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Today's featured article – Woolly mammoth Woolly mammoth (a species of the genus Mammuthus) was a large shaggy beast that is a bit woollier than the Not-so-woolly Mammoth, and much woollier than the less common, Bald Mammoth, otherwise known as African and Indian elephants. These large mammals were known, from stamp indentations on their passports, to have lived all over the northern most parts of the world, rarely leaving their home territory; however they were thought to migrate south, at least once a year, for Mardi Gras. Further evidence suggests that they preferred to travel in small caravans, two to each mid-sized sedan in order to expedite their migration via the carpool lane. (more...) Recently featured: Kalamazoo Kalamazoo, Michigan Kristi Noem Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Kalamazoo Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps. (more...) Did you know... *... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown? ... Ven de Moon is full, Lahry Talbot becomes a Vere Volf? ... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown? ... Ven de Moon is full, Lahry Talbot becomes a Vere Volf? ... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown?	In the news I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote (pictured) Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Sunak soaked for General Election announcement Ferrell sues owner of look-alike dog Alfa Romeos to get even uglier Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace On this day... November 21: International Couch Potato Day 1783 - Oprah and Shoobily Boobily ze French Guy had the first untethered hot balls flight. 1847 - The Great Irish Potato Famine reduces the number of couch potatoes in Scotland and Ireland by 25%. Tragically, this results in a global Deep-fried Mars Bar recession. 1877 - Thomas Edison announced his invention of the pornograph. 1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald gets laid for the last time. 1969 - The first AARPNET link was established. 1987 - Morrissey becomes the first person ever to be eaten by a grue and live. Annoyed, the grue eats him again. 1996 - Couch Potato Day is established to encourage nations to collectively sit on their asses watching pointless programs at the same time. Scheduled Programs for this day included 100 Ways to Watch Paint Dry, and 20 Things You Didn't Know About Carpet. 2002 - NATO invites Bulimia, A Stoner, Laffy Taffy, Lithium-Ion, Ramen-Mania, Slavekia and Slavekneea to become members. 2003 - Megatron destroys the Earth, only for it to be remade by Ultra Jesus. 2004 - I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus distributes Nintendo DS systems to cheering (m)asses in Nude York Shitty. 3503 - God purchases for Earth the expansion pack, Earth, 21st Century Terror. We all love him for that, don't we?
Today's featured picture [vote] Pontius pilot.JPG Pontius pilot.JPG - 24.5 programs not at fault ( 35.5 / 11 ) The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you. Image credit: Savethemooses
edit Recent Articles Bunsen burner (pictured) | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism | UnTunes:I'm Just Ten | Taylor Swift | Praey for the gods‎‎ | Henry Kissinger | Sandra Day O'Connor | Battle for Dream Island | Rastadon | Quintana Roo | Digestive system | The Sims 4 | Ahsoka (TV series) More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push
Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,280 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019. We know you're simply bustling these days, but we simply can't be bothered.

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