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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,403 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day, National Table Tennis Day (Singapore)
- 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under a Socialist man.
- 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger.
- 1964 - The Ping Pong Incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me.
- 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming hooked.
- 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet.
- 1999 - The world's first cyborg can't fix himself because he is broke.
- 2004 - Goku is affected by the Ping Pong Incident, putting his father in shame for 40 more years.
- 2008 - The Tea Room of Mercy Hospital, Australia, has its grand opening with hair in its tea, since the koala tea of Mercy is not strained.
- 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEpilepsy.
- 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day.
- 2043 - Ping pong becomes extinct after being shot by Dick Cheney as it is mistaken for a bike.
- 2044 - The Ping Pong Incident is never resolved.
More predictions
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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