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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,399 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)
- 1581 - Francis Drake circumcises the world with an enormous 300 ft clipper.
- 1810 - Canned food is developed in France. Cans are built individually by hand and take hours to make each one, especially in the case of canning a whole cow or pig that is always trying to escape.
- 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO.
- 1951 - The world's favourite missile, the Tomahawk, goes on sale in Wal-Mart.
- 1969 - The band Nazareth, led by bassist/singer Jesus, releases their most critically acclaimed album, You Shall Not Spam.
- 1469 - All calendars in the U.S. are set back 500 years.
- 1589 - The first Burning Man Festival is held. There were no naked renaissance hippie survivors.
- 1884 - The first episode of The Simpsons premieres in stereoscopic format. Matt Groening makes ten cents in royalties and becomes one of the wealthiest bastards on the entire planet.
- 1940 - Brits, after quickly getting sick of newly-arrived cans of Spam, use mortars loaded with it to shoot down German bombers during the Battle of Britain. The Luftwaffe then counters by attaching Jews to bombers so that their aircraft would evade the un-kosher projectiles.
- 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day.
- 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell, I can't remember.
- 1986 - Some guy named Oliver North sells Girl Scout cookies to Iran and gives the profits to CNN.
- 2001 - The butterfly effect is proven in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China.
- 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition.
More predictions
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Main Page
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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