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Today's featured article – The Witcher
The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula.
The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered.
A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...)
Previously featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...)
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- ... only one moviegoer has ever been able to sit through a double feature of The Room and Manos: The Hands of Fate? (pictured)
- ... about this?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... the Treaty of Ghent includes a clause that neither Americans nor the British are allowed to push in the backs of chocolates to see what's inside, then put them back in the box?
- ... that Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention" but forgot to mention the parts about monkey fur and lemons?
- ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks?
- ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal?
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June 30: Dare a Younger Sibling to Eat an Insect Day (pictured)
- 66 million BCE - A young triceratops attempts to feed a bug to a newly hatched sibling but is hit in the crotch by a very large meteorite before it could do so. Small mammals see this and will remember the joke.
- 3000 BCE - Cain dares Abel to eat a scorpion. Abel does, and falls dead. Cain tries to explain it was an accident, but nobody will listen.
- 1500 BCE - Aaron dares his younger brother Moses to eat a scarab beetle. Moses does so, and the gritty taste convinces him to lead his people from Egypt.
- 44 BCE - Julius Caesar dies after being forced to eat a bug carrying a large knife.
- 1859 - Oscar Wilde, despondent over not having a sibling to dare to eat an insect or be dared to eat an insect by, consumes an earwig.
- 1867 - Via the cleverest ruse possible, Mycroft Holmes gets his younger brother Sherlock to eat a bug.
- 1921 - U.S. President Warren G. Harding appoints former President William Howard Taft to the Supreme Court, after Taft successfully attempts to eat a small quantity of mosquitoes.
- 1935 - The Dionne quintuplets are born. By the time the last, Marie, was born, her older sisters were already waiting with insects in hand.
- 1959 - American actor Vincent D'Onofrio is born, paving the way to a career of acting as though he had just accepted a dare to eat a rather nasty-tasting insect.
- 1971 - Ohio ratifies the 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, lowering the voting age to 18, and lowering the threshold at which younger siblings are no longer required to accept bug-related dares to 16.
- 1999 - Blue whales lose their appetites when told they are eating "bugs". Krill is rebranded as "seafood medley" and the whales return to their original food sources after subsisting on pelicans and fishermen in rowboats.
- 2016 - Queen Elizabeth II formally announces her regret at making the late Princess Margaret eat a bug when they were children. She atones for this by holding down Prince Charles and shoveling quantities of what is termed "bug salad" into his mouth as millions cheer.
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| XXXTigerGame.jpg - 13 club wackers ( 14 / 1 )
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With Tiger Woods' newest game out, all the girls can get a look at his nice big rod.
Image credit: MeepStarLives
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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