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Today's featured article – John Mahama John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. Mahama was the candidate of the National Democratic Congress (NDC). His rise to office sets a variety of records: First President to be younger than the nation, first to be President in non-consecutive terms, and first to excel in hitting empty beer cans with stones from twenty paces (7 m). He has been an MP, pan-African MP, Deputy Minister, Minister, Vice President, and President, a feat known in Ghanaian political circles as "Bingo!" Mahama started his first term upon the death of his predecessor, John Atta Mills, on 24 July 2012. The so-called Atta-boy gave a stirring speech to accept his new responsibilities. He stated, "This is the saddest day in our nation's history. Tears have engulfed our nation. (more...) Recently featured: HowTo:Become a Pope Norse Korea Mark Levin Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – HowTo:Become a Pope Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope. (more...) DID Y0U KN0W... ... that my English teacher is gay? (pictured) ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that without lists, we feel listless? ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? ... one of the great ironies of the Crimean War was that the Earl of Sandwich's troops were constantly sandwiched between Russian artillery and cavalry? ... and that Lord Raglan had nothing up his sleeve? ... that you shouldn't count your chitlins before they are hatched? ... that due to the recent and highly successful reforms in education, grammar studies isn't need anymore?

IN 7H3 N3W5 Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election 0N 7HI5 D4Y... May 27: National Homicide Day 2 CE - World's first homosexual celebrates his 40th birthday by helping create The Church of Tyra. 1032 - In England, first 'Knocke, Knocke: whoeth art there?' joke performed in public. 1895 - Oscar Wilde is sent to prison, then released when the hamster does not press charges. 1931 - Jesus Christ considers starting the Second Coming; he decides he'd rather get Taco Bell and watch porn. 1936 - Freddy Krueger kills himself in his own dreams accidentally. He reincarnates the same day for no reason as Walt Disney. 1937 - J.R.R Tolkien commences work on the majestic The Matrix: Revolutions. 1947 - Mexico Space Program launches its first rocket powered by jumping beans. (pictured) 1955 - J. Edgar Hoover wins the New York Marathon dressed in a tutu. 1963 - The Beatles kick Joseph Stalin out of the band. He quickly composes Back in the USSR as a mild revenge. 1969 - Hippies collect signatures to forbid showers. 'They are so concentration camp' is their argument. 1974 - Jimi Hendrix makes love to his guitar on stage. He is promptly taken to a hospital where he dies of severe penis shredding. 1985 - Ronald Reagan sets a new high score for Pac-Man, humiliating former champion Mikhail Gorbachev. 2006 - Midsomer Village now has NO MORE PEOPLE TO MURDER. 2006 - The Vatican, Luxembourg, Malta and Fiji form the Small Countries Alliance – the most dangerous set of allies since the Axis. Together, they have a total population of 800 and double that in nuclear bombs. 2018 - Uncyclopedians emerge from their bomb shelters and begin building time machines. An overlong lunch break, nap and hand-waving sets the project schedule back, as future Uncyclopedians arriving in their time machines find to their disgust.

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[vote] Jesusroadsign evil.JPG Jesusroadsign evil.JPG - 9 misguided sheep ( 19 / 10 ) Jesus is to his followers as a shepherd is to someone else's flock. Image credit: Rei

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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