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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that if you see Buddha on the road, you should kill him, but first get his autograph on a baseball or something? ... that Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct because it couldn't reach anything put on a top shelf? ... that if you see Buddha on the road, you should kill him, but first get his autograph on a baseball or something? ... that Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct because it couldn't reach anything put on a top shelf? ... that if you see Buddha on the road, you should kill him, but first get his autograph on a baseball or something? ... that Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct because it couldn't reach anything put on a top shelf? ... that if you see Buddha on the road, you should kill him, but first get his autograph on a baseball or something?

Latest murders Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Past murders... April 27: Eat a Live Piglet Day (Schenectady, New York; Griffin, Georgia) 1124 - King David the Lastnameless takes the throne of Scotland 1294 - Scotland calls the French a bunch of pussies. Angry grumbling ensues. 1368 - The Big Bad Wolf is found guilty of vandalism and mouth robbery, and is sentenced to 30 hours of social work. 1509 - Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict. The interdict arises from finding the state warm and moist. 1521 - Magellan arrives in the Philippines. The locals invite him in for dinner. 1555 - You are born, but die of cholera by age eight. You don't remember this previous life because you were born a moron. 1934 - The first perpetual motion machine goes on sale in Pennsyltucky. Like, for forever. 1935 - AT&T is formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later. 1945 - USA and USSR meet for the first time in Germany, starting a love affair to last several decades. 1949 - Texas becomes the first US State to outlaw cheese, following the discovery of a Soviet covert chedder ring operating in Houston. 1966 - NASA scientists propose using Dusty Springfield's 11-mile tall bouffant to get to the moon. 1984 - The Libyan Embassy in London is taken hostage by a VW campervan, ending in the shooting of Dr. Emmett Brown. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] TsarwarsIV.jpg TsarwarsIV.jpg - 23 hairy men in golden thongs ( 23 / 0 ) Tsar Wars Episode IV, No Hope Image credit: Sannse

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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