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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?
- ... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?
- ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool?
- ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
- ... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?
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In the news
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On this day...
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August 13: Welcome Visitors From Space Day
- 66 million BCE - A meteor impact wipes out the dinosaurs, with tiny mammals learning to either smile or laugh at them after the dust clears.
- 4200 BCE - Egyptians spoof future generations by faking artwork of spaceships and aliens during the reign of Jaye Davidson I.
- 3331 BCE - Space aliens drop giant pyramids on Egypt as a prank during a massive drought when they find no crops in which to make circles.
- 2207 BCE - Elijah attempts to ascend to heaven in a spaceship but is taken off forcibly by United Airlines personnel for being "too beardy".
- 1536 BCE - Moses invents waterskiing and the stunt waterskiing pyramid to cross the Red Sea.
- 457 BCE - Mayans who are also in on the joke fake artwork showing spaceships, knowing that their descendants could make a good living selling fake artifacts to gullible UFOlogists.
- 1620 - The Pilgrim Fathers eagerly await the landing of aliens from outer space, otherwise spending their free time attacking and murdering Quakers and Indians, in no particular order.
- c.1680 - Space aliens give Belgians the technology to develop a death ray weapon to gain their independence from Spain. It turns out to be a great way to fry potatoes, too. Sadly, this would only lead to to war with France over the term "French fries".
- 1898 - The first case of alien abduction occurs with blue aliens kidnapping some green ones.
- 1940 - Great Britain installs the first radar station to detect alien spacecraft. Upon finding that German bombers get tangled in the antenna arrays, they build more.
- 1947 - The first flying saucer is reported. Previous alien craft were reported as being wheel-, horse-, ocean liner- or cigar-shaped.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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