Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun?
- ... P.T. Barnum indeed said "There's a sucker born every minute" but that he was talking about aphids?
- ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman?
- ... that Tetris is generally considered to be the cause of the collapse of the USSR?
- ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
- ... that a new broom sweeps clean but a Zamboni does it faster?
- ... air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... my name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to do something or the other?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day, Feast of Hermaphrodite
- 10,000 BCE - Humans begin destroying the forest, driving out bears and things.
- 7,573 BCE - Hermes and Aphrodite have a lovely bouncing boy, Hermaphroditus. This proves problematic when he falls out of his crib.
- 7,558BCE - Hermaphroditus gets into a swimming pool with Salmacis, and 2 becomes 1.
- 1 BCE - New way of counting up instead of down, ADD, proposed, but no one finishes project off.
- 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
- 1915 - French Army phases out custard pies as infantry weapons, replaces them with hand-buzzers.
- 1932 - William Butler Yeats marries his dog Chico.
- 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the European Community. Turnout is low, "yes" carries the day with a result of 6-4.
- 1978 - While starring in an open air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
- 1992 - The title of world's first penguin to eat rocks is taken by Magiwatoo, a penguin from Chilean waters.
- 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.
- 2009 - It is officially announced that the language of Liverpool is Quack. Every Liverpudlian goes quackin crazy.
- 2015 - The French get tired of rioting, someone quacks for comedic value, rioting ensues.
- 2063 - Jacob von Hogflume, inventor of Time travel, is born in a log cabin in 1864.
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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