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37,405 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... if you open your refrigerator door you will make a chilling discovery?
- ... if you open your refrigerator door you will make a chilling discovery?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle Is Partly Visible?
- ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
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In the news
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On this day...
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February 26: Famous Last Words Day
- 2008 BCE - "Phdugy'dufc eibgs'ghib kuikhigihdmvgh's" – Cthulhu, again.
- 480 BCE - "This is an arrow!" – Spartan guy
- 666 - "Pity me." – Satan, on Mr.T
- 777 - "AAA" – AAA
- 1566 - "Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here." – Nostradamus, his only prediction that comes true.
- 1900 - "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." – Oscar Wilde
- 1900 - "As much as I hate him, Oscar is right. I would not want to change a thing." – Mark Twain
- 1920 - "It can't end like this. Tell them I said something." – Pancho Villa is hit by history's most unfortunately-timed case of writer's block.
- 1939 - "This is absurd ! This is absurd !" – Sigmund Freud, after reading Waiting for Godot 1,111 times.
- 1939 - "No! Mine are more absurd than this crap." – Albert Camus , in reply to Sigmund (MotherF*cker) Freud saying that his works are more absurd.
- 1939 - "Who care about absurdity , Hell are others." – Jean Paul Sartre, in reply to Albert Camus.
- 1939 - "I am dying. Please... bring me a toothpick." – Fred, after reading Waiting for Godot 99,999 times.
- 1939 - "See! This one is more absurd that you two !!" – Jean Paul Sartre , awakening from his grave to get in the last word.
- 1945 - "Peace out, bitches!" – Jozef Goebbels comin' at you live, also from A to the D to the Hizzle's concrete crib, yo.
- 1967 - "I know you've come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man." – Che Guevara, where 'only going to kill a man' means that he'll be revived as zombie and sticker-tags.
- 1969 - "This is one small step for HOLY...!" – Neil Armstrong
- 1992 - "..." – John Cage, who confuses the angel of death who thinks this is some kind of extreme performance art.
- 2000 - "Hold my beer. WATCH THIS... " – Unknown, but attributed to hundreds of people appearing on Jackass.
- 2006 - "And this rope is of such shitty quality!" – Saddamn, at the gallows, complaining his ass into his grave.
- 2175 - "I'm dying... so that I'm not going to live anymore." – Captain Obvious
- 2345 - "What's this button do???" – George W. Bush the 7th
- 2456 - "WarniT!" – Jesus Goffer
- The End of Everything - "Sorry for the inconvenience." – God
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
