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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998?

Latest murders Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Past murders... March 2: International Kill a Cartoon Character Day 40 million BCE - Heaven is created after God gets drunk and accidentally kills Tony the Tiger and needs a place to hide the body. 1901 - Heaven is finally accepted as a member of the United Nations, just a shade over 40 million years after Tony the Tiger's death. 1902 - Nietzsche kills the Trix Rabbit over the latter's Überwabbit philosophical theories. 1912 - Chip and Dale get killed in fiery auto accident with Donald Duck and a turkey. Turducken is then invented when the group is found to taste "just like chicken". 1962 - Barbara Walters begins murdering the Rice Crispy boys one by one by breaking their necks with a satisfying *snap*, *crackle* and *pop*. 1967 - To the relief of Tokyoites, Godzilla just comes as far as Zushi Beach to enjoy a sunny day. He builds an immense sandcastle, plays in the surf, then returns to the ocean at sunset. Later, winds would blow the sand into Tokyo, destroying it. 1973 - Bob the Builder is killed by Patrick Stewart in freak dodgeball accident. 1978 - The Roadrunner pushes Wile E. Coyote off a cliff. 1984 - Gorby names March 2 the "Saddest day ever". 1985 - New Kids on the Block kill Fat Albert, proving they have some kind of talent after all. 1992 - A giant Kryptonian beast kills Superman, just before having a couple tall buildings for dessert. 1994 - This is the day that I kill Kenny. (You bastard!) 1996 - Sylvester Stallone kills Sylvester the Cat for name rights. 1999 - Disney cartoon characters are murdered by more favored anime fans. 2001 - President Bush's "War on Spongebob" begins with the carpet bombing of Bikini Bottom. This is just another example of one cartoon character trying to kill another. 2008 - Popeye dies after being poisoned by Salmonella bacteria in spinach. 2010 - Sam I Am chokes on his Green Eggs and Ham. He is a poet but don't know it. 2012 - Itchy and Scratchy kill Tom and Jerry. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Lincoln laptop.jpg Lincoln laptop.jpg - 12 total votes ( 18 / 6 ) And so it was that Abraham Lincoln was shot, killed by an actor for sending those stupid 'Joke of the Day' E-mails to Jefferson Davis. Image credit: Silius

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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