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The artsy and misunderstood encyclopedia that anyone can edit, but probably won't, since nobody cares.
37,221 heart-rending poems in English

Loneliness · Rejection · Love · Misery · Death · </3

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Today's Message of pain

Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.

It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...

Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.

Did you care...

  • ... That over 100 Martians have been run over by the rover Curiosity?
    • ... and that it was all covered up by CGI directed by the clone of Stanley Kubrick?
  • ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... that the answer is Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick?
  • ... that wearing a top hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
  • ... Ham Chan is a 4chan imageboard on Iranian servers dedicated to pork and pork products?
  • ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK PEPSI COLA
  • ... the British can eat all they want? They measure weight in stones, and lighter stones are used to adjust their numbers.
  • ... when a Chinese Uncyclopedia member writes an article, ██████ █████████████ ████ █████?
  • ... that the butler did it?
  • ... that if it ain't broke, it wasn't made in China or America?
  • ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?

Recent deaths

Today sucks because...

Remember the thing about the meek inheriting the Earth?

February 29: Ken Foree's Birthday (USA), Now Where Did I Leave That Thing? Day, March 2 (Canada) – Canadians believe that we should lose a day on leap years

  • 1582 - The 29th of February is invented to piss off kids worldwide who are born on this day, just for the hell of it. Pope Gregory cackles with glee.
  • 1818 - February 30 is bombed by Spongebob. Now it doesn't exist anymore.
  • 1948 - Ken Foree is born. Fortune-telling zombies panic in the streets.
  • 1949 - Canadians decide to mock Americans by reducing the number of days to 364. This leads to the Colin Mochrie-led American-Canadian War.
  • 1966 - Al Gore invents the letter "B".
  • 1978 - Ken Foree rises to superstardom in Dawn of the Dead at the age of 30 and then realizes he's only 7 years old.
  • 1996 - Ken Foree punishes Kenan for forgetting his birthday again.
  • 1999 - The Power Rangers get trapped in a large pizza and are eaten by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
  • 2000 - Ken Foree's Birthday is declared a national holiday; the uproar caused by this forces Kenan and Kel into cancellation.
  • 2004 - George W. Bush postpones the next Febuary 29th until 2008; France goes on strike.
  • 2006 - President Kerry realizes a) that he did not win the election, and b) that today is actually March 1.
  • 2008 - George W. Bush postpones the next Febuary 29th until 2012.
  • 2008 - Uncyclopedia celebrates its first leap year. Awww, and I remember when it was just a little tyke in diapers...
  • 2012 - Pee-Wee Herman celebrates his 10th birthday.
  • 2017 - President Hillary Clinton travels to Canada and can't figure out what day it is... and to make it worse, it's NOT a leap year!!! But it is only a bad dream by President Trump who proceeds to outlaw wet dreams about Democrats and signs laws making Canada illegal.

Today's featured artistry


My heart has been broken... Then taken out and had a bunch of nails put in it.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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More newest friends | Pages that abandoned us | Lovelorn Pages | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Emo Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Poets of the Month


Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.

Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).


The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.

Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!

Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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