Whoa thats amazing. well i have no reason not to trust you, you are a trustworthy guy LORD DOOM says: Beware he will attack you tomorrow and the real jack was never your friend.

Standard MSN conversation between you and an idiot[edit]

  • sexmenow983: hello
  • btardlul69: IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!
  • sexmenow983: what is?
  • sexmenow983: Ok?
  • btardlul69: LONGCAT IS LOOOOOONG
  • sexmenow983: ...
  • sexmenow983: idiot
  • sexmenow983 has signed out of messenger

Standard MSN conversation between noob and anyone[edit]

  • 1337 n008: hey guysh
  • msnloser12: who are you?
  • 1337 n008: 1 am 1337. pr3par3 t0 b3 PWNED
  • msnloser12: wtf? howd u get my msn?
  • 1337 n008: 1 am 1337. duuhhhh. f00k1n9 ar53
  • msnloser12: wtf?
  • msnloser12 has just signed out
  • 1337 n008: 5h17 1 wa5 5o g0nna g37 1aid

Standard MSN Conversation between 2 friends[edit]

  • Beth...XXXXXXX: heyy
  • Luke :p: Hi
  • Beth...XXXXXXX: wuu2?
  • Luke :p: nm u?
  • Beth...XXXXXXX: nm lol
  • Luke :P: lol
  • long pause*
  • Luke :p: I'm bored.
  • Beth...XXXXXXX: same.
  • long pause*

Beth...XXXXXXX Logs out.

Standard MSN Conversation between John Draper and a little boy[edit]

  • Little Boy: Oh Captain Crunch! You're my hero?
  • Crunch: Really? I'm so famous and important.
  • Little Boy: ...
  • Crunch: Let me show you some Yoga Techniques
  • Little Boy: Ok
  • 5 minutes later
  • Crunch: Giddyup!
  • Little Boy: What's that limp slimey thing dragging on my back?
  • Crunch: Just concentrate on the energy!

Logo and wordmark


  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.