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Today's Least Interesting Article
Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.
So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.
There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)
Previously featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)
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The future
April 22: National Try To Assassinate The President Day (United States of America), Mars Day (Mars)
- 1,200,000,000,000,000,000 BCE - The planet Mars is born.
- 1,199,999,999,999,999,999 BCE - The planet Mars loses all its liquid water, all life dies out although there's none, and the planet turns red.
- 4,514,159,265 BCE - Earth becomes a hot lava ball in the middle of nowhere.
- 8000 BCE - Mars, the Roman god of war, is born. He is named after the planet.
- 1188 - The Earth cools down and life multiplies way too quickly and ruins the entire planet.
- 1420 - Johannes Gutenberg becomes a father. He names his firstborn son "Steve".
- 1609 - Council of Antes declares that peas will henceforth be eaten with a fork.
- 1882 - First obscene phone call made; crude equipment mandates heavy breathing when careless whispers can not be heard.
- 1900 - Families all over the world clamor for Jell-O for their just desserts.
- 1962 - Lee Harvey Oswald fucks up his first attempt to kill JFK so badly the attempt goes unnoticed until 1986, when a remodeling crew fixes the bullet hole.
- 1970 - The Partridge Family thinks it loves you, but what is it so afraid of?
- 1970 - An Environmental Teach-In attempts to celebrate Earth Day. The event was a miserable failure because it was discovered that Earth was actually created on September 26.
- 1999 - Meatloaf declares that he would do anything for love, but under no circumstance would he do that. It turns out that 'that' refers to painting himself black and impersonating Al Jolson.
- 2002 - WWE star "The Rock" invents the ability to refer to himself in the fifth person, negating the need for the 1st, 2nd 3rd and 4th references.
- 2003 - A pretzel tries to assassinate president George W. Bush. The pretzel is arrested and later executed by garbage disposal.
- 2022 - Darth Vader gets his voice box fixed after decades of agony.
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