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Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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Did you know...
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*... the Earth is indeed hollow, but you might fall off the edge trying to find the entrance?
- ... chickens can count to a hundred but are reluctant to show you up?
- ... that the word 'fuck' originally referred to a cross between a frog and a duck?
- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
- ... that Kanye persuaded Kim Kardashian to make Mastercard famous?
- ... that in the dark, all cats are in the dark, too?
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In the news
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On this day...
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October 6 : Anniversary of the Invention of Fire, World's Most Dangerous Day to Be Flammable
- 4,327,340 BCE - Fire is invented. Matches, which had been in use for years beforehand, now finally have a use.
- 4,327,339 BCE - The competition to create the biggest bang results in the accidental creation of aerosols.
- 105 BCE - The Greeks invent a fire which doesn't go out when in contact with water. They call it "Greek Fire". It is quickly nicknamed AAAAAAAAA!
- 103 BCE - A hasty rebranding of Greek Fire goes wrong, and the newly renamed "AlphaFire+" is scrapped. Nobody bothers to write down the formula.
- 1081 - King Wilhelm IV of North West Prussia dies. The North West Prussia Gazette finally has front page news that doesn't involve the word "sauerkraut".
- 1611 - Several people are executed for petty theft in Hungary, much to the amusement of the Austrians, who framed them.
- 1612 - Hungary goes to war with Austria.
- 1613 - Several Austrians are extradited to Hungary, where they are executed for obstructing the cause of justice. Hungary withdraws from Austria, after 40 million people have died.
- 1846 - Mr. Georges "Bang-Bang" Firework, of Sparkler Street, Catherine Wheel, New Jersey, finally invents the trampoline.
- 1859 - Mr. Henry "Boing-Boing" Jumper, of Trampoline Terrace, Bouncy, Ohio, finally invents the firework. Various historians later switch the facts to amuse themselves.
- 1910 - People realize fireworks are better at night. It would be several centuries before it is also realized fireworks are better outdoors.
- 1913 - Parties are held throughout London, celebrating the fact that they have just signed a peace treaty with Germany.
- 1936 - An Austrian physicist discovers the long lost formula for AlphaFire+. Unfortunately, his lab then burns down.
- 1957 - Historians jump with joy as they discover what Edward Crapper invented.
- 2002 - The official date of the discovery of fire is discovered by historians. They attribute the discovery to Mr. Alfred "Burn-Burn" Hotstuff.
- 2012 - Pope Benedict XVI discovers his butler has been stealing his clothes and flogging them off a stand outside St. Peter's.
- 2018 - Brett Kavanaugh celebrates joining the USA Supreme Court by drinking out of a beer barrel. Head first.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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