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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,409 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
October 11: Flightless Bird Awareness Day
- 1581 - Dodos are encountered by the Portuguese. The birds are celebrated for their comical antics and large drumsticks.
- 1809 - Famed explorer Meriwether Lewis dies of a gunshot wound. Although it is generally believed to be a suicide, others note that suspicious-looking kiwis were seen lurking in the area.
- 1850 - University of Sydney opens, offering degrees in emu ranching and cassowary wrangling.
- 1877 - Kiwis invent their eponymous shoe polish. Initially, the product only has limited success as kiwis are expert at manufacturing but have poor marketing skills.
- 1895 - A staging of Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest is disrupted when an ostrich is accidentally let into the theater. Wilde clubs the bird into submission with his shoe.
- 1923 - Scientists prove there are no penguins at the North Pole, wonder why.
- 1942 - Penguin punting is invented in New Zealand due to war-time rationing of sports equipment.
- 1958 - The Penguin chocolate bar is invented; Kit Kat is infuriated.
- 1975 - Saturday Night Live debuts with an emperor penguin as guest host.
- 1977 - Rod Hull is exposed as a puppet for the Emu Liberation Front.
- 1989 - McDonald's introduces the Ostrich McNugget.
- 1998 - The Ostrich McNugget is reported to be a tasty non-greasy supplement by Wikipedia. Shows what they know...
- 2004 - McDonald's introduces the Emperor Penguin Deluxe Kids Meal, with 98% penguin meat. Kids want moa.
- 2012 - The Penguin Armies of Doom rise up and overthrow humanity.
- 2013 - Soylent green is rediscovered.
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