8 (number)

Not every man has 8 balls, but every pool does, with 8 being the most evil one.

“Nice belt!”

~ Zero on 8

“Wow, I wish I could stand!”

~ Infinity on 8

“One more, and it'll be 9!”

~ Captain Obvious on 8

“Not in the nonary system!”

~ Mathemagician on Captain Obvious

8 is a number with many properties, including a villa on the Bahamas, a whole island in the Pacific Ocean and Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, monopoly. Number 8 (from pirate aye for eight) was born shortly after 7 and before 9. Unfortunately, there were some complications at birth because the doctor didn't know which side was the head. As it later turned out, scientists discovered that numbers don't even have heads! Anyway, as eight came out after 7 hours of labor the doctor happily congratulated the parents on a beautiful baby girl. When 8 turned 18 she was forced by her parents to marry 1 and become, uhmm, 18.

Properties

Not every horse has 8 legs, but this one sure does and it's OK with it!

Eight is often considered a perfect number. Why? Well just look at her amazing shape! "Before, I tried every extreme faddy diet just to get in a bikini. But I'd lose half a stone, go on holiday and put it all back on within a day of eating normally and boozing. It was pointless." said 8. "But then, I discovered this awesome diet. And you know what? I'm feeling happier then ever!"

Magical properties

Besides its perfection, 8 is also magical! For example, 8 is a cube of 2 and a cube has 8 vertices. And each vertex has 3 sides! And each side has 2 vertex! And 2^3 is 8! There you go, magic!

Divisibility

8 is quite a divisible number. If you divide it in half, you should get Ԑ and 3, if you did it right. If you did it wrong, you should get two o's. Some also use the good old 8÷2, but as we know today, this method is not reliable enough, since the results may vary.

You can also try dividing other numbers by 8, but that's pretty hard. First, you have to know whether or not the number is dividable by 8. Hint: every 8th is. When you know that, the rest is easy. Just calculate the angle of 45° and cut it!

The cult of 8

8 used to be a jealous number. Very jealous. It all started when she realised the truth. 0 was always the number of people who cared and one was the lonely one. 2 was a couple and 3 was a couple with Jesus. Four was a four letter word and five was the number of pillars. Six was the Devil's number and 7 did a lot of things. And all 8 had was a sexy body! And everybody knows you can't survive without work... So 8 decided to change things! First she registered "The Noble Eightfoot Path™" at a local patent office (which was later bought by Buddha to promote his new religion). Then she made some advertisements by creating articles Live 8 and Top 8 on Uncyclopedia. After the successful campaign, it was clear that 8 was destined for big things. And indeed, her newest invention, the Magic 8-Ball was a top success! Following the major flop of Pirates of the Caribbean, she grabbed a chance and invested earned money to convert the weakened pirates to her cult. Today they fight on her side against the 7 samurai...

Applications for The cult are currently closed, but if you wish to honor 8, you can replace every "bit" you say with "byte". Example: Charlie, byte me!

Some lists

Besides good, 8 also had some missed tries, here's a list of them:

• Windows 8
• Black ball from pool-after the Magical one, 8 also designed these, but they didn't meet such a positive response of the public, due to making pool much harder
• Octal system-it really isn't useful for anybody, it just serves to make life harder to students
• 80's-oh wait, they were good, if it wasn't for them we wouldn't have socks over tights and leg warmers and huge neon hairstyles today!

Trivia

The steering wheel used by pirates, sometimes also symbolises The Cult of 8.

• This article contains exactly 8 links that aren't what you think they are!
• Yesterday I had such a gr8 d8 with my m8 N8! I was a byte l8, but he still w8ed. We had a deb8 on whether the tax r8 is too high in our st8. In the restaurant I ordered a c8rpillar on a pl8. I h8ed it but I still 8 it. N8 said he w8s too much and his phone kept vibr8ing all the time, it was so irrit8ing and frustr8ing! Someone deton8ed a bomb so we had to be evacu8ed. We also sk8ed I accidentaly broke the g8 of his est8! He said it was f8 and forgave me so I had a clean sl8. It all escal8ed when we realised we are blood rel8ed. When I returned home I urin8ed.
• "88" is the abbreviated terminology used by the Aryan Brotherhood for the Nazi salute, "Happy Holidays" – "H" being the eighth letter of the alphabet, twice
• 8 is no longer considered a dull number, due to her many achievements. This function is now performed by 9
• I lied about the links.
• Actually, it depends on whether you think about the doctor as The Doctor. So it's kinda Schrödinger's cat
• This article may seem depressive to you because of the excessive use of pictures with white backgrounds, but admins made me do it.
• Aaand yes! This article has exactly 8 trivial facts!