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Today's Least Interesting Article
Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.
So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.
There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)
Previously featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)
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The future
April 1: April Fools Day
- 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Human agents of Cthulhu take notice and report to headquarters.
- 1930 - April begins her life outside the limelight when her sister Judith is born. Inhuman agents of Cthulhu are sent to Milwaukee.
- 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother, the well-known Rose Fools, bake cookies. The Million Favored Ones steal cookies but all are eaten before being brought before Cthulhu.
- 1942 - April suffers her first true heartbreak when her sister Judith makes the cheerleading squad over her, gets the lead in the school play, and steals her boyfriend Johnny on the same day. This is all part of the plan of dark forces to drive April insane. Instead she gets angry, taking it out on a tree on the way home from school that is actually the Dunwich Horror in disguise.
- 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee. A group of Azagoths attempt to kidnap April, but are squashed in their hiding place by a tank tread.
- 1947 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
- 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen. Cthonians are tasked with stealing more cookies but pig out and end up exploding two blocks from the house.
- 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather. Cthulhu's minions attempt to kidnap the child during a thunderstorm, but a suspiciously well-placed lightning bolt stops the scheme cold.
- 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy. An attempt to kidnap her is foiled when Voormi are crippled by Legos left on the floor by Richard.
- 1964 - Albert's job as a box factory floor supervisor requires the Cranstons to relocate to Fargo, North Dakota. This is all part of the plan to lure April to the Arctic stronghold of the Elder Gods.
- 1970 - April enjoys what she would later describe as 'the rush of a lifetime' when appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies. The agents of Cthulhu completely miss this as they are watching cartoons on a different channel.
- 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston. Lincoln Logs, slip and fall, blah, blah, blah.
- 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her birthday is declared a national holiday. Cthulhu returns to his underwater lair but not before firing all his inhuman resources staff.
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