Plus:

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The pill for what ails our administrators.
Vote for featured image

Today's Free Sample!

Today's featured article – HowTo:Stage a home invasion

Putin dr evil.jpg

So, Tovarishch, coveting thine neighbours ox much? Is understandable. Is comely ox. Also coveting neighbour’s wife? Is also comely, though ox is comlier. Coveting possible mineral wealth beneath neighbour’s house, and agricultural potential of garden? Now you are thinking like true leader but… is good reason to stage home invasion?

Of course not. Is not primitive age! Is not 2014! Stage home invasion to distract own wife and children from problems at home. Wife wish for new furniture and big ass tv to put on wall? Maybe she stop whining when you annex next-door and liberate hot tub. Children dissatisfied with allowance and unnecessarily restrictive curfew? They think again when bodies of neighbour’s children stink up street and second-hand Xbox appear in bedroom!

So, buy assault rifle and stage a home invasion now?

Nyet, Tovarishch! Is thinking like American. No stage home invasion reactively – is not imprisoning rival at work, or poisoning enemy with Polonium. Home invasion is requiring careful preparation.

Sit, Tovarishch. Pour more vodka. Be educated. (more...)

Previously featured article – Kashmir

Kashmir.jpg

Kashmir, apart from being a really swell song by Led Zeppelin, is the northernmost part of India, unless one counts Ladakh and Arunachal Pradesh. Its own northernmost parts are not its own at all; some are administered by Pakistan and others by China. The border (the "Line of Control") is marked unambiguously, as one does not hear gunfire before one steps across it, except in the case of incursions. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia


More can be yours! Join today!

Kitchen fire.jpg

July 3: International Hot Pocket Day (pictured)

  • 1775 - American Revolutionary War: George Washington goes to Cambridge, Massachusetts and takes command of the Continental Army, known for their delicious breakfasts.
  • 1776 - The Declaration of Independence is peer reviewed.
  • 1805 - Robert Fulton invents steam-powered toilet paper, to no avail.
  • 1870 - Oscar Wilde graduates from Maudlin College, Oxford, with a double-first in modern classics and flower arranging.
  • 1885 - "He who hath smelt it, dealt it" ruling in federal court sets new legal precedent.
  • 1890 - The moderately severe United States Potato Shortage of the 1880s is resolved when Idaho is accepted as the 43rd U.S. state.
  • 1939 - Coco Laboy, future Montreal Expos 3rd baseman and creator of the "daily double", is born.
  • 1978 - Conceptual artist Humphrey Crawford exhibits his piece Oil, Urine and Diesel on Canvas.
  • 1996 - Jeff Goldblum finally begins to figure out how to take down the aliens.
  • 1983 - After a wild night of passion between a Pop Tart and a mediocre plate of Italian food, the Hot Pocket is conceived.
  • 2005 - The Hot Pocket develops a strange illness and becomes Croissant Pocket.
  • 2014 - Self-heating Hot Pockets with white phosphorus turn out to be extremely popular with arsonists but no one else.

Archived Anniversaries

For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS!



More Current Events at UnNews News


Did you know...

That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY!


Read More

Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!

Writer of the month.png
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward.png
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared.png
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 36,793 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

Sista projects

Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text).png UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext.png Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
UnBooks UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetia UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo.svg UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why.svg Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo.png UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
UnBestiary UnBestiary
Moo! Grrr! Narf! Harblesnock!
Uncyclomedia Commons notext.png UnCommons
Broken media repository
If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:

For nonsense related IRC chat, see This instructional video (only $19.95! + s&h).

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Main Page