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USA Front Page Story
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Today's featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency.
Mahama was the candidate of the National Democratic Congress (NDC). His rise to office sets a variety of records: First President to be younger than the nation, first to be President in non-consecutive terms, and first to excel in hitting empty beer cans with stones from twenty paces (7 m). He has been an MP, pan-African MP, Deputy Minister, Minister, Vice President, and President, a feat known in Ghanaian political circles as "Bingo!"
Mahama started his first term upon the death of his predecessor, John Atta Mills, on 24 July 2012. The so-called Atta-boy gave a stirring speech to accept his new responsibilities. He stated, "This is the saddest day in our nation's history. Tears have engulfed our nation. (more...)
Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... that Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention" but forgot to mention the parts about monkey fur and lemons?
- ... that Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention" but forgot to mention the parts about monkey fur and lemons?
- ... that all mass murderers' education went up to at least high school? What about yours?
- ... that Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention" but forgot to mention the parts about monkey fur and lemons?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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May 11: Printer Calibration Jubilee (Cupertino, California)
- 85879 BCE - Yo momma became the first human to be fully evolved, or intelligently designed (whichever you prefer).
- 479 BCE - Recto-Lube: The Brand You Love is founded in ancient Greece.
- 1865 - Abraham Lincoln's corpse starts to stink really badly.
- 1956 - Gold Coast, a country in Africa, decides that they are Ghana, and become independent.
- 1983 - Scientists announce vaccine to protect against Pac-Man Fever.
- 1988 - In the dark, all cats are gray. Or you need a new printer cartridge.
- 1991 - AOL launches its internets service, charging US$1 per week. Take up is slow, as the majority ofmankind had already guessed they are a hideous fraud.
- 1995 - The death of a generation. Countless people die.
- 1996 - Fox News goes on the air. Its first broadcast is a big production number of the Communist anthem The Internationale as they show how close the democrats are to the socialist party.
- 2000 - Al Gore loses Survivor after the Supreme Court intervenes.
- 2002 - Al Gore invents Internet.
- 2008 - James Madison eats George Bush for breakfast, then promptly uses his spidey powers to escape.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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[vote]
| Potted pot bonsai.png - 11 pots ( 11 / 0 )
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Even the plants are weird in Japan. This particular pot plant features multiple smaller pot plants in carefully crafted pots created specifically for the occasion. Or in the words of the artist, "I got stoned and spent three days trimming my pot plant. Now I'm gonna smoke it."
Image credit: Lyrithya and some stoned guys
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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Uncyclopedia's sista projectsUncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!
