Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... That over 100 Martians have been run over by the rover Curiosity?
- ... and that it was all covered up by CGI directed by the clone of Stanley Kubrick?
- ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of
 gifts?
- ... if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that Leonardo da Vinci invented the little round thing put in the middle of a pizza to prevent it from hitting the box top?
- ... and that because he had no name for it, it would not be used for over 500 years?
- ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
- ... air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that since many hands make light work, workers at nuclear power plants are encouraged to grow extras?
- ... that resistance is futile, so you should calculate using impedance instead?
- ... That over 100 Martians have been run over by the rover Curiosity?
- ... and that it was all covered up by CGI directed by the clone of Stanley Kubrick?
- ... if it ain't Scottish, it's crap?
- ... Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely toxic last name?
- ... Ötzi the Iceman was found with an overdue library book, with the fine now exceeding €4.2 million?
- ... that torture is better to give than to receive?
- ... if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, Bishop Berkeley will get into a fistfight with William of Ockham?
- ... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?
- ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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February 21: Killer Bee 10K Run Day
- 2 million BCE - A bird species, later called the African Honey Guide, learns to lead humans to beehives to get them to take all the stinging punishment while robbing a hive. Nearly comatose humans would then leave a portion of honey for the birds. Bees would put up a fight but concede it was better than the old days where a Tyrannosaurus Rex would just eat the whole hive and the tree it was on.
- c.3500 BCE - Egyptians domesticate the wild bee, forcing them to build pyramids and temples. Moses the Bee begins a revolt and leads her hive out of Egypt, leaving Pharoah with nothing to put on his toast.
- 1415 - French knights test armor made of mashed potatoes. No knights survive to make a negative report, so production goes into full swing.
- 1822 - Farley Upham trains bees to make their honey in glass jars, revolutionizing the industry.
- 1903 - The Wright Brothers fly the first bumblebee, after being told it couldn't be done.
- 1922 - The first bee movie is made, Bee Guiled.
- 1942 - Sea bees extend their range throughout the Pacific islands. They are ignored by whales who prefer salty snacks.
- 1957 - A descendent of Moses the Bee leads multiple Africanized bee colonies out of Brazil to the promised land, apparently Saskatchewan, Canada. They mow down hundreds of humans in their path acquiring the "killer bee" (KB) moniker causing dyslexics to flee from Burger King (BK) signs.
- 1960 - The Bee-Jesus is born in Harmony, Australia.
- 1961 - Bees begin making honey in bear-shaped containers, increasing sales many times. Bears then attempt to sell themselves in bee-shaped containers, with tragic results.
- 2010 - Long-distance running becomes popular as more people encounter killer bees.
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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