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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency.
Mahama was the candidate of the National Democratic Congress (NDC). His rise to office sets a variety of records: First President to be younger than the nation, first to be President in non-consecutive terms, and first to excel in hitting empty beer cans with stones from twenty paces (7 m). He has been an MP, pan-African MP, Deputy Minister, Minister, Vice President, and President, a feat known in Ghanaian political circles as "Bingo!"
Mahama started his first term upon the death of his predecessor, John Atta Mills, on 24 July 2012. The so-called Atta-boy gave a stirring speech to accept his new responsibilities. He stated, "This is the saddest day in our nation's history. Tears have engulfed our nation. (more...)
Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
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In the news
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On this day...
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May 9: Weird Types of Bear Appreciation Day (Australia: Drop Bear, China: Panda bear, Canada: Bipolar bear)
- 1337 - Wolverine is born, slashing his way out of his mother's womb. He was fine.
- 1429 - Joan of Arc entertains the English troops with a medley of show-songs from Bedknobs & Broomsticks.
- 1431 - Joan of Arc entertains more English troops with another medley of songs, this time from "Deadknobs and Burning-sticks" as she is set alight.
- 1497 - Vasco da Gama perfects the eye-watering fart. He is then exiled as far away as possible and manages to reach India.
- 1627 - An edict is passed in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodelling. (pictured)
- 1671 - Pope Clement X is killed by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume.
- 1700 - Mr. T pities another fool. His work would never be done.
- 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a witticist's apprentice in a local humor emporium.
- 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
- 1941 - SS chief Heinrich Himmler orders the arrest and deportation to concentration camps of all homosexuals in Germany. The German Army, once the most fashionable in the world, soon find themselves poorly groomed and wearing fatigues that clash with their boots.
- 1982 - Wikipedia destroys the Andromeda Galaxy. The destruction has not been seen yet due to the slowness of light speed.
- 1991 - Small, Medium, and Large complain to the United Nations, that Extra Large is abusing its position. The UN introduce sanctions, however these are withdrawn when it becomes known that size does not matter.
- 2008 - John Prescott admits to his bulimia being fraudulent after being caught on a 72-hour Pizza Hut binge.
- 2030 - Waldo is found.
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Featured picture
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[vote]
| Pontius pilot.JPG - 24.5 programs not at fault ( 35.5 / 11 )
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The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you.
Image credit: Savethemooses
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
