From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Ctrl (pronounced /kə.tɑr.(ə)l/) is a long-form of Control. This letter can be found in almost all keyboards. All other letters of the alphabet can be mixed with Ctrl to do something. Well, except F11 and ?.

As the name suggests, the Ctrl button can grant you control over everything, including termination of other people's lives, cloning your brother's iPod for yourself, equipping your house with nuclear missiles, etc. However, no one really knows how this button works and how to use it.

For example, in MS-DOS, pressing Ctrl with C will cause a massacre, while in Windows such a key combination will only duplicate your homework.


Partial list of Ctrl combinations discovered by Al Gore as of 1921.
Ctrl + A Drop either 100 apples, 100 windows, or 100 penguins on yourself.
Ctrl + B Strengthen the gravity between stars and planets.
Ctrl + C Part/unpart the selected body of water.
Ctrl + D Get drunk.
Ctrl + E Opens the whole personal profile database in CIA.
Ctrl + F Starts a fire.
Ctrl + G Take control of all goats in the world.
Ctrl + H Send yourself to hell.
Ctrl + I Push down a building.
Ctrl + J Summon a medieval jester.
Ctrl + K Creates a wormhole.
Ctrl + L Introduce misplaced apostrophe's to a famous book.
Ctrl + M Cause a blue screen of death, regardless of operating system.
Ctrl + N Remove everything in the world by introducing a big bang.
N + Ctrl Reverse of Ctrl + N. In rare situation it can clear everything you've done before.
Ctrl + Ñ Puts you in a coma, and when you wake up you can only speak Spanish for the rest of your life.
Ctrl + O Sends all text typed to Oprah, who will provide sound advice on the subject in an email disguised as spam.
Ctrl + Ø̈ Puts you in a coma, and when you wake up you can only speak Gibberish for the rest of your life.
Ctrl + P Enhances urination abilities.
Ctrl + Q Shrink anything in sight.
Ctrl + R Reverse effects of any other combo.
Ctrl + S Shrink anything and make it float.
Ctrl + T Get yourself a cup of tea.
Ctrl + U Makes your grandpa drink urine.
Ctrl + V Stamp an object picked up by Ctrl + X.
Ctrl + W Burn an object picked up with Ctrl + X.
Ctrl + X Pick up an object.
Ctrl + Y Turn someone into a newt (They'll get better, though).
Ctrl + Z Force someone to go to sleep.
Ctrl + Esc Escape any sticky situation.
Ctrl + Spacebar Deliver a round of drinks to a group of astronauts.
Ctrl + F1 Fire one missile
Ctrl + F2 Fire two missiles
Ctrl + F3 Fire three missiles
Ctrl + F4 Shut down your boss's Ctrl button.
Ctrl + F5 Shut down your neighbor's Ctrl button.
Ctrl + F6 Shut down your grandpa's Ctrl button.
Ctrl + F7 Shut down your mother's Ctrl button.
Ctrl + F8 Alter fate.
Ctrl + F9 Summon the ghost of Oscar Wilde.
Ctrl + F10 Divide by zero.
Ctrl + F11 Like Goggles, Do nothing.
Ctrl + F12 Send yourself to the sun.
Ctrl + Tab Automatically tabs out the song you are listening to.
Ctrl + Shift Shift gears.
Ctrl + Enter Toggles roadsigns between (Enter / Do Not Enter).
Ctrl + - Delete a person from existence. No one in particular, just know someone has been deleted. Warning: There is a chance that the person deleted could be you.
Ctrl + = Make 2 + 2 = 5.
Ctrl + Backspace Redo the last three seconds.
Ctrl + { Summon a left-winger.
Ctrl + } Summon a right-winger.
Ctrl + : Prevent colon cancer.
Ctrl + ; Sorta prevent colon cancer.
Ctrl + ' Abbreviates selected object.
Ctrl + | Stop drug use once and for all.
Ctrl + , Slow down time.
Ctrl + . Stop time. (kids only)
Ctrl + Windows Take control of Bill Gates and his money.
Ctrl + Option Create a clone of Steve Jobs to be used as a butler.
Ctrl + Home Build a nice little villa in the alps.
Ctrl + SysRq *Printing Started*
Ctrl + Pg Up Enable pigs to fly.
Ctrl + Pg Down Make pigs unable to fly.
Ctrl + Del Start delicate cycle, used for cleaning those unmentionables.
Ctrl + Ins Cause instability in all missing matter (better get yourself an insurance before doing it.)
Ctrl + Makes a random right-handed person left-handed.
Ctrl + Makes a random left-handed person right-handed.
Ctrl + Paste Pastes your fingers to the computer so you can't type any more (only on Sun computer. On Moon computer, it does the opposite.)
Ctrl + Any Key Control all the things on the planet Earth (or continue when your computer wears a blue sad face.)
CTRL-ALT-DEL It is advisable to know this shortcut as you will need to use it every minute you are using the computer, such as now. (Truly, the "oh crap" combination is only needed by Windows users. Macintosh and Linux users don't need to take reference.)


The Command Key
  • If you are using a Macintosh please be aware that due to several previous lawsuits, the Ctrl key on your keyboard has been demoted to making silly squiggly symbols. To remedy this, use the Bigger and More Powerful Command Key. This will do all this AND MORE.
  • If you are using the iRAQ Pocket PC, note that the Control-Dubya key combination is not working correctly. The StrongARM CPU merely goes into an endless loop searching for non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction and the processor must then be reset.