It's better than the iPhone...it's a big-ass table. Take that, apple.
A typical Microsoft Surface, experienced by a user.
|Preview release||May 30, 2007|
|Operating system||Surface (of everything).|
|Percentage of users||0.327%|
Microsoft Surface is Microsoft's latest in Blue Screen of Death technology and Bill Gates' answer to the iPhone. Unlike other Microsoft products, Surface can incur the Blue Screen of Death without the need for a keyboard or mouse. Fulfilling Bill Gates' vision of a BSoD on every table.
Microsoft Surface was originally intended to be an interactive touchscreen computer, as can be seen below in an early promotional video.
File:Microsoft Surface Parody
Months into planning, however, Microsoft realized that it was not yet ready to enter into the computer market. "We realized that in order for us to succeed as a company, we need to stick to what we do best: the Blue Screen of Death. We took a step back and realized that the Surface was a step in the wrong direction. That's when we scrapped the project and started over, with the Blue Screen as our foundation," said Bill Gates.
Microsoft Surface has only one true feature, the Blue Screen of Death. The BSoD have a ripple effect to it and sounds of ocean waves play, especially once the surface is touched by an excited user, this feature is intended to simulate deep sea death conditions. All other features and applications are merely distractions, so that when the Blue Screen does pop up, it is more exciting. Because Surface does not have a keyboard, users are not able to force a restart by pressing CTRL+ALT+DEL. Users wishing to enjoy the Blue Screen experience again are instructed to dispose of Surface and purchase a new one.
- Detect "non-genuine" products
- Gather user information and credit card numbers
- Cripple core system components
- Deploy legal team
- Launch civil litigation
Estimated time remaining:
Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.
Installing Windows has never been easiereasy
All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.
- Blue Screen of Death
- Internet Explorer
- UnNews: Microsoft unveils Internet Genuine Advantage
- Microsoft Products Online Technical Support
- Microsoft Access
- Microsoft Keyboard
- Microsoft Office
- Microsoft Outlook
- Microsoft Surface
- MS Paint
- MS Word
- Microsoft Word Paperclip
- Registry Editor
- Total Fucking Asshole Server 2006
- Microsoft Immortal Life Support System
- Task Manager
- Windows X-Console
Windows Product line: