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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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January 25: Januarymas - Happy Januarymas everyone!, Winter-een-mas begins
- 722 BC - The Roman goddess Juno takes the month of January away from the godlet Janus for being two-faced.
- 50 BCE - Nero plays the violin while Rome burns. Orange Blossom Special is a popular request.
- 959 - Due to constant raids by Vikings, scribes don't get a chance to start creating illuminated Christmas cards until August, so none are available to send until after Christmas. A further delay is caused by Royal Mail workers going on strike until late January, leading to the sarcastic 'Happy Januarymas' greeting by noblemen receiving delayed mail, followed by a volley of arrows.
- 1572 - The longest icicle ever recorded in history is found hanging from Tsar Ivan the Terrible's nose. Nobody feels tsary about it.
- 1759 - Robert Burns decides to celebrate Januarymas. Thousands of Scotch get drunk off product of same name.
- 1810 - Groundhogs begin winding up their careful calculations for next month's weather predictions. After 1927, they would just wing it.
- 1990 - A magic leprechaun starts accumulating knowledge.
- 1992 - Steve Ballmer begins his wrath upon all.
- 2005 - Carson Daly beats the crap out of Dick Clark in the middle of Times Square. ABC, frantic, quickly replaces Clark with noted gaydar Ryan Seacrest (pictured), and Ryan Seacrest Presents Dick Clark's January's Rockin' Mas is a modest hit with target audiences. No word on Brian Dunkleman, though.
- 2008 - Ryan Seacrest finally comes out of his closet after 2 years of looking for that stylish Versace waistcoat.
- 2101 - "For græt justice!" becomes a catch phrase.
- 2103 - It is discovered that Heath Ledger faked his death and went to live with Elvis Presley; he dies for real today, or so it is hoped.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Today's featured picture
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As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
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Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
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Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
