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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that global warming is forcing yeti and other animals to migrate farther north? (pictured)
- ... Fork Knife is a game about finding fine dining and making reservations during an apocalyptic Uncyclopedia split?
- ... and that the Battle Royale version has hundreds of Oscar Wildes throwing shade at each other?
- ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
- ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers?
- ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
- ... that I only slept with your wife as a prank?
- ... that the Michigan Firehouse Museum is home to the largest collection of fire truck bell hanger mounting rivets in the United States?
- ... the Order of St. John is the #4 platter, to go?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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September 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day
- 1588 - The Dread Pirate Wesley singlehandedly defeats the entire Spanish Armada in single combat.
- 1778 - The Continental Congress passes the first budget of the United States, budgeting 10,000 doubloons for defense, 5000 pieces of eight for social programs, and additional booty to highways.
- 1796 - George Washington makes his farewell address, saying, "Aye me mateys, it were good being captain of this fine ship of state."
- 1957 - First U.S. underground nuclear bomb test is conducted, shivering timbers as far as 500 km (300 mi) away.
- 1959 - After Nikita Khrushchev is barred from visiting Disneyland, he threatens to keelhaul a man dressed in a Goofy suit.
- 1970 - Pirates the world over rejoice at Oldsmobile's launch of the Cutlass Supreme!
- 1982 - Feared corsair Patch-Eyed Pete posts first recorded instance of an emoticon, P-) to an online bulletin board.
- 1985- First pirate movie released. It is rated ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
- 1989- Pirate radio goes on the air and is fined for gratuitous use of the words "scalliwag" and "booty".
- 1995 - First Talk Like a Pirate Day. It rapidly replaces Talk Like a Ninja Day, which involved people saying nothing so as to conceal their presence.
- 2006 - With the War on Terror becoming increasingly bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush considers shifting focus to a War on Pirates.
- 2006- Patch-Eyed Pete is fined $100,000 for using a pirated emoticon in 1982.
- 2008- Due to the unpopularity of his administration, George W. Bush is forced to walk the plank. The outraged Right Wing Naval Forces (RWNF) stage an attack on the District of Columbia from their base in Wasila, Alaska, resulting in the Battle of Stupid Pirate Catchphrases.
- 2014 - File-sharing site The Pirate Bay is taken down by the ABBA-led Swedish navy but immediately springs up on hundreds of mirror sites. The criminal organization HYDRA sues for theft of concept and for confusing fish.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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