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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun? ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D? ... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun? ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D? ... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun? ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D? ... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun?

Latest murders Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election Past murders... June 28: Adamand Eve (Kenya, Iceland), Obliviousness Awareness Day (Chad, China) 1493 - Unimpressed by Columbus' attempt to reach the Far East by sailing west, navigator Ernesto de Borgnine attempts to reach the Americas by sailing East. His ship crashes into the Cadiz docks thirty seconds into his journey. 1572 - The day the music died. 1573 - The day the music was resurrected as a zombie. 1619 - Nostradamus predicts that everyone will die someday, including the music. 1745 - Sharon Stone begins her first retirement at the age of 57. 1851 - Franco-Pakistani War ends in a draw after a sudden death match. 1865 - The Army of the Potomac is disbanded but will re-emerge as the KISS Army many years later. 1914 - A driver takes a wrong turn in Sarajevo and runs over Franz Ferdinand in the process. World War One finds an excuse to start. 1922 - The bloody war between Chile and France ends abruptly when both countries realize that they don't have common borders to fight over. 1947 - Obliviousness Awareness Day declared in Chad. Chadians celebrate by starving as usual. 1950 - Seoul is captured by North Korean forces; James Brown is not amused. 1973 - Scholars discover the first gay couple, Adam and Steve, in Israel. In other news, it's the goddamn doodly best day ever because Maddox visits Chicago. 1980 - An earthquake destroys the Chinese city of Bu-Chu-Fu; millions die. When rescue crews complain about poor building construction, the Chinese government declares it to be Obliviousness Awareness Day. 2009 - One of our greatest, Billy Mays, passes on to infomercial heaven. You can get Billy Mays and for a limited time only, his charisma for not one or two but three eternities! Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Vague.png Vague.png - 9 whatsits ( 14 / 5 ) It's the Magazine for People™! Image credit: PuppyOnTheRadio and Bizzeebeever

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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