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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that Google has trained parrots to fly in and remove ESC keys from all keyboards for a "better internet experience", where you will never be able to leave certain pages? (pictured)
- ... Google Street View cars replace their cameras with potatoes once they cross the Connecticut border?
- ... dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and YOUR ENERGY DRINK!?!?!
- ... the Order of St. John is the #4 platter, to go?
- ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... the 400m (1300 ft.) Wichnor Viaduct was built to carry the materials needed for its own construction?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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April 20: Hitler's Birthday (Germany), Marijuana Day (countries that use the M/D/Y date)
- 420 - Thousands of marijuana users get throughly ripped as a once-in-a-lifetime numerical coincidence coincidentifies with a 75-times-in-a-lifetime num... where was I?
- 571 - Cassius Clay is born; later changes name to Muhammad, hails himself as "greatest prophet of all time, baby!"
- 1607 - White settlers arrive at Jamestown, find nothing of value except some inedible, brown leaves and some equally inedible brown people, so they go home.
- 1792 - France declares war on itself and surrenders.
- 1814 - The War of 1812 begins, two years behind schedule.
- 1889 - Adolf Hitler, perhaps best known for his
genocide of the Jews brilliant artwork, is born.
- 1889 - Meanwhile, in a small town in Bavaria, Adolf Hilter is certainly not born.
- 1991 - A Very Brady Easter premieres; Alice is crucified to the songs of the Lovin Spoonful.
- 1993 - Al Gore invents the Environment.
- 1994 - A fireworks display in Oklahoma City goes horribly wrong; a bystander is blamed and later executed.
- 1999 - Columbine high school opens the very first high school shooting range in the United States.
- 2007 - Cho Seung-Hui arrives in Hell. Even Satan is not amused.
- 2012 - The largest Marijuana festival is held in San Francisco, California with as many as a billion pot smokers attended.
- 2014 - The time code is discovered and the code is 3.141592653589793238462643383279.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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