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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Featured today, a long long time ago Mark Levin, featured on 10 January 2025. See the featured version. Did you know... *... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented?

Latest murders Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus (pictured) Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Past murders... The End Is Near! January 11: Fear of the Apocalypse Day, Guacamole/Whack-a-Mole Confusion Day 3000 BCE - God vows to destroy the Earth, possibly while drunk. 1834 BCE - Shamans kill a porcupine to determine if it is indeed the end of the world. Instead, with their hands full of quills, they determine it is the end of killing porcupines. 50 BCE - World is still not ended yet, with most everyone waiting with bated breath. As some people don't understand exactly what that is, they fail to brush in the morning and wait with bad breath. 34 - The end is near! But which end? And how near? 184 - The end is near! However, it is narrowly averted when the end fails to make a left at Albuquerque and gets lost. 1386 - Maybe the end is next week? 1862 - Mexican forces defeat a superior force of French moles outside Guerrero. By leaving out bowls of guacamole, half the French forces are tricked into go back to their headquarters for chips. Mexican cavalry then attacked with mallets, winning many prize tickets. 1967 - The Doors release the song The End but fail to trigger the Apocalypse. Most people instead up waiting for The End to end. 1979 - The movie Apocalypse Now fails to kick off the end of the world. 2004 - The Whack-a-Mole arcade game is introduced. Plastic moles equipped with high-intensity lasers fight back against a player armed with a mallet. It proves to be unpopular except in pizza joints where the burning smell from the game is covered up by the odor of burnt pizza. 2006 - The TV series Crocodile Whisperer debuts. The show garners high ratings when the animal expert is attacked and eaten after being distracted by Steve Irwin waving hello. 2016 - A woman runs for President. A woman loses the election because she has a husband that most people dislike. 2018 - Two words: Avocado toast. 2020 - The first of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrives. Most people spend most of their time indoors in pandemic related isolation. Nobody can agree on who or what is to blame. As a result, this year is best described as "2020 hindsight". 2027 - The end happens. Critics call it underwhelming with Rotten Tomatoes giving it a 42% rating. 2050 - The Anti-Christ shows up....for the 50th time. The dooms-dayers show up with signs....for the 5 billionth time. Too bad they are all too late for the party. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Catcher-rye-full.jpg Catcher-rye-full.jpg - 14 total votes ( 24 / 10 ) J.D. Salinger wrote a book about baseball or bread or something. Image credit: RadicalX

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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