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37,404 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that vandalism is fukcing queer haha gay?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
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In the news
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On this day...
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June 8: Be Suspicious of Your Friends and Co-Workers (They're Trying to Kill You) Day
- 1210 - Rain is discovered by Vatican scientists.
- 1213 - The Vatican, under Pope Innocent III, creates purgatory.
- 1312 - King Edward II became the first man to successfully grow a goatee beard.
- 1798 - North Dakota moves to its present location from beside the River Thames.
- 1861 - Tennessee secedes from the Union. Nissan decides it will build its plant there after all.
- 1900 - Hitler's moustache is born.
- 1901 - The Queen of the United Kingdom, Empress of Canada, Grand Sheila of Australia, Most Merciful Pasha of Yorkshire, is expelled from her mother's uterus into the world.
- 1949 - 35 years after starting it, George Orwell finally completes his futuristic novel Nineteen Fourty-Four.
- 1963 - Doctor What changes his name to Doctor Who.
- 1969 - Bill Clinton fails to inhale.
- 1979 - Mel Gibson speaks in enhanced Aussie accent after discovering he was born in Peekskill, New York.
- 1983 - The United States Government collapses then reforms in a period of twelve hours. No one notices because a cute kitten is born on TV.
- 2011 - You read this. You wished you had not bothered. You take a sip of tea and note a slightly odd taste. Distracted, you reread this line, except now it is dated 2011.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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