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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... Australia posts signs nationwide with safe areas without deadly animals shown in green? (pictured)
- ... Time travel from the US now requires screening by TSA agents?
- ... but that you can just skip forward in time and avoid it?
- ... if you open your refrigerator door you will make a chilling discovery?
- ... an apple a day keeps the doctor away if thrown hard enough?
- ... colourless is actually a valid colour, making "colourless" very colourful?
- ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D?
- ... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
- ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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October 9: Weasel Day
- 2349 BCE - The proto-badger, a distant relative of the weasel, goes extinct when Noah tosses the only surviving pair off the ark for stealing his yams.
- 942 - Weasel stomping in invented in Anglo-Saxon England.
- 1086 - The Domesday Book notes the average price of a stoat at 1 groat.
- 1490 - Leonardo da Vinci paints Lady With an Ermine, the first mustelid pre-photobombing recorded in the West.
- 1674 - Issac Newton discovers Weaselpudge. Nobody cares.
- 1754 - It is alleged by some that on this supposed day, weasel words were probably invented or perhaps created.
- 1862 - The Cheasel is invented.
- 1872 - Rudolf Weasel changes his last name to Diesel. The rest is history.
- 1881 - The Japanese Stomping Fish, which has nothing to do with weasels, is discovered.
- 1899 - Pop Goes the Weasel is licensed for every jack-in-the-box toy. Small children drive their parents insane playing the tune, leading to the Second Boer War.
- 1930 - Nazis adopt the Horst-Weasel song as their anthem.
- 1937 - The Spleen weasel is discovered in Paris, France, without rioting for a welcome change.
- 1938 - The Disney film Snow White is released in Europe with the song Weasel While You Work. Parisians take it personally and rioting ensues during the intermission.
- 1940 - John Lennon is born, and promptly marries a weasel.
- 1961 - Ferret racing is invented in Australia. It is not held where you think it might.
- 2007 - A woman gives birth to a weasel. This will grow up to be the Antiweasel, signalling the end of the world. People will be forced to carry the mark of the Beast on their foreheads, which will be a weasel word, theoretically.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR
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[vote]
| Hand grenade.jpg - 30 total votes ( 33 / 3 )
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The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Image credit: Mosquitopsu
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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