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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
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In the news
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On this day...
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June 5: Vampire Appreciation Day
- 1452 - At the age of 21, Vlad III the Impaler (also known as Dracula), conquers all of Europe, half of Asia, and parts of Africa in less than 4 hours. He then receives the Nobel Peace Prize for this in 1452 and in every other year until his death in 1476 out of the UN's fear of being impaled.
- 1548 - An army of zombie beavers invades Earth. In a short time they conquer every piece of our planet. Two years of beaver domination later, the beavers leave to begin a new life on the Moon.
- 1632 - Dracula becomes "The Tyrant Formerly Known as Vlad the Impaler".
- 1783 - The hot air balloon, powered by Oscar Wilde, is successfully tested.
- 1851 - The band Warrant releases their anti-slavery song Uncle Tom's Cabin.
- 1878 - Professor Van Helsing declares that vampirism might be prevented by eating huge amounts of shit. Shit prices raise to values never seen before.
- 1878 - A huge pandemic of typhoid develops in Europe after millions of people follow the advice of Professor Van Helsing. Shit prices drop to the lowest values ever seen. The phrase "ain't worth shit" is coined.
- 1879 - Politics are invented. The price of shit skyrockets once again.
- 1956 - Walt Disney dies after being stabbed in the heart with a stake in a hilarious incident where he is mistaken for a vampire. Later that day his body is frozen and his head incinerated, in another series of funny mishaps.
- 2001 - God sues Google over Google Earth because it is breaching copyrights. Google lose $3 million and change Google Earth to Google Moon. The lawsuit against Google Moon has not been resolved yet.
- 2007 - McDonalds start a one-day special offer, giving away a free emo member of staff with every Big Mac meal. Vampires come by in their millions. McDonalds make the offer permanent and also stretch to give away Chavs. Vampires everywhere cringe.
- 2009 - The Twilight movie is released; millions of vampires commit suicide.
- 2030 - A time machine is invented and sent back in time to destroy the Twilight movie. It all goes horribly wrong and instead the X-Men trilogy is destroyed. Millions of mutants commit suicide.
- 2031 - You wake up. The vampires are all just a bad dream. The zombies in your closet are not as they are led by a zombie M. Night Shyamalan.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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