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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,360 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that you need to stop reading this page and get a job?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ... children were golden in 1999 when bad kids were threatened with Jar Jar Binks figures for Christmas if they did not behave?
- ... that Leonardo da Vinci invented the little round thing put in the middle of a pizza to prevent it from hitting the box top?
- ... and that because he had no name for it, it would not be used for over 500 years?
- ... thanks to a transporter accident, the joke about suicide bombers' 72 virgins being Star Trek geeks is older than Islam?
- ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
- ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... an apple a day keeps the doctor away if thrown hard enough?
- ... one of the great ironies of the Crimean War was that the Earl of Sandwich's troops were constantly sandwiched between Russian artillery and cavalry?
- ... and that Lord Raglan had nothing up his sleeve?
- ... that one person can change the world?
- ... the reason for 50% of modern marriages ending in divorce is because those people try to go to IKEA together for a relaxing afternoon?
- ... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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November 17: Björksmas (Iceland).
- 1558 - Elizabethan era begins: Queen Mary I of England dies and is succeeded by her half-sister Elizabeth XP.
- 1796 - Napoleonic Wars, Battle of Arcole: French forces defeat the Austrians in Italy. Despite the victory, French forces surrender 15 minute later, citing "force of habit".
- 1863 - Siege of Knoxville begins: Confederate forces led by General James Longstreet place Johnny Knoxville under siege; Steve-O manages to escape in a daring skateboard stunt.
- 1871 - The NRA is granted a charter by the state of New York, they celebrate by accidentally shooting people.
- 1903 - The Russian Social Democratic Labor Party splits into two groups; the Bolsheviks (Russian for "majority") and Milkshakes (Russian for "minority"). (NOTE: Later the Milkshakes became the majority party, meaning that technically the Milkshakes became the bolsheviks and the Bolsheviks milkshakes).
- 1967 - Vietnam War: Acting on optimistic reports he was given on November 13, US President Lyndon B. Johnson tells his nation that, while much remained to be done, "We are inflicting greater losses than we're taking... we are making progress." Johnson goes on to say that after he wins in Vietnam, he will attempt to bring law and order to Afghanistan, impose democracy on Iraq, and stage a winter assault on Moscow.
- 1969 - Negotiators from the Soviet Union and the United States meet in Helsinki to begin SALT I negotiations aimed at limiting the amount of sodium in fast food.
- 1970 - The Soviet Union lands the probe Lunokhod 1 on Mare Inebrium (Sea of Rains) on the Moon. NASA says that it's the first roving remote-controlled robot to land on another world. But then again, they also say that we can't live on the sun.
- 1970 - Douglas Engelbart receives the patent for the first computer mouse. The revolutionary invention will allow men to search for porn with only one hand.
- 1973 - In Orlando, Florida, US President Richard Nixon tells 400 Associated Press managing editors "I am not a crook". Moments later he swipes one of their wallets.
- 2006 -The Playstation 3 is released in America at $599. 200 will later be chained together and used to crack SSL authentication, with more added in later years to form the kernel of Skynet.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,360 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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