Windows Task Manager

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Windows Task Manager

A suite of hacker utilities smuggled into the Windows source code by the very same hackers who wrote the Excel 97 Flight Simulator. Task Manager consists of a variety of subversive and dangerous tabs with incredible and anti-social uses.

You can check if you are infected by pressing the secret keycode, Ctrl-Alt-Delete. A window may popup, it is highly recommended that you follow the guide at the end of this article to remove Task Manager from your system.

Subverting DRM[edit]

There will be a new version of Windows Task Manager in the next version of Windows.

Task manager lists processes currently running on a computer and allows the hacker to kill legitimate applications such as anti-copying software which runs after inserting a DRM protected CD into your PC. Once this process is completed, the hacker is free to pirate and distribute a hard working musicians songs without their permission.

Network Packet Sniffing[edit]

Packets being sniffed in realtime

All data sent or received from the Internet travels through special tubes called Ethernets, in variable sized containers called packets.

The Networking tab exposes the raw internet packets to the hacker, who can then use this information to:

Taking over Users' Sessions[edit]

Congratulations! You have beaten Windows Task Manager Solitaire. Also, your head asplode.

The User tab allows a hacker to see all the people who are logged into a system, and the option to hijack a user's session or log them off. This means the hacker has full control of a user's hard disks and all the music, movies, porn and cockpicks stored there. These can be used for blackmail purposes in the future.

How to remove Task Manager[edit]

  • Click Start Microsoft windows logo.png
  • Click "Run..."
  • Enter gpedit.msc in the box and click OK
If you got a "Permission error" or a similar error message, this means your computer has already been hijacked and a full reinstall is required to minimize any damage.
  • In the Group Policy settings window
    • Select User Configuration
    • Select Administrative Templates
    • Select System
    • Select Ctrl+Alt+Delete options
    • Select Remove Task Manager
  • Double-click the Remove Task Manager option (enable)

Logo and wordmark

The ISIS of the technological world.

  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.