Today's Message of pain
|
Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
|
Did you care...
|
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie tried to change his name to Klaus Barbie Doll while hiding out in Peru?
- ... if you open your refrigerator door you will make a chilling discovery?
- ... air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
- ... that the answer is Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick?
- ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? YOU HAVE THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO PUT A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD
- ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
- ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... the Earth is indeed hollow, but you might fall off the edge trying to find the entrance?
- ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
|
|
Recent deaths
|
|
Today sucks because...
|
July 12 Feast of Peter and Paul (Catholic Church), Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) (pictured)
- 995 - The Feast of Peter and Paul is established on the church calendar where believers must gorge themselves on Mounds and Almond Joy candy bars. This coincidentally happens just a week after the Catholic Church acquires a 51% stake in all candy companies.
- 1238 - The Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas is interrupted by breakaway sects advocating the use of regular sausage in lasagnas. After visions of the Flying Spaghetti Monster battling the spectre of Intelligent Design are seen throughout the world, the sects realign themselves more closely to the main church and name themselves The FSM Church of the Well-Shaken Colander.
- 1239 - The last pan from the Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas is finally scrubbed clean and put away.
- 1491 - Columbus accidentally jumps the gun and sails west, landing at Lagos, Spain. He captures all its residents and sells them into slavery, but not before infecting them with various diseases.
- 1870 - In the midst of high school, and without the convenience of LiveJournal, Oscar Wilde expresses his angst and sorrow by composing the poems Poems. In the future, most high school students would keep the volume close at hand, using it mostly as a fan or a drink coaster.
- 1917 - The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 minors from Bisbee, Arizona. The children are forced to wander the Arizona desert in search of shelter and sustenence following in the path of hundreds of miners previously deported.
- 1973 - There's a starman waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet us but he thinks he'll blow our minds.
- 1993 - The sale of Chex Mix is officially banned in the United States after disturbing trends regarding improper usage come to light.
- 1998 - Icelandic megastar Björk is arrested for allegedly causing several thousand dollars worth of damage to an Icelandic bed and breakfast. She is later acquitted after testifying "I am the round and the square, the ocean is sea."
- 2004 - Harold and Kumar finally make it to White Castle.
- 2008 - The United States presidential race heats up, as Senator John McCain reveals his platform and begins intensive campaigning.
|
|
Poets of the Month
|
|
Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
|
|
The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
|
Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
|
|
