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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... Edward Scissorhands was never capable of running with scissors, much less a scissor? ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up? ... Edward Scissorhands was never capable of running with scissors, much less a scissor? ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up? ... Edward Scissorhands was never capable of running with scissors, much less a scissor? ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up? ... Edward Scissorhands was never capable of running with scissors, much less a scissor?

Latest murders Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia (pictured) Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Past murders... February 14: International Suck Day 32 CE - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene. 35 CE - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifixion. 269 - St. Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance. 1307 - William Tell uses cow hearts for targets and gives them with an arrow through each to various women in Gstaad, Switzerland. They flee in terror and he takes their chocolate. 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Nurse Joy shortly before his death by being hit by a train. 1930 - Elm Farm Ollie becomes the first cow to fly in a fixed-wing aircraft and also the first cow to be milked in an aircraft. She would later barnstorm in her self-built plane and hand out ice cream to children as flying at high altitudes is quite cold. 1994 - Canada successfully builds a space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth. 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With a Loser Who Has Never Had a Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him. 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him. 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him. 2009 - St. Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals. 2010 - St. Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Hen tie.jpg Hen tie.jpg - 10 flying hens ( 11 / 1 ) Although the practice has been popular in Japan for centuries, only recently have men in Western countries begun to wear live hens in the place of the usual cloth neck ties. Image credit: The Hedgehog

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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