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Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
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| On this day...
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March 30: National Cleavage Day (UK)
- 1599 - Elizabeth I of England establishes 'The Itty Bitty Titty Committee'.
- 1910 - Broadcaster Terry Wogan is born under a credenza and is raised in seclusion by Hypnotoad.
- 1996 - The KGB begins recruiting fat chicks with thongs as secret agents.
- 1939 - Hitler announces a glorious 1000 year Reich free of saggy tits .
- 1954 - The first Subway sandwich shop in Canada opens in Atlanta.
- 1968 - She wore an itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini.
- 1977 - Harry Potter discovers the Swedish mammoth tit ('Potterus gigantatittium).
- 1981 - The animated rock video Heavy Metal is released. Holy shit!
- 1990 - Canadian Uncyclopedian gets to second base; parents proud.
- 1996 - Fox News opens its comment line but finds its core audience is unable to dial phones or remember strings of numbers.
- 2003 - Pamela Anderson is the grand marshal in the Macy's National Cleavage Day Parade.
- 2007 - Vention, The National Kiwanis Convention for the New England District, meets. Nine months later, every teenage girl in the New England district is still hung-over and going into labor.
- 2008 - Chavette Katie Price reveals her supervillain identity Jordan, who then proceeds to inflate her breasts to engulf London, killing over 25,000.
- 2045 - Feminists attempt to outlaw the production of low-cut shirts. They are then all killed by the mob of women running across town to buy the last few v-neck shirts made.
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| Word of the Day
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redundancy
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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| Did you know...
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*... a woman with three mustaches is better than a cat with an ironing board?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK IRN-BRU, YA DOBBER YOU
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| Today's featured picture
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[vote]
| Chainsawcharge.jpg - 27.5 Royal Mechanised Mounted Treefellers ( 27.5 / 0 )
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Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war.
Image credit: Asahatter
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| Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
