From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
left
Today's featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.
Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.
When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)
Previously featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)
|
DID U KNOE...
|
|
|
|
In the news
|
|
|
ON DIS DAI...
|
June 27: International Day of Rest From International Holidays (USA, res.) (pictured)
- 153 CE - Shuffle walking hits the mainstream. Shoe makers rejoice.
- 476 - Odoacer sacks Rome in response to not being invited to the Senate's toga party.
- 1431 - Joan of Arc is invited to a non-holiday barbecue with tragic results.
- 1617 - The Hapsburg Dynasty is created after the 1st Dynasty Warriors set in feudal Austria. Later games in the series will include Dynasty Warriors Feudal South Africa and DW VII Feudal Libya. Fans express an interest in having a DW set in feudal Japan).
- 1780 - The world's nations agree to stop fighting for a single day. Upon realizing that would make this day a holiday for their soldiers, they continue their unbroken string of bloodshed after 11 AM.
- 1905 - While shooting a film on location aboard a battleship, director Sergei Eisenstein calls for the 50th take on a scene and sailors riot. This of course would later be released as the movie Under Siege starring Steven Seagal.
- 1976 - The Farrah flip falls out of style in most Middle Eastern countries, except strangely in Oman.
- 1980 - Freddie Mercury finally gets to ride his bicycle.
- 1992 - Fedor Emelianenko defeats terrorism at a twenty minute decision in PRIDE.
- 2004 - Krispy Kreme invents the first glazed atom bomb, but fat hungry people lick all the glaze off.
- 2021 - All attempts to logically explain how computers really work fail, and numerous experts agree that technology is simply magic.
|
| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
|
For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
|
|
WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
|
UNCYCLOPEDIAS SISTR PROJECTZ
|
| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
|
UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ
|
| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,343 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
|
PROTECTD BY TEH FAIR USE CLAUSE, AN AN ELITE CLAN OV CLINJAS.
