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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,403 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
Please take care not to read the Expert's Guide or browse the Small Five.
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
February 14: International Suck Day
- 32 CE - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene.
- 35 CE - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifixion.
- 269 - St. Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance.
- 1307 - William Tell uses cow hearts for targets and gives them with an arrow through each to various women in Gstaad, Switzerland. They flee in terror and he takes their chocolate.
- 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Nurse Joy shortly before his death by being hit by a train.
- 1930 - Elm Farm Ollie becomes the first cow to fly in a fixed-wing aircraft and also the first cow to be milked in an aircraft. She would later barnstorm in her self-built plane and hand out ice cream to children as flying at high altitudes is quite cold.
- 1994 - Canada successfully builds a space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth.
- 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With a Loser Who Has Never Had a Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him.
- 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him.
- 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him.
- 2009 - St. Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals.
- 2010 - St. Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse.
More predictions
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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