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“I've never seen such urination-arity!”
~ Oscar Wilde on this page
“This is the Main Page”
~ Captain Obvious on this page
As it happens, a Main Page is a page of primarity, popularity and urination-arity
Today's featured paragraph
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Did you know...
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*... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? GO AHEAD AND FART. NOBODY'S AROUND.
- ... if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? GO AHEAD AND FART. NOBODY'S AROUND.
- ... if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? GO AHEAD AND FART. NOBODY'S AROUND.
- ... if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? GO AHEAD AND FART. NOBODY'S AROUND.
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In the news
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On this day...
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April 6: Arson Wednesday (Nihilist Church of New Zealand)
- 350 BCE - Defying the gods, Prometheus brings fire to the human race. Humans use it for decorative tiki torches placed outside their caves. Prometheus then shows how fire can be used to keep warm, cook food, light caves and clear land for crops. At the end of the demonstration, Prometheus asks for questions and a human asks, "Do you think brown or black is a better color for tiki torches?" Prometheus then walks up to the mountains, chains himself to a rock and has eagles rip out his liver.
- 648 BCE - The earliest solar eclipse recorded by Ancient Greeks is quickly followed by a large earthquake, suicides, and disease.
- 1 CE - Baby Jesus flips off a goat, and the judges give him a 9.65.
- 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now".
- 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be the father.
- 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congressionalist, is hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
- 1895 - Oscar Wilde is arrested in London for "acts of gross indecency". You can't make this stuff up.
- 1896 - First modern Olympic doping scandal is discovered at Athens games. Two runners are disqualified for eating Wheaties.
- 1999 - Chinese democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the US Government denies reports of its existence.
- 1955 - Hell freezes over; the Devil skates to work.
- 1957 - Three children die in a nuclear attack after being kicked out of a crowded refrigerator by a prominent professor of archaeology.
- 1985 - Video gaming is first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. "Stick 'em up and keep your hands in plain sight while I do a save," is commonly heard on the streets.
- 1989 - Billy Joel is arrested for arson but states "We didn't start the fire," and proceeds to spill his guts, naming a long list of conspirators. (pictured)
- 1992 - Isaac Asimov's batteries finally wear down. Perhaps the world's most famous robot, Asimov served more than 20 years on the U.S.S. Enterprise under Captain Picard.
- 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. However, some would say he had a shot at it.
- 1999 - Billy Joel begins to amass his mole army beginning his inevitable rise to world domination.
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Featured picture
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[vote]
| LandoftheJews.png - 5 total votes ( 5 / 0 )
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Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.
Image credit: RabbiTechno
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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