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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
- ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
- ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
- ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
- ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
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In the news
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On this day...
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June 26: St. Masturbus Day
- 1 million BCE - Cthulhu invents Christmas, when bored.
- 1856 BCE - Black people start writing.
- 1855 BCE - Brown people begin developing a complex society.
- 1854 BCE - Yellow people begin the study of astronomy.
- 1853 BCE - White people start painting their arses blue.
- 1087 - St. Clittorus gets really pissed because she was promised to have this day named after herself but totally got screwed over.
- 1123 - Pope Callistus II declares the sainthood of St. Dildo.
- 1284 - The Pied Piper lures 130 children of Hamelin away. Piping hot pies are soon outlawed.
- 1718 - The Tsar's son suspiciously turns up dead after he is sentenced to death.
- 1721 - Cthulhu invents Boxing Day for his loyal swarming masses of nightgaunts.
- 1895 - After an attack on the wooden bridges of the Canadian National Railway by beavers, repair crews work haphazardly and accidentally invent the roller coaster.
- 1928 - A cyclone hits Coney Island and completely twists its roller coaster out of shape. No-one notices for 27 years.
- 1963 - John F. Kennedy gives his famous 'Ich bin ein Selbstgeschlechter' speech.
- 1981 - Tom Cruise brings to life a Giant Tampax that the science world predicts would kill him exactly 24 years later.
- 2005 - Tom Cruise is killed by a regular Tampax in an ironical twist of fate.
- 2005 - Richard Whiteley dies after finally unscrambling the conundrum PIANOMENU.
- 2026 - The 'this is today' gag is used for the first time in history.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
