Plus:

Sophia has inspired us to work on 37,265 articles since opening in January 2005, and YOU can view them ALL if you have a credit card or PayPal account! Hey kids! Before editing, please read the writing guidelines and flamewar manual. More Detail can be found in our Ignorable policies

Windows XP is renowned for its stability and reliability. Vote for featured image

Today's Free Sample! Today's featured article – Kristi Noem Kristi Lynn Noem (noʊm, née Arnold; born November 30, 1971) is the Republican Governor of the U.S. state of South Dakota, and was an up-and-coming favorite for Vice President for the 2024 campaign until disclosing that she shoots cute puppies. Noem was born on the farm, as she will never let her campaign audiences forget, in Watertown, S.D. to parents of Norwegian ancestry. Noem's political career began in 1990 as she was elected to the important statewide post of South Dakota Snow Queen. She got college credits at the allegedly real Northern State University, Mount Marty College, and Fred's Institute of Technology, but had to curtail her studies to return to the farm and add a hunting lodge, interpretive museum, and signs claiming you'd be able to see Mount Rushmore right over there if the trees had not grown up. In 2006, Noem was elected to the South Dakota House, and in 2010, she became 100% of the South Dakota delegation in the U.S. House of Representatives. In 2012, she achieved a personal best, attaining an actual majority of the vote rather than backing in after many voters wrote in "None of the above" or "What's Congress?" (more...) Recently featured: Calcium Mike Johnson Henry Kissinger Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Calcium Calcium is the twentieth element in the Idiotic Table, and is a form of metal that can be found in the earth's crust. Down there, it is the fifth most popular metal, putting it very high on the leaderboard for most famous metals. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! September 21: Cola Wars Armistice Day, International Sweat Like a Rapist Day 454 - Roman Emperor Valentinian III assassinates his general Aëtius after a dispute over the merits of Coke and Pepsi. 1066 - King Harold Godwinson is disgusted to find he has got sweat patches on his favourite armour. As he is changing behind a tree, a stealth agent shoots him in the eye. 1780 - American Revolutionary War: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point and the secret formula to Coke. 1918 - Treaty of Cadbury-Schwepps marks the cessation of violence in the first Cola War. 1947 - The Coke plan is set up to aid falling Coca Cola sales in Europe. Pepsi will have none of this, condemning it as cola sales imperialism. 1952 - Pepsi introduces the 'So much better than Coke that it makes me feel sick' plan, and sets up 'Pepsicon'. Coca Cola is banned from the USSR. This triggers the Cold Cola War. 1972 - Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos issues Proclamation No. 1081 placing the country under martial law and making Pepsi the official drink of the Phillipines. 1978 - Earth, Wind, and Fire remember the 21st night of September. They then proceed to drink Coke. 1983 - Ferdinand Marcos directs a confused man to the local garage to purchase Pepsi. 1985 - Coca Cola invents Mountain Dew, infringing on Pepsi's trademark, starting Cola War II. 1986 - Colonel Sanders surrenders his forces to PepsiCo at the Battle of Kentucky; Chicken Little announces that "the sky is falling!" 1987 - Hershey's mediates a treaty between Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, ending Cola War II after much bloodshed in Central American plantations. 1992 - Coca Cola creates Dr. Pepper, in a retaliation to Pepsi's root beer creation. The war continues with much hard-earned, rapist-like sweat. 1999 - The impending Millennium celebrations force Royal Crown Cola to formulate a strategy to take down its opposition. 2006 - Royal Crown Cola declares war on Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, proclaiming 'Death to the American Capitalist Swine'. 2007 - The day Tetris broke. Anti-Bullying Day occurs, the masses dress in pink after Pepto Bismol drips to death; pink unicycle spotted on national television. 2009 - Rola Cola assassinates Royal Crown Cola, Coca Cola and Pepsi, in that order. They never stood a chance. 2010 - Highly anticipated racing game, Test Drive Unlimited 2, scheduled for release, but is postponed due to turbulent Coca Cola-Pepsi relations. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs (pictured) NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Sunak soaked for General Election announcement Ferrell sues owner of look-alike dog Alfa Romeos to get even uglier Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered UK bans puberty for children More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ... a woman with three mustaches is better than a cat with an ironing board? Read More
edit Recent articles! Exclusive access for PLUS members ONLY! Odysseus (pictured) | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism | UnTunes:I'm Just Ten | Taylor Swift | Praey for the gods‎‎ | Henry Kissinger | Sandra Day O'Connor | Battle for Dream Island | Rastadon | Quintana Roo | Digestive system | The Sims 4 | Ahsoka (TV series) | King Charles II | The Man from U.N.C.L.E.‎‎ More recent articles
Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,265 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

	Uncyclopedia English United Kingdom 32194	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 55644	アンサイクロペディア 日本語 Japan 20675	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 18266	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14849
	Désencyclopédie Français France 10073	Inciclopedia Español Spain 5708	偽基百科 正體中文 Taiwan 6652	Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch Germany 14	Hikipedia Suomi Finland 8002
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

Other Uncyclopedias

	백괴사전 한국어 South Korea 7103	ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย Thailand 3473	Pekepedia Tagalog Philippines 276	Bodohpedia Bahasa Melayu Malaysia 143	伪基百科 汉语 Commie China 8411
	איןציקלופדיה עברית Israel 2224	קיינציקלאָפעדיע יידיש Yiddish 11	Tolololpedia Bahasa Indonesia Indonesia 8281	Ndhablek Basa Jawa Java 4	Goblogpedia Basa Sunda Sunda 4
	Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 873	اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 1329	نانشنامه فارسی Iran 594	ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 40	Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 0
	Spademanns Leksikon Dansk Denmark 9618	Ikkepedia Norsk Norway 4685	Ikkjepedia Norsk (nynorsk) Norway	Psyklopedin Svenska Sweden 2549	Անգրագ իտարան Հայերեն Armenia 26
	Valenciclopèdia Català Andorra 582	Nunyepedia Asturianu Asturias 56	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 6213	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 47	আনসাইক্ল োপিডিয়া বাংলা Bangladesh 19
	Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2853	Scotypedia Scots Scotland 9	Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 11	ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 10	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 188
	Нециклопедија Српски Serbia 463	Neciklopedija Bosanski Bosnia 27	Neciklopediju Hrvatski Croatia 303	Butalopedija Slovenščina Slovenia 30	Википедија Македонски Macedonia 170
​	Oncyclopedia Nederlands Holland 3082	Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 19	Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3971	Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1899	Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1776
​	Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 258	Neciclopedie Română Romania 174	Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 84	Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1177	Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4303
​	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 158	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 276	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 4720	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 12
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

Sista projects Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects. UnNews The news source on crack Uncyclopedia The content-free encyclopedia Undictionary The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid UnTunes Where noisy things can live and prosper Games Another way to waste time HowTo Instructions and guides for anything and everything UnBooks Content-free books Unquotable Useless misquotes galore Uncycloversity If it makes sense, we don't want it UnPoetia Poetry for people who hate poetry UnDebate Debating all the irrelevant issues UnScripts We can ruin stage and film too Why? Don't make me explain it to you twice UnReviews We'll tell you why things suck UnBestiary Moo! Grrr! Narf! Harblesnock! UnCommons Broken media repository

If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra: International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies — various causes, including Asian floods, relief in the Middle East, Haiti, and aid for Hurricane Katrina to build a New New Orleans Disasters Emergency Committee — earthquake relief, Niger aid; ideal for mediocre British taxpayers as Gordon Brown gives a bit as well UNICEF — African AIDS relief, child health services, etc. Save Darfur — donate to help provide aid to the ongoing genocide in Darfur Donate to Japan. Seriously. Join Uncyclopedia's Folding@home Team — Help the world while doing very little work Free Rice of the UN World Food Program: play some games, feed hungry people

For nonsense related IRC chat, see This instructional video (only $19.95! + s&h).

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Main Page