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USA Front Page Story Today's featured article – The Witcher The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula. The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered. A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...) Recently featured: Chess pieces John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...) Did y'all know... *... that the Mars Climate Orbiter crashed because engineers had failed to convert measurements in fathoms and rods to the metric system? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that the Mars Climate Orbiter crashed because engineers had failed to convert measurements in fathoms and rods to the metric system? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that the Mars Climate Orbiter crashed because engineers had failed to convert measurements in fathoms and rods to the metric system?	Dispatches from the Voice of America Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election On this day in America... July 20: Window Licking Day (Scotland) 14 CE - Romans begin installing glass windows in buildings. Rock throwing becomes a popular sport. 1276 - Chartres Cathedral officials make it a sin to lick stained glass windows after dozens of worshippers are found dead in the previous winter, stuck to windows by their tongues that had frozen to the glass. How they were able to do that on windows 35 meters (115 ft.) above ground level remains a mystery. 1580 - Sir Francis Drake circumnavigates the globe, after licking windows in over 50 lands. 1903 - The Ford Motor Company ships its first car, the Model R, with an engine that powers its four wooden wheels with whale oil. 1928 - The government of Hungary issues a decree ordering Gypsies to settle in one place, surrender their Gypsy gold, and take a bath goddammit! 1944 - Adolf Hitler survives a bomb blast in the bunker. A build-up in flatulence is blamed. Chef Claus von Stauffenberg is shot. 1969 - NASA astronaut Louis Armstrong becomes the first man to set foot on the moon (pictured) when Apollo 11 splashes down in the Sea of Tranquillity. 1974 - Turkeys invade Cyprus. 1981 - The chemical compound Anime is first isolated in a Japanese laboratory. 2017 - O.J. Simpson is released from prison, vowing to find his ex-wife's killer. Thousand of mirrors are mailed to him.
George Eastman's featured picture [vote] Thermopylae.jpg Thermopylae.jpg - 27 total votes ( 30 / 3 ) Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice. Image credit: Mhaille
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Great American heroes GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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