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37,403 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that resistance is futile, so you should calculate using impedance instead?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... that a live action version of Steamboat Willie is set for release next summer?
- ... that I am a schizophrenic?
- ... and so am I?
- ... me too?
- ... shut up, Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
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In the news
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On this day...
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July 21 National Fight Day (UK), Belgium Awareness Day
- 58 BCE - Julius Caesar becomes aware of the Belgae when an arrow flies past his head. His legions make short work of their 10,000-strong army, spotted all hiding behind the one rock in all of Belgica, the highest point in the entire region.
- 1066 - Fight Day is established. "You do not talk about Fight Day," proclaims the King, shortly before being impaled on a sword by Normans.
- c.1200 - Due to their mutual dislike of Brussel sprouts, France, the Netherlands and later Spain realize that Belgium would be an ideal battleground while also using their armies to destroy the hated vegetable and lousy chocolate.
- 1298 - Battle of Falskirt. Edward Longlegs defeats Mel Gibson's Scottish hooligans in a poker game.
- 1447 - The snack industry falters as everyone is too busy fighting everone else to take a break.
- 1839 - William Otis invents the steam shovel. This is regarded as a frivolous invention since it is more important to shovel the vast quantities of horseshit piling up every day.
- 1891 - Whitcomb Judson invents the zipper after hanging out in his local bar.
- 1949 - The United States ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty, officially enacting a truce with the hostile North Atlantic Ocean that would be honored until sea otters invade Boston in 1977.
- 1958 - The elusive and mysterious pond whale (pictured) is first described in scientific literature.
- 1977 - Sea otters invade Boston; Fulton Fish Market is devastated. Land and air otters join the fight.
- 2006 - The first in a wildly successful series of prison journals is published on Uncyclopedia.
- 2007 - "Celebrating Fight Day may increase your risk of getting into a fight" says a statistician after completing a 30-year research program.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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