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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.
Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.
When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)
Previously featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
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In the news
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On this day...
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 Go on, treat yourself. Have a real good snort. June 24: Magic Marker Sniffing Day (Hebrides)
- 1146 - Under General Akbar, the Sardinian Empire victoriously raids Argentina causing enormous fishy destruction.
- 1374 - A sudden outbreak of Disco Fever causes people in the streets of Totentanz, Germany, to experience groovy hallucinations and begin to boogie and twitch uncontrollably until they all fall down.
- 1664 - Hell starts to get full. New Jersey is founded.
- 1733 - St. John's Harbour, the capital of the Sovereign Dominion of Newfoundland, is founded and named for the patron saint of ambulances.
- 1740 - Dominion of Newfoundland first wave invasion fails because Saint John, New Brunswick smells too bad.
- 1902 - Pablo Picasso opens the first exhibition of his work. His artwork is found to be so offensive to artistic standards that he is given loads of money, declared the greatest living artist, and told to make more.
- 1912 - Québec takes the day off in celebration, not realising that the Newfies have five hundred septic tanks and, when they learn to drive them, will be invading.
- 1936 - Al Gore invents evolution.
- 1946 - Superboy discovers "strange hairs growing down... y'know"; officially becomes Superman.
- 1957 - U.S. Supreme Court rules that free speech doesn't protect porn and expletives. South Park is cancelled overnight, while strangely, Playboy becomes more popular than ever.
- 2010 - The Ant People push the world's reset button.
- 2015 - Magic Marker Sniffing Day outlawed in the United States except South Carolina, due to the discovery that manufacturers have been including cocaine in special packs of pens.
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Featured picture
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[vote]
| Vadersegway2.jpg - 16.5 products placed ( 23.5 / 7 )
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Darth Vader was the only spawn of Qui-Gon-Jinn, a legendary intergalactic televangelist who made millions on the planet Naboo curing toasters of inflammation. During his reign as King of Iceland, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including the Segway.
Image credit: RadicalX
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
