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Today's featured article – Kalamazoo
Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps.
No one should be fooled by the name. After all, Los Angeles has virtually no angels. Is New York new? That's another negatory, good buddy; though one can get mugged, which is often news. And New Mexico is certainly not in Mexico; there is a border inspection between you and Albuquerque, but the squeegee men on duty will let you pass without a passport. Similarly, Kalamazoo does not have a zoo. Hence, it does not exist.
Ypsilanti, on the other hand, does exist. And, given its South Side, it does not need a zoo. (more...)
Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (pictured)
- ... that Dog is offended by this statement?
- ... that a live action version of Steamboat Willie is set for release next summer?
- ... that Donald Trump drinks his covfefe with milk and sugnar?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... when Pong! the Movie was released alongside other video game genre releases like The Super Mario Brothers Movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out well in the box offices?
- ... Hope springs eternal? Dammit, girl, can't you stand still for minute?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)
- 1000 - I go back in time with a car. I blow said car up to fuck with the natives but unknowingly, I have invented the car bomb for future generations.
- 1605 - The Parliament building fails to explode. Hundreds of offers pour in from many organizations and countries offering tips and advice on how to do it.
- 1652 - Oliver Cromwell performs a perfect 10 in his Olympic performance of spontaneous combustion.
- 1793 - Robespierre and his crew, the Guillo-Teens, drop their big hit Fuk da Police.
- 1854 - Anonymous inventor skinned while testing early hydraulic barber chair.
- 1900 - Despite widespread panic and rumors in proposition, Big Ben doesn't explode, but the Prime Minister does.
- 1934 - Vito Corleone refuses an offer and gets an idea.
- 1955 - Old Man Peabody's pine trees are destroyed by a 1981 DeLorean driven by Marty McFly.
- 1984 - Despite the Brotherhood's efforts, Big Brother is not wounded in a suicide bombing. Let's thank him for increasing our chocolate to 20 grams!
- 1987 - Margaret Thatcher's imminent Silent But Deadly reaches critical mass and explodes in her intestine.
- 1996 - Bickering in Parliament over the proper pronunciation of tyranny escalates to two fatalities in the House of Lords by cranial explosion.
- 1997 - V is for Vendetta is released. Halloween mask makers with excess stock rejoice.
- 2001 - Terrorists try to blow up Parliament. Tony Blair initiates the War on Catholics.
- 2003 - Catholics win by recruiting Emo Hitler.
- 2005 - The first time machine is built in 12 seconds and malfunctions, causing Earth to be turned into bacon.
- 2006 - Vatican City falls to Tony Blair and Robocop. Dispute over who gets to be Pope begins. End of the Five-Day War somewhat overshadowed by this event.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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