UnNews:US House tries controversial plan to solve problems before deadline
| The news outlet with approval higher than Congress | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Saturday, August 29, 2026, 02:39:59 (UTC) |
| US House tries controversial plan to solve problems before deadline | 
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29 August 2026
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. House of Representatives returns from yet another month off with heady plans to solve government problems before the figurative eleventh hour.
The plan would avoid Perils-of-Pauline drama and last-minute heroics. Consequently, it will require bipartisan cooperation and a two-thirds vote. September 30 is the current date at which the money runs out and Americans at the cashier would again find their stigma-free Benefit Transfer cards will not work and they would have to shuffle through the other plastic in their wallets or, as a last resort, peel bills of their hefty bankrolls.
That leaves a full month for Members of Congress to decide what they will demand in exchange for their vote.
The bill, called a Continuing Resolution, once again kicks spending decisions into an arbitrary date in the future, notably on the other side of the national biennial election on November 3. Former President Joe Biden, unceremoniously thrown off the ticket by the Democratic Party and run out of town on a rail, will have his spending decisions continued in force for months longer, as they have been for the two years since he was shooed away, except with even higher spending for "current priorities." President Donald Trump issued a statement that "I strongly oppose another futile government shutdown." He said that all America's shutdowns should be deliberate, such as the shutdown of commerce with Canada until it consents to renaming Lake Ontario, the shutdown of the Strait of Hormuz to Iranian shipping, and the shutdown of the "dollar system" to any foreigner who gets in his face on foreign policy. "Every member of Congress should vote to keep the government open as discussions on full-year appropriations continue." Republican leaders, as always, assured their members that surrender now is a key step to victory over the Democrats when the new spending runs out.
Unfortunately, all 435 House seats are up for election in November, so the asses in them (excepting those trying for a higher office, retiring to "spend more time with the family, missing for mysterious medical reasons) must, before voting to keep the money flowing, invent a re-election theme. The usual device is a House Resolution. Several have been offered, including Resolutions to:
- Condemn Socialists, namely, the only Democrats whose speeches are memorable
- Ensure that the November election has integrity, by putting the U.S. Postal System in charge of it and directing it not to deliver ballots
- Defund any university that is in favor of defunding Israel.
The average Member of Congress doesn't understand stuff like that. What they do understand is sex. Consequently, a good amount of September will be spent on charges and counter-charges of harassment of pages and staffers, some of which came to Washington expecting to be partners in statesmanship and not powerless objects. The two main offenders, Democrat Eric Swalwell and Republican Tony Gonzales, have been gotten to resign. Their careers are ruined, except Mr. Swalwell, who comes from California where they think that stuff is cool. The widespread demands for full disclosure of the FBI files on Jeffrey Epstein are complete and nothing beyond innuendo turned up, so Members will turn their attention to new accusations. Female Representatives have designed a new system for "one-stop shopping" to report sexual misconduct. Relying on "trauma-involved" staff could give victims vital help in deciding whom to accuse.
Sources[edit]
- Lindsey McPherson "House returns from recess with plan to fund government weeks ahead of shutdown deadline". Washington Times, August 28, 2026