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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... the person that was sitting next to you and jerking off during fire scenes in Only the Brave just might have been a pyromaniac?
- ... that a new broom sweeps clean but a Zamboni does it faster?
- ... the person that was sitting next to you and jerking off during fire scenes in Only the Brave just might have been a pyromaniac?
- ... that a new broom sweeps clean but a Zamboni does it faster?
- ... the person that was sitting next to you and jerking off during fire scenes in Only the Brave just might have been a pyromaniac?
- ... that a new broom sweeps clean but a Zamboni does it faster?
- ... the person that was sitting next to you and jerking off during fire scenes in Only the Brave just might have been a pyromaniac?
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In the news
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On this day...
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April 12: Narcolepsy D....zzzzzz........
- 124 BCE - Forgetting to file his taxes on time, Prometheus uninvents fire in an attempt to delay the deadline. The Sun foils his plans.
- 26 AB - Jesus takes a well-deserved nap.
- 1022 - The Library of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is established in Sicily.
- 1861 - The Civil War begins when Confederate forces bombard Fort Sumter with slaves and cotton bales.
- 1943 - Jeremiah Einstein is beaten with a really dirty stick while no one cares.
- 1945 - Orville Redenbacher begins work on secret The Manhattan Project.
- 1946 - Orville's rival begins work on The super-secret Downtown Cleveland Project. It is so secret that funding never reaches it.
- 1955 - February's groundhog leaves a hole in total darkness. Spring decides not to come at all this year, and the year skips straight to Summer.
- 1962 - The God Emperor of All Knobheads is born.
- 1967 - Che Guevara takes a nap and wakes up in a CIA prison in Bolivia.
- 1969 - Sharon Stone comes out of retirement to become, at 78, the oldest woman to circumnavigate Arnold Schwartzenegger.
- 1979 - Mel Gibson goes mad and eliminates a rogue biker gang, which turns out to be three kids on tricycles.
- 1985 - Battleship reaches a new record of kids killed who eat the little plastic pieces with their ice-cream, mistaking them for sprinkles.
- 2049 - The Rainbow Brite task force counterattacks, defeating Lord Zarquon in an epic battle involving at least three spork battles.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
