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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that the only thing we have to fear is phobophobia? (pictured)
- ... the movie Snakes on a Plane only exists in your imagination?
- ... but you are mysteriously still out the cost of the movie plus parking?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
- ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers?
- ... Ötzi the Iceman was found with an overdue library book, with the fine now exceeding €4.2 million?
- ... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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May 12: Barry Manilow Appreciation Day, International Zombie Awareness Day (US, Canada)
- 1854 - Outbreak of zombie attacks, causes many deceased voters to form their own party. There was no beer and many people died.
- 1877 - Oscar Wilde pens his poem Sonnet to Liberty, advocating socialism and decrying many contemporary fashion trends.
- 1881 - In North Africa, Tunisia becomes a French protectorate, and thus enjoys its last noteworthy moment for nearly 100 years, until the filming of Star Wars there in 1977.
- 1943 - Barry Manilow is born. He will become a feral child raised by a biker gang.
- 1973 - Manilow forms KISS but leaves due to creative differences and makeup allergies.
- 1974 - Depressed mood ring commits suicide. (pictured)
- 1985 - The Book of the Dead is discovered by a 12-year-old child in London and sold for 3 baseball cards and a Jefferson Starship cassette tape.
- 1987 - The Book of the Dead is set to music by Barry Manilow; more mood rings commit suicide.
- 2003 - Pocahontas sells her memoir Hokey Pokey: Frolicking, Singing, and Doing a White Guy to Disney, which is subsequently made into a popular children's movie.
- 2004 - The zombie of Walter Cronkite rises from the ground to report on the Alabama Tri-County Kitten Pageant.
- 2009 - The late great Dr. Emmett Brown travels back in time to warn America of the future communist dick-tater El Presidente "Bha-rock Obomb-ba" or as we know him as, Presidenture Barack Obama. No one listens to him and our fate has been sealed.
- 2011 - Zompocalypse. Only the nerds were prepared as hordes of
Bieber Fans zombies take over the meat factories.
- 2012 - Star Wars Kid rolls an 8. Zombies die (for real this time).
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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