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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,394 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
January 25: Januarymas - Happy Januarymas everyone!, Winter-een-mas begins
- 722 BC - The Roman goddess Juno takes the month of January away from the godlet Janus for being two-faced.
- 50 BCE - Nero plays the violin while Rome burns. Orange Blossom Special is a popular request.
- 959 - Due to constant raids by Vikings, scribes don't get a chance to start creating illuminated Christmas cards until August, so none are available to send until after Christmas. A further delay is caused by Royal Mail workers going on strike until late January, leading to the sarcastic 'Happy Januarymas' greeting by noblemen receiving delayed mail, followed by a volley of arrows.
- 1572 - The longest icicle ever recorded in history is found hanging from Tsar Ivan the Terrible's nose. Nobody feels tsary about it.
- 1759 - Robert Burns decides to celebrate Januarymas. Thousands of Scotch get drunk off product of same name.
- 1810 - Groundhogs begin winding up their careful calculations for next month's weather predictions. After 1927, they would just wing it.
- 1990 - A magic leprechaun starts accumulating knowledge.
- 1992 - Steve Ballmer begins his wrath upon all.
- 2005 - Carson Daly beats the crap out of Dick Clark in the middle of Times Square. ABC, frantic, quickly replaces Clark with noted gaydar Ryan Seacrest (pictured), and Ryan Seacrest Presents Dick Clark's January's Rockin' Mas is a modest hit with target audiences. No word on Brian Dunkleman, though.
- 2008 - Ryan Seacrest finally comes out of his closet after 2 years of looking for that stylish Versace waistcoat.
- 2101 - "For græt justice!" becomes a catch phrase.
- 2103 - It is discovered that Heath Ledger faked his death and went to live with Elvis Presley; he dies for real today, or so it is hoped.
More predictions
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Main Page
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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