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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑
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Today's featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.
Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.
When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)
Previously featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)
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Did ¥øu k∩øw...
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*... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
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I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws
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Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...
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June 23: Sonic the Hedgehog's Birthday
- 1573 - Buses are first put on sale in high markets.
- 1610 - Europe carved into that funny shape we know it to be. Celebrity chefs are thought to be responsible.
- 1892 - Spider-Man does some fancy stuff with a bus, and with the whole coincidence with 1573, well, you get it.
- 1929 - Puppies are declared the cutest darned thing. Humans introduce rabies to dogs by kissing puppies.
- 1941 - Lithuania declares independence from the Soviet Union, only to be invaded by Nazis.
- 1957 - Gone With The Wind is released by Big Ol' Hunka Pictures.
- 1969 - The Hamburglar is appointed Chief Justice of the Supreme Court by Richard Nixon.
- 1975 - In Benghazi, Muammar Gaddafi the Eggman is hit in the head by a football and becomes bent on world domination.
- 1979 - Darth Thatcher begins construction of the first Death Star.
- 1991 - Sonic the Hedgehog is released in America, Mario fans cringe.
- 1993 - I buy some milk and put in my refrigerator; France goes on strike.
- 1994 - I certainly wasn't committing a triple homicide!
- 2005 - The milk in my refrigerator is going bad. Facebook poll returns "undecided" result on whether to replace it.
- 2008 - Stockbrokers start the greatest recessions in modern history as most of the world needs a good laugh.
- 2011 - Jesus arrives on earth as a Native American. The US gives back their land and Jesus gets a sitcom.
- 2014 - Chaos Emeralds replace Bitcoin as the cryptocurrency of choice.
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Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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