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Today's featured article – Switzerland

Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.

At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.

Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany.

After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – St. Pierre and Miquelon

St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (pictured)
... a woman with three mustaches is better than a cat with an ironing board?
... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?
... contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that no one ever reads these sentences all the way to the end, except for a select few, who have the diligence and patience, and are bored enough, to read to the very end of these very long, dull and uninteresting sentences?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
- ... that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
  - ... that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?

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On this day

Where's my marble steps?

January 2: Global Day of Shame and Regret (still not including Saudi Arabia), Season of Giving officially ends

0 - Nine months from now, Jesus is going to be born, or so the prophets say, not realizing that no such year exists and this would have Jesus born in September. The Libyan Sibyl grudgingly buys a calendar with kittens on it from the local bookstore.
213 - Cassius Dio first reports on the tribulations of the Germanic Alemanni tribe as they are being stomped on by the legions of Roman Emperor Caracalla "The Callous" after being extended the olive branch of peace. The tribe, later known as Swabians, would not forget and would become big fans of Rainbow, Black Sabbath and the band Dio.
1492 - Granada, the last Arab stronghold in Spain falls. Queen Isabella is now free to initiate Spanish Inquisition jokes.
1655 - The secret Yukon War takes place and ends on the same day after no one shows up.
1880 - Football is officially renamed soccer at Yale as a joke on Cambridge. A new aversion to America is born.
1933 - Adolf Hitler kills his grandmother and takes over as dictator of Germany. He explains that "she was a fucking Jew". All Christian churches give him absolution.
1945 - Hitler's bunker explodes under mysterious circumstances. His grandmother's ghost is a suspect.
1959 - Russia launches the Luna 1 satellite into space. Designed to crash into the Moon to determine the exact type of cheese it's made from, it misses, loops around and destroys a rocket about to launch at Baikonur Cosmodrome.
2003 - Some guy walks into his wasted buddy's room early in the morning to point out that the clock reads "01/02/03, 04:05:06." He is abruptly beaten with an old Sega Genesis controller, finally giving the C button a use.
2015 - Former fourteenth president and model train enthusiast Franklin Pierce rises from the dead to whine, bitch, and moan about no monument being erected for him for keeping the Union whole before "Buchanan fucked it up".

Today's featured picture

This "holiday" "season", instead of spending "your" money on "gifts", why not just "ductape" it to a tree, in the "forest", give your "family" a map, and hope they all "freeze to death"?

Image credit: Hindleyite

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