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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,400 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
April 15: Auditoria Begins (IRS)
- 1 BCE - The IRS meets; thousands mourn.
- 997 - King Æthelred the Unready finds himself in line at the post office near midnight to send in his request for an extension and suddenly realizes he's not an American.
- 1612 - Cotton Mather, in the midst of a bad day, has a revelation that leads to the foundation of a new faith.
- 1726 - The potato chip invented; thousands gorge.
- 1912 - The Titanic is torpedoed by The Empire off the coast of Newfoundland. Icebergs are blamed.
- 1912 - Dozens of innocent Polar bears are severely injured as their iceberg is struck by an overrated piece of metal.
- 1920 - The head of the IRS is arrested for tax evasion. Ironic, no?
- 1933 - Karl Marx and his brothers Lenny, Joey, and Leon star in the zany slapstick hit Opiate of the Molasses. (pictured)
- 1944 - The first weapon of mass destruction is invented in Switzerland, but nobody notices as it is made of cheese.
- 1947 - Jackie Robinson breaks the color barrier, then reimburses Major League Baseball for it.
- 2001 - Joey Ramone dies, taking straight-ahead rock 'n' roll with him. Black leather jacket sales plummet.
- 2014 - The US Air Force begins bombing US cities as they have already bombed every other place on the planet.
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