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37,401 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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In the news
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On this day...
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April 28: World Amateur Gene Splicing Day
- 70,000 BCE - Homo sapiens emerges from Africa in search of restaurants that are really good but not too pricey and don't have wait staff that treat customers like shit. This single thought would propel all future human migration.
- 3500 BCE - Moses descends from Mt. Sinai amid thunderclaps and bush conflagrations with a number of commandments.
- 905 - Court jesters throughout Europe go on strike. This is considered so funny by the ruling class that most get promotions and bonuses.
- 1818 - A Dr. Frankenstein from Germany finds other uses for his electrical turkey deep fryer invention.
- 1861 - Oscar Wilde first merits mention in his local newspaper for his treatise on the manufacturing of bon-bons.
- 1920 - The Soviet Union acquires free agent Azerbaijan; US weakly responds by drafting Alaska 39 years later.
- 1932 - Dr. Bill Cosby announces discovery of vaccine for Jell-O Fever.
- 2008 - Long-awaited gaming platform Playstation 4 is released to a wildly supportive public.
- 1953 - Watson and Crick perfect DNA editing by removing Franklin and Gosling from any credit for discovering its structure.
- 1993 - The Iron Chef makes gene splicing effective and inexpensive. Ironically, his name is not Gene.
- 2009 - 90% of the population of Schenectady, New York, is wiped out by a mystery illness resulting from yesterday's festivities.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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