“My, what a pretty chap!”
“My, what an ugly chap!”
“I heard that mirrors are used for magic, but magic is about copying something... oh, then a mirror IS magic, sorry.”
“Hey, that's me!”
“!dlrowrorriM eht ot emocleW”
Note: To view this article in a mirror press Edit.
If two mirrors are placed face-to-face, they will repel each other.
The Fantastic Voyage of Lewis Carroll
In 1812, the physicist (and part-time hallucinogenic drug peddler) Lewis Carroll, in order to escape a contingent of British intelligence agents, disguised himself as a little girl (Alice Little) and plunged head-first into his bathroom mirror. Surprisingly, he survived the transition between dimensions, and subsequently recorded his bizarre experiences inside the mirror universe on a portable camcorder. This is the only time anyone has been able to enter the mirror universe. Usually you would collide with your mirror s(h)elf.
By doing so, he managed to evade a vampire which had been chasing him - as vampires don't reflect in mirrors.
Things That Are Different in the Mirror Universe
- Menacing goatees are de rigeur, except for those who have them in this universe.
- Time goes sideways (in a northwesterly direction).
- British automobiles drive on the right-hand side of the road. Strangely enough, American cars are unaffected.
- On seafaring vessels, "port" is a type of fortified wine, and "starboard" has obscene connotations that would make gangsta rappers nauseous.
- Möbius strips have three sides and are used for fishing lures.
- Sweaters are topologically non-invertible.
- Kerrygold People are encouraged to use this butter substitute as a cooking fat.
- David Dickenson Mahogany-toned Dickenson is the most popular entertainer on television where he is a famous antique impressionist. His most famous act is pretending to be a Louis Quinze commode for upwards of two hours some times.
- The laws of physics are regulated by the United States Food and Drug Administration.
- Cats have only eight lives, and always land on their heads.
- Dick Cheney is the undisputed ruler of Mirror Earth, having assassinated the evil tyrant Sonny Bono.
- Canadian football is played with giant sentient Mahjong tiles.
- Each hurricane causes the flapping of a single butterfly wing. (chaos theory)
- Paul Daniels has a full head of hair and has made a fortune out of his shampoo business.
- The mirror universe is contracting and will soon come to an end in a colossal Gnab Gib.
- Many things may seem Sdrawkcab.
- Trekkies are among the most respected and promiscuous people in this universe, like Hugh Hefner or Terry Wogan in ours.
- Wikipedia is a highly regarded academic institution.
- All mirrors instead of showing a reflection, show Bob Barker.
- Democratically chosen governments actually do what they promised during elections.
- Evil Mirror Neuronss exist. Laughing. Fiendishly.
- Corn on the Cobb is eaten vertically.
- Uncyclopedia is considered to be the most reliable source of information, which is no different than Uncyclopedia in the normal universe.
- Mario did not survive the transition to 3D, but is now going to appear in Sega Smash Brawl.
- Spock has a beard.
- Oscar Wilde has a beard.
- they lie to you
- Trees grow on Trees
The Reason Nobody Can Enter The Mirror Universe
On The Other Side there is someone who looks just like you, and who does everything you do. Therefore, if you try to walk into the mirror universe, you will run directly into someone doing exactly the same at the same time. If this person tries to walk into our universe, it will run into you. Only ghosts can travel into the mirror image, only their mirror image will simply travel into our universe. And who cares about ghosts anyway.
In 1994 researchers attempted to gain entry into the Mirror Universe again; this time, two men would enter the mirror at the same time, overpowering the one man on the other side. Unfortunately, their mirror selves teamed up as well; the resulting collision was rather messy.
How Lewis Carroll May Have Been Able To Enter The Mirror Universe Anyway
- He was an opium addict
- He wrote Alice in Wonderland
- It Was Not A Real Mirror
- He Beat Up His Mirror Self
- He Used A British Car
- His Mirror self Was In Jail
- He Was Fat
- He didn't know how to use a mirror, thus destroying his mirror self, which allowed him to climb through with ease
- He Perfectly aligned 2 mirrors and confused His Mirror Self.
- He Was Really Santa Claus, Which There Is No Mirror Copy Of.
- He Was A Vampire And
In most cases, a person's mirror tends to be magical.
- To activate the mirror first stand directly in front of your mirror.
- Traditionally you should ask, "Magic Mirror on the wall, <insert your question here>" but "Oi! Mirror, wake up damn you!" works just as well.
- The mirror should reply, "Wha...? Oh it's you" (or something along those lines)
- If you haven't already asked the question then ask now.
- The mirror will answer the question instantly, if screen turns blue contact microsoft for more details on fixing your home mirror.
If none of this works then we are afraid you have purchased an ordinary mirror, though don't despair you can still steam it up real good and draw pictures on it with your fingers.
A W!ʟʟoʟ is an object, to be found only in the Mirror Universe, that looks exactly like a normal mirror, except that W!ʟʟoʟ-images are reflected with respect to the horizontal axis, rather than the vertical one.
When People in the Mirror Universe learn about mirrors as found in this Universe, they enter an endless loop. They just can't get to terms with the fact that reflections can favour one axis to another, because no physical law can justify that. "Is it perhaps because our eyes are placed one on top of another?", they ask themselves. If all of the above fails just scream "1 TIME" at the top of your lungs and it will open right up.
People, Places, and Things of the Mirror Universe
- Mr. Susan (Ruler of the Mirror universe)
- Racso Edliw/Oscar Taeme (Oscar Wilde)
- Dark Jesus (Jesus)
- Hadolf Itler (Adolf Hitler)
- Hario (Mario)
- Nus tebahplA (Sun Alphabet)
- Aidepolcycnu (Uncyclopedia)
- Uoods (Spoons)
- Snuggles, the albino rabbit
Mirrors are also magical doorways to the wobbly land of BleedoTM!!
BleedoTM is a land much similar to our land, or Ireland, ie. it contains dancing leprechauns, crooked policemen, and gibberish-talking drunks. Unfortunately, the part of BleedoTM most people see is the Bleedography Room, where Irish Bleedographers portray a holographic depiction of the person looking into the mirror, or portal to BleedoTM.
How To Enter BleedoTM
So far there has only been one example of humans entering BleedoTM, and this was by the cast of the film "The Wizard Of Oz". How this occurred is currently being investigated by the scientific community - the current theory is that the Hollywood basement where the movie was filmed used to be the American Mirror Museum before it was closed due to lack of visitors in 1912, and the concentrated BleedEnergy caused by so many mirrors caused a rip in the Space-BleedoTM Continuum which lasted until the final day of shooting before God hurriedly darned it up with some blue thread he had bought at his local B&Q.
BleedoTM In Culture
Stephen Hawking wrote a book on the subject, entitled "A Brief History Of BleedoTM". Unfortunately it was slated by critics and slack-jawed idiots alike, and was pulled from the shelves in a matter of minutes. Hawking has now disappeared into complete obscurity, fuelling rumours that he has joined a satanic cult, specifically, the NRA.
BleedoTM In Our Universe
On occasion, elements of BleedoTM can enter our universe, by the miracle of "two-way mirrors", "one-way windows", "three-way prisms" etc. These Bleedlian visits are the cause of all supernatural phenomena...
- Bill Gates
- The Japanese Office Worker
- Silly String
- Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire Puddings
There are a few ways to coax the little guys into view...
- Yell "Guinness on the house!" near a mirror and the emerald green pixies will scramble towards the source. Realizing they've been duped again the alchoholics will crawl back to the overpriced beer hovel from whence they came.
- Use green felt-tip marker, or lipstick to draw a four-leaf clover on your mirror. Within seconds around a hundred Bleedlians will worship the drawing as an idol - unfortunately, they won't stick around because, inevitably, some stupid git is yelling "Guinness on the house!" in his bathroom mirror, causing the little cultists to scurry off.
- Put on an English accent (or if you're actually English speak normally) and say "I say, foul Irishmen, that King Elmo proposes a new plantation in the Midlands, Eastlands and Southlands - To Hell, Or To Connacht!!, what, what!". Moments later a brigade of the little fellows will storm up to the mirror and yell obscenities while their wives and children weep bitterly - och, another famine, 'tis on the way, to be sure.
If you want to learn more about mirrors and BleedoTM, don't hesitate to enroll at the UMBSM (University Of Mirror And BleedoTM Studies, Micronesia) located in the darling Federated States Of Micronesia, a small archepelligo in the West Pacific. It is currently the only University in the world wholly, or even somewhat devoted to the study of mirrors and BleedoTM.
It is widely known that mirrors reflect things left to right. In physics terms, this means a raid of light entering a mirror on its right side will be emitted from the left side, and vice versa. This explains why holding a sign up to your face, in front of a mirror, makes it backward or upside down, depending on what hemisphere you're on. Some may wonder why, then, if you rotate the sign to face the mirror, it looks the right way round. This? It is because the mirror actually causes the sign to flip left to right. Nobody notices in everyday life because by the time you can reorient the sign, it has switched back again.
Mirrors are an eternal cause of toothbrush agony. When you move your toothbrush left, the mirror image moves right. And then as soon as you figure it out, it changes a gain. How monstrously befoodlyring. Heroic attempts to use a mirror can sometimes result in the mirror image bleeding to death from an extreme toothbrush injury, which naturally causes you to bleed backwards, i.e. by sucking up all the dried, disease-riddled blood from the last time you tried that Oreo cookie on the top shelf.
- Uncyclopedia's mirror
- Mirror neurons
- Alternate Universes I Seriously Hope Do Not Actually Exist
|This page was originally sporked from Inciclopedia,la mierda libre.|