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37,325 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.
So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.
There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)
Previously featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
- ... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?
- ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
- ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers?
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In the news
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On this day...
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April 18: Dependence Day (Canada), International Throw a Baby in the Canal Day
- 4105 BCE - In order to save him from the pharaoh's execution order, Moses's mother takes her son to Disneyland and drops him into the waters of the Splash Mountain log flume ride. His hair turns completely white. Pharaoh's soldiers pass him by as they think he is a tiny Indian yogi in a loincloth with a mystical 1000-yard stare.
- 1309 - This day also became National Rythym Day.
- 1310 - The first anniversary of National Rythym Day is henceforth paired with the World Miss Speling Contest.
- 1485 - A conductor accidentally gives his orchestra jazz band music. Hilarity ensues.
- 1524 - The world's first Spanish restaurant is founded by Hernán Cortéz in Tenochtitlan.
- 1948 - The League of Nations is dissolved and replaced by a simpler, easier-to-organize style tournament-format competition called the UN. Surprisingly, the Swedish are champions of the inaugural competition.
- 1958 - The Supreme Court of the United States bans poetry and evicts all known poets from the country.
- 1972 - First public toilet opens in Texas. Texans ignore this, and continue urinating in public.
- 1983 - A suicide plumber floods the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon.
- 1955 - Albert Einstein dies being struck by lightning while playing golf in North Carolina. God cannot be blamed as He was playing dice at the time.
- 1990 - United States Re-Endangerment Day is the first U.S. national holiday created in honor of rednecks and their contributions to American culture.
- 2002 - The internet is officially declared "useless and beyond redemption" by the Norwegian military.
- 2006 - Captain Obvious says you're reading this.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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