Windows 1.0

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Windows 1.0 was a revolutionary operating system from the makers of Windows BC. It pioneered creating the Blue Screen of Death at startup and destroying whole computers. Microsoft's original strategy was to improve the existing DOS operating system by creating a little bit more verbosity, so users would know what they were doing, and to combat Bell Labs' UNIX operating system. Unfortunately for Microsoft, but fortunately for Nebraska, the source code was leaked over several IRC channels, and users were able to remove the dongle detection code. Microsoft lost almost all of the initial $300 investment which went into the creation of windows 1.0 and the $99,700 investment on their ad campaign.

Windows 1.0 Beta[edit]

Windows 1.0 Beta was invented at the time around 50BC and stayed in beta for another 56 Years when the real version was invented in 6 AD Source Code for Windows 1.0 Beta

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rem dat makz it blue har har har...

Source Code for Windows 1.0[edit]

Source code For Windows 1.0:

#include <dos.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <conio.h>
#include <windows.h>

#define COM1 0x3F8
#define GET_OK '+'
#define '1337'
#define WINVER 1

int system(char* error)
  return -3;

int main(char argc, char **argv)
   /*check if windows dongle is present*/
   outportb(COM1, GET_OK);
   if(!(inportb(COM1)=='W' && inportb(COM1)== 'i' &&
        inportb(COM1)=='n' && inportb(COM1)=='1' ))
         /*tell user where to install dongle*/
         perror("Please install dongle on COM 1\n");
         return 1;
      printf("Windows is now executing %s, please wait......\n",argv[1]);
      for(int i=system(argv[1]); ; i++) {
        if(i == argc*WINVER) KeBugCheck(0x0);
      perror("Fatal 0E Error!\n");
      return 1;

   return 0;

During the beta testing of the pre 1.0 versions of windows, one of the beta testers warned that Windows 1.0 was not all the useful, and Microsoft would have to vastly improve the OS to compete. It was not until Windows 2.0 that the OS served as a full program manager, even then, it rarely worked.

This is the internal alpha version of 1.0 which Microsoft had been running internally:

/*Windows 1.0 codename CodeMonkey super secret alpha release*/
int main() 
   return !(printf("Please type the name of the program you wish to execute:\n")); 

The term Blue Screen of Death was still unknown to windows, it was invented in 1992 with the release of Windows 3.1 for Work groups.

Support and Terrorism[edit]

Windows 1.0 was supported by Microsoft for sixteen years, until December 31 2001. Windows 1.0 was the longest supported operating system of the Microsoft Windows family of operating systems.

Windows 1.0 users were known to burn the users of Windows for Workgroups 3.11 while screaming "Eat it, Windows for Workgroups." Police tolerated this because they support the old school.

Windows 1.0 is a favoured OS for uncyclopedia copyeditors due to its common spell check errors

See Also[edit]

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Proud sponsors of Panty Creamings.

  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.