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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,410 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
October 30: Halloweve (eve of Halloween).
- 954 BCE - Romulus holds the first toga party. Remus, who favors bikini briefs and Cat in the Hat hats, is not invited, causing the first rift between the two.
- 358 - The Mayans begin to give handmade chocolates as gifts. The practice is superseded by human sacrifice of those found to be allergic.
- 1622 - The first American Halloween is celebrated early when an Indian knocks on a Pilgrim's door and gets a musket ball.
- 1806 - Children finally figure out they should ask for treats before pranking householders. It proves to be much easier than the previous sifting through burnt wreckage of houses for candy.
- 1813 - Naturalist James Audubon observes massive flocks of passenger pigeons firsthand and up close. The next time time he does, he wears a large hat, an overcoat and heavy boots.
- 1844 - Popcorn balls are invented. Popcorn was genderless before this date.
- 1873 - Chester Greenwood invents earmuffs to prevent his ears from barking loudly in public.
- 1902 - Chickens go on strike after being made to work overtime to produce enough eggs for throwing by vandals on Halloween.
- 1921 - Jehovah's Witnesses first provide practice for people to pretend not to be home on Halloween.
- 1955 - Hundreds of American kids somehow manage to cross the International Date Line to get first crack at Halloween goodies.
- 1973 - Four stoners in costume show up a day early for a Halloween party. The band KISS is born.
- 1989 - An old lady buys apples to give out to trick-or-treaters; she still doesn't get it. Death comes to take her, is given an apple, and is so moved he lets her stick around for another year. This has happened for the last 180 years.
- 2005 - Emo kids anticipate not getting their favorite treat tomorrow, an apple with a razor blade inside.
- 2011 - Viewers of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror are disappointed once again.
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