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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,399 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
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The future
March 28: World Hit Somebody in the Head With a Brick Day (Turkey)
- 657 BCE - The ancient Greeks establish Byzantium as a colony on the Straits of Bosphorus. No songs are written about the town or area, as "potassium" and "phosphorus" are the only rhyming words found.
- 330 - Once Istanbul was Constantinople.
- 1056 - In and escalating crisis, Islamics behead 500 Christians.
- 1057 - Not to be outdone, Christians behead 501 Muslims.
- 1630 - Old New York was at this point New Amsterdam. Why they changed it, I can't say. People just liked it better that way.
- 1923 - Modern day country of Turkey formed, people wonder at why it is named after a fat bird you eat for a holiday
- 1930 - Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople.
- 1939 - Hitler freaks out, and the German people just liked it better that way.
- 1990 - Been a long time gone, Constantinople, now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night.
- 2006 - Every gal in Constantinople lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople, so if you've a date in Constantinople she'll be waiting in Istanbul.
More predictions
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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