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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Arthur Currie Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that a fool and his money are always welcome in my store? ... Google Street View cars replace their cameras with potatoes once they cross the Connecticut border? ... that a fool and his money are always welcome in my store? ... Google Street View cars replace their cameras with potatoes once they cross the Connecticut border? ... that a fool and his money are always welcome in my store? ... Google Street View cars replace their cameras with potatoes once they cross the Connecticut border? ... that a fool and his money are always welcome in my store?

Latest murders Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Past murders... April 10: Smoke-'Em-if-Ya-Got-'Em Day 250 million BCE - While it is unclear whether the Siberian Traps were responsible for the Permian-Triassic extinction event, it is known that its volcanoes smoked up to 5 packs of unfiltered cigarettes a day while playing cards. 1490 - Juan Ponce de Leon discovers the Fountain of Youth in Florida, shrugs and sets up a retirement community around it. 1919 - Colombian guerrilla lord Juan Valdez invents coffee. 1926 - Polio victim FDR still can't feel his legs; So he feels up Lucy Mercer instead. This would cause friction at the Yalta Conference when he feels Stalin's hand on her leg. 1952 - Kellogg's Cereals introduces Atomic-O's claiming that there are "vitamins, minerals and Uranium257 in each glowing bite." 1959 - Basic Instinct starring Sharon Stone's nether regions is released. 1962 - Billy finds papa's smokes. He's got 'em, he smokes 'em. 1964 - Professor Andmaryann discovers coconuts. 1970 - Paul McCartney announces Beatles breakup, and everybody tokes. 1989 - PPPPPPPP Emma Pie is birthed, not in a galaxy far far away, but near your local convenience store dairy section. 1996 - Tired of being ridiculed by fans, Michael Jackson finally admits, yes, it does matter whether you're black or white, and to get a pay raise, he turns white. 2005 - Dennis Rodman's hair develops sentience, takes over South America. 2006 - MIT scientist discover that "crack iz wack". 2007 - Hundreds injured while trying to grab bargains at the After Easter Markdown Days Sale at KKK-Mart in Gritlyville, Missouri. "Oh, the humanity!" 2012 - Al Gore drops out of presidential race after revealing photos of him and Michel Moore trading carbon offsets is published in the German magazine Siegessaeule. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Gi-jew-movie.jpg Gi-jew-movie.jpg - 25 total votes ( 28 / 3 ) GI Jew: The Movie is a 2006 remake of the classic Torah! Torah! Torah! of 1967 fame. The remake underwent many names before GI Jew was chosen, including Hebrews with Hutzpah and Israel is Real. Image credit: RadicalX

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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