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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that if it ain't broke, it wasn't made in China or America? ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears? ... that if it ain't broke, it wasn't made in China or America? ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears? ... that if it ain't broke, it wasn't made in China or America? ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears? ... that if it ain't broke, it wasn't made in China or America?

Latest murders Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Past murders... April 26: Hyperbole Day Millions of years ago - Hyperbole Day is founded in the most spectacular ceremony since the dawn of time. 1756 - The exclamation point is born on this fantastic day! 1834 - The best day in all of history! There'll never ever be another day like it! It's AMAZING! 1922 - Warren G. Harding's popularity is at an all time high! New York Times: "Harding is the best president ever!" 1935 - Champagne toasts and caviar dreams greet newborn Robin Leach! 1944 - Concentration camp deaths in Poland reach a new zenith! Hitler asks, "Who knew Jews could be so results oriented?" 1965 - The mildest day in the history of the universe. No other day was as mild. Ever. 1975 - The worst day in the history of the universe, so much so that no one mentions it and so we no longer know when it was. But we do know that it was some time between 1965 and 1988. 1986 - Ronald Reagan stays awake for an entire cabinet meeting! 1986 - The Chernobyl nuclear power plant randomly asploded after Cher poured vodka into the reactor instead of plutonium. 1988 - A group of the world most talented musicians come together to write the greatest song in the history of the world. It has a sound so astonishingly incredible and so incredibly beautiful that people come from all over the world just to hear it played at its one and only live performance at the grandest stadium in the world, the Metrodome. 1990 - Oprah is so hungry she could eat a horse. Twice! 2006 - Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy spews out sperm so high it touches the stars. 2011 - I just had sex! And it felt so good!!! Ya know a woman let me put my penis inside her!!! Say goodbye to cats!!!!! 2016 - You become a 1337 haxor for 5 seconds before going back to being a n00b. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg - 21 disappointed Lovecraft entities ( 21 / 0 ) "Hey, guys! Where ya goin'? I'm all packed and... aaaww, shit, there goes the bus." Image credit: Some user

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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