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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,005 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
- ... that Killing Joke, the band that performed the song Eighties, are now in their eighties?
- ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
- ... that I only slept with your wife as a prank?
- ... Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely toxic last name?
- ... that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
- ... and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
- ... dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and YOUR ENERGY DRINK!?!?!
- ... that this page will self-destruct in 5 seconds?
- ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
- ... and that it was itself?
- ... that Crime does indeed pay very well, especially after you get caught?
- ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... Samuel L. Jackson or Scarlett Johansson have appeared in every minor and major Hollywood movie since 2017?
- ... Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely toxic last name?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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 [Insert double entendre here] February 1: International [Insert Holiday Here] Day, Old Meme Flogging Day
- 24398 BCE - First fat kid falls down the first flight of stairs.</nowiki>
- 13455 BCE - Mammoth shaming works all too well, driving them to extinction. Nice going.
- c.2000 BCE - Moses brings the Ten Commandments to his people, but forgets to go back for the tablet that contains Rule 34.
- [Insert a year from 0-43 AD here] - [Insert overdone Jesus joke here]
- [Insert 1337 here] - [Insert tired, pointless noob joke here]
- [Insert date that doesn't follow the given order at all] - [Insert sexual innuendo with [insert name here] and [insert name here] along with an event that defies logic]
- [Insert year here] - [Insert event that takes place in Paris here] - [Insert sentence containing 'Rioting' here]
- 1989 - Cats conspire to take over the internet but are foiled by humanity's deep love of Pr0n.
- 1991 - Richard Simmons overdoes exercise and is mistaken for what would later be known as Slenderman.
- 2006 - James Blunt admits he was fed helium as a child and recommends it to the youth of today
- 20X6 - Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking me for a challenge?!?!
- [Insert 2101 AD here] - [Insert tired, pointless All Your Base reference here]
- <nowiki>[Insert (absurdly large number times two absurdly large numbers) AD here] - [Insert worn out and over used joke about a clone of your mother and me here].
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,005 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
