Portal:Music
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Music portal.
By far the most musical portal you will ever find. |
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To understand music, we must first understand sound. Sound is an ingredient used to make tuna casserole. (It is disputed whether sound is sweet or savory.) Sound is alive. The hills are alive with it. Just ask Julie Andrews.
The word "Music" comes from two parts: Mute and sick, basically meaning if you don't mute it you get sick. Therefore generally speaking music are created to make people sick, either feeling high or dying.
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| Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the Dark Lord and scores of his fiery disciples from the nether realm feast upon your immortal soul forevermore. |
Ronnie James Dio (born July 10, 1942, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, USA), is a heavy metal vocalist, 42nd level magic user, midget rights activist, and children's author. When he's not recording, touring, or being fired from or rejoining Black Sabbath (or Rainbow), he's reviewing student applications at the Ronnie James Dio Institute of Lyrical Technology. And, when he's not doing that, he's busy penning another kiddie classic in his tireless pursuit of a Newbery Medal.
In this, the long-awaited follow-up to 1980's Children of the Sea and 1985's Rock 'N' Roll Children, Ronnie gives some of the classic children's nursery rhymes his signature treatment....
| Archive | Article credit: Todd Lyons | (more...) |
Music in the News
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MIDDLE AMERICA AND/OR CANADA -- Retail monopoly and threat to America, Wal-Mart, has told ultra-lame band Green Day that it will not stock its newest CD, 21st Century Breakdown.
Wal-Mart spokesperson Fred Habbemaster told UnNews today that, "in light of the fact that some of the lyrics are salty, but mostly because Green Day has gone from dreadful to unbelievably lame, we feel it is unconscionable to foist such crap on the American public. I mean, we have a conscience, you know?"
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| Archive | Article credit: Zim ulator | (more...) |
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| One of Miles' favourite things: Coltrane playing saxophone |
Miles Davis was a jazz musician. He played trumpet. People say he's black, but that's because they're part of the predominantly white establishment who wanted to pigeonhole him into one category. Miles doesn't like categories, and he said himself: "I'm all races at once, baby. That's what fusion was all about, don't you know?" Throughout his long career, Miles also redefined jazz humour, by being the most humourless jazz personality to ever have existed. In effect, Miles taught his proteges that it was fine to ignore the audience while playing, not to announce tunes, and even turn your back to them (to be fair, a lot of audiences turned their backs to Miles when he started playing syrupy pop-jazz in the eighties). You might want to classify Miles' humour as "black comedy"....
| Archive | Article credit: Knucmo2 | (more...) |
Lyric of the Week
“No, I'm not a stranger Look! I have an umbrella!”
- ~ From the UnTunes song: You can stand under my umbrella (you can also feel my antenna)
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| PLAY>MP3 |
So, after I broke up with Jenna, I was thinking, you know, just because we're broken up, that doesn't mean we shouldn't share our deepest feelings with each other, right? Chicks love that emotional shit.
So I wrote her this song about, you know, how much I miss her and how she makes me feel. I bet she'll be calling me any minute asking me to take her back.
Still Hurting
Well I'm still hurting so I'd be happy if you were hurting too.
Is it so much to ask that someone you love
be in constant unrelenting pain?
And I hope you stay up nights thinkin' of me
or maybe just lose your keys
So I'm waiting by the phone for you to call
and tell me, girl, that you misplaced your keys....
| Archive | Musical credit: Hyperbole | (more...) |
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