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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that wearing a top hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... my name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to do something or the other?
- ... that torture is better to give than to receive?
- ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period?
- ... the Butterfly effect is making you read this entry? Pushy things, butterflies.
- ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole?
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In the news
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On this day...
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November 4: Artifical Limb Awareness Diurnal Period
- 1 CE - Jesus is born. Judaism prepares for a storm, as Jesus sports an artificial positronic brain, contrary to scripture.
- 200 - Oedipus: One Bad Mothafucka drops, released on Mythic Records, goes triple platinum.
- 1600 and something - Descartes decides the mind is separate from the body, through logical reasoning and skeptical doubt. Jewishism prepares for a storm, as minds are contrary to scripture.
- 1617 - William Shakespeare is arrested for posting his crabs to The Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects that!
- 1939 - After centuries of waiting, Judaism gets its storm.
- 2001 - God wins the Mega-Ball lottery. A fix is suspected.
- 2006 - Ikea declares war on Hinduism.
- 2007 – Sikorsky Aircraft and Swarovski Crystal merge and become Sikofwarskiski Crystal Aircraft. Their first project code named “The Flying Glass Thingy” shatters into a million pieces upon landing, rendering it useless. U.S. government purchases 2,839 units.
- 2008 - Thanks to ACORN, Americans can vote in the 2008 United States Presidential Election on Uncyclopedia.
- 2008 - George W. Bush defeats Saddam Hussein in the United States presidential election of 2008.
- 2009 - The list of people who steal lists is stolen.
- 2012 - Mexicans win the gold, silver, and bronze in Olympic lawnmowing.
- 2013 - The Australian federal election is won unanimously by the country's new "democratic" leader identifying himself only as LMS and ruling with an iron fist. All poor people are immediately evicted from the country. The economy booms.
- 2030 - We lose Waldo.
- 2517 - Malcolm Reynolds is elected president. His 7-year term will be abruptly cancelled after only 11 weeks.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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