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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Star Trek Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that Richard the Lionheart of England had a "Richard the Lionheart" of his own? ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period? ... and today, SpongeBob is? ... that Richard the Lionheart of England had a "Richard the Lionheart" of his own? ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period? ... and today, SpongeBob is? ... that Richard the Lionheart of England had a "Richard the Lionheart" of his own? ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period? ... and today, SpongeBob is? ... that Richard the Lionheart of England had a "Richard the Lionheart" of his own?

Latest murders Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Past murders... March 20: Procrastination Day (extends until tomorrow) c.170 million BCE - Sloths plot their invasion of Africa but are thwarted by continental drift before they can act. 8065 BCE - Atlantis passes flood control legislation but never gets around to buying the equipment to implement it. 814 - Charlemagne devises a plan for world peace but fails to write it down before he dies. 1510 - Martin Luther writes his 95 Theses and intends to post them, but keeps forgetting to bring nails to hammer them to the church door when he attends Sunday services. 1602 - The Dutch East India Company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar. 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule. 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value. 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin is published, setting racial equality back for an estimated two hundred years. 1864 - Dick Cheney gets bitten by a vampire. The vampire dies of poisoning. 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams, and mind-control paraphernelia. 1914 - The first International Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity. 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Mickey Pill.jpg Mickey Pill.jpg - 21.5 total votes ( 27.5 / 6 ) Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers. Image credit: Rcmurphy

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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