From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
| Today's Featured Article
|
Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
|
| On this day...
|
|
March 26: Fast Food Day (America), Health Awareness Day (everywhere else)
- 934 - Millions of peasant farmers wish that they, too, could die of a heart attack from overeating just like their king or emperor.
- 1633 - Monkeys invent and perform the Macarena. It would be many years before it would be set to music and gain popularity among drunks and old people.
- 1855 - Oscar Wilde is allowed to attend his mother's social gatherings, contemporarily called 'saloons', for the first time. They greatly influence some of his later life choices.
- 1969 - An early Unix version of Uncyclopedia is developed and tested, but eventually scrapped due to bugs in the software, mostly scorpions.
- 1901 - Chemists work on developing hydrogenated (trans) fats so that underfed individuals could bulk up.
- 1993 - Tarquin Middleton decides that life is worth living... barely. He wishes he could write half as well as that Oxcart Wilde fellow.
- 1997 - A Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is ordered from Starbucks, destroying the South American economy.
- 1998 - Metal Gear Solid is released in North America, taking 'stealth video games' to new heights and 'going outside' to new lows.
- 2006 - With reports of death and obesity due to overconsumption of fatty foods, huge numbers of Americans add a salad to their double cheeseburgers with double fries and a double shake.
- 2007 - I saw another dog when I was in the car. I barked at him! It was the most exciting thing ever.
|
|
| Word of the Day
|
pachinko
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
|
| In the news
|
|
| Did you know...
|
| *... that Alexander the Great would ride his horse in front of his troops before battle, so they would be so mad at having to march in horseshit they would be ready to fight anything and everything?
|
|
| Today's featured picture
|
[vote]
| GalleryofWTF.png - 5 quid for entrance ( 5 / 0 )
|
|
The 21st century realist art left many masterpieces. The Gallery of World's Tableaux of Fame hosts many artworks from different parts of the world.
Image credit: 90s Kid21
|
|
|
|
|
| Writer and Noob of the Month
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You only have 5 (Five) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,404 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
Main Page
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
