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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that some believe the Earth is actually flat-chested and a clandestine multinational program is keeping it stuffed? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that some believe the Earth is actually flat-chested and a clandestine multinational program is keeping it stuffed? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that some believe the Earth is actually flat-chested and a clandestine multinational program is keeping it stuffed? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?

Latest murders French guard Buckingham Palace (pictured) Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients Israel boasts of precision in bombings it didn't do Ukraine destroys large Russian warship, again GOP will have no candidates in 2024 Argentina goes off the deep end Beatles complete sequel trilogy Past murders... April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day, among gamers known as Explosion Day 30,000 BCE - The first clitoris is born. 1559 - University of Padua, Italy recognizes the clitoris' existence. 1775 - In a New York study on human sexual behavior, researches find the clitoris to be more important to female sexual pleasure than the actual vagina. Men with small penises find new hope. 1907 - The first vibrator is introduced in France. 1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues. 1941 - Roberto Carlos, formerly Brazil's greatest manwhore (presently a widower), is born in Cachoeiro de Itapemirim. Many clitorii become excited. 1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse. Condom sales decline. 1969 - Clitoris piercing becomes a popular fad with the exception of the 10 kilo (22 lb.) dogbone style. 1998 - Windows 98 is released. Memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the "World's Biggest Clitoris". (pictured) 1990 - Clinton has oral sex with two girls from next door, their mothers, their aunts, and every female in the local phone book up to the letter "G". 2007 - Wikipedia celebrates The First Ever International Main Page Huffing Day. 2007 - Aperture Science launches their Bring-Your-Daughter-to-Work Day, which is the perfect time to have her tested for STDs. 2011 - Aperture Science launches a new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas. Due to the large numbers of explosions during the destruction of their facilities, the day is named Explosion Day. Nobody knows why. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Satan-job.jpg Satan-job.jpg - 27 total votes ( 29 / 2 ) Satan hates his job, too. You're not like Satan. Are you? Image credit: RadicalX

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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