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Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that the Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament was founded by the Duke of York? (pictured)
- ... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
- ... thanks to a transporter accident, the joke about suicide bombers' 72 virgins being Star Trek geeks is older than Islam?
- ... the White House is really off-white?
- ... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
- ... that a fool and his money are always welcome in my store?
- ... on a semi-regular basis, Britain is mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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January 8: National Discrimination Day
- 450,000,000,000 BCE - "Earfh" is created, but is quickly destroyed and replaced with the current Earth as simply correcting the typo on the planning form requires two months notice. Dinosaurs die as a result.
- 33 - Jesus begins his steady decline.
- 41 - Roman emperor Caligula is found not to know shit from shinola and takes one for the team.
- 732 - The Dark Ages would suffer from not being allowed to live or work with other ages.
- 1066 - English realty agents chase off Nordic immigrants at Stamford Bridge but fail to prevent French immigrants from taking beachfront property further south.
- 1815 - Andrew Jackson forgets that the war is over and utterly destroys the British Army. Fortunately, America forgives him and treats him as a predecessor to Rambo.
- 1942 - Henry Ford declares his allegiance to Adolf Hitler's dictatorship, who in turn makes Ford improve customer service.
- 1967 - Martin Luther King Jr. dies of a tragic M&M overdose.
- 2009 - Kellogg's continues to conquer the cereal market with Smack after finally dropping the honey flavouring and just selling it straight up. (pictured)
- 2010 - The popular children's story that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is discovered to be false; research published in the Daily Mail shows it instead speeds up genital wart formation and werewolfism.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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