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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,404 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that ostriches do not stick their heads in the ground but in molten lava? This explains why they are not found on the island of Hawaii.
- ... that one person can change the world?
- ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
- ... the 400m (1300 ft.) Wichnor Viaduct was built to carry the materials needed for its own construction?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
- ... that Yashasvi Jaiswal sold panipuri whilst living in a tent before he became the youngest List A double centurion in both cricket and snack food sales?
- ... mnemonics now erase man's oldest nemesis, insufficient cerebral storage?
- ... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
- ... that Killing Joke, the band that performed the song Eighties, are now in their eighties?
- ... Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that walking in the air will not make you fly in the moonlit sky?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that bears have been known to challenge for the role of Alaska's leader?
- ... that Cheetos never prosper?
- ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter"?
- ... the Channel Islands exist in a time-space warp that allow them to appear in the English Channel and off the coast of California at the same time?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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August 14: Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day (Saudi Arabia & Jacksonville, FL)
- A long time ago - Emperor Ovaltine consolidates his power in the Galactic Empire. When he hears about it, Mace Window is shocked.
- 1844 BCE - Toast is invented.
- 1855 BCE - Following the War of a Thousand Toasters, the recipe for toast is lost for over 3000 years.
- 1880 - Cologne Cathedral in Germany, is completed. It smells great!
- 1923 - Start of the Dotcom Era.
- 1987 - A young explorer named Wally ("Waldo" in the Americas) is reported missing.
- 2001 - George W. Bush is "elected" by his daddy's friends to be president of the United States.
- 2005 - Ego is discovered to be, in fact, a dirty word. Eggo remains as a frozen waffle.
- 2006 - Horizontal line is discovered in your pants.
- 2007 - Vertical line is discovered in the inside of your pants.
- 2007 - Hitler is finally mentioned in Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day. Took long enough.
- 2008 - The first "sort of" black dictator is introduced into the history of the US. People take to the streets with high hopes of a kinder, gentler dictator.
- 2009 - Nut and penis implants are invented.
- 2010 - Nut and penis implants found to cause cancer. Some 1.3 million white gangstas are affected.
- 2012 - Dick Cheney dies because his cold blackened void of a heart fails. The world is finally safe.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,404 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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