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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,398 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... Usain Bolt is so fast, he can run 100 meters in the same time as he can run 10 decameters?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
- ... that the parasitic wasp Lathrolestes luteolator has changed its host from the sawfly to Steve Harvey??
- ... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?
- ... if it ain't Scottish, it's crap?
- ... goldfish have been found not to be particularly aggressive, yet they can often be found guarding a castle?
- ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
- ... that Tetris is generally considered to be the cause of the collapse of the USSR?
- ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
- ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars?
- ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
- ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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 [Insert double entendre here] February 1: International [Insert Holiday Here] Day, Old Meme Flogging Day
- 24398 BCE - First fat kid falls down the first flight of stairs.</nowiki>
- 13455 BCE - Mammoth shaming works all too well, driving them to extinction. Nice going.
- c.2000 BCE - Moses brings the Ten Commandments to his people, but forgets to go back for the tablet that contains Rule 34.
- [Insert a year from 0-43 AD here] - [Insert overdone Jesus joke here]
- [Insert 1337 here] - [Insert tired, pointless noob joke here]
- [Insert date that doesn't follow the given order at all] - [Insert sexual innuendo with [insert name here] and [insert name here] along with an event that defies logic]
- [Insert year here] - [Insert event that takes place in Paris here] - [Insert sentence containing 'Rioting' here]
- 1989 - Cats conspire to take over the internet but are foiled by humanity's deep love of Pr0n.
- 1991 - Richard Simmons overdoes exercise and is mistaken for what would later be known as Slenderman.
- 2006 - James Blunt admits he was fed helium as a child and recommends it to the youth of today
- 20X6 - Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking me for a challenge?!?!
- [Insert 2101 AD here] - [Insert tired, pointless All Your Base reference here]
- <nowiki>[Insert (absurdly large number times two absurdly large numbers) AD here] - [Insert worn out and over used joke about a clone of your mother and me here].
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,398 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
