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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... ask a silly question and you end up on Uncyclopedia? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... ask a silly question and you end up on Uncyclopedia? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... ask a silly question and you end up on Uncyclopedia? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?

Latest murders Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia (pictured) Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Past murders... February 6: Nihilism Day 4480 BCE - Egypt floods for the 10th time in half as many years causing great destruction. Nihilistic Egyptians do nothing, leaving them in denial. 664 BCE - Greek members of the schools of nihilism, skepticism and cynicism are in a violent argument when a earthquake strikes, killing them all. Seeing this, visiting scholars from Germany then create the School of Schadenfreude on the spot, whether they intended to or not. 579 - "Yowzah!" would become the popular thing to say throughout the Middle Ages. It would become lost to history until 1922, when it became popular again for about four days. 963 - The chirping of early migrating birds irritate nihilists across the world, who do nothing about it. 1685 - Charles II of England, like many rich men of his time, chokes on his neck-high stockings and dies of subsequent kidney dysfunction. His death is partially attributed to the fact that instead of calling a doctor, he called to God and possibly ascended to Heaven prematurely. 1721 - Bishop Berkeley asks the question: 'If a nihilist falls in the forest and there is no one to hear him, does he make a sound?' 1756 - In a remote part of the world, a genius is born. In his head are mathematical formulas and the formation of theories so dense that he, being an infant unable to express himself, bursts into tears. Yet no one bothers with the prodigy, assuming that he is another blood thirsty infant who should be neither seen nor heard. Thus the genius can only sit innocently, waiting for someone to acknowledge him. 1868 - Russian nihilists are rounded up and sent to Siberia, but nobody cares. Who's the nihilist now, eh? 1937 - The First Worldwide Congress of Existential Nihilism is held in Vienna, Austria. Of course nobody shows up – what did you think? 2018 - This last Uncyclopedia anniversary entry remains unfinished because the editor is overcome by sloth, not nihilism, not that he even knows the differe Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] DogLabels.png DogLabels.png - 42.5 total votes ( 42.5 / 0 ) By popular demand, the National Pet Association has released a new guide for the best household chemicals to use for exploding your dog. Caveat Canem, indeed. Image credit: MoneySign

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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