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Today's featured article Today's featured article – Arthur Currie General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name. Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...) Recently featured: Star Trek Windows XP Switzerland Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Star Trek Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries May 14: Sky's the Limit Day, Fat Guys in Spandex Festival San Francisco, California USA. 468 BCE - Sky colour declared blue by Greek philosophers. 49 BCE - Sky declared grey by the Roman Republic in order to provoke the Greeks into a fight. 1953 - Sky Masterson, a character from the musical Guys and Dolls, is played by Marlon Brando. 1973 - Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched. It will take a dozen Druids to keep it in orbit. 1979 - Skylight, the glass thing in my goddamned roof, is greatly expanded by Skylab's wonderful return to Earth. Dammit. 1981 - Demise of the International Dark-Sky Association. 2005 - Skynet is founded by Marlon Brando, utilizing power module and microchips from a crashed Skylab, and broken glass from some guy's skylight. 2006 - Marlon Brando dies in a skydiving accident. 2007 - Bill Gates hits puberty. 2009 - Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd, declares free money for all. 2010 - Puberty sues Bill Gates for 'unbelievable infliction of emotional distress and disgusting zits'; asks $500 billion. 2012 - Marlon Brando's remains explode, with debris landing as far away as Johannesburg, South Africa. 2014 - The Moon sues Bill Gates because doing nothing but orbiting the earth constantly for billions of years is well and truly boring. It seeks all money on Earth or a PC to play on while orbiting. 2525 - I lost my keys again :( 2990 - Lost keys are located in Howard Beach at the social club of an Italian "Gentleman of Honor" who prefers to remain anonymous. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day soul Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Iranian trumps Trump Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... that Wright-Patterson Air Force Base is home to a heavily guarded repository of bad puns? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that it wasn't a rock? It was a rock lobster. Read More
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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