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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑
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Today's featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.
Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.
When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)
Previously featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)
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Did ¥øu k∩øw...
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*... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
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I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws
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Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...
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June 3: Rhymes With Turd Day
- 1692 - Poland is reversed.
- 1881 - Sweary Mary utters the word cunt for the first time.
- 1958 - The Rivingtons hit the Top 40 with The Turd Is the Word.
- 1967 - First instance of the phrase "June the Third" being rhymed with "turd". What took us so long?
- 1971 - First invasion of the Kurds.
- 1977 - Melvin Rogers becomes first person to be arrested for DUI. How'd they know? His speech was slurred.
- 1980 - First all-nude production of Richard the Third.
- 1982 - In Wercestershire, Uruguay, is born William Hurd.
- 1985 - On Top of the Pops, The Herndy-Gurds perform Little Bird.
- 1990 - First version of Revenge of the Nerds.
- 1998 - Rhymes With Turd Day is officially abolished, putting an end to the absurd.
- 1999 - Some clever ponce works out that Damien Hurst's last name has an internal rhyme with turd. He is lynched for being a smart-arse.
- 2006 - Man realizes every word rhymes with turd.
- 2007 - Last man standing finally sits down. Word!
- 2008 - French man asplodes after talking like Sylvester Stallone for twenty-three hours. The last thing he said was «Murde!».
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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d pictur∑
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[vote]
| MonoLisa.jpg - 19.5 total votes ( 32.5 / 13 )
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DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."
Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.
Image credit: Nonymous
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Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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