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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,295 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Bunsen burner
A Bunsen burner is a flamethrower that has been bent so the nozzle faces upward. It is noticeably lighter than a military flamethrower. Bunsen burners are primarily gas-powered, with the exception of the Tesla coil. Bunsen burners are the weapon of choice in high-school chemistry labs.
According to the historian Marty McFly, the predecessor to the modern Bunsen burner was invented by Jacques de Vaucanson, the inventor of good automatons. Vaucanson integrated it into many of his foldable automatons, making him the inventor of Transformers. It was spread throughout Europe and Asia through contamination. Eventually, word died out and the original designs were lost. (more...)
Previously featured article – Woolly mammoth
The Woolly mammoth (a species of the genus Mammuthus) was a large shaggy beast that is a bit woollier than the Not-so-woolly Mammoth, and much woollier than the less common, Bald Mammoth, otherwise known as African and Indian elephants. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
January 10: Reefer Madness Day
- 370 BCE - Plato almost chokes after inhaling a dandelion, then writes the dialogue Clouds.
- 75 - John the Baptist makes an unexpected comeback and tours Europe with Buddha. John would stop at every head shop along the way.
- 1613 - Henry Carver, a resident of London, England, supposedly digs up the granite tablets containing the Ten General Commandments of All Humanity from beneath a cricket pitch near his home. Compies rejoice.
- 1810 - Napoleon divorces Empress Joséphine, calling her "a total fucking harpie" after she hogs the last spliff in the royal mansion.
- 1841 - Low on firewood, ropes made from hemp are burned by Mormon pilgrims in Utah. That night, visions from heaven assail them.
- 1863 - The London Underground is opened in England and promptly closes after a signal failure in Barking.
- 1968 - The Velvet Underground opens for the Stones in England and promptly closes after a signal failure in Tooting.
- 1968 - Napalm is dropped on a Vietnamese hemp field, which instigates the largest attack of the munchies known to man.
- 1979 - Disco is pronounced dead after a tragic cocaine overdose.
- 1991 - Kool-Aid retires the Kool-Aid Man after he is imprisoned for providing alcohol to a 14-year old girl. (pictured)
- 2017 - California legalizes weed, with Governor Jerry Brown announcing the voting results with, "Duuuuuuuuuuude... ".
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,295 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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