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The high-brow comedy website that only Gods can edit. 37,409 chosen articles; created by the finest writers alive.
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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that Alexander the Great would ride his horse in front of his troops before battle, so they would be so mad at having to march in horseshit they would be ready to fight anything and everything?
- ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
- ... that Alexander the Great would ride his horse in front of his troops before battle, so they would be so mad at having to march in horseshit they would be ready to fight anything and everything?
- ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
- ... that Alexander the Great would ride his horse in front of his troops before battle, so they would be so mad at having to march in horseshit they would be ready to fight anything and everything?
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In the news
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On this day...
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October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 4004 BC - God invents breasts.
- 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
- 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
- 2680 BC - Mayans invent chocolate and promote it with the slogan "Everything goes better with chocolate including human sacrifice".
- 500 - Germans invent beer. Anglo-Saxons would drink it but save up their ice for skating upon.
- 623 - Sloth is declared a mortal sin by the church but morphs into the three-day holiday.
- 1234 - The handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1889 - Auguste Eiffel builds his famous tower when his indulgent grandmother buys him a large Meccano set.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia and becomes the first user ever reverted and banned.
- 1921 - Americans invent the bacon cheeseburger. Grease salesmen have their best year ever.
- 1949 - Danes create Lego. Everyone else still prefers to use landmines to cause crippling injuries.
- 1952 - Deep fried spam is invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love.
- 1964 - Hippies swap free love for pot.
- 1979 - The Victoria's Secret Catalogue is introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie; it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolt. Nobody cares.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers are invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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