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37,406 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... if at first you don't succeed, keep hitting the refresh button?
- ... that I don't know that you don't know that I don't know that you don't know nothing?
- ... if at first you don't succeed, keep hitting the refresh button?
- ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 16: International Toaster Day
- 3 million BCE - Toasters battle waffle irons for supremacy throughout the world. Apple peelers become extinct.
- 1066 - Soldiers in the Battle of Hastings from both the Norman and English sides are set upon by wild toasters; less than two hundred survive.
- 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread.
- 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself.
- 1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast.
- 1823 - George Washington Carver sets out on an expedition to the California redwood forests to study toasters.
- 1843 - The first toaster ranch is established in Peyote, Wyoming, with over three dozen domestic toasters.
- 1883 - Oscar Wilde's poem The Sphinx, widely believed to be a veiled reference to toasters, is published.
- 1931 - During construction of the Empire State Building, a fossil of a Tyrannotoasterus is unearthed, sparking interest in the new field of Toasteropaleontology.
- 1950 - National Geographic discovers that the wild toaster is actually a kitchen appliance.
- 1975 - A toaster from a traveling circus in Alabama escapes captivity and mauls four people and dozens of raw bread slices before being killed by local appliance control authorities.
- 2011 - A crazed toaster kills 1,000,000,000 people after it rode in on the earthquake/tsunami in Japan. It will hit China, Canada, and Russia.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
