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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Arthur Currie Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool? ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better? ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal? ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool? ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better? ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal? ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool? ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better? ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal? ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool? ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?

Latest murders Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Past murders... April 11: National Backwards Helmet Day 48 - Holy Belly Button Lint is discovered in a ditch near Golgotha. 641 - Sliced bread is invented. It takes four days to properly slice a loaf. 642 - Toast is invented during a bakery fire. People like toast so much they set fire to more bakeries. 643 - The first slice of buttered toast is dropped on floor. This may also have been the invention of the Five Second Rule. 644 - The inventor of toast and sliced bread is burned at the stake for heresy and witchcraft as it is found that toast always falls buttered side down, contrary to the laws of God. 1492 - The first slice of jelly bread is thrown into someone's face. The Three Stooges are formed as a result. 1493 - First execution for accidentally throwing a slice of jelly bread into the face of the king. 1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a milkshake. 1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed; while lying devastated on the ground he hears the robber shouting victoriously "I drink your milkshake!" while running away. 1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next. The country is torn over whether to attack Poland or France, so they compromise and just invade both. 1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister. 1905 - Einstein publishes a book about his relative relationship with his sister and subsequently wins the Nobel prize. 1969 - Satan invents disco. 1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates Thomas the Tank Engine. 1999 - Rain of Tears memorial: there are mass suicides after the first showing of Gigli. 2009 - Somebody who actually cares for this holiday puts his helmet on backwards. His bike is immediately stolen because he can't see. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Mao Zedong portrait.jpg Mao Zedong portrait.jpg - 15 ( 15 / 0 ) Chairman Meow Image credit: Socky

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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