Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
- ... that vandalism is fukcing queer haha gay?
- ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in?
- ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries,
- ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that you should not cross a bridge before it is hatched?
- ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
- ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"?
- ... that GMOs are kind of safe? Sort of?
- ... that this page will self-destruct in 5 seconds?
- ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
- ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... if you feed a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you feed a man to a fish, you go to jail?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that it was I who let the dogs out?
- ... that some of us are old enough to remember when there were only 3 elements in the Periodic table? Oh yeah, earth, wind, fire and water, so 4.
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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July 25: International Talk Like Yoda Day, it is.
- A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...: Social Security investigators witness Yoda's light saber battle with Count Dooku, they do. Hmmmm. Realise, they do, that the walking stick thing is a charade. "Your incapacity benefit try and remove, we will" they tell him. "Do or do not", cleverly replies he, "There is no try."
- 306: Proclaimed Roman emperor, Constantine I is, by his troops.
- 1946: Detonated underwater, it is, in the lagoon of Bikini atoll, an atomic bomb. Swimsuits of Women are torn in half, they are. Protest, by this action, they show.
- 1947: The United Nations, Talks Like Yoda Day, it inaugurates.
- 1951: The Korean War, pauses it does so that both sides can this day enjoy.
- 1962: President Kennedy visits Berlin and proclaims "Ein Berliner, Ich bin."
- 1969: Neil Armstrong lands on the moon. His first message: "Hm, yes, one small step for man, this is. One giant leap for mankind, also it is."
- 1970: When asked, Mao Zedong is, by reporter ██████ ████ whether more powerful capitalism is than communism, replies, he does, "No. Quicker, easier it is."
- 1980: "Eheh. Wars not make one great!" quips Jimmy Carter. He is soon defeated in a landslide.
- 1981: "Mr. President! Freed the hostages are!" shouts a reporter as Ronald Reagan declares "Darth Ayatollah, powerful and bearded he is!"
- 2004: George W. Bush spends most of the day pretending to listen to questions put to him, then widens his eyes and says "Yoda! You seek Yoda!" This goes on until Dick Cheney breaks his arm with a tire iron.
- 2005: Ted Kennedy remarks to Howard Dean, "John Kerry was our last chance to stop Bush and Cheney." To which Dean replies, "No....there is another!" It is later revealed that even though they once made out, Hillary Clinton is John Kerry's sister.
- 2006: For the previous entry, shot an uncyclopedia editor is.
- 2007: National Bonking Day introduced.
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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