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Today's featured article – HowTo:Stage a home invasion

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So, Tovarishch, coveting thine neighbours ox much? Is understandable. Is comely ox. Also coveting neighbour’s wife? Is also comely, though ox is comlier. Coveting possible mineral wealth beneath neighbour’s house, and agricultural potential of garden? Now you are thinking like true leader but… is good reason to stage home invasion?

Of course not. Is not primitive age! Is not 2014! Stage home invasion to distract own wife and children from problems at home. Wife wish for new furniture and big ass tv to put on wall? Maybe she stop whining when you annex next-door and liberate hot tub. Children dissatisfied with allowance and unnecessarily restrictive curfew? They think again when bodies of neighbour’s children stink up street and second-hand Xbox appear in bedroom!

So, buy assault rifle and stage a home invasion now?

Nyet, Tovarishch! Is thinking like American. No stage home invasion reactively – is not imprisoning rival at work, or poisoning enemy with Polonium. Home invasion is requiring careful preparation.

Sit, Tovarishch. Pour more vodka. Be educated. (more...)

Previously featured article – Kashmir


Kashmir, apart from being a really swell song by Led Zeppelin, is the northernmost part of India, unless one counts Ladakh and Arunachal Pradesh. Its own northernmost parts are not its own at all; some are administered by Pakistan and others by China. The border (the "Line of Control") is marked unambiguously, as one does not hear gunfire before one steps across it, except in the case of incursions. (more...)

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July 3: International Hot Pocket Day (pictured)

  • 1775 - American Revolutionary War: George Washington goes to Cambridge, Massachusetts and takes command of the Continental Army, known for their delicious breakfasts.
  • 1776 - The Declaration of Independence is peer reviewed.
  • 1805 - Robert Fulton invents steam-powered toilet paper, to no avail.
  • 1870 - Oscar Wilde graduates from Maudlin College, Oxford, with a double-first in modern classics and flower arranging.
  • 1885 - "He who hath smelt it, dealt it" ruling in federal court sets new legal precedent.
  • 1890 - The moderately severe United States Potato Shortage of the 1880s is resolved when Idaho is accepted as the 43rd U.S. state.
  • 1939 - Coco Laboy, future Montreal Expos 3rd baseman and creator of the "daily double", is born.
  • 1978 - Conceptual artist Humphrey Crawford exhibits his piece Oil, Urine and Diesel on Canvas.
  • 1996 - Jeff Goldblum finally begins to figure out how to take down the aliens.
  • 1983 - After a wild night of passion between a Pop Tart and a mediocre plate of Italian food, the Hot Pocket is conceived.
  • 2005 - The Hot Pocket develops a strange illness and becomes Croissant Pocket.
  • 2014 - Self-heating Hot Pockets with white phosphorus turn out to be extremely popular with arsonists but no one else.

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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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