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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,401 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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The future
April 27: Eat a Live Piglet Day (Schenectady, New York; Griffin, Georgia)
- 1124 - King David the Lastnameless takes the throne of Scotland
- 1294 - Scotland calls the French a bunch of pussies. Angry grumbling ensues.
- 1368 - The Big Bad Wolf is found guilty of vandalism and mouth robbery, and is sentenced to 30 hours of social work.
- 1509 - Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict. The interdict arises from finding the state warm and moist.
- 1521 - Magellan arrives in the Philippines. The locals invite him in for dinner.
- 1555 - You are born, but die of cholera by age eight. You don't remember this previous life because you were born a moron.
- 1934 - The first perpetual motion machine goes on sale in Pennsyltucky. Like, for forever.
- 1935 - AT&T is formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later.
- 1945 - USA and USSR meet for the first time in Germany, starting a love affair to last several decades.
- 1949 - Texas becomes the first US State to outlaw cheese, following the discovery of a Soviet covert chedder ring operating in Houston.
- 1966 - NASA scientists propose using Dusty Springfield's 11-mile tall bouffant to get to the moon.
- 1984 - The Libyan Embassy in London is taken hostage by a VW campervan, ending in the shooting of Dr. Emmett Brown.
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