Microsoft Surface

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Microsoft Surface
It's better than the's a big-ass table. Take that, apple.
A typical Microsoft Surface, experienced by a user.
Maintainer(s) Microsoft
Stable release Never
Preview release May 30, 2007
Operating system Surface (of everything).
Percentage of users 0.327%
Website Surface Homepage

Microsoft Surface is Microsoft's latest in Blue Screen of Death technology and Bill Gates' answer to the iPhone. Unlike other Microsoft products, Surface can incur the Blue Screen of Death without the need for a keyboard or mouse. Fulfilling Bill Gates' vision of a BSoD on every table.


A typical Microsoft Surface
A typical Microsoft Surface

Microsoft Surface was originally intended to be an interactive touchscreen computer, as can be seen below in an early promotional video. File:Microsoft Surface Parody

Months into planning, however, Microsoft realized that it was not yet ready to enter into the computer market. "We realized that in order for us to succeed as a company, we need to stick to what we do best: the Blue Screen of Death. We took a step back and realized that the Surface was a step in the wrong direction. That's when we scrapped the project and started over, with the Blue Screen as our foundation," said Bill Gates.


Because Surface cannot be restarted, all Surfaces which have incurred the Blue Screen must be disposed of.

Microsoft Surface has only one true feature, the Blue Screen of Death. The BSoD have a ripple effect to it and sounds of ocean waves play, especially once the surface is touched by an excited user, this feature is intended to simulate deep sea death conditions. All other features and applications are merely distractions, so that when the Blue Screen does pop up, it is more exciting. Because Surface does not have a keyboard, users are not able to force a restart by pressing CTRL+ALT+DEL. Users wishing to enjoy the Blue Screen experience again are instructed to dispose of Surface and purchase a new one.

Logo and wordmark

All your data are belong to us.

  • Detect "non-genuine" products
  • Gather user information and credit card numbers
  • Cripple core system components
  • Deploy legal team
  • Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.