From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Alternate Universe)
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,252 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Henry (born Heinz) Alfred Kissinger (May 27, 1923 – November 29, 2023) is the most notorious bore of 20th-century international politics and the chief proponent of Realpolitik. He developed an approach to diplomacy called Primat der Außenpolitik and an approach to language involving sprinkling pretentious foreign words everywhere. His unintelligible advice baffled both Richard Nixon and thus certainly Gerald Ford, the two U.S. Presidents under whom he served between 1969 and 1977. His call for détente in U.S.–Soviet relations sent leaders of both nations to the dictionary, hoping it meant something dirty. His diplomacy played a crucial role in 1971 talks with Chinese Premier Zhou Enlai that concluded with a rapprochement between Kissinger and a lot of hot Chinese chicks. In the crowning achievement of his career, he was awarded the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for talking Nixon out of his last-ditch plan to win the Vietnam War by carpet-bombing Stockholm. (more...)
Previously featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
June 20: "Have A Nice Day" Day, Nice Day Appreciation Day (New Zealand), Just Another Day (Earth)
- A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away: Darth Vader, The Emperor, Yoda and Luke Skywalker are ordered by the Imperial Senate to take acting lessons.
- 1782 - The U.S. Congress establishes the Great Seal of the United States. It is a California seal named Buster.
- 1801 - Buster is killed in a British terrorist attack on Brooklyn Zoo. Buster's daughter Bibi is named National Seal. Salmon stage protests in major cities.
- 1877 - Alexander Graham Bell installs the world's first telephone service so that he can build his phone sex empire – it would become very successful.
- 1883 - Oscar Wilde completes his play The Duchess of Paduan, which would later be converted into the Star Wars septology.
- 1893 - Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother, mostly due to the court allowing Borden to brandish an axe at the prosecution, judge, jurors, and small children in the audience.
- 1923 - The United States government interrupts 30 years of nothing happening on June 20 to wish everyone "a nice day."
- 1925 - The "Have A Nice Day" riots finally subside.
- 1926 - Indictments for "Have A Nice Day" riots quashed. Judge says "have a nice day". Riots resume, ending after martial law declared.
- 1927 - Everyone finally has a nice day on Have A Nice Day Riots Day Day. Only minor rioting happens, as people too confused by its name.
- 1959 - A rare hurricane strikes Canada's Gulf of St. Lawrence, destroying vast sasquatch habitat and postponing the National Curling Championships.
- 1963 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish the "red telephone" line so that the leaders of both nations can ask how each others' day was and generally make small talk, replacing the old method of communication between the two, threatening each other with nuclear war.
- 2289 - The British finally land on the moon. They discover that tea cannot be taken in 1/8 gravity, cancelling the mission amid a not so nice day.
More predictions
|
|
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,252 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:
For completely unrelated IRC chat, you may try killing yourself.
Under attack by the Unfair Use Clause, and a squad of magical girls.
Main Page
|
