Windows 11

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Windows II: Fifty Shades of Blue.

Windows 11 is the unplanned operating system succeeding Windows 10. Like Highlander, it was supposed to be the end; but then they went and made another. It made its entrance through a series of leaks, including by Microsoft themselves.


Windows 10: The last version of Windows. Ever.
Yeah right.

A Microsoft computer is like a supermarket: every so often, stock is rearranged to the confusion of patrons. Windows XP called the personal folder "My Documents", Windows Vista renamed it to "Documents"; Windows 7 did away with certain Control Panel items; Windows 8 removed the Start button, Windows 8.1 put it back. Every major release involved an adjustment period where users had to re-learn where to find things, and become familiar with the layout that would change in five years.

"Windows 11" in a support document. Oops.

Windows 10 was hailed as keeping things familiar: future updates would only restock the shelves, Microsoft said in 2015. Job listings of "Help wanted: employees capable of moving everything around again" cast doubt on this in January 2021. Leaked images surfaced in June 2021, also confirmed by Microsoft's accidental mention of the update that shouldn't exist, before a statement of: "All right, you've got us. We've moved to a completely different store."


"Anyone install Zoom as a backup?"

“Every update to Windows brings Innovation and Improvements!”

~ Bill Gates on Improvements

In addition to being a different shade of blue, there are a number of other improvements in the Windows 11 improvements. Did I mention there were a lot of improvements in Windows 11 over Windows Ben (10)'s improvements? I didn't? Oh, well there are lots of improvements that are in Windows 11. Lots of improvements. These improvements include:

  • Extremely stupid animations
  • Overloaded Porn
  • 11 games
  • 11 errors

See also[edit]

Logo and wordmark

Abort, Retry, Fail?

  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.