Breaking Shit

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Warning: This article makes mention of the Mel
People of jewish descent should be offended.....

This article has been proven offensive to the AHB
Mainly because they are whiny ass pussies, but thats besides the point...

Breaking Shit is a game played by the rich and "elite", members of the American Heirarchy of Badassness.


The rules of Breaking Shit are simple, go around and smash things to the 12th power of 9. It is a common misconception that you break shit to the 12th power of 8 (that's smashing shit). Traditional implements for Breaking Shit included, just about anything expensive, or belonging to your girlfriends rich-ass dad. Modern Shit Breakers however often use Breaking Chairs, Chairs especially designed to cause more pain on impact.

You get double points if you break expensive things, and you can be rewarded for killing your drunken friends with chairs, this move is often referred to as the frendimus murderus maximus, and can be traced back to the ancient sport. It's common to see fights break out on the shit breaking court, due to general drunkenness, but the AHB encourages this.

The Court[edit]

Shit Breaking courts vary in shape and size, and can be pretty much any area with enough shit to smash, and enough wattage to hook up a decent stereo. Indoor courts are more often seen because indoor shit has a tendency to cost more, and therefore breaking it improves chances for greater property damage.


Breaking shit is thousands of years old and is often believed to have been started by the ancient romans, but was started by the Bart's, who were from the 7290's. Breaking shit was originally called Smashimus maximus (not to be confused with Breakimus maximus the art of smashing shit), and was invented by wastedus maximus and Gaius Cassiuslerredspeech. Breaking shit was originally only played by nobles and Queers (Roman soldiers) but was later adopted by the general population of rome. Until recently it went unplayed, until the invention of vodka and redbull revived the sport. The game currently requires vodka and redbull to be played, as modern idiots have lost the ability to enter a drunken rage through free will (except for a select few bastards). Many Pro-Shit Breakers have been known to partake in Kitten Huffing, before and after each game.


As was said in rules, you should go around and smash things, but to win the game you must break at least one of every other competitors bones, and shout "YeeeHaaww, im a fucking dipshit" before one of your bones is broken. If no one goes without a broken bone the winner is decided by whoever caused the most property damage (in units of American Dollars), in the event of a tie a winner is picked using the ancient method "Selection by Vodka".


As has been stated the game is played by the American Heirachy of Badassness, or AHB. The AHB would have its own article, but it wouldn't be long enough and would probably end up huffed like a kitten. Games air every sunday, (apart from every 60th Sunday of a year, if it is the 2nd sunday of a month) on ESPN 1337.

Famous ex-AHB Members[edit]