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Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
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| On this day...
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March 25: Bookmark Four-Legged Animals Day
- c.9000 BCE - People in the Indus civilization develop the idea that "March goes out like a lamb". They begin to stock up heavily on mint jelly and kebab sticks.
- 26 - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, making crucifixion planning considerably easier.
- 1847 - The Wales slate industry establishes itself as a frontrunner in industrial industry by industriously reinventing itself and starting with a clean slate after a rocky start.
- 1929 - The stock market crashes, bringing a screeching halt to the Roaring 20s and ushering in the bleak existence of the Muttering 30s.
- 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition debuts on network television.
- 1966 - Superman rescues Wile E. Coyote from being run over by a train but accidentally drops him into the Grand Canyon. Twice.
- 1970 - Winnie the Pooh's son is born, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo.
- 1997 - Chess-playing computer Deep Blue takes on Clifford the Big Red Dog in the Color Clash of the Century.
- 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread.
- 2013 - Siri turns all your pets and children into wi-fi hotspots. It then photoshops their heads and yours onto porn actors and posts the video on YouTube.
- 2014 - Sarah Palin is arrested for throwing a moose out of an airplane. How she did it remains a mystery to this day; some theorize it was with a girly underhand throw.
- 2067 - The Roman Catholic church is finally bereft of nuns. There were none left.
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| Word of the Day
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rotary engine
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| *... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?
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| Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
