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| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Wednesday, May 28, 2025, 20:16:59 (UTC) |
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 HYDERABAD, India -- Miss England has made history by withdrawing from the Miss World beauty pageant, the first to do so in England's 74 years there.
Milla Magee of Cornwall laid out her particulars during a pageant publicity event here, stating that organisers paraded her like a 'performing monkey'. Magee, lacking the simian prehensile tail, had done poorly in that role. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Government has accepted a Boeing 747 to take the place of Air Force One, a plane so old that smoking is not banned and the stewardesses still wear shockingly revealing uniforms.
The Boeing is valued at $400 million. A Defense Department spokesman said it will cost less than one billion to ensure that Qatar cannot crash it with a mouse click, then retrofit it to serve the President Big Macs and Diet Coke. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. State Department has confirmed that Popeye has been deported to El Salvador after Secretary Marco Rubio observed a tattoo he claims shows Popeye is a gang member of the Anchors Aweigh crime syndicate.
Popeye was arrested at the home of his girlfriend Olive Oyl. Local police had become suspicious of Popeye when large amounts of spinach and tobacco arrived at the crime couple's fishing village on Nankickthebucket. Full story»   NAVELISM WIKIA CITY, California -- U.S. President Donald Trump's Department Of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has turned its attention to reviewing Uncyclopedia.
As they have done to the U.S. Government, department-by-department, their first demand was that all Uncyclopedians report by email on five things each has accomplished in the past week. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rivers Cuomo, frontman of American alt-rock band Weezer, has been accused of ruining President Donald Trump's inauguration after performing their cover of Toto's "Africa".
"Impressive. Most impressive," President Trump stated when asked about Weezer's performance. "I love Weezer, and Weezer love me. Only thing I would change would be the title. I would call it 'Gulf of Africa', you can never have too much golf." Full story»  MAGA-LAGO, Florida -- U.S. President-elect Donald Trump is setting the stage for a new era of American imperialism.
The President-elect has been dropping hints that he will seek to Make America Gigantic Again (MAGA), from the sweaty Republic of Panama to snowy Greenland. Full story»  MARS -- Elon Musk, the richest man in the world and the acknowledged greatest human since Jesus, announced that he is ready to take supreme power on Earth.
The South African-born inventor and owner of Twitter (now "X") said from his base on Mars (now "Y") that he was ready to "step in" and take control. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- (
 listen) Polling across the United States, a week before the election, is yielding impossible results.
While all polls state that the election is within the margin of error, which is simply a lie that Americans must be told to get them to cast ballots, new polls suggest that, for the first time in Donald Trump's career, Trump's "favorables" exceed his "unfavorables". Full story»  W.W.J.D. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Recent scholarship using modern DNA analysis shows whom Jesus Christ would be backing in the U.S. federal elections on November 5. Full story»
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| About UnNews
UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |
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TV Highlights May 28
The Nazi Eaters Documentary Topless Doctor's Office Reality
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