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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles? ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction? ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles? ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction? ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles? ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction? ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?

Latest murders The King is dead Iranian trumps Trump Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Past murders... May 22: Sit Around and Watch Old Movies Day 10000 BCE - First May 22 recorded by Che Guevara. 1888 - Start your own Reich day, in Germany. 1936 - Joseph Stalin enters tie-dye phase. It lasts one day. 1976 - Death toll from an accident at yesterday's Annual Fart Lighting Festival in Natchez, Mississippi rises to 103. 1984 - (10:00 am) Soviet Forces invade Colorado, US lets them because nobody cares about Colorado. 1984 - (10:05 am) Soviet Forces return Colorado to American control and retreats after realizing there's nothing in Colorado. Again nobody cares. 1999 - First AOL CD sent back in time. 2001 - Clustered bonbons in a freezer briefly develop sentience; first thing they see is Gigli, commit suicide. 2007 - Emeril Lagasse gives up on cooking, decides to become demolition expert. 2011 - Life continues as if it didn't just end the day before. 2034 - Walt Disney utters antisemitic remark in his grave. 3026 - Che Guevara finds the All Spark and brags to all the Decepticons. The Decepticons later shred him. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

[vote] Jesus on raptor.JPG Jesus on raptor.JPG - 29.5 total votes ( 29.5 / 0 ) Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account. From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE) Image credit: Tshell

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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