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Today's featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency.
Mahama was the candidate of the National Democratic Congress (NDC). His rise to office sets a variety of records: First President to be younger than the nation, first to be President in non-consecutive terms, and first to excel in hitting empty beer cans with stones from twenty paces (7 m). He has been an MP, pan-African MP, Deputy Minister, Minister, Vice President, and President, a feat known in Ghanaian political circles as "Bingo!"
Mahama started his first term upon the death of his predecessor, John Atta Mills, on 24 July 2012. The so-called Atta-boy gave a stirring speech to accept his new responsibilities. He stated, "This is the saddest day in our nation's history. Tears have engulfed our nation. (more...)
Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that Hannibal had lost his last elephants crossing the Alps, but the stench of elephant poo was still so strong that Romans fled even before his advancing armies arrived? (pictured)
- ... that Pennsyltucky is not really the 57th state but is a good source of fiber?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... if it ain't Scottish, it's crap?
- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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May 30: Memorial Day (United States), Lod's Massacre Appreciation Day (Puerto Rico)
- 1421 – Jerome of Prague is burned at the stake for heresy and so kicks off the Memorial Day barbecue tradition.
- 1431 – National hero of France Joan of Arc is burned at the stake in Rouen, France, after being convicted of wizardy for being able to produce milk from her breasts.
- 1539 – Hernando de Soto discovers Florida while its natives discover Hernando de Soto. He manages to stay out of arrow range thus avoiding the traditional Florida greeting still used today.
- 1831 – James Boyd patents the rubber fire hose not realizing that fires are made of fire and not rubber.
- 1898 – Thomas Edison invents sand so people will have something to sit on during the US holiday.
- 1941 – The first Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition (pictured) held in Rome.
- 1967 – Wilbur Wright's ghost manifests itself in the body of an otter.
- 1984 – Big Brother watches you after starring in an Apple commercial.
- 1995 – Congress changes the holiday name to Meme Morial Day. Everyone is off somewhere for the day and doesn't notice.
- 1999 – The website Unicyclopedia about everything unicycles is launched. It would eventually morph into the famous humor site Wikipedia.
- 2002 – Slow day for Uncyclopedia editing. Readers are advised to move their lips while reading and nod their heads after every sentence to compensate.
- 2003 – Memes about dead people flood the internet. Deceased Facebook members heartily approve.
- 2004 – It is a slow day for Uncyclopedia editing so pet iguanas are allowed to take the controls for the day. Readership jumps 300% as intelligibility is increased.
- 2013 – God recreates Earth, starting with Uncyclopedia.
- 2017 – The Indy 500 are convicted in federal court along with ringleader Indiana Jones.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR
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[vote]
| Thermopylae.jpg - 27 total votes ( 30 / 3 )
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Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.
Image credit: Mhaille
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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UNCYCLOPEDIAS SISTR PROJECTZ
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,334 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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PROTECTD BY TEH FAIR USE CLAUSE, AN AN ELITE CLAN OV CLINJAS.
