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| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Tuesday, May 6, 2025, 19:19:59 (UTC) |
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 WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. State Department has confirmed that Popeye has been deported to El Salvador after Secretary Marco Rubio observed a tattoo he claims shows Popeye is a gang member of the Anchors Aweigh crime syndicate.
Popeye was arrested at the home of his girlfriend Olive Oyl. Local police had become suspicious of Popeye when large amounts of spinach and tobacco arrived at the crime couple's fishing village on Nankickthebucket. Full story»   NAVELISM WIKIA CITY, California -- U.S. President Donald Trump's Department Of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has turned its attention to reviewing Uncyclopedia.
As they have done to the U.S. Government, department-by-department, their first demand was that all Uncyclopedians report by email on five things each has accomplished in the past week. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rivers Cuomo, frontman of American alt-rock band Weezer, has been accused of ruining President Donald Trump's inauguration after performing their cover of Toto's "Africa".
"Impressive. Most impressive," President Trump stated when asked about Weezer's performance. "I love Weezer, and Weezer love me. Only thing I would change would be the title. I would call it 'Gulf of Africa', you can never have too much golf." Full story»  MAGA-LAGO, Florida -- U.S. President-elect Donald Trump is setting the stage for a new era of American imperialism.
The President-elect has been dropping hints that he will seek to Make America Gigantic Again (MAGA), from the sweaty Republic of Panama to snowy Greenland. Full story»  MARS -- Elon Musk, the richest man in the world and the acknowledged greatest human since Jesus, announced that he is ready to take supreme power on Earth.
The South African-born inventor and owner of Twitter (now "X") said from his base on Mars (now "Y") that he was ready to "step in" and take control. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- (
 listen) Polling across the United States, a week before the election, is yielding impossible results.
While all polls state that the election is within the margin of error, which is simply a lie that Americans must be told to get them to cast ballots, new polls suggest that, for the first time in Donald Trump's career, Trump's "favorables" exceed his "unfavorables". Full story»  W.W.J.D. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Recent scholarship using modern DNA analysis shows whom Jesus Christ would be backing in the U.S. federal elections on November 5. Full story»
 TECHNOLOGY BEIRUT, Lebanon -- Warlord Nasrallah has mandated that Hezbollah replace all its cell phones with pagers purchased at a discount from a guy named Moshe. Sadly, this seems to have been short for Mossad.
The innovative devices exploded Tuesday, and over 3,000 holy warriors received embarrassing injuries to the face, if reading the pager at the time of the explosion, or more embarrassing injuries otherwise. Full story»  CUISINE SPRINGFIELD, Ohio -- Sleepy Springfield has been woken up with a jolt after former President Donald Trump called it the cat-and-dog-eating capital of the United States.
Basing his accusation on a spate of missing pets, Trump said immigrants from Haiti were catnapping and dog-taking all over the city for a hot dog recipe popular in their home country, second only to kitten cutlets. Full story» |
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| About UnNews
UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |
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