Solomon Islands
Salmon Islands Republic of the Salmon Islands Solomon Islands | |||
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| Motto: It's a Trap! (official), Release the Kraken! (popular, but unofficial) | |||
| Anthem: The Safety Dance | |||
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| Capital | Mon Calamari City | ||
| Official language(s) | Mon Calamarian, Welsh | ||
| Government | Corrupt Republic | ||
| Admiral | Ackbar | ||
| National hero(es) | Admiral Ackbar, the Kraken, Jaws | ||
| Religion | Worship of the Kraken | ||
| Population | 47 million Mon Calamari, 2 million Welsh people | ||
| Area | 28,400 sq miles | ||
The Salmon Islands, sometimes spelt incorrectly by foreigners as the "Solomon Islands", is a country in Oceania. The Salmon Islands are famous worldwide for being the only country on Earth that is not populated by humans, the Salmon Islands are instead populated by large bipedal, sentient salmon called the "Mon Calamari". There is some debate among human scientists are to whether the Mon Calamari originated on Earth, or if they originally evolved on another planet. The Mon Calamari maintain that they evolved on a different planet and were stranded on Earth when their ship was damaged destroying a giant space station they refer to as the "Death Star". Human scientists are unable to confirm this however as there is no formal contact between the two species and few humans are allowed to visit the Salmon Islands. This is because the Mon Calamari are terrified of the Japanese who are, for some reason, determined to kill any Mon Calamari they see, (they behave in this way towards most aquatic species).
History[edit]
The Salmon Islands were originally populated by race of small cannibalistic pygmies. The first Europeans landed on the islands in the summer of 1598, they encountered the pygmies and were soon forced to flee as the pygmies aggressively swarmed over, killed and ate several crew members. The leader of the landing party remarked that the pygmies' attack on their ship mates was like watching a swarm of Piranha. The surviving members of the landing party also noticed that the pygmies had extremely bad hygiene and smelt of rotten salmon, this led to the captain of the vessel officially naming the islands the "Salmon Islands" and claiming them for Great Britain.
During the nineteenth century the Germans occupied the islands and established a German colony there. At the time labourers were required in the manufacture of chocolate, so the Germans rounded up all the pygmies and sold them to Willy Wonka, who forced them to work in his chocolate factory. After selling all the pygmies the islands were worthless as they contained no natural resources, the Germans returned home and the islands were left uninhabited.
In 1901 the islands had been uninhabited for several years, during the night of November 18th 1901, a large meteor was seen in the sky above Australia. The meteor turned out to be a Mon Calamari space ship, which crashed in the Salmon Islands. The Mon Calamari on-board adopted the islands as their new home.
Politics[edit]
The Salmon Islands is officially a republic, and the leader holds the title "Admiral". The Salmon Islands have never held an election however, and Admiral Ackbar has served as leader since the formation of the country. Admiral Ackbar has become corrupted by power and rules the Salmon Islands as an autocrat. The Mon Calamari have a biological need to swim to colder waters in order to spawn and so once a year, all Mon Calamari take part in a mass migration to Scotland in order to reproduce. The lake they travel to is called Loch Ness, and early sightings of the Mon Calamari are what began the legend of the Loch Ness monster. Because of the biological need for the Mon Calamari to travel to Scotland, Admiral Ackbar wishes to claim Scotland as part of the Salmon Islands. The Mon Calamari have installed a Mon Calamari called Alex Salmond as Scottish First Minister, disguised as a human he is campaigning for Scottish independence from the United Kingdom. In the event of Scotland becoming independant, Alex Salmond will then officially make Scotland part of the Salmon Islands.
As the climate of the Salmon Islands is very hot and the Mon Calamari need to spend a great deal of time in water, it is necessary for the Mon Calamari to hire human workers to perform various maintenance tasks. The humans hired to work in the Salmon Islands were mostly from Wales, and after a lengthy court case in which the government of the Salmon Islands was sued by the Welsh Language Commissioner, the Welsh language became an official language in the Salmon Islands.
Culture[edit]
Since arriving on Earth the Mon Calamari have began to undergo strong cultural changes. After learning of the Kraken from human mythology, they became convinced that it is their god, and began to worship it. The movie "Clash of the Titans" was a enormous financial success in the Salmon Islands because of it's depiction of the Kraken. The Mon Calamari regulary kidnap humans swimming off the coast of nearby Australia, and take them back to the Salmon Islands in order to sacrifice them to please the Kraken. In 2007 the Salmon Islands briefly declared war on New Zealand after it emerged that New Zealand had captured and killed a colossal squid. The Mon Calamari made peace with New Zealand however, when it emerged that it was nothing more than a very large squid. Such is the obsession with the Kraken in the Salmon Islands, that the phrase "Release the Kraken!" from the movie "Clash of the Titans" has now become an unofficial national motto.
The Mon Calamari have also become obsessed with 1980's human music. "The Safety Dance", by Canadian band "Men Without Hats" has become so popular that it has been adopted as the nation's national anthem.
The Salmon Islands During World War II[edit]
During the Second World War the Salmon Islands were occupied by Japan. The Japanese took great pleasure from killing the Mon Calamari on sight, and many thousands of Mon Calamari were murdered. Unfortunately the Japanese also tried eating the dead Mon Calamari and began to view them as a delicacy. During the 3 years of Japanese occupation, over 9 million Mon Calamari were killed and made into sushi. The Salmon Islands were eventually liberated by British and American forces.
After liberating the Salmon Islands, the Americans needed a place to test detonate their nuclear weapons, and an island near the Salmon Islands was chosen. Unfortunately the nuclear fallout drifted over the Salmon Islands and many Mon Calamari died from radiation poisoning. One Mon Calamari changed into a gigantic creature and became known as Godzilla. The Mon Calamari subdued and captured the creature and let it loose in Tokyo, as an act of vengeance for all the Mon Calamari killed by the Japanese.