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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,401 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
May 2: Leper Kissing Day (Romania), Piss Off Your Boss Day (Moldova)
- 483 BCE - Gautama Buddha dies, having finally achieved his lifetime best score on Pac-man, only to have his score be beaten one minute later by God.
- 20 CE - Jesus kisses his first leper.
- 1390 - Chaucer invents the toaster, or 'ttowfftirre' in the English of his time.
- 1822 - The English town of Gimbley Gulch is destroyed in an avalanche of discarded Maypoles.
- 1856 - Carbon-dating shows that fire was actually invented by Google.
- 1876 - Behind schedule, the April Uprising breaks out in Bulgaria.
- 1923 - The first test-flight of the jumbo jet is aborted when engineers discover that the jet engine hasn't been invented yet.
- 1936 - God declares linear progression of time 'boring' and bans it. Confusing nonsense ensues.
- 1942 - Mick Jagger is born and immediately finds he can't get no satisfaction, oh no no.
- 1985 - Leg warmers are officially registered 'unfashionable' by United Nations.
- 1986 - Coke debuts its 'New Coke', in a convoluted and ultimate successful attempt to increase sales of Pepsi.
- 2000 - Mexico exhausts its supply of refried beans following the trade embargo imposed by the Council for Fresh Air.
- 2011 - Osama bin Laden is caught by Chuck Norris and sodomized to death. He is disappointed to find 72 Trekkies waiting for him.
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