Stereotype Reassignment Surgery
Stereotype Reassignment Surgery is a newly invented technique allowing national, ethnic and social groups who are fed up with their current stereotypes to trade them with another group. To date, only a few groups have made use of this procedure. Michael Jackson was the first person to attempt Stereotype Reassignment Surgery. He reassigned himself from a black male to a white female. Due to this failure, more extensive sociological testing is required before the next operation can begin.
African-Americans and Jews
One of the first uses of SRS was when these two groups swapped their stereotypes. Overall, both groups are happy with the transformation, as can be seen from these testimonials:
- "As an inner city black with a low paying job, I was at the bottom of the socio-economic pile. As such, the scrabble for status was so hard, I ended up paying much of my meagre disposable income on jewellery and accessories for my car in a desperate bid for significance. Nowadays, everyone just automatically assumes that I'm rich and I don't have to do that, so my income can go towards productive investment. What's more, I'm making more money since I got a job as an accountant. The HR director who hired me said 'that's what you people are good at, isn't it?' Priceless. Thank you, SRS!" - Jaleel White, CPA. (note: as of yet, SRS has proven ineffective in eliminating stereotypical names)
- "Oh, this is great! For the first time in my life, people are picking me for sporting teams! People instantly assume that I have a big penis! I can wear fur coats in public, without the sneering already! On the down side, I do get bothered by goyishe policemen... I mean hassled by The Man a lot more than I used to, but you just can't beat that penis thing." - Isaac 'Izzy' Finkelstein, playa.
Irish and the Native Americans
- "To be honest, I haven't noticed a big difference. People used to think that I was a lazy shiftless drunk. Now they think I'm a lazy shiftless drunk who owns a casino. I was hoping that people would think that I was an excellent horseman and buffalo hunter, but alas it was not to be." - Dr. Michael Patrick O'Murphy, brain surgeon.
- "I also am unimpressed. I told everyone that we should have swapped with the Italians. That way, everyone would say that we're snappy dressers, and our imagined organized crime connections would help us get good tables at restaurants. But we went with the Irish. Everyone thinks we hate the English and like potatoes. I don't like potatoes." - Chief Leaping Salmon, telephone engineer.
Taxi Drivers and Male Hairdressers
- "Basically, we cabbies are fed up with people thinking that we're dishonest, short-changing crooks who drive miles out of our way to pad out our charges. So we wanted to swap with another occupation, but who, you might ask? Male Hairdressers. Let's face it, they have an easy life in as far as chicks are concerned. And it's an occupation with a reputation for honesty!" - Larry 'Shortcut' Smith, cabby.
- "I used to think that saying "Hi, I'm a hairdresser." was the best pick-up line ever. But, honey, let me tell you when the men start pouring out of the clubs at 2 am, you don't even need a pick-up line!"- Phil Jenkins, Male Hairdresser.
Gays and Nerds
This one surprised many. Obviously, the nerds had a lot to gain out of this - a reputation for being well-dressed, well built and sexually overactive - but what was in it for the gays?
- "I think I speak for most of us when I say that we just got fed up with the expense. Wardrobe, hair care, gym fees, the exorbitant cost of drinks in nightclubs... these things were all taking their toll. Now, I own no more than five T-shirts, each with a different comic book character on it. My favourite is Aquaman. And I save a lot of time on personal hygiene, too. Once, people would give me funny looks if I missed a day shaving; now, I can go for half a week without showering, and no one bats an eyelid. *BELCH* Damn, that felt good! Well, time to go get a burger, since nobody cares about my figure any more! I only wish I could figure out this Linux thing. I miss my Macintosh" - Lance Bisby, DJ.
- "My new venture is a TV series called Geek Eye for the Eskimo. Originally it was going to be Geek Eye for the Swiss, but they swapped." - Peter Jackson, by Grace of God, King of the Nerds and Archduke of the Realms of Geekdom
Frequent use of SRS has come under criticism from groups as diverse as the American Medical Association and the Ku Klux Klan.
The Klan - which depends heavily upon the use of ethnic stereotypes for its recruitment drives - claims that the frequent changes in stereotype are difficult to follow, and cause confusion amongst their stupid, inbred membership. SRS proponents counter this argument, saying that the Klan could lose its reputation for backwardness and idiocy by swapping its stereotype with that of, say, Harvard University. The Klan responds to this by pointing out that being an inbred yokel with the brains of a pig isn't just a Klan stereotype; it's a formal membership requirement.
The AMA, on the other hand, has been more restrained in its criticisms of SRS, simply saying that the whole thing is 'retarded'.
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