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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,404 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... if you fall asleep reading this, when you awake you will find that brownies have made you new shoes?
- ... and that they will always be lime green Crocs?
- ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
- ... Uncyclopedia prefer to use cats instead of dogs for data retrieval for references?
- ... and this explains why most of its articles don't have references?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK PEPSI COLA
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of
 gifts?
- ... Uncyclopedia prefer to use cats instead of dogs for data retrieval for references?
- ... and this explains why most of its articles don't have references?
- ... an apple a day keeps the doctor away if thrown hard enough?
- ... Usain Bolt is so fast, he can run 100 meters in the same time as he can run 10 decameters?
- ... what goes around, gets pretty dizzy after a while?
- ... the answer to this question?
- ... that you shouldn't count your chitlins before they are hatched?
- ... that you shouldn't count your chitlins before they are hatched?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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June 4: International Deserved Child Abuse Victim Day and International Celebrate Yesterday Day
- 1452 – Christopher Columbus is outvoted on naming the Santa Maria, The Shitbag.
- 1453 – Columbus sells children into sex slavery, starting an American tradition. It will ensure an unending supply of future mass murderers so that newsfeeds will have something to write about.
- 1776 – Thomas Jefferson asks for his first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
- 1863 – Rain causes International Celebrate Yesterday Day to be put off until the next day; mass confusion results.
- 1900 – John Jefferson of Oak Ridge, PA awakes from forty-year sleep. He dies of asphyxiation inside his coffin.
- 1942 – The Battle of Midway begins with a surprise attack on Konami. (pictured)
- 1946 – The father of Donald Trump screams at his son on a regular basis, creating the president we know and love today.
- 1976 – Americans celebrate the bicentennial of Thomas Jefferson asking for his first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
- 1980 – Every child abuse offender is released in Texas due to prison overcrowding and a decline in child abuse.
- 1989 – Many young people are gleefully beaten, killed, and abused in the Tiananmen Square massacre.
- 2006 – June 3rd, 2006 is celebrated despite it being International Celebrate Tomorrow Day.
- 2013 – Republicans and nostalgists yearn for the good old days of killer influenza and other fatal diseases, as well as incessant war; they prove not to be satisfied with just the latter today.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,404 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
