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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
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In the news
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On this day...
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April 14: Miraculous Discovery Day
- 13 CE - Repairs begin after the worst Friday the 13th ever.
- 1215 - The Magna Carta is signed, giving the Red Baron the right to bake pizza on his warplane.
- 1492 - Just 5 days out to sea, Columbus discovers more water.
- 1654 - On this Sunday, by a freak coincidence, no-one turned up to church at all, anywhere. Excuses cited include "washing cart" and "wife pregnant".
- 1897 - A commuter is canonized for the miracle of having exact change and the miracle of not missing her stop and asking the conductor to back up the train.
- 1947 - The Miracle on 34th Street occurs when a non-New Yorker holds a door open for someone else. Little did he know that with constant traffic, he would be standing in the same spot for 65 hours.
- 1949 - All of China is astounded when superhero Chairman brings folding chairs to all Politburo meetings.
- 1967 - Yoko Ono forms her renegade militant group The Plastic Renegades with the objective of destroying all good music in the universe.
- 1973 - Cowboy singer Slim Whitman finally sells a record to someone not a member of his family.
- 1987 - Miracle Whip is deemed "less than miraculous" by the FDA. (pictured)
- 2002 - Hundreds of Korean children die when they are bussed to the wrong venue instead of being taken to the Youth in Asia Conference in Seoul.
- 2008 - Somebody was wrong *gasp!* on the internet.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
