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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... members of Flat Earth Society travel all around the world to promote their views?
- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
- ... members of Flat Earth Society travel all around the world to promote their views?
- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
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In the news
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On this day...
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August 1: Independence Day (Switzerland), Swiss Cheese Day (everywhere else)
- c.800 BCE - In what is now Switzerland, the Helveti build a system of sea walls and other defenses against ocean waves and storms, "just in case".
- 1648 - Switzerland is invented by the Peace of Westphalia, made up of pieces of Europe that everyone feared to invade. Residents would immediately clean everything and have a wheel of cheese and a watch made by sundown.
- 1790 - Aerosol spray cans are invented to dispense things like deodorant and soft cheese. Most people prefer to have cheese in their armpits.
- 1844 - The FBI executes a sting operation intended to disrupt turnip trafficking, apprehending turnip kingpin Baldrick (pictured).
- 1910 - Los Angeles suffers it first drive-by shooting from a car, a Ford Model T. However, the culprit is quickly apprehended by LAPD, who were chasing on foot.
- 1919 - The people of Zimbabwe elect their first Lord High Bison.
- 1928 - The altimeter is invented allowing more pilots to confidently fly into cloud formations and into mountains.
- 1957 - Rod Serling is ticketed in the middle ground between light and shadow for driving at noon in a Twilight Zone.
- 1979 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is elected. He later appoints marsupials to the judiciary, resulting in the establishment of kangaroo courts.
- 1980 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is assassinated by a koala. Conspiracy theories quickly emerge as witnesses claim to have seen a surfer on the grassy knoll.
- 1996 - The overuse of the word "thing" becomes a thing.
- 2015 - France declares war on Switzerland as its cheese industry takes a massive blow from swiss cheese sales. 1 hour 45 minutes later they surrender.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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