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Today's featured article – Woolly mammoth

Woolly mammoth (a species of the genus Mammuthus) was a large shaggy beast that is a bit woollier than the Not-so-woolly Mammoth, and much woollier than the less common, Bald Mammoth, otherwise known as African and Indian elephants.

These large mammals were known, from stamp indentations on their passports, to have lived all over the northern most parts of the world, rarely leaving their home territory; however they were thought to migrate south, at least once a year, for Mardi Gras. Further evidence suggests that they preferred to travel in small caravans, two to each mid-sized sedan in order to expedite their migration via the carpool lane. (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – Kalamazoo

Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (pictured)
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that Crime does indeed pay very well, especially after you get caught?
... that you use only 10% of your brain?
- ... and everyone else uses 100%?
... that Wikipedia tells us that Drypetes gerrardii, a South African tree, was named after William Gerrard, a botanical collector active in the 1860s?
- ... and it is a contest to see which of us could care less?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that you're late for work?

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Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear

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On this day

November 21: International Couch Potato Day

1783 - Oprah and Shoobily Boobily ze French Guy had the first untethered hot balls flight.
1847 - The Great Irish Potato Famine reduces the number of couch potatoes in Scotland and Ireland by 25%. Tragically, this results in a global Deep-fried Mars Bar recession.
1877 - Thomas Edison announced his invention of the pornograph.
1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald gets laid for the last time.
1969 - The first AARPNET link was established.
1987 - Morrissey becomes the first person ever to be eaten by a grue and live. Annoyed, the grue eats him again.
1996 - Couch Potato Day is established to encourage nations to collectively sit on their asses watching pointless programs at the same time. Scheduled Programs for this day included 100 Ways to Watch Paint Dry, and 20 Things You Didn't Know About Carpet.
2002 - NATO invites Bulimia, A Stoner, Laffy Taffy, Lithium-Ion, Ramen-Mania, Slave kia and Slaveknee a to become members.
2003 - Megatron destroys the Earth, only for it to be remade by Ultra Jesus.
2004 - I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus distributes Nintendo DS systems to cheering (m)asses in Nude York Shitty.
3503 - God purchases for Earth the expansion pack, Earth, 21st Century Terror. We all love him for that, don't we?

Today's featured picture

Africa is widely known by those in the US to be Earth's shittiest continent. For one thing, the land is wracked with hunger, poverty, disease, and genocide. It is also filled with monkeys, like those parks where they tear your car to shreds. Not a pleasant place, all things considered. (Rwanda sucks and has a very retarded name.) Things from Africa include: zoo animals, human trials, like monkeys; lots of fruit...um... AIDS? AIDS is from there, right? And black people? Hey, is that where African Americans came from? Yeah? Well, who knew?

Image credit: Jordanus

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