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Today's Free Sample! Today's featured article – The Witcher The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula. The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered. A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...) Recently featured: Chess pieces John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! July 5: X Day, Day After We Kicked the Brits Ass Day (Southern US) 1565 - Pirates mark an "X" on a beach to mark the spot where they bury treasure. When they return, the wind will have changed it to a "v" and they would fail to find it. 1687 - Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig. 1689 - After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7. 1884 - John Singer Sargent paints the Portrait of Madame X but is fired for spelling her name wrong. 1946 - The bikini is introduced in Paris. Later, no bikini atoll is the trend. 1967 - The first kidney transplant made of Lego bricks ends in tragedy. 1968 - The X from outer space destroys Tokyo. Weary residents already have construction equipment ready before it hatches. 1998 - Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp. Godzilla offers to do so instead but is politely refused. 2001 - Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show. 2003 - Aliens turn up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists. 2004 - No one turns up as no one expects the aliens. And, yup, they don't. 2005 - The longest fart in world history is recorded. It is not produced by an alien. 2007 - Deal or No Deal? Aliens decide to take the money and not show up. 2010 - The Church of the Subgenius hijacks the Anniversaries July 5 page. The massive improvement is noted. 2155 - Aliens almost show but miss a left and land on Venus. 2156 - Aliens finally turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam statue that lights up at night. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ... that the milk of human kindness is the 1% sort? Read More
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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,343 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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