From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
left
Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
|
DID Y0U KN0W...
|
 - ... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (pictured)
- ... that Wikipedia tells us that Drypetes gerrardii, a South African tree, was named after William Gerrard, a botanical collector active in the 1860s?
- ... and it is a contest to see which of us could care less?
- ... the inventor of the Nobel Prize invented the Nobel Prize so he could get a Nobel Prize for his invention of the Nobel Prize?
- ... that some believe the Earth is actually flat-chested and a clandestine multinational program is keeping it stuffed?
- ... air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? MOVE BACK INTO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA RANGE
|
|
IN 7H3 N3W5
|
|
|
0N 7HI5 D4Y...
|
March 26: Fast Food Day (America), Health Awareness Day (everywhere else)
- 934 - Millions of peasant farmers wish that they, too, could die of a heart attack from overeating just like their king or emperor.
- 1633 - Monkeys invent and perform the Macarena. It would be many years before it would be set to music and gain popularity among drunks and old people.
- 1855 - Oscar Wilde is allowed to attend his mother's social gatherings, contemporarily called 'saloons', for the first time. They greatly influence some of his later life choices.
- 1969 - An early Unix version of Uncyclopedia is developed and tested, but eventually scrapped due to bugs in the software, mostly scorpions.
- 1901 - Chemists work on developing hydrogenated (trans) fats so that underfed individuals could bulk up.
- 1993 - Tarquin Middleton decides that life is worth living... barely. He wishes he could write half as well as that Oxcart Wilde fellow.
- 1997 - A Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is ordered from Starbucks, destroying the South American economy.
- 1998 - Metal Gear Solid is released in North America, taking 'stealth video games' to new heights and 'going outside' to new lows.
- 2006 - With reports of death and obesity due to overconsumption of fatty foods, huge numbers of Americans add a salad to their double cheeseburgers with double fries and a double shake.
- 2007 - I saw another dog when I was in the car. I barked at him! It was the most exciting thing ever.
|
|
70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3
|
[vote]
| MP Truman2.jpg - 15 total votes ( 23 / 8 )
|
|
August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.
Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
|
|
WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You only have 5 (Five) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,404 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
PR073C73D BY 7|-|3 F4IR U53 C14U53, 4ND 4 1337 C14N 0F C1INJ45.
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
