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Welcome to Uncyclopedia, Superb Owl Sunday edition!, the future Hall-of-Famer that Peyton Manning still can't edit. Jerome Bettis has inspired us to work on 37,342 articles since opening in January 2005. Mike Holmgren has posted his XL Superb Owl gameplan for both teams to read before the game. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five. Sports | Games | Madden | Players | Owls | Commercials History | playbook | other gay American sports

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Today's featured article Today's featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain. When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...) Recently featured: John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Norse Korea Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – John Mahama John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries June 29: Make Crude Jokes About Genitals Day 34CE - Ducks first start making jokes about their corkscrew genitalia. 1034 - Court eunuchs in China spend a quiet day with nothing to say. 1194 - Sverre is crowned King of Norway, beginning a long reign of Danish kings with unpronounceable names. 1542 - The comic strip Calvin and Hobbes debuts, lightheartedly poking fun at such contemporary topics as the Protestant Reformation. (pictured) 1758 - Edmond Halley patents Halley's Comet, charging everyone who sees it three pence. He makes only about 5/- but hopes for more the next time the comet returns. 1807 - Sharks curiously stop making jokes about human genitals before they attack people. 1884 - The Picture of Dorian Gray is released by Oscar Wilde, consisting largely of crude jokes about genitals. 1939 - The Colonel Bogey March is originally written to be sung by castrotti. 1965 - The auto accident starting the "Paul is dead" hoax occurs in England. It is actually the other 3 Beatles who die. 1972 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules the death penalty could constitute 'cruel and unusual punishment', particularly the more outlandish methods of carrying out the sentence, such as Texas' legendary alligator tank. 1985 - Your mom sees my wiener for the eightieth time. And likes it as much as she did the first time. 1986 - I discover my mom likes your weiner because she collects McDonald's coffee stirrers. 1999 - Prince continues to party. 2009 - Millions of Americans suffering from insomnia are miraculously cured when Jimmy Fallon receives his own late night talk show. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day [[ procrastination]] Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... Usain Bolt is so fast, he can run 100 meters in the same time as he can run 10 decameters? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that since many hands make light work, workers at nuclear power plants are encouraged to grow extras? Read More
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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