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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,304 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that Cirno will always be the strongest, beating the nuclear raven?
- ... Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle Is Partly Visible?
- ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
- ... P.T. Barnum indeed said "There's a sucker born every minute" but that he was talking about aphids?
- ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman?
- ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification?
- ... that a new broom sweeps clean but a Zamboni does it faster?
- ... Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle Is Partly Visible?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
- ... the Ronco Pocket Fisherman lets you go fishing anytime in your jacket pocket?
- ... and it can also be used to play pocket pool?
- ... but wait, there's more...
- ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
- ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in?
- ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries,
- ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist?
- ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
- ... that if you see Buddha on the road, you should kill him, but first get his autograph on a baseball or something?
- ... the reason they tell you not to look at the sun is because if you look too long you'll realise it's just a giant lamp taped there?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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March 4: Galileo Galileo Galileo Figaro (Iran)
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,304 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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