From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,404 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
July 26: Punch Your Girlfriend Day (Michigan) (pictured), Build a Snowman Day (Florida)
- 3400 BCE - Cave man punch woman, then laugh.
- 657 - Battle of Siffin. Theys was diffin, yo. No I'm sayn, bitch?
- 1866 - Cyrus Field successfully completes the Atlantic cable, thus allowing for the largest single transfer of internet porn in history.
- 1521 - Famed prophet Nostradamus predicts that the King of England will have an affair and take the Queen of France as his mistress.
- 1524 - Nostradamus's house gets egged by an angry mob as they find his prediction to be wrong and that the King of England does not take the Queen of France as his mistress, but the Prince of Germany.
- 1536 - King Henry VIII of England takes Punch Your Girlfriend Day to new extremes.
- 1590 - Martin Luther changes his "100 Thesis" to the "99 Thesis" by deleting the sentence, "Priests are not to be allowed to have relations with children."
- 1792 - The Whiskey Rebellion is lost as George Washington and his troops march to fight off rebels while drunk, singing 99 Bottles of Beer.
- 1834 - The whoopie cushion is invented as a seat cover, but does not sell well for making "sounds of unwanted body gases".
- 1870 - The typewriter is invented with only the keys Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.
- 1974 - A Scottish man is viciously attacked by an alien squid after mistaking the creature for his bagpipes. Several women are punched in the process.
- 1994 - O.J. Simpson takes Punch Your Girlfriend Day a step further.
- 1997 - Peter Piper picks a peck of pickled peppers. Pfft!
- 2000 - 35 people with the Y2K bug are hospitalized after having close physical contact with their computers.
- 2007 - The Green Archers are beaten by The Blue Eagles. The Archers then punch their girlfriends for not cheering hard enough. The Eagles punch their girlfriends in ecstasy.
- 3001 - Justin Bieber's preserved remains finally hit puberty.
More predictions
|
|
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,404 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:
For completely unrelated IRC chat, you may try killing yourself.
Under attack by the Unfair Use Clause, and a squad of magical girls.
Main Page
|
