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As it happens, a Main Page is a page of primarity, popularity and urination-arity Today's featured paragraph Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles You know you're WTF when... Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 378,051 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 378,051 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 378,051 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 378,051 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 378,051 total flamewars purged. Advertising Did you know... *... that the butler did it? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that the butler did it? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that the butler did it? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that the butler did it?	In the news Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos On this day... May 3: World Fungal Infection Awareness Day 22 CE - Athlete's foot is first discovered by Romans leaving their bathhouses. It is found to be easily killed by other more horrible things by just returning to the bathhouse. 987 - Beowulf discovers that Grendel's mom is a bitch. 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica. 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superceded by the Atkins Diet. 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his silver swimming badge. 1815 - Neapolitan War: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt. 1841 - US President William Henry Harrison dies of a fungal infection and is succeeded by John Tyler, a large fungus. 1963 - Hundreds of thousands die in global mime protests, Mimes assume totalitarian control, only to have it crushed 3 weeks later by Vin Diesel dressed as a clown. Clowns would continue to hold power for many years. 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal 17 years later. 1992 - A long-lost ship, the RMS Titanic, is found un-sunken in Jamaica. 2001 - The United States loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after ordering Burger King instead of McDonald's for lunch. 2078 - David Beckham's chocolate flavored pants are washed up on a Mexican beach. It immediately contracts Swine Flu. 2134 - Angry ticks fire out of my nipples.
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Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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