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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A? ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A? ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A? ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?

Latest murders Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Past murders... March 16: International Toaster Day 3 million BCE - Toasters battle waffle irons for supremacy throughout the world. Apple peelers become extinct. 1066 - Soldiers in the Battle of Hastings from both the Norman and English sides are set upon by wild toasters; less than two hundred survive. 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread. 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself. 1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast. 1823 - George Washington Carver sets out on an expedition to the California redwood forests to study toasters. 1843 - The first toaster ranch is established in Peyote, Wyoming, with over three dozen domestic toasters. 1883 - Oscar Wilde's poem The Sphinx, widely believed to be a veiled reference to toasters, is published. 1931 - During construction of the Empire State Building, a fossil of a Tyrannotoasterus is unearthed, sparking interest in the new field of Toasteropaleontology. 1950 - National Geographic discovers that the wild toaster is actually a kitchen appliance. 1975 - A toaster from a traveling circus in Alabama escapes captivity and mauls four people and dozens of raw bread slices before being killed by local appliance control authorities. 2011 - A crazed toaster kills 1,000,000,000 people after it rode in on the earthquake/tsunami in Japan. It will hit China, Canada, and Russia. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] BSoD box art.png BSoD box art.png - 6 total votes ( 6 / 0 ) Insert image caption here Image credit: Uyabba

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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