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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction?

Latest murders Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos (pictured) DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Past murders... May 9: Weird Types of Bear Appreciation Day (Australia: Drop Bear, China: Panda bear, Canada: Bipolar bear) 1337 - Wolverine is born, slashing his way out of his mother's womb. He was fine. 1429 - Joan of Arc entertains the English troops with a medley of show-songs from Bedknobs & Broomsticks. 1431 - Joan of Arc entertains more English troops with another medley of songs, this time from "Deadknobs and Burning-sticks" as she is set alight. 1497 - Vasco da Gama perfects the eye-watering fart. He is then exiled as far away as possible and manages to reach India. 1627 - An edict is passed in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodelling. (pictured) 1671 - Pope Clement X is killed by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume. 1700 - Mr. T pities another fool. His work would never be done. 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a witticist's apprentice in a local humor emporium. 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications. 1941 - SS chief Heinrich Himmler orders the arrest and deportation to concentration camps of all homosexuals in Germany. The German Army, once the most fashionable in the world, soon find themselves poorly groomed and wearing fatigues that clash with their boots. 1982 - Wikipedia destroys the Andromeda Galaxy. The destruction has not been seen yet due to the slowness of light speed. 1991 - Small, Medium, and Large complain to the United Nations, that Extra Large is abusing its position. The UN introduce sanctions, however these are withdrawn when it becomes known that size does not matter. 2008 - John Prescott admits to his bulimia being fraudulent after being caught on a 72-hour Pizza Hut binge. 2030 - Waldo is found. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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