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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑
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St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland.
Within France, the archipelago has the status of "territorial collectivity" because it sounds more dignified than "neglected islands". Its residents are French citizens; they elect one Deputy to the National Assembly — though, in view of the territory's population (6,008 as of the 2016 census, which was thereafter disbanded), he is only allowed to vote on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. They are also allowed to hold opinions on Senator and President.
St. Pierre and Michelob is all that is left of the once-sprawling North American empire of "New France". (Quebec aspires to the same status, but every time Parisians hear that accent, they are glad they cut them loose.) Acadia broke ties with the territory when it became evident that the islanders were even lazier and more cowardly than the Acadians. It is notable for being France's only remaining possession in North America, and if France washes its hands too, it will not have any notability. (more...)
Previously featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity. (more...)
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Did ¥øu k∩øw...
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*... that the milk of human kindness is the 1% sort?
- ... that The Manchurian Candidate is about a blustering hotelier that is brainwashed by a foreign government to do its bidding when he becomes president? Oh, wait...
- ... that the milk of human kindness is the 1% sort?
- ... that The Manchurian Candidate is about a blustering hotelier that is brainwashed by a foreign government to do its bidding when he becomes president? Oh, wait...
- ... that the milk of human kindness is the 1% sort?
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I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws
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Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...
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December 25: Democratic People's Republic of Korea Day (Worldwide), Santa Claus's Birthday, Chrismukhah, Decemberween
- 0 - Some Assholes decide to make a day to sell a bunch of shit.
- 1 CE - God tells some dudes via angel to go to some city and wait for a child. The dudes do this (both named Adam and Eve) and give birth to Bob Geldof. God becomes irate and destroys the universe.
- 3 - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks God, creating Jesus.
- 31 - The birth of Santa Claus (pictured). Jesus is nearly killed delivering loaves and fishes by jumping down a chimney and will hand over the franchise to Santa Claus the next year.
- 1776 - George Washington crosses the Delaware to conduct a sneak attack on the British. The event is later immortalized in the first issue of Action Comics.
- 1776 - There is a tremendous backup on the Scudder Falls Bridge on I-95 going from Pennsylvania into New Jersey as George Washington's motorcade travels from last-minute gift-buying at the shopping malls of King of Prussia, near Valley Forge, to find a smoke-free restaurant in Trenton for their Christmas dinner.
- 1902 - Santa, whilst high, dresses in green and goes to Finland. Sadly, the colour catches on.
- 1916 - Whilst strolling through France on a crisp Christmas morning, the Brits have a quick game of footie against the Germans. However, this quickly transforms into a game of rough and tumble. Over a million are killed including second stringers.
- 1993 - Jews around the world decide to go to the movies.
- 1994 - Atheist children receive gifts.
- 1996 - Christmas is cancelled to mark the death of Screech from Saved by the Bell.
- 2005 - George Bush officially renames Christmas as Bushmas to honour his war against grammar.
- 2006 - In Finland, Santa is still depicted in green. The rest of the world is still confused.
- 2008 - Santa is charged with kidnapping children and taking them to his grotto. He is soon released with the help of Michael Jackson's lawyers.
- 2009 - Christmas cancelled after Santa Claus files for bankruptcy.
- 2010 - Santa shoots a redneck hick with his own gun in self-defence. He is arrested under the charges of trespassing, and sentenced to 567 years of slave labour after others also complain about his trespassing. Ironically, he ends up in prison in China, making Christmas ornaments.
- 2017 - Santa is set free since the police can't count to 567 years.
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Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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