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Today's featured article
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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... Time travel from the US now requires screening by TSA agents?
- ... but that you can just skip forward in time and avoid it?
- ... Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie tried to change his name to Klaus Barbie Doll while hiding out in Peru?
- ... Time travel from the US now requires screening by TSA agents?
- ... but that you can just skip forward in time and avoid it?
- ... Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie tried to change his name to Klaus Barbie Doll while hiding out in Peru?
- ... Time travel from the US now requires screening by TSA agents?
- ... but that you can just skip forward in time and avoid it?
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In the news
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On this day...
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June 18: International Delicious Beverage Day
- 4500 BCE – Sumerians invent beer; burping becomes popular throughout the known world.
- 4486 BCE – First sighting of pink elephants, well before standard elephants were known in most places.
- 1264 – The Parliament of Ireland meets for the first time at Castledermot in County Kildare. While in session, the parliament discusses beer rationing, leprechaun sightings, and whiskey rationing, and also hires St. Patrick to address the rampant snake problem.
- 1759 – Guinness opens its first brewery. Testers consume the entire output for the first year before being fired.
- 1812 – War of 1812: The US Congress declares war on the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. The British respond by taxing the US tea supply to ridiculous proportions, and ceasing the exporting of cricket and croquet materials to North America.
- 1887 – The Reinsurance Treaty between Germany and Russia is signed, ending all conflicts between the two nations permanently. [citation needed]
- 1917 – The first carbonated drink is put on the market. People are unaware of the dangers in Cocaine Cola.
- 1920 – Charles Grigg begins selling 7-Up, a carbonated drink containing lithium citrate. IT'SUPPOSEDTOBEAMOODSTABI LIZERFORBIPOLARS! I'M TALkINg TOyoU!! HEY!!liSTEN UP!! wHADDAYAmEAN IT'SnoT an iNGREDIEnT anYMoRE??
- 1928 – Aviator Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly in an aircraft across the Atlantic Ocean (she was a passenger; Wilmer Stutz was the pilot and Lou Gordon the mechanic). She also becomes the first woman to nag a pilot in midflight across the Atlantic Ocean.
- 1978 – Jonestown Massacre occurs with many drinking poisoned Kool Aid to commit suicide. Poisoned Grape flavor becomes a big seller.
- 1983 – Space Shuttle program: STS-7, Astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space. She also becomes the first American woman to nag a fellow astronaut in space.
- 2007 – St. Peter's Basilica is most likely to awaken from its two-year slumber on this day, according to Vatican-sponsored astrological studies. False Popes are currently being prepared to divert its attention and appetite in anticipation of events on the day.
- 2009 - International Delicious Beverage Day cancelled due to European Bovril famine.
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Today's featured picture
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[vote]
| LandoftheJews.png - 5 total votes ( 5 / 0 )
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Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.
Image credit: RabbiTechno
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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