From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
37,409 governments to overthrow
|
|
|
|
|
Today's featured propaganda
|
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ... the Ronco Pocket Fisherman lets you go fishing anytime in your jacket pocket?
- ... and it can also be used to play pocket pool?
- ... but wait, there's more...
- ... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
- ... that Leonardo da Vinci invented the little round thing put in the middle of a pizza to prevent it from hitting the box top?
- ... and that because he had no name for it, it would not be used for over 500 years?
- ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification?
|
|
In the news
|
|
On this day...
|
|
October 9: Weasel Day
- 2349 BCE - The proto-badger, a distant relative of the weasel, goes extinct when Noah tosses the only surviving pair off the ark for stealing his yams.
- 942 - Weasel stomping in invented in Anglo-Saxon England.
- 1086 - The Domesday Book notes the average price of a stoat at 1 groat.
- 1490 - Leonardo da Vinci paints Lady With an Ermine, the first mustelid pre-photobombing recorded in the West.
- 1674 - Issac Newton discovers Weaselpudge. Nobody cares.
- 1754 - It is alleged by some that on this supposed day, weasel words were probably invented or perhaps created.
- 1862 - The Cheasel is invented.
- 1872 - Rudolf Weasel changes his last name to Diesel. The rest is history.
- 1881 - The Japanese Stomping Fish, which has nothing to do with weasels, is discovered.
- 1899 - Pop Goes the Weasel is licensed for every jack-in-the-box toy. Small children drive their parents insane playing the tune, leading to the Second Boer War.
- 1930 - Nazis adopt the Horst-Weasel song as their anthem.
- 1937 - The Spleen weasel is discovered in Paris, France, without rioting for a welcome change.
- 1938 - The Disney film Snow White is released in Europe with the song Weasel While You Work. Parisians take it personally and rioting ensues during the intermission.
- 1940 - John Lennon is born, and promptly marries a weasel.
- 1961 - Ferret racing is invented in Australia. It is not held where you think it might.
- 2007 - A woman gives birth to a weasel. This will grow up to be the Antiweasel, signalling the end of the world. People will be forced to carry the mark of the Beast on their foreheads, which will be a weasel word, theoretically.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
|
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Weinners: 2005/2006
|
| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,409 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
|
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
