Windows X-Console

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“A trip back to the DOS days!”

~ Bill Gates on Windows X-Console

“Don't you mean the Apple II days?”

~ Steve Jobs on Bill Gates

“Umm, no, are you from MARS or something?”

~ Bill Gates on Steve Jobs

“In Soviet Russia, Windows does not like you, YOU like Windows!”

~ Some random Russian dude on Microsoft Windows


~ Some dude from the Windows Azure videos

Windows X-Console is a new operating system by Microsoft, which takes you back way to the DOS days.

Beta 1337 of Windows X-Console running in Microsoft Virtual Console. As you can see, it has truly amazing compatibility.

History of Windows X-Console[edit]

The founding of Windows X-Console: January 2002[edit]

Yep, it looks ugly. Yeah, it's your favorite game.
BSOD v3.0 has come to Windows X-Console!

Bill Gates admired his new Windows XP OS for quite a while, until users started complaining that it...

..failed. Key-to-the-gates was furious about this and threatened to make a new DOS, and he...

..failed, again. Therefore, he grabbed a gun and threatened to shoot the devs unless they made a new DOS with Windows power. The devs tried, and they...

...succeeded! This was how Windows X-Console was born.

Decision-making time: February 31, 2002[edit]

The developers remembered that Key-to-the-gates (as Bill Gates was nicknamed) told them to make an OS with the power of Windows. This also means the stability of Windows. Since this is our favorite Windows game for everyone (even the developers), they decided to implement it in Windows X-Console too!

Beta 1337.2: August 2002[edit]

Unfortunately, sometime back in July, users started reporting that the OS was crashing before they got to play BSOD. One user even reported that this text appeared on his screen before he was about to play BSOD:

/xconsole/~: bsod.exe -noautoreboot
Trap error: Process bsod.exe crashed!
EX 0x00000000  EA 0x12345678  BF 0xDEADBEEF
ZA 0x99999991  ZS 0xFFFFFFFF  PP 0x9FFCABBA

Please call Microsoft Technical Support and provide the information above.

Therefore, Microsoft released Windows X-Console Beta 1337.2 and BSOD v3.1 Standard Edition as critical updates. These updates fixed the crashing bug by making BSoD start as soon as drivers are initalized (unless the user booted in safe mode by pressing F8+666+Windows+Alt+Ctrl+Delete+1+2+3+4+5+7+8+9+*+/+-+z+x+c+b+?+=+Apple+Command).

Beta 1337.3 and BSOD v4.0: September 2002[edit]

Bill Gates realized he had to do SOMETHING - his users were starting to get bored of the technical info on BSOD. So, his development team released BSOD 4.0!


Logo and wordmark

Abort, Retry, Fail?

  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.