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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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Did you know...
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- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
- ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... if you fall asleep reading this, when you awake you will find that brownies have made you new shoes?
- ... and that they will always be lime green Crocs?
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In the news
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On this day...
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October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 4004 BC - God invents breasts.
- 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
- 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
- 2680 BC - Mayans invent chocolate and promote it with the slogan "Everything goes better with chocolate including human sacrifice".
- 500 - Germans invent beer. Anglo-Saxons would drink it but save up their ice for skating upon.
- 623 - Sloth is declared a mortal sin by the church but morphs into the three-day holiday.
- 1234 - The handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1889 - Auguste Eiffel builds his famous tower when his indulgent grandmother buys him a large Meccano set.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia and becomes the first user ever reverted and banned.
- 1921 - Americans invent the bacon cheeseburger. Grease salesmen have their best year ever.
- 1949 - Danes create Lego. Everyone else still prefers to use landmines to cause crippling injuries.
- 1952 - Deep fried spam is invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love.
- 1964 - Hippies swap free love for pot.
- 1979 - The Victoria's Secret Catalogue is introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie; it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolt. Nobody cares.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers are invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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