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Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that David Bowie was advised by New Ager Gwyneth Paltrow to get weekly injections of datura and bathe regularly in mink oil? (pictured)
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... the reason they tell you not to look at the sun is because if you look too long you'll realise it's just a giant lamp taped there?
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
- ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman?
- ... that Killing Joke, the band that performed the song Eighties, are now in their eighties?
- ... that The Manchurian Candidate is about a blustering hotelier that is brainwashed by a foreign government to do its bidding when he becomes president? Oh, wait...
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April 2: National Refrigerator Day (Paraguay)
- c.9000 BCE - During severe late freezes, cavemen would kill a mammoth but leave it intact to freeze solid. Then by pushing it over, it would shatter, making easy-to-carry pieces to take home. This would eventually turn into the practice of cow tipping after cattle are domesticated.
- 1111 - The Knights Templar come into being as a clandestine drinking society.
- 1391 - Bob Hope fights a grizzly bear and is elected King of Prussia upon his victory.
- 1646 - The Little Ice Age makes refrigeration unnecessary, as people are too cold to get up and make dinner in the first place.
- 1942 - The classic arcade title 1942 is designed; the rights to the year are purchased by Capcom.
- 1983 - Science is invented by accident. It is quickly swept into a bedpan.
- 1984 - Miniluv put crimethink proles into fridge, remake them goodthink fullwise. Maytag Man is sent to Room 101.
- 2002 - The U.S. Kitten Embargo begins as part of The War Against Terror. (pictured)
- 2005 - St. Peter's Basilica accidentally eats the Pope but is killed by atheist Harry Potter.
- 2005 - The first Expired Goods Festival is held. Its popularity is proven by all the attendees that expire afterward.
- 2007 - The third Expired Goods Festival is held and abandoned, due to mutant foodstuffs eating exhibitors.
- 2008 - The X-Men come to fight with mutant foodstuffs but later have found that they're the same kind as them. So they have a good brotherly group hug and leave.
- 2009 - Thousands are found dead with a bag of frozen peas or mixed vegetables stuck to their faces after Indiana Jones supposedly proves you can survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator.
- 2010 - Wayne Rooney discovers second brain cell then asplodes after information overload.
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[vote]
| Jeanpool1.png - 19 pools of jeans. Geddit? ( 19 / 0 )
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Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86.
Image credit: RadicalX
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
