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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,402 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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The future
May 3: World Fungal Infection Awareness Day
- 22 CE - Athlete's foot is first discovered by Romans leaving their bathhouses. It is found to be easily killed by other more horrible things by just returning to the bathhouse.
- 987 - Beowulf discovers that Grendel's mom is a bitch.
- 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica.
- 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superceded by the Atkins Diet.
- 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his silver swimming badge.
- 1815 - Neapolitan War: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt.
- 1841 - US President William Henry Harrison dies of a fungal infection and is succeeded by John Tyler, a large fungus.
- 1963 - Hundreds of thousands die in global mime protests, Mimes assume totalitarian control, only to have it crushed 3 weeks later by Vin Diesel dressed as a clown. Clowns would continue to hold power for many years.
- 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal 17 years later.
- 1992 - A long-lost ship, the RMS Titanic, is found un-sunken in Jamaica.
- 2001 - The United States loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after ordering Burger King instead of McDonald's for lunch.
- 2078 - David Beckham's chocolate flavored pants are washed up on a Mexican beach. It immediately contracts Swine Flu.
- 2134 - Angry ticks fire out of my nipples.
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