The Bureaucracy Channel

<Glances at customer. Points to "USE NEXT TELLER, PLEASE" sign. Goes back to reading Cosmo>

~Bureaucrat on Bureaucracy

<Glances at customer. Points to "OUT TO LUNCH" sign. Goes back to reading Guns & Ammo>

~Next Bureaucrat on Bureaucracy

The Bureaucracy Channel <deep breath> is a 24hr a day cable television channel which presents programming related to places of business; government offices, nongovernmental offices and semigovernmental offices, and the semi-detached personnel that reside therein; office managers, office workers and official office officials, and the many uninteresting things that the previously listed personnel do in those offices, also listed previously, including, but not exclusive to; making necklaces from paper clips and the pushing, reading, filing, faxing and misplacing of paper - all of which, we must note, is legally approved and stamped by the official approval group for the legality of such things, therein, wherefore and hereupon.

TBC also show programs about great events in the long and storied history of administration and comptrolling; often with observations and explanations by historians as well as historical reenactments and interviews with witnesses of those historical reenactments. Up to one-quarter of the running time of these programs is be taken up with detailed bibliographies, notations and academic references

Some of TBC's original programming is also shown on the History Channel, History Television, Bureaucracy Kids, and the BBC.

Programming Schedule

This Morning

0900-0930	Hey Kids, it's the Binky the Accountant/Clown Show! Marvel as Leonard "Binky" Bowman makes balloon animals and teaches your children all about the methods and methodology behind left side/right side accounting. Debits and credits have never been so entertaining. Also features cartoons with the well planned high jinx and banal merrymaking of "Fifo & Lifo". Of course, since the show starts at nine o'clock you need get your kids to tape it, as they're at school. Speaking of the time, shouldn't you be at work right now?
0930-1000	You Aren't Authorized To Do That on Television This morning's episode of the Nickelodeon childrens sketch comedy series, "Rules", has the whole cast experiencing the excitement of properly filing paperwork. No water or slime is spilled on any of the cast members, as that is against worksafe procedures.
1000-1100	Get Up, You're Late for Work! Start your morning with the twitchy, coffee-filled hosts of GUYLW!. Just don't watch their mindless patter, weather and sports for too long, because if you are watching Clint, May, Terri and weather with Terry "the Wacky Weatherographer!!!", you are really, really late for work.
1100-1130	Take a Number A game show where contestants compete in a whacky series of contests, like "Collation", "Wait in Line" and "Feed the Fax!" for great prizes! Prizes include: Form 709e, sensible shoes, and a rubber plant for the window!
1130-1200	The Lunchroom A hidden camera show, "The Lunchroom" consists entrirely of "work chat", people talking about work and work-related conversations, all mixed together with several minutes of uncomfortable silence and people named Bruce eating lunch out of a bag that is clearly marked "David's Lunch".
1200-1300	Lunch Break Off air, please take a number.

This Afternoon

1300-1330	Take a Number see 1100-1130
1330-1400	Holmes on Homes Watch city inspector Mike Holmes invade, inspect and fail homes, and fine, fine and fine homeowners all across the country. You'll chafe hearing his well-meaning but tough nosed and anal retentive inspections while empathizing with his call it straight and calls 'em like I see them attitude. "There is simply no way that the city approved this gazebo"
1400-1430	While You Were Outsourced Evan Farmer and the whole crew travel to far off and exotic factories, sweatshops and assembly plants in India and China, redecorating them in bright primary colors, while saving money by outsourcing the labor to Mexico.
1430-1500	Kafka on Kubicles On tonight's episode of the unpopular Holmes on Homes spin-off, Franz Kafka, as always, visits another author's story and in painfully obtuse detail analyses the faults that lay within. If time permits he helps to criticize and ridicule other critics' pathetic, hamfisted and pedestrian attempts to interpret his own rambling and befuddling critique. "Well, as you can see, the problem with this story is all about its metaphorical foundation. The original contractor used too much character in the concrete, which makes it brittle. See how it just falls apart in my hands. It breaks my heart to see a story with such poor construction. What we need to do is gut this whole area and substitute these characters with an unlikeable protagonist who may, or may not, be going through a combination of life, vis-à-vis, <airquotes>reality</airquotes> and a bunch of plot twists that are all in his head. Or not. Over there, perhaps, he'll turn into a bug, and that corner over there will be all in his imagination."
1500-1515	Coffee Break Off air. Unless you consider fifteen minutes of static "on air".
1515-1615	OSHA: Occupational Safety and Health Administration Sidle and Sanders put their criminal forensic skills to the test in a search for the perpetrator of a horrible supply closet crime. The clock is ticking; can they solve the crime before Brown needs a new toner cartridge? Also, Grissom and Stokes are tasked to determine whether office outbreaks of "numb-bumitus" and "crik-in-the-neck" are being caused by the new office chairs.
1615-1645	Star Trek: The Next Administration (part 1 of 2) A computer error at the spaceregistrar's office puts Wesley Crusher, a spacesophomore at Star Fleet Academy, in Klingon Lit 203 instead of the course for which he had asked, Time Travel 101. Can he successfully submit Form 709d Course Change Request Form: KL203-TT101 and have it processed by eight levels of clerks, three incompatible computer systems and one Vulcan Infinity Analyser/Frozen Yogurt Dispenser before the end of the semester? Also, Commander William T. Riker puts on some weight and grows a spacebeard to cover it up.

Tonight

1645-0900

Off Air All of our operators are busy...please hold. ...itting on the dock of the bay, Watching the tide roll away. I'm just sitting on the dock of the bay wastin' ti-i-iime...

Documentaries

On Wednesdays TBC broadcasts documentaries after lunch. These documentaries cover a wide variety of subjects.

This Week

Inside the Third Reich: Hitler's Executive Assistants Episode #7 "1945: Last stand at Berlin". The men and women of the elite Third Reich's 44th Armored Paper Division fight to create a mountain of paperwork so high that the invading Soviet Army will be unable to reach Berlin.

Next Week

Secret Weapons of the Third Reich Episode #942 "Secret Tanks of the Wehrmachtsgefolge". On the western front Nazi scientists, engineers, "unpaid manual laborers" and secretaries secretly order, stock, deploy, cross off their inventory lists and reorder a new secret weapon to counter the waves of incoming American armor, the Papierkampfwagen VI. The "Paper Tiger", being light, maneuverable and easy to manufacture, proves to be an able tank, but it comes too late in the war and is too flammable, to turn the tide in favor of the Axis.

Contact

To receive TBC at your apartment, home, condominium, dwelling or place of residence, please contact your local cable company and request Form 709t Request Form Requesting Access to Form 709x 'Permission to Ask for TBC Form Form'.

See Also

• Bureaucracy
• Bureaucrat

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