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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains? ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains? ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains? ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

Latest murders Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Past murders... Napoleon I-have-a-big-part. Saint Patrick March 17: Sex Day (not Belgium) 45 CE - Julius Caesar decides to invade the United States, but is hampered by the non-existence of the US at the time, and his untimely death 101 years previously. 51 - The ghost of a stubborn Julius Caesar now personally decides to invade America. Frightened Indians bring him offerings of lettuce, oil, eggs and anchovies. Caesar salad is invented. 387 - St. Patrick: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking isle!" He proceeds to have sex with Heidi Keppert, in the name of Tim Allen. 991 - Anglo-Saxon King Æthelred II, late again, sends the Danes a stale box of candy for Valentine's Day, precipitating the Battle of Maldon when Vikings are unable to exchange it at the Sainsbury's there. 1702 - Irish leprechauns are reported to be having sex on the moors. 1861 - After a quick shag, returning from Belgium, Napoleon proclaims the Kingdom of Italy. 1750 - Casanova discovers that group sex with porcupines isn't so hot. Still, porcupines become rare in Europe due to an outbreak of STDs. 1926 - Al Capone decides to have a cheese and baloney sandwich for breakfast. Unbeknownst to him, this event would eventually culminate in the following year's St. Valentine's Day massacre. 1931 - Nevada legalizes gambling whilst having sex. 2010 - The cancellation of American Idol leads to mass suicides in America, though involving mostly members of William Hung's extended family. 2012 - Gaseous LSD is pumped into the chambers of the Texas state legislature, with apparently no visible effect on the loons within. While some visiting tourists take some great trips, screaming and poo-flinging signals "business as usual" for the lawmakers. 2014 - St. Patrick's Day is renamed by the Scottish Parliament to St. Alex Salmond Day. Salmond, The Scottish First Minister, denies having anything to do with the change. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Jeanpool1.png Jeanpool1.png - 19 pools of jeans. Geddit? ( 19 / 0 ) Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86. Image credit: RadicalX

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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