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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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- ... that despite little publicity, drag racing is immensely popular in the UK? (pictured)
- ... Area 51 is just a clever ploy to distract you from being curious about Areas 1 through 50?
- ... cats smuggled into screenings of The Black Panther only gave it a rating of 65% on Metacritic?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK PEPSI COLA
- ... that no greater man hath subtriculated the monolith than the one who hath manifested odontological callioptery?
- ... that wearing a top hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
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May 14: Sky's the Limit Day, Fat Guys in Spandex Festival San Francisco, California USA.
- 468 BCE - Sky colour declared blue by Greek philosophers.
- 49 BCE - Sky declared grey by the Roman Republic in order to provoke the Greeks into a fight.
- 1953 - Sky Masterson, a character from the musical Guys and Dolls, is played by Marlon Brando.
- 1973 - Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched. It will take a dozen Druids to keep it in orbit.
- 1979 - Skylight, the glass thing in my goddamned roof, is greatly expanded by Skylab's wonderful return to Earth. Dammit.
- 1981 - Demise of the International Dark-Sky Association.
- 2005 - Skynet is founded by Marlon Brando, utilizing power module and microchips from a crashed Skylab, and broken glass from some guy's skylight.
- 2006 - Marlon Brando dies in a skydiving accident.
- 2007 - Bill Gates hits puberty.
- 2009 - Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd, declares free money for all.
- 2010 - Puberty sues Bill Gates for 'unbelievable infliction of emotional distress and disgusting zits'; asks $500 billion.
- 2012 - Marlon Brando's remains explode, with debris landing as far away as Johannesburg, South Africa.
- 2014 - The Moon sues Bill Gates because doing nothing but orbiting the earth constantly for billions of years is well and truly boring. It seeks all money on Earth or a PC to play on while orbiting.
- 2525 - I lost my keys again :(
- 2990 - Lost keys are located in Howard Beach at the social club of an Italian "Gentleman of Honor" who prefers to remain anonymous.
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[vote]
| SkywalkerAura.png - 9 total votes ( 17 / 8 )
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In an attempt to popularize their product, Right GuardTM brand deodorant and antiperspirant spent obscene amounts of money licensing the Star Wars brand for merchandising. The best the marketing team could come up with was this still frame, featured in Good Housekeeping. The ad was promptly pulled when daring and uneducated nerds began suing the company for false advertising, claiming "they could not stick a lightsaber into their armpit without bodily harm." It is currently archived along with the ET video game as the most spectacular wastes of money ever.
Image credit: Zombiebaron
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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