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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman? ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians? ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman? ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians? ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman? ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians? ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman?

Latest murders Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia (pictured) Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Past murders... February 4: International Nobody Does Anything Interesting Day 1204 BCE - Romanian peasants weary of their oppressive king, gather and march in a group 100,000 strong on the capitol. They present a list of demands to the king, who comes out of his castle and yells at the crowd. Everyone grumbles and they all go home. 220 - Emperor Cao Cao of the Han Dynasty, knowing the end is near, has the imperial chef make him his favorite sandwich. 1066 - Celtic warlords, finding the weather too poor to do battle, take a water break. 1142 - Starving peasants in medieval Brandenburg continue to starve. 1210 - Genghis Khan once again levels a city to the ground and kills all its residents just out of force of habit. This time, he carelessly allows someone's pet gerbil to live. Knowing she is only a gerbil but with a heart full of revenge, she digs a burrow and waits, only to be eaten by a snake later that day. 1366 - Cake doughnuts with frosting replace plain ones as a favorite in Austria. 1877 - Charles Dickens has constipation, contemplates going to the doctor. 1943 - Hitler finds some time out of his day to play with his dog Blondi. 1968 - Lyndon B. Johnson drinks some really bad coffee, tells his wife. 1977 - Eric Clapton orders a tuna sandwich from the deli but is given egg salad instead, doesn't notice until he gets home. 1989 - Gerard Strassner, of Utica, New York, finally starts listening to R.E.M. 2004 - Mark Zuckerberg invents the Facebook status, making Nobody Does Anything Interesting Day an everyday holiday. 2014 - Space aliens land throughout North America and take control. As this happens at 5 AM, Americans just roll over and go back to sleep, thinking to take care of it later in the day after having their morning coffee. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Leonardo.jpg Leonardo.jpg - 20.5 total votes ( 31.5 / 11 ) Even as a child, Leonardo da Vinci showed a gift for art and anatomy. Image credit: Rei

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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