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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... brevity is? ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... brevity is? ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... brevity is? ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?

Latest murders Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Past murders... April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Sunday 10,000,000 BCE - The Grim Reaper is born. He will initially be informed of deaths by his Grim Beeper. Later, he would have a Facebook app telling him when someone dies. 468 BCE - Hashish is patented by the Incas. 1220 - The Dark Ages are briefly illuminated by a massive explosion in Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroads lugging a harpsichord and sells his soul to Satan. 1777 - Vivaldi writes his first Satanic backward message, later stolen by the Led-Zep dudes. 1888 - Vivaldi returns from Hell and composes a new record, A Change of Four Season, later stolen by regressive metal band Dream Theater who exclude the word "Four". 1945 - Someone proclaims that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backwards, you'll hear Vivaldi's second Satanic message. 1948 - The Marshall Mathers plan to flood Europe with rap music commences. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1982 - A Heavy Metal dude releases Vivaldi's tribute album Ultimate Classical Bong. 1986 - The D.J. murder rate is at an all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of a single by hardcore rap collective The Smiths. (pictured) 1996 - The Unabomber is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature. 1995 - Due to a Linux error, April 3, 1997 actually starts in 1995. 2007 - Bloody Vivaldi and the Martini Gore, the Baroque Death Metal Vivaldi tribute band, is formed. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] LEGOGiraffeCull.jpg LEGOGiraffeCull.jpg - 6 total votes ( 6 / 0 ) Lego Noir Image credit: ScottPat

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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