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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
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In the news
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On this day...
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February 5: I Love American Football Until Baseball Starts Day
- 955 - Scribes create the first baseball cards. The also make the first error card describing St. Barnabas being a second baseman for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
- 1152 - Peyton Manning almost makes it to Super Bowl DCCCXV but he loses the AFC Championship after getting sacked five times by the Frankfurt Galaxy's linebacker Frederick Barbarossa.
- 1307 - An enraged King Philip IV of France attacks the Knights Templar after their Manchester United team beats the King's favorite Saint-Étienne 1-0 in overtime.
- 1788 - Peyton Manning secretly ghostwrites one of the Federalist Papers. Sadly, he forgets which one.
- 1839 - General Abner Doubleday pretends to invent baseball. The use of cannons and bayonet charges would be quickly eliminated from the rulebook, but would eagerly be adopted by the world of rugby.
- 1860 - Rugby rules are added to the American game but it is still called football for all the feet flying around, whether still attached to a leg or not.
- 1886 - English plumber Thomas Crapper invents the modern Super Bowl.
- 1898 - American colleges allow female students to attend if they agree to become cheerleaders. The words "bimbo" and "slag" are quickly invented.
- 1903 - Gay males are secretly allowed to attend college as male cheerleaders, since they are the only ones with dance moves that don't make them look like uncoordinated dickheads.
- 1912 - Colleges lower their academic requirements for football players, making any violent criminal not on death row eligible to play.
- 1913 - Colleges raise their academic standards for football players, requiring a minimum measurable amount of brain cells to be eligible.
- 1914 - World War I breaks out but Americans fail to notice as it begins in the middle of baseball season.
- 2002 - Footballs acquire sentience and start dating supermodels, get into fights in clubs and become beloved overpaid and arrogant prima donnas like the players themselves. They secretly take steroids which will not be noticed for years despite the balls growing to 3 ft (about 1 m) long.
- 2012 - Defense is not longer allowed to make for higher scores. With no defensive players, the salary cap becomes less of an issue.
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Featured picture
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[vote]
| Tide Pods Candy.JPG - 6 total votes ( 6 / 0 )
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Image credit: Insert image credits here
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
