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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar? ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks? ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar?

Latest murders Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Past murders... March 11: Stop Hitting Yourself Day (Mexico, pictured) 125 - Minerva, the Roman goddess of wisdom, goes on vacation and returns to find the Romans have invented The Three Stooges. 536 - Pope Agapetus I roasts the first Easter Bunny in what becomes a spring tradition to Christians the world over. 826 - European monks convert the facepalm into self-flagellation as they need to see where they are walking. 1876 - The Industrial Revolution takes its first major stride forward with the introduction of the steam-powered accordian. 1892 - Oscar Wilde pens his play Lady Windermere's Fan after being influenced by the patrons of various European rough pubs. 1901 - Whole porcupines are replaced by candy and eggs in Easter baskets. The end of the tradition breaks the hearts of doctors and the pliers manufacturing industry. 1962 - Vatican II decrees that self-flagellation is to be replaced by the headdesk. 2003 - The United States invades Iraq just hours after President Bush has his "Mission Accomplished" speech written for him. 2006 - Adobe Potatochop is released and quickly becomes the most popular image-editing software among people with too much time on their hands. 2012 - In accordance with ancient Mayan prophesy, space-time collapses in upon itself. However, the only effect noticed on Earth is that all of Cleveland's McDonald's end up in Antarctica. 2018 - The White House Easter egg roll on the South Lawn is the focus of news feeds as land mine manufacturers put on a "yuge" show for attendees, or at least for the surviving parents. 2021 - Dick Cheney dies, putting Satan out of a job. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg - 21 disappointed Lovecraft entities ( 21 / 0 ) "Hey, guys! Where ya goin'? I'm all packed and... aaaww, shit, there goes the bus." Image credit: Some user

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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