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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,405 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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The future
August 15: Hug People While You're on Fire Day
- 1,000,000 BCE - Caveman introduces fire to humankind as he hugs people for help while he is on fire.
- 410 - The Dark Ages make an unexpected appearance when the holiday finds a devoted fan-base among 5th century scholars.
- 1800 - Napoleon invades Russia, but forgets to hug Stalin when he on fire, thus ensuring French defeat.
- 1914 - A male servant of American architect Frank Lloyd Wright sets fire to the living quarters of Wright's Wisconsin home, Taliesin, murders seven people, and burns the living quarters to the ground. It's believed the servant was on fire and just in a huggy mood.
- 1924 - Last "Running of the Cthulhu" in Barcelona, Spain.
- 1947 - Ganja Gandhi rapes Mountbatten and molests him so much that every British bitch leaves India.
- 1959 - Panty hose is invented. Bank robberies by conjoined twins immediately rise tenfold.
- 1963 - Buddhist Monks protest South Vietnam government's discriminatory policies which favor Catholics by lighting themselves on fire and hugging the Archbishop.
- 1975 - Three members of the Fantastic Four are hospitalized with third degree burns after the fourth member, Johnny Storm, takes ecstasy.
- 2001 - Strawberry Jesus is born to the virgin mother Penny Bain, and his disciples celebrate this date each year as Clock Day.
- 2002 - Hug People While You're on Fire Day is partially negated by Hug People While You're Wet Day.
- 2013 - While self-immolation was previously used as a protesting tactic to voice "Hey, this is bad!", it now thrives as Poland's national sport, bringing in revenues of over 53 euros annually.
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