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Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.


Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 37,403 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.

Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual.

Browse:

Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent
Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...


Another Oscar Wilde picture. From:

wilde.jpg

Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article

Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

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Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

You can suggest articles for Oscar to read.

More of Oscar's picks


Why was I born with such contemporaries?

LGBT BLT

February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTACA) Day

  • 28 CE - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdalene.
  • 29 - Mary Magdalene is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
  • 903 - Bored scribes copying Bibles would write in passages saying God hated gays. This would not be taken seriously until the 20th century.
  • 1798 - Thomas Jefferson receives an anonymous valentine, hoping against hope it is from Alexander Hamilton but suspecting Benjamin Franklin.
  • 1931 - Under pressure, restaurants throughout America are forced to remove Gouda cheese from their lettuce, Gouda, bacon and tomato (LGBT) sandwiches, which then become less-interesting BLT sandwiches (shown).
  • 1987 - Pedobear attacks the LGBT movement from the pulpit of Westboro Baptist Church, a congregation of bad sign painters with psychiatric medication issues.
  • 1999 - Newspaper shipping reports get with the times and change their coverage to fanfic on the internet.
  • 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
  • 2004 - People named Gaylord are asked if they have ever watched the television show Gaylords Say No. Most say no.
  • 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
  • 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
  • 2009 - MP John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive.
  • 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of Downing Street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume.
  • 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history.
  • 2040 - All world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting solely of words with one syllable or less.
  • 3010 - The Iraq War is resolved to the satisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.

The history of the United Kingdom

The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.



Today in London


It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

  • ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?


Read on

This Month's Wit

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward.png
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared.png
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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  1. Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.