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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
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In the news
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On this day...
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June 28: Adamand Eve (Kenya, Iceland), Obliviousness Awareness Day (Chad, China)
- 1493 - Unimpressed by Columbus' attempt to reach the Far East by sailing west, navigator Ernesto de Borgnine attempts to reach the Americas by sailing East. His ship crashes into the Cadiz docks thirty seconds into his journey.
- 1572 - The day the music died.
- 1573 - The day the music was resurrected as a zombie.
- 1619 - Nostradamus predicts that everyone will die someday, including the music.
- 1745 - Sharon Stone begins her first retirement at the age of 57.
- 1851 - Franco-Pakistani War ends in a draw after a sudden death match.
- 1865 - The Army of the Potomac is disbanded but will re-emerge as the KISS Army many years later.
- 1914 - A driver takes a wrong turn in Sarajevo and runs over Franz Ferdinand in the process. World War One finds an excuse to start.
- 1922 - The bloody war between Chile and France ends abruptly when both countries realize that they don't have common borders to fight over.
- 1947 - Obliviousness Awareness Day declared in Chad. Chadians celebrate by starving as usual.
- 1950 - Seoul is captured by North Korean forces; James Brown is not amused.
- 1973 - Scholars discover the first gay couple, Adam and Steve, in Israel. In other news, it's the goddamn doodly best day ever because Maddox visits Chicago.
- 1980 - An earthquake destroys the Chinese city of Bu-Chu-Fu; millions die. When rescue crews complain about poor building construction, the Chinese government declares it to be Obliviousness Awareness Day.
- 2009 - One of our greatest, Billy Mays, passes on to infomercial heaven. You can get Billy Mays and for a limited time only, his charisma for not one or two but three eternities!
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
