MILF

Fig 1.

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“Ahhh . . .the joys of a MILF, truly there is no greater gift to mankind than a woman so desperate, and so very, very hateful with her husband that she'd pay any attention at all to a person as special as you.”
~ Oscar Wilde on MILF

MILF is an internet-speak acronym for "Moment I Learned to Fish". While it should actually be MILTF, 'people on the internets' are what most humans would call dumb. Despite this, the phrase MILF has shown up in popular culture often, and is especially common among fishing communities.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about MILF.

Controversy

She makes you feel funny in the pants region of your body.

There seems to be some confusion over what MILF actually means. Here are some of the mis-interpretations of it. While we all may laugh at the gullibility of these foolish imbeciles; we need to be fair, as it wasn't that long ago we thought John Fogerty was saying, "there's a bathroom on the right."

And by 'we' I mean you.

The MILF Paradox

The MILF Paradox is one of the Big Paradoxes that have troubled philosophers and pornographers for centuries. Infamous deity Oscar Wilde spent several years of his Pentogram Period locked in a dark, perfectly-spherical cement room with a Hustler mag pondering this question - it is said that, if not for the MILF paradox, he would have used this time to cure cancer. It is unknown whether he ever found the answer to his question.

Other great thinkers have fallen prey to this unsolvable question as well - notably, Hitler was consumed with this in his last days, as his mate Eva Bronski began to reach MILFhood. Greek smartass Eduard Vangelis wasted away brooding over it, although some say that he actually found the answer to the paradox and subsequently died of laughter.

The paradox is thus: if one does not want to find a MILF, then they are no longer MILFs (They become MIWNLTFIAMY - Mothers I Would Not Like To Find In A Million Years). As such, you would very much want to fuck the ageing hottie, which in turn means that they are a MILF once again; as to fuck them you would evidently need to find them first, or just collide with them coincidentally while your penial-contraption was hanging free and erect from your trousers. And while this is eminently feasible for some of us, it is still statistically unlikely whichever way you look at it. However, as you previously stated that you do not want to find MILFs, they become MIWNLTFIAMY once again - and so on.

MILF? Not sure if she's a M but definitely ILF!

Currently, great minds Radek Bonk and Cripple Dude in Wheelchair are collaborating in their respective basements to solve this great paradox once-and-for-all. Godspeed, great thinkers, GOD SPEED!

Mike Is Licking Fungus

Some tattle-talers have spread some non-sense that MILF means Mike Is Licking Fungus. Those of us in the know however, know for a fact that it was actually Daniel who licked the fungus. Though, Mike was biting his toenails at the time, so it's not like that loser is off the hook either.

Some MILFs are worth fucking

It is said that Osama Bin Laden wanted a MILF, so that's why he hid in a cave.

Moro Islamic Liberation Front

Unfortunately for the Philippines, the only MILF's the natives will encounter would probably behead all of them.

Me? I Live in Florida!

Typically this is the interpretation of the freshmen/women (aka frosh) at Florida State University (aka FSU). Most of these students go on to run for political office (aka work for the Devil).

Mother I'd Like as a Friend

This is what a lot parents tell their children. Especially after said children have overheard their mommy scream "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" while she is in her bedroom with the paperboy.

More Internal Liquidizing Fun

This is the typical non-typical nerdy thing to say. They enjoy the gurgling sounds from the stomach during digestion. Unfortunately, you have to be fat to hear the gurgling for quite a long time. Fatties.

My Iguana Loves Fettuccine

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a misinterpretation of MILF but a whole new meaning for the term coined by Italian reptilian aficionados.

Minnows I Like to Fish

Not right.

Moment Islam Loved France

Hold on, bare with me! Look, MILTF just sounds daft when you say it. Mil-tif. Aware of this daftness, they (John Ashcroft) actually chose a word to be removed, and it was 'to'. So 'to' was banished to (oh that 'to' is a rich cousin) the ___ Zone (add term like forsaken, sacred, forbidden or sandy and dull) like Max Von Sydow was in Judge Dread and tada! MILF is born.

Cast out 'to' later joins 'or' and 'the' plus a few others in an abandoned old ruined house where they dine on rats, Ashcroft's balls (ooh eugh pass the rat please) and drink stagnant water. Still afta av a laff guv aincha?!

Mothers I Like To Bend Over

“Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one.”
~ Benjamin Franklin on MILF booty

McDonald's Is Like Fucked

This place use to be good, until Colonal Sanders burst in and. . . wait, whoops! Sorry, wrong person!

Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor

Who doesn't love Disney MILF? Besides everyone?

Mom-to-be I Like to Fondle ya

Guys who are into the Pregnant fetish may well be into the MILF. Imagine a hot looking lady but with a 8 months pregnant belly. It starts with the "feel the baby" or the classic tummy rub, then it gets more personal. . .

Mother I Like to Fuck

Just a little strange.