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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,399 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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The future
April 17: Genocide Appreciation Day
- 455 BCE - Horton hears a Who and agrees with other animals to boil them in Beezle-nut oil. All die instantaneously except Keith Moon, who had already set himself on fire.
- 50 CE - The Roman Empire invests in a program where Christians die for their own entertainment. Today, this program is known as Pay-Per-View.
- 1783 - America wins its war for independence. It agrees to continue the British policy of deindianization.
- 1525 - Cortéz kills all the dirty Aztecs and purifies Mexico by ordering his men to rape the Aztec women. All are thankful.
- 1555 - After 18 months of siege, Siena surrenders to the Imperial army. The Republic of Siena is incorporated into the Grand Douche of The Dark Side. Italians begin tanning and fist pump their way to the coastal United States.
- 1915 - The Armenian Genocide begins. Nobody cares. Still.
- 1932 - Joseph Stalin starves his own people as a "practical joke"; thousands die.
- 1940 - Adolf Hitler attempts to cleanse Europe of Jews and other minority groups; instead his efforts create resistant minorities that will eat his flesh alive.
- 1960-something - The Beatthose write Hey Jude, a pro-genocidal song. Everyone loves it.
- 1992 - While not really genocide related, Rodney King is found not guilty of beating two white policemen.
- 1994 - The Rwandan genocide begins. Tutsis and Tootsie Rolls alike are mass exterminated.
- 2005 - In a World of Warcraft incident, several mages perform an online funeral for their friend who died IRL. During the ceremony, they are interrupted and all are killed by a ruthless clan in a genocide-style extermination.
- 2022 - The Americans decide to conquer and exterminate their not-so-friendly neighbors to the North, the Canadians.
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