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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name. Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...) Recently featured: Star Trek Windows XP Switzerland Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Star Trek Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...) DID Y0U KN0W... ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (pictured) ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars? ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that helium is found in natural underground deposits of thousands of party balloons of all colors and sizes? ... the Butterfly effect is making you read this entry? Pushy things, butterflies. ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

IN 7H3 N3W5 Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos 0N 7HI5 D4Y... April 8: International Things That Rhyme With 'Bat' Day 563 BCE - Buddha is born. Under a tree he sat. 432 BCE - Artemus of Capadocia introduces kitten huffing to the world when he huffs a small cat. 73 CE - Pliny the Elder records the first instance of fortune telling through analysis of scat. 881 - Holy Roman Emperor Charles III is given the nickname Charles the Fat as all the good nicknames were already taken. And that is that. 1611 - A new sport is introduced when Swedish people use a cannon to launch a rat. 1656 - Rembrandt buys a can of glossy brown paint only to find it is matte. 1885 - Industrialist Andrew Carnegie thinks his secretary tells him that he is a milliner. So he makes a hat. 1935 - FDR signs Emergency Relief Appropriation Act, then dances a jig and falls flat. 1998 - Another explosion occurs in the usually serene inlet of Michael Bay, sounding like this: 'splat'. 2006 - Conservapedia is founded and its editors immediately make such valid claims as 'the Earth is flat'. 2011 - Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal proves himself to be a prat.

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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