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Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (pictured)
- ... the world has nearly run out helium for airships and toy balloons?
- ... but dog farts will provide enough gas to last thousands of years?
- ... that resistance is futile, so you should calculate using impedance instead?
- ... children were golden in 1999 when bad kids were threatened with Jar Jar Binks figures for Christmas if they did not behave?
- ... that the Michigan Firehouse Museum is home to the largest collection of fire truck bell hanger mounting rivets in the United States?
- ... that the Mauna Loa volcano is actually taller than Mt. Everest if the four elephants standing on the back of giant turtle underneath it are counted?
- ... verb noun preposition article verb noun?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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March 23: International Watch Anime With Your Pet Fish Day
- 787 BCE - King Saul of Israel throws a spear at David playing the harp, then stands and points a shaking finger at David and intones in a booming voice, "NARF!"
- 467 BCE - Ancient Greeks eat fish sandwiches while watching a new play by Aeschylus. This is the closest that fish will come to watching anime with their owners for over 2000 years.
- 139 - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portraying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey.
- 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica is first used outside of Vatican City during the first Crusades.
- 1952 - Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Colliwogs.
- 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights. Their husbands go without supper.
- 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months.
- 1993 - 13 people die in the US when their pet goldfishes strangle them after not being allowed to watch anime with their owners. This would provide the basis for the movie Natural Born Killers.
- 2006 - Playstation 1 dies. Xbox skips the funeral but returns later to piss on its grave.
- 2011 - Chuck Norris succeeds in destroying the last internet meme when he roundhouse kicks the final remaining Rick Astley music video into oblivion.
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
