From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
| Today's Featured Article
|
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
|
| On this day...
|
|
July 9: International Hug a Zombie Day (frighteningly pictured on right)
- 3000 BCE - Egyptians introduce Hug a Zombie Day when depressed, long-buried Egyptian soldiers rise from the grave and demand love.
- 31 CE - Jesus raises Lazarus from dead and proceeds to hug him, re-instating the Hug a Zombie Holiday, which had not been celebrated since the Great Zombie Rising of 455 BCE.
- 1866 - Cyrus Field successfully completes the Atlantic cable, thus allowing for the largest single transfer of internet porn in history.
- 1984 - Margaret Thatcher becomes the first zombie ever to hold public office in Britain.
- 1985 - A new age for Zombiekind is ushered in as a number of prominent zombies appear in a music video tribute to a decaying career. Unfortunately due to copyright laws we are unable to name the artist.
- 1993 - U.S. President Bill Clinton celebrates Hug a Zombie Day by allowing a zombie to read from Oscar Wilde's collection A House of Pomegranates during his weekly radio address.
- 1998 - Several Brooklyn residents are bitten by zombies that they tried to hug. Roughly two weeks later, they cause what is now known as The "Racoon City Incident".
- 2007 - The financially ailing Area 51 is forced to open its doors to the public in order to avoid bankruptcy. Thousands visit but are never seen again.
- 2011 - National Zombie and Undead Rights Day announced and celebrated for the first time. 1917 people become undead at the ceremony in support. National Zombie and Undead Rights Day cancelled shortly afterward.
- 2013 - Hug a Zombie Day is re-instated after a ten-year zombie shortage. Unfortunately, the world ended in 2012, leaving only zombies behind, who are forced to hug each other.
|
|
| Word of the Day
|
procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
|
| In the news
|
|
| Did you know...
|
*... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... that resistance is futile, so you should calculate using impedance instead?
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Writer and Noob of the Month
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,403 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
Main Page
