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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
 Jedi will dance with just about anyone. May 4: Jedi New Year
- 321 - The date no one thought would ever happen, finally does.
- 1367 - King Philo of Wallachia discovers flatulence.
- 1594 - Dwarf hunting is declared illegal in France when the Jew and Huguenot season is extended.
- 1904 - The USA begins its first efforts to curb illegal immigration with the groundbreaking of the Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
- 1905 - Weebles wobble.
- 1924 - Weebles still won't fall down.
- 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales accidentally causes the Great Depression.
- 1939 - Thomas Jefferson ends up being the first president to become a rock star.
- 1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
- 1965 - Tony Blair announces the John Prescott Widening Project in order to increase the amount of pies John Prescott can eat. This reduces his ability to make incomprehensible sentences. Millions rejoice.
- 1966 - Robin Cook is appointed as Chief Incomprehensible Sentence Maker by the Queen. Millions saddened.
- 1968 - Robin Williams visits Earth and pals around with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. More than 40 years of science fiction hub-bub and techno-crap follow, creating really cool inventions like the transporter and Klingons.
- 1977 - Star Wars is released with the tag line "May the fourth be with you". The director will be fired to making up such a ludicrous pun. Douchebag.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take-all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
- 1986 - Ronald Reagan awakes to a new day, but has no idea why.
- 2004 - The first annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention is held; millions attend.
- 2007 - Queen Elizabeth enjoys the Kentuckistan Derby and buys a beer bong. She will later crowd surf the mosh pit in the infield.
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