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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,356 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... Mister Rogers was not a Navy SEAL as rumored but a sea lion in disguise?
- ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ... about this?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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 The earliest rickroll video with Rickus Astlius of Sparta, recorded at around 475 BCE. November 6: Spartan Rickroll Day
- 480 BCE - In the Battle of Thermopylae, the entire Persian army appears to attack at once but stops just short of the Spartan battle line. Rick Astley then emerges from the hordes and begins to sing. As it would be done far in the future, several well-placed javelins would settle the matter.
- c.450 BCE - The first LOST episode originates from this date.
- 437 BCE - The first Krypton Factor episode, hosted by Gordonus Burnium XLIX, originates from this date.
- 212 BCE - Archimedes invents superglue but somehow manages to seal his front door shut with it, never able to escape to tell anyone about his discovery.
- 350 - Roman Emperor Constantine I imposes a ban on rickroll.
- 360 - Emperor Constantine's ban on rickroll is lifted: Julian just got rickrolled.
- 1064 - The earliest form of Euro-Uncyclopedia, is built in Normandy using menhirs and old Fernandel jokes.
- 1347 - God creates the Black Death to try to stop constant rickrolling.
- 1845 - Kate Austen travels back to this time and demonstrates a way to view rickroll videos without getting rickrolled. It is simpler than thought, yet it was Lost for many years.
- 1862 - At exactly 15:59 GMT for two hours, nobody in Colombia was in prison.
- 1942 - During the siege of Leningrad, Russian General Georgi Zhukov promises its people 'Never gonna give you up'. Astley would follow with 'Never gonna let you down' then quickly ducking out of sight before 4Chan snipers could aim and fire.
- 1997 - XNYAPHPCRUTGPL (X-Men's Not Yet Another PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor Clone Released Under The GNU's Not Unix Public License) is released.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,356 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
