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Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (pictured)
- ... that you're late for work?
- ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
- ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction?
- ... the inventor of the Nobel Prize invented the Nobel Prize so he could get a Nobel Prize for his invention of the Nobel Prize?
- ... when your grandma said, "You gruesome", you misunderstood and proudly stood up as tall as you could?
- ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in?
- ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries,
- ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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December 30: Last Chance To Do All the Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day
- 4004 BCE - God remembers to create the Earth. Oh, and everything else, too. Except for sliced bread.
- 4 BCE - Emperor Augustus remembers he was gonna have a census this year. Having missed his opportunity, he proclaims, "Let there be a day upon which all things previously contemplated throughout the last year finally be at once accomplished! Except for tomorrow. But shhhh!" Thus, the "Last Chance to Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day" is inaugurated.
- 41 CE - Calligraphy, the gayest of Roman emperors, forgets to sign the will making his goat the next emperor, thus ensuring the slavery of goats for two and a half millennia.
- 1037 - King Arthur loses the Holy Grail to Nigerian timeshare scammers. Crusades ensue.
- 1928 - The fart is discovered to be a wave not a particle since two people at two different places can smell it at the same time.
- 1999 - Procrastinators think about preparing for the Y2K Bug.
- 2004 - Weren't we gonna start a parody of Wickerpedialyte? Yeah? Shit! Better luck next year.
- 2005 - the letter u is now a bad word. Prince gets writer's block for about five minutes.
- 2006 - Saddam Hussein is executed for forgetting to send Bush a Christmas card. Again.
- 2007 - This entry is not added. Except in error, and other minor US towns.
- 2012 -- The Mayans remember to end the world with a BANG!
- 2017 - Wal★Mart sends in the Giant Smiley to crush the government of Botswana in order to create one giant store next to the redneck country South Africa. (pictured)
- 2541 - Goats obtain their freedom, thus changing December 30 from "Last Chance To Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day" to "Goatcheese Liberation Front and Gift Packet Day" (except in New Guinea).
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70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3
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[vote]
| Africamapclear.PNG - 14 total votes ( 24 / 10 )
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Africa is widely known by those in the US to be Earth's shittiest continent. For one thing, the land is wracked with hunger, poverty, disease, and genocide. It is also filled with monkeys, like those parks where they tear your car to shreds. Not a pleasant place, all things considered. (Rwanda sucks and has a very retarded name.)
Things from Africa include: zoo animals, human trials, like monkeys; lots of fruit...um... AIDS? AIDS is from there, right? And black people? Hey, is that where African Americans came from? Yeah? Well, who knew?
Image credit: Jordanus
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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