Babel:Fp

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Today's featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain. When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...) Recently featured: John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Norse Korea Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – John Mahama John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries June 1: International Steroids Appreciation Day 72 BCE – Moses takes steroids; parts the Red Sea. 1869 – Thomas Edison receives a patent for his electric voting machine and makes millions selling the machines to Florida Republicans. 1960 – New Zealand's first official television broadcast commences at 7:30 PM from Auckland. Ratings are low due to Kiwis not understanding how pictures and sounds can come from a box. 1964 – Barry Bonds is born. 1988 - Steve Urkel becomes the third president of Zimbabwe only to be overthrown by every person in Africa. 1989 - With the fall of the Berlin Wall the people of Germany rejoice only to later be killed by the future president of the United States Arnold Presidentator, when he begins filming his final film, Plan 9 from Mr. President. 1992 - This marks the start of the "Nukes Means Goals" campaign, when the Southport FC manager stores nuclear weapons in his team's changing room and threatens to detonate them if they lose. 1992 – Bud Selig brand steroids hit the shelves. 1998 – Chuck Norris announces to press: "I never took steroids" 1999 – Steroids announces to press: "I took Chuck Norris." 2010 – One out of every three baseball players is suspected of abusing steroids. The other two-thirds claim to use steroids responsibly. 2012 - Cyclist Lance Armstrong freely admits to using steroids, EPO and gratuitous Wheaties consumption, proving that steroids affect the brain. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day [[ bunk]] Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop? Do you care... ... That over 100 Martians have been run over by the rover Curiosity? ... and that it was all covered up by CGI directed by the clone of Stanley Kubrick? Read More
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Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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