Babel:OW

Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public. Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 37,376 stories and plays since opening in January 2005. Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual. Browse: Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...

Another Oscar Wilde picture. From: Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article Today's featured article – Switzerland Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan. Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...) Recently featured: St. Pierre and Miquelon Minotaur The Witcher Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – St. Pierre and Miquelon St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...) You can suggest articles for Oscar to read. More of Oscar's picks edit Why was I born with such contemporaries? December 31: New Year's Revolution Day, Fall of the Triple Mocha Latte (Church of Latte-Day Saints) 406 - Vandals, blankers and 12-year-olds cross the Wikipedia River to begin an invasion of Uncyclopedia. 776 - The almighty triple mocha latte falls to the decaffeinated beverage. 1543 - Caucasians revolt in the hope that they'd be able to gain control over the pornography industry of Amerika. They fail to keep it up because of their dwindling supply of condoms. 1905 - Leonard Bernstein is born to the Bernstein Bears. 1993 - Four Non-Blondes pray every single day for revolution, then roll over and cry while lying in bed. 1994 - U.S. internet jokewriters realize almost too late that there are only twelve months in the year, petition for a thirteenth so the date 13/37 can be so l33t and "amusing". 1995 - U.S. internet jokewriters realize there are at most thirty-one days in a month anyway, thus decide to wait until January 3, 2037. 1999 - Boris Yeltsin stops trying to fake his death realizing that he can simply resign in order not to do any work. Billions around the world celebrate for some odd reason. 1999 - Procrastinators around the world (except in Third World countries) panic and rush grocery stores at 11:55 pm (local time) in attempts to prepare for the Y2k Bug, but find the shelves are empty. 2000 - 2000th New Year's Revolution begins. Like the one in 1999, it fails after midnight kissing leads to an R-rated experience. Children pout for the 2000th time for being left out of the action. 2001 - Realizing the 2000 failures of New Year Revolution, people from all around the world made a resolution to try something different this year, changing New Year's Revolution to New Year's Resolution. This attempt fails due to the obvious reason that no one follows the resolutions they make every New Year. 2007 - Uncyclopedia replaces Wikipedia as THE source of all knowledge after idiots make everything Uncyclopedia says true. The history of the United Kingdom	edit The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it. Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus (pictured) Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Today in London edit It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know... From Uncyclopedia's playwrights: ... that Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct because it couldn't reach anything put on a top shelf? Read on
edit Recent witticisms Alexander the Not So Great (pictured) | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism Recently published | Requested | Lacking | The brevity of wit | Lost scribblings | Consult your peers
This Month's Wit GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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