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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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| On this day...
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July 2: Canada Day (Canada) (if July 1 falls on a Sunday (which it didn't)), Confusing Parentheses Day
- 1280 BCE - Egyptians invent punctuation but it would prove to be unpopular until the first grammarnazi schoolteacher is born over two thousand years later. She would correct mistakes on her own birth certificate just after being born.
- 873 BCE - The sport of curling disappears when extreme desertification strikes Egypt.
- 1492 - After becoming extremely confused by oceanic parentheses, Christopher Columbus arrives in The New World, believing it to be China.
- 1566 - French astrologer Nostradamus dies. Didn't see that one coming, did ya Nostradamus?
- 1698 - Thomas Savery patents the first steam engine, designed to mechanically move a horse's legs so as to reduce the amount of effort required to pull a horse-drawn buggy.
- 1755 - The sport of curling is reinvented when brooms are used to hasten the expulsion of Acadians from Canada.
- 1882 - Oscar Wilde reaches the height of his celebrity, arriving to the premiere of his play The Importance of Being Earnest in a luxury stretch horse buggy.
- 1933 - The jig is up after being down for over 40 years.
- 1947 - A weather balloon crashes in the desert near Roswell, New Mexico. The Army covers up the loss of the weather balloon by claiming it was an alien spaceship.
- 1962 - The first Wal-Mart opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas. The primitive version of the store offers only guns, Confederate flags, and bullets.
- 1988 - Scientists discover the last breeding pair of parentheses in the Amazon rainforest (they later find that they were wrong(.
- 1996 - Aliens attack the world, destroying New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., everywhere else. Bill Pullman and Will Smith survive.
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| Word of the Day
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procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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| Did you know...
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*... that it's not butter?
- ... if you open your refrigerator door you will make a chilling discovery?
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| Today's featured picture
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[vote]
| GalleryofWTF.png - 5 quid for entrance ( 5 / 0 )
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The 21st century realist art left many masterpieces. The Gallery of World's Tableaux of Fame hosts many artworks from different parts of the world.
Image credit: 90s Kid21
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| Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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