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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑
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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did ¥øu k∩øw...
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*...that love is not what makes Subaru, a Subaru; it's rather the wheels, body, and engine?
- ...that love is not what makes Subaru, a Subaru; it's rather the wheels, body, and engine?
- ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998?
- ...that love is not what makes Subaru, a Subaru; it's rather the wheels, body, and engine?
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I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws
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Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...
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February 3: Go Fuck a Groundhog Day
- c.1200 BCE - Groundhogs are worshipped by the Mayans, whereas they are just your chubby little run-of-the-mill pyramid-building rodents from outer space with godlike powers.
- 532 BCE - Groundhogs take in laundry to make ends meet, beginning their own Iron Age.
- 235 - The Moon is invented by rogue cave dwelling ducks from South Africa.
- 947 - Doughnut-worshipping groundhogs change their name to woodchucks to avoid religious persecution.
- 1194 - Saladin I gets it on with Pandhragati Phil, a local groundhog, causing it to snow in Arabia.
- 1806 - The chickens come home to Roost. Residents of Roost get tired of eating eggs very quickly.
- 1903 - Inspired by hearing a story about how Theodore Roosevelt refuses to shoot a bear on the grounds that it was injured and elderly, and besides, "it's no fun if they can't run fast enough to almost make it before I blow their brains out", Morris Michtom and his wife Rose introduce the first teddy bear in America. It would later attempt to assassinate Roosevelt.
- 1942 - Singapore falls. Denmark trips, but says he's all right and gets up again.
- 1992 - Prefix "e-" is invented. Kitten death rate triples.
- 1995 - Bill Murray repeats himself while learning about Uber and Lyft drivers.
- 1996 - Bill Murray humps Andie MacDowell again.
- 2012 - SOPA passes, internet ends.
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Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
