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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that no one ever reads these sentences all the way to the end, except for a select few, who have the diligence and patience, and are bored enough, to read to the very end of these very long, dull and uninteresting sentences? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that no one ever reads these sentences all the way to the end, except for a select few, who have the diligence and patience, and are bored enough, to read to the very end of these very long, dull and uninteresting sentences? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that no one ever reads these sentences all the way to the end, except for a select few, who have the diligence and patience, and are bored enough, to read to the very end of these very long, dull and uninteresting sentences? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that no one ever reads these sentences all the way to the end, except for a select few, who have the diligence and patience, and are bored enough, to read to the very end of these very long, dull and uninteresting sentences?

Latest murders Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Past murders... April 7: Hallucinate While Juggling Porcupines Day 65 million BCE - Raptor Jesus becomes extinct for your sins. 9 CE - General Publius Quinctilius Varus is showing off for his troops by juggling five porcupines at once when his distracted legions are attacked by Germanic tribesman in the Teutoborg Forest. Varus attempts to hide in a tiny cave but the now-angry porcupines turn on him and kill him. Upon hearing of the disaster, Emperor Augustus would exclaim, "Varus, give me back my legions and bring back real vaudeville!" 1067 - The first ever Battle of Hastings re-enactment is fought. 1544 - Queen Elizabeth I starts her famous celebrity gossip column in The Times. 1741 - The War of Jenkins' Ear spreads down to his legs. 1906 - Mt. Vesuvius erupts due to a bout of tectonic indigestion. 1954 - Jackie Chan is born and kung-fu kicks your mom in the delivery room. 1969 - The Beatles publish their greatest work, the Communist Manifesto. 1988 - Sheryl Crow breaks $15,000 worth of crockery with one wave of her baseball bat. 2004 - Mike Tyson gets beaten with a three-round TKO by Jaleel White. Vegas bookies go bankrupt after millions are bet on Erkel. 2007 - Every woman across Mozambique burns down her house in an act of defiance against the evil rule of Captain Birdseye. 2009 - Madonna adopts her 20th child from Africa after finally eating the previous one. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] GalleryofWTF.png GalleryofWTF.png - 5 quid for entrance ( 5 / 0 ) The 21st century realist art left many masterpieces. The Gallery of World's Tableaux of Fame hosts many artworks from different parts of the world. Image credit: 90s Kid21

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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