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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
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In the news
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On this day...
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July 17: Dog Days Begin (Summer), Professional Copiousness Day (Uncyclopedia), National Lottery Day (Massachusetts)
- 800 - With the Roman empire in shambles, the Dark Ages begin, ushering in a time of mysterious axe wounds and serfdom.
- 1493 - Native Americans sail east and discover Spain. They fail to celebrate this as their shackles prevent feasting and dancing.
- 1612 - The first message by homing pigeon is successfully received. It reads "Send back the pigeon".
- 1741 - Massachusetts successfully holds its first lottery, with over £3000 raised after paying out prizes totalling £5. The legislature manages to spend it all in 3 days on parties, hookers and liquor, establishing rules for governmental spending priorities in America.
- 1717 - The Blackbeard Catering Company (pictured) is founded, offering full foodservice and a variety of bar items including rum and grog, all at competitive rates.
- 1877 - The Statue of Liberty arrives in New York. Her luggage would be lost and not arrive until a week later, leaving her with only a green bathrobe to wear.
- 1934 - Faced with demands to clean up its act, Hollywood introduced the Hays Code, which set guidelines for things such as the use of Negroes in film.
- 1948 - The U.S. Presidential ticket of Strom Thurmond and his New Hampshire Merchant Cat, Stripey, garnered over one million votes in the general election.
- 1955 - Disneyland establishes its independence from Pixar.
- 1995 - The Snopes website comes online, and the truth and validity of countless rumors and urban legends, such as the safety and sexuality of children's toys and children's icons, respectively, are quashed.
- 1981 - Absolutely nothing of any consequence happens.
- 2005 - Misquoting Jesus, a book by Bart Ehrman, is published. Within a few short weeks it becomes the center of a firestorm of controversy, most of it defending Jesus' accomplishments as described in the Bible, among them "champion surfer" and "speedboat owner".
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Today's featured picture
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[vote]
| Aoushot1.jpg - 22 total votes ( 30 / 8 )
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A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.
Image credit: Hindleyite
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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