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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that Dog is offended by this statement? ... Hope springs eternal? Dammit, girl, can't you stand still for minute? ... that Dog is offended by this statement? ... Hope springs eternal? Dammit, girl, can't you stand still for minute? ... that Dog is offended by this statement? ... Hope springs eternal? Dammit, girl, can't you stand still for minute? ... that Dog is offended by this statement?

Latest murders Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia (pictured) Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Past murders... January 17: Advance Australia Fair Day Dreamtime - Aboriginal ancestors arrive in Australia, encountering all kinds of poisonous animals, not to mention plants. They try to leave but find their boats have been destroyed by bunyips looking for pirate booty. c.13,500 BCE - Dingoes discover they can eat just about anyone's baby, a fact not determined by white Australians until 1986. 1503 - Suleiman the Magnificent invents the unicycle. However, he would not finish the owner's manual, The Unicyclopedia, before his death. 1732 - Australian naturalists discover the hard way that platypuses have poisonous spurs. 1788 - England devises transportation to Australia as punishment for minor to major crimes. Arriving prisoners could have their choice of poisonous animal for a pet or birthday lunch. 1844 - Redback spiders discover the underside of a toilet seat as a good hiding place. Australians remove outhouse roofs to prevent cranial injuries when bitten. 1857 - Reported vampire bush rangers roaming the outback turn out to be pairs of drop bears, one riding on the other's shoulders and covered by a poncho. 1880 - Ned Kelly becomes the first Iron Man, with mixed results. 1956 - Mel Gibson is born, and born batshit insane due to his mother not drinking enough alcohol during delivery. 1983 - Australians weep openly as a major drought continues, forcing farmers to water their crops with beer. 1993 - Victoria and New South Wales ban Easter when peeps in Easter baskets attack and kill small children. Northern Territories residents consider them to be wimps as they dress up yowies as Easter bunnies to deliver baskets. 2006 - Salt-water crocodiles mourn the death of zoologist Steve Irwin as he always fed them chickens and small children. Chicken reactions are more muted. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] LandoftheJews.png LandoftheJews.png - 5 total votes ( 5 / 0 ) Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead. Image credit: RabbiTechno

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,392 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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