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37,406 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period?
- ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars?
- ... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
- ... that ostriches do not stick their heads in the ground but in molten lava? This explains why they are not found on the island of Hawaii.
- ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 19: Oh my god... I'm like... so freaking high right now... Kitten Huffing Day (traditional)
- 1000000 BCE -The first kitten is discovered by Egyptians. They try eating the kitten to get high but discover that you must sniff the critter.
- 1300 - Chinese explorer Hu Flhung Dhung brings back kittens to which the Chinese become instantly addicted.
- 1301 - Exactly one year later, the Chinese invent a more refined way of getting kitten into your system, now known by the street name "heroin". It is really kitten in pure form.
- 1462 - Holy Roman Emperor Yugo Hugo IV dies because he finds someone else's shoe wedged next to his toilet.
- 1915 - U.S. President Woodrow Wilson becomes the first American to get high on kittens.
- 1915 - Pluto is photographed for the first time, discovering the first extra-terrestrial colony of humans huffing kittens.
- 1942 - The U.S. implements wartime rationing of kittens and all cats under two years old.
- 1969 - Keith Richards swears that he has huffed his last kitten.
- 1972 - After huffing several hallucinogenic tigers, India and Bangladesh sign a friendship treaty.
- 1978 - Keith Richards swears that he has huffed his last kitten.
- 1981 - Paint and Chihuahua huffing causes fatalities as kittens are in short supply.
- 2003 - Saddam Hussein is forced to huff goats due to the impending U.S. invasion.
- 2007 - Keith Richards snorts his dad, wins "Reformed Huffer of the Year" award from PETA.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,406 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
