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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,405 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that science works in nearly every country?
- ... that the Mauna Loa volcano is actually taller than Mt. Everest if the four elephants standing on the back of giant turtle underneath it are counted?
- ... that wearing a top hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... an apple a day keeps the doctor away if thrown hard enough?
- ... it's i before e except after pootwaddle?
- ... Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie tried to change his name to Klaus Barbie Doll while hiding out in Peru?
- ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
- ... children were golden in 1999 when bad kids were threatened with Jar Jar Binks figures for Christmas if they did not behave?
- ... that science works in nearly every country?
- ... that Cirno will always be the strongest, beating the nuclear raven?
- ... if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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March 14: The Day the Music Died, American Pi Day
- c.2 million BCE - Younger cave people would begin to pound two rocks together quickly and in tempo whereas their parents would bang two rocks together very slowly and without rhythm. The generation gap is born, with parents always criticizing this new thing called music.
- 27 BCE - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define pi as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter.
- 435 - Pope Sixtus III denounces pi, claiming it to be "the worke of thye devile, in his moste clever ploye yet."
- 973 - The Great God Pan, lacking worshippers, fades into nothingness. The only trace of him will exist in the future as panpipes and pan pizza.
- c.1550 - As soprano voices are needed for choirs and females are not allowed to sing in public, Italians hack off the nads of promising boy bands; they are known as castrati. The method would be successfully used many years later by Joe Jackson on his son Michael. This would be counter to the older Italian method used with bands like Puerto Rico's Menudo, where a singer would be killed when his voice changed and would be then be replaced by a clone.
- 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines pi to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as "close enough".
- 1742 - Johann Sebastian Bach invents disco but keeps it a secret for nearly 250 years.
- 1930 - The concept of pi is used heavily in the construction of the Maginot Line.
- 1981 - The band Pigbag releases Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag just to confuse a lot of people.
- 1994 - Justin Bieber is born and the death of music is extended to seven other universes.
- 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of "three and a bit", as "certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics."
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,405 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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