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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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In the news
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On this day...
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September 15: World Lame Excuse Day
- A long time ago - God creates the Earth: "At the time, it seemed like a good idea."
- 201 million years BCE - The Triassic-Jurassic extinction event occurs, killing most every animal except dinosaurs. While scientists argue about the cause, everyone else knows damn well it was due to dinosaurs playing with matches.
- c.45,000 BCE - The first ironic use of "Oopsie" is uttered by a Homo sapiens as he drops a rock on a Neanderthal.
- 1403 - Timur the Lame regrets killing millions, explaining that nobody ever taught him about self-control.
- 1804 - Aaron Burr kills Alexander Hamilton in a duel and causes an uproar: "I didn't know the gun was loaded."
- 1883 - Krakatoa volcano explodes massively, killing many thousands. Odin categorically asserts, "It didn't happen on my shift."
- 1928 - Sur Alexandur Flemminge dizkuvvas a tipe of mold wiv mirakulus heeling propurtees and iz tranzfourmed into an invinssibble sooperhero, skurge ov orl villins and protektur ov ver peepul ov Goffam Sitty.
- 1973 - When Francisco Franco's handpicked successor Admiral Carrero Blanco is assassinated, The Family Circle's Billy is arrested. When questioned, he insists it's "Not me."
- 1976 - David Berkowitz, aka Son of Sam, goes on a killing spree. He blames his dog Sam who orders him to do so. It is found that his cat Chauncy is a ventriloquist and is the one really responsible.
- 1989 - Billy Joel says that he didn't start the fire and takes a ridiculous amount of time to explain.
- 2003 - US-led forces leave Iraq in ruins with no recovery plan. George W. Bush states "We found it like that."
- 2015 - Disneycorp. releases Star Wars: The Force Awakens basically with the same plot repeated from earlier Star Wars movies: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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