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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... Badgers?! We don't need no steenking badgers!! (pictured)
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... a stitch in time doesn't save nine, but saves nuns from being sucked into time portals or wormholes?
- ... that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings?
- ... and that's why you have to wait so long to get your takeout order?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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 We had a bunch of puns about the unemployed, but none of them would work. February 10: International Bad Pun Day
- 1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland. Panhandling leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short.
- 1105 - Irish Potato Phantom claims responsibility for bitter harvest.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde's new play "Pun" is first performed in London. Critics describe it as a "play on words".
- 1950 - Future French actor Jean Reno is asked whether he wants to go to the toilet. "Oui, Oui" he replies.
- 1951 - Avocado discovers the mol. Scientific community dismisses him when he claims that they are not, in fact, brown and fuzzy.
- 1954 - Inventor of the handshake chokes while ingesting his own creation. Doctors attempted to finger force the patient but couldn't nail the problem in time. He died on the way to the hospital.
- 1973 - Describing his spiritual journey into heavy metal, Jimmy Page admits that he was "led" into it.
- 1975 - Colorado Christian Boarding School-boy Dick Face is insulted for the first time. I would not be his last.
- 1977 - French President Mitterand explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is 'un oeuf'.
- 1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
- 1981 - Bono and The Edge agree that they, too, like the Canadian Punk band "U".
- 1996 - "Punny" added to the Oxford dictionary. Subsequent bonfire nearly engulfs America.
- 1997 - During a fight with Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson's British trainer exclaims "What's this 'ere?"
- 2017 - Walmart opens 1st store in Iraq. The only thing that was in its way before was that there was a target on every corner. Walmart stocks spike due to increase in Game department.
- 2018 - Walmart bans sale of firearms at Iraqi stores based on public outcry due to increased violence in Kuwait.
- 2031 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot to death. Police believe the weapon to be a golf gun, because it made a hole in Juan.
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
