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Today's featured corpse COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More) Recently featured: Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's featured corpse Did you know... *... that GPSs accidentally dropped in the ocean have caused whales to become confused and try to migrate to Oklahoma? ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole? ... that GPSs accidentally dropped in the ocean have caused whales to become confused and try to migrate to Oklahoma? ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole? ... that GPSs accidentally dropped in the ocean have caused whales to become confused and try to migrate to Oklahoma? ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole? ... that GPSs accidentally dropped in the ocean have caused whales to become confused and try to migrate to Oklahoma?

Latest murders Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos Past murders... April 28: World Amateur Gene Splicing Day 70,000 BCE - Homo sapiens emerges from Africa in search of restaurants that are really good but not too pricey and don't have wait staff that treat customers like shit. This single thought would propel all future human migration. 3500 BCE - Moses descends from Mt. Sinai amid thunderclaps and bush conflagrations with a number of commandments. 905 - Court jesters throughout Europe go on strike. This is considered so funny by the ruling class that most get promotions and bonuses. 1818 - A Dr. Frankenstein from Germany finds other uses for his electrical turkey deep fryer invention. 1861 - Oscar Wilde first merits mention in his local newspaper for his treatise on the manufacturing of bon-bons. 1920 - The Soviet Union acquires free agent Azerbaijan; US weakly responds by drafting Alaska 39 years later. 1932 - Dr. Bill Cosby announces discovery of vaccine for Jell-O Fever. 2008 - Long-awaited gaming platform Playstation 4 is released to a wildly supportive public. 1953 - Watson and Crick perfect DNA editing by removing Franklin and Gosling from any credit for discovering its structure. 1993 - The Iron Chef makes gene splicing effective and inexpensive. Ironically, his name is not Gene. 2009 - 90% of the population of Schenectady, New York, is wiped out by a mystery illness resulting from yesterday's festivities. Pie of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie
[vote] Sickophant.png Sickophant.png - 12 sickophants ( 12 / 0 ) A sickophant in its natural habitat. Image credit: Lyrithya

Detective and Piemaker of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're doing much better now; we simply can't be bothered.

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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