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Sophia has inspired us to serve up 37,398 apertifs since opening in January 2005.


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Today's featured dish


Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

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Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

Delicious!

January 31: National Ice Cream Day

  • 201 - Ice cream is invented in Rome, but it quickly melts due to the lack of refrigerators. Everyone is forced to slurp it. Citizens Baskini and Robbinus work to solve the problem by making offerings to the snowcone god.
  • 1551 - French explorers with sensitive teeth die exploring Northern Africa after keeling over in pain from eating ice cream, leaving themselves open to attack by savage tribesmen who quickly behead them.
  • 1819 - Heinrich Maanschweisener creates a means to produce dots from ice cream; he is defenestrated later that year on the orders of Baron Rottweil von Friendly of the restaurant chain, who fears for his monopoly on frozen treats.
  • 1928 - Stalin re-invents ice cream and names it Stalin Cream. USSR rejoices but the American scum lose their underwear.
  • 1931 - The first ice cream stand is opened in Siberia and proves to be popular with polar bears who drop by to eat the employees.
  • 1949 - Bluebell ice cream gains its first customer and first fatality, continuing this tradition for many years.
  • 1960 - Vespugian president Manuel del Caracos, on a tour of America, drowns when he falls into a flash-freezer at the Pittsburgh Dippin' Dots factory.
  • 1979 - Ben and Jerry's "Popped Cherry" ice cream is a hit.
  • 1980 - Alexei Kalashnikov, proprietor of a meager Baskin Robbins parlor in Stalingrad, defects to the West and takes the secret recipe for Dippin' Dots with him.
  • 1981 - Brain freeze becomes a popular inherited and permanent condition with US presidents.
  • 1982 - Cookie Puss is arrested for stalking the Beastie Boys.
  • 1991 - Dunkin' Donuts loses a hedge-trimming contest to Dairy Queen.
  • 2007 - Coaticook brand ice cream hits shelves in Quebec, with catheter flavor proving to be popular.
  • 2009 - After a cat infestation in their factory, Ben & Jerry's introduces "Cat Pan Crunch" flavor.
  • 2085 - Dippin' Dots production headquarters are obliterated by an Iranian superweapon; Friendly's rejoices.

Archived Anniversaries


Today's soup of the day is
strategery
Try to use it in your entrées.
Knowledge is power.

In the news



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Did you know...

  • ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears?

Do you care...[edit]

  • ... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?


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Waiter and Chef of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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  1. Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.