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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,399 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that contrary to the name, the London Underground is actually quite well known?
- ... one of the great ironies of the Crimean War was that the Earl of Sandwich's troops were constantly sandwiched between Russian artillery and cavalry?
- ... and that Lord Raglan had nothing up his sleeve?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK PEPSI COLA
- ... that the Michigan Firehouse Museum is home to the largest collection of fire truck bell hanger mounting rivets in the United States?
- ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998?
- ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Sunday
- 10,000,000 BCE - The Grim Reaper is born. He will initially be informed of deaths by his Grim Beeper. Later, he would have a Facebook app telling him when someone dies.
- 468 BCE - Hashish is patented by the Incas.
- 1220 - The Dark Ages are briefly illuminated by a massive explosion in Syria.
- 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroads lugging a harpsichord and sells his soul to Satan.
- 1777 - Vivaldi writes his first Satanic backward message, later stolen by the Led-Zep dudes.
- 1888 - Vivaldi returns from Hell and composes a new record, A Change of Four Season, later stolen by regressive metal band Dream Theater who exclude the word "Four".
- 1945 - Someone proclaims that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backwards, you'll hear Vivaldi's second Satanic message.
- 1948 - The Marshall Mathers plan to flood Europe with rap music commences.
- 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
- 1982 - A Heavy Metal dude releases Vivaldi's tribute album Ultimate Classical Bong.
- 1986 - The D.J. murder rate is at an all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of a single by hardcore rap collective The Smiths. (pictured)
- 1996 - The Unabomber is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature.
- 1995 - Due to a Linux error, April 3, 1997 actually starts in 1995.
- 2007 - Bloody Vivaldi and the Martini Gore, the Baroque Death Metal Vivaldi tribute band, is formed.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,399 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
