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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that family pets should be introduced to new members of the family as soon as possible? (pictured)
- ... and there's the doorbell. You should get that, it might be that eBay package you're waiting for.
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? YOU HAVE THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO PUT A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD
- ... I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille.
- ... the Earth is indeed hollow, but you might fall off the edge trying to find the entrance?
- ... the reason they tell you not to look at the sun is because if you look too long you'll realise it's just a giant lamp taped there?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
- ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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March 18: Suicide-by-Boasting Day, National RAD day (pictured) (UK, 1989-2000, 2007), End of the Boob Festival (Neptune)
- c.51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two Homo erecti discover fire.
- 1904 - Dessie Noonan is the first to commit suicide by boasting.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide by boasting a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1906 - Pope says his decree was best decree ever. He is found dead in a hotel outside Reno, NV with a syringe in his arm.
- 1953 - President Joseph McCarthy briefly bans kitten huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists discover the Moon.
- 1955 - Scientists find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1966 - The Evelyn War ends, and Michelle Pfeiffer, a secret code developed by Captain Obvious, officially replaces traditional right-to-left writing, as decreed by the Kansas Board of Education
- 1991 - Rad Suits become the latest craze in the UK, after teen hero Margaret Thatcher is seen in one.
- 1992 - Michael Jackson re-releases Bad as Rad. However, no-one is impressed when it is just the same track with "rad" replacing "bad" in the lyrics, and the song does very badly. This causes him to turn a paler shade.
- 1994 - Tears for Fears reach Number One on the new show Top of the Flops. They would have reached Number One on Top of the Pops, but failed to say "rad" during the entire song.
- 2000 - Rad Day is abolished after the phrase isn't considered rad anymore.
- 2005 - Rick James dies of chronic diarrhea... finally!
- 2007 - Rad Day returns for one year with a concert featuring Michael Jackson. The 10 people that attended say things were "Like, well rad init."
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns it. It is never seen again.
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
