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The high-brow comedy website that only Gods can edit. 37,350 chosen articles; created by the finest writers alive.
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Today's featured article – The Witcher
The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula.
The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered.
A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...)
Previously featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
- ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers?
- ... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
- ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers?
- ... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
- ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers?
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In the news
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On this day...
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August 22: Obvious Day (24-hour period to celebrate the recognition of things which are readily apparent)
- 1453 - Battle of Bosworth sees king Richard III lose his shit and his shirt against Henry Tudor.
- 1492 - First encounter between Native Americans and Europeans. "I think these guys are up to no good," the local shaman remarks after being promptly shot.
- 1622 - The toaster is invented but it would be over 150 years before it would be given a name.
- 1717 - Spanish troops land on Sardinia. Having forgotten the can opener, they promptly leave.
- 1939 - The Third Reich and the Nazis continue their march across Europe. This is bad.
- 1940 - As the Germans invade Belgium in WWII, some guy thought "This seems somehow familiar."
- 1945 - Nazis defeated. This is good.
- 1948 - Jewish state of Israel founded in the predominantly Arab Middle East. This will later cause problems.
- 1953 - Hundreds rush out to buy the sheet music for John Cage's 4' 33".
- 1966 - Captain Obvious is born. Doctor proclaims, "It's a boy," because the child has a penis.
- 1973 - Brutal, murderous dictator Augusto Pinochet takes control over Chile. "I bet the CIA is helping this guy," says a random intellectual just before being abducted by a group of soldiers.
- 2001 - Like we didn't see it coming. What the fuck.
- 2003 - People realize that George W. Bush is an idiot.
- 2012 - People actually acknowledge that the Titanic was in fact not unsinkable.
- 2016 - Last person using a pager discovered living in the middle of Borneo.
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Today's featured picture
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[vote]
| Aoushot1.jpg - 22 total votes ( 30 / 8 )
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A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.
Image credit: Hindleyite
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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