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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,360 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... Area 51 is just a clever ploy to distract you from being curious about Areas 1 through 50?
- ... that wearing a top hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D?
- ... if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown?
- ...that love is not what makes Subaru, a Subaru; it's rather the wheels, body, and engine?
- ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
- ... that due to the recent and highly successful reforms in education, grammar studies isn't need anymore?
- ... Ham Chan is a 4chan imageboard on Iranian servers dedicated to pork and pork products?
- ... Mister Rogers was not a Navy SEAL as rumored but a sea lion in disguise?
- ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ... that a live action version of Steamboat Willie is set for release next summer?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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November 18: Constantly Hum the William Tell Overture Day, World Kool-Aid Day
- 1307 - William Tell (pictured) shoots an apple off his son's head. What they don't tell in the history books is that before this day, Tell had thirteen other children.
- 1626 - Due to an unfortunate typo, St. Peter's Basilica is accidentally desecrated instead of consecrated.
- 1922 - Gangsters find that concrete shoes are just the thing to eliminate recalcitrant blackmail victims. They quickly also find that inflatable kiddie pools don't work too well with the concept.
- 1925 - Nikola Tesla catches a severe cold. It is the only day of his life spent without inventing anything.
- 1927 - Charles Lindbergh falls asleep shortly after taking off from New York and wakes up to find himself over Paris nearly 6 months later.
- 1928 - Release of the animated short Steamboat Willie, directed by Walt Disney. The copyright on this film is expected to expire when the sun exhausts its hydrogen and enters a red giant phase, or perhaps somewhat afterwards.
- 1933 - The Lone Ranger, having pretty good trick-or-treating luck the previous year, decides to keep his mask on as a permanent wardrobe feature.
- 1938 - Tonto commits suicide when he can't get the song out of his head. Silver the Wonder Horse soon follows.
- 1972 - Angela Griffith is the first woman to ingest five times her weight in broccoli. Tragically, she dies after the resultant flatulence blows her to bits. A statue probably will be erected in her memory, somewhere or other.
- 1978 - Jonestown incident: In Guyana, Jim Jones leads his Peoples Temple cult in a mass murder-suicide that claims 918 lives, leading Kool-Aid to revoke their sponsorship of Jones.
- 2001 - The Nintendo GameCube is released. It sells considerably better than the Nintendo Hypercube, which requires users to push buttons in four dimensions.
- 2009 - Spongebob Square pants attempts to try on round pants. The resulting wedgie places him in a 2-month-long coma.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,360 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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