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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,400 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
April 16: Stationary Banana Slug Riding Day
- 1560 BCE - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems.
- 1178 BCE - Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca, returns to his kingdom after the Trojan War. Cornellians giggle uncontrollably.
- 1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love; sloppy seconds are had after Mr. Lincoln keeps his promise that the "South Shall Rise Again!"
- 1867 - Queen Victoria considers ending her mourning phase, but continues on: "Why spoil a good time?"
- 1878 - Joseph Stalin is born, immediately sending his parents to a gulag for birthing a monster.
- 1889 - Future German dictator, Charles Spencer Chaplin, is born.
- 1927 - It is a good day to be born if you are the leader of a world religion with the maddest gaze in human history.
- 1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog.
- 1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union. (pictured) Joseph Stalin wins unanimously.
- 1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an 'estupit beach' on national television.
- 2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants.
- 2007 - Donald Trump pardons the 2007 "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest winner for her objectionable behavior after an "all-night session" behind closed doors.
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