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Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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September 15: World Lame Excuse Day
- A long time ago - God creates the Earth: "At the time, it seemed like a good idea."
- 201 million years BCE - The Triassic-Jurassic extinction event occurs, killing most every animal except dinosaurs. While scientists argue about the cause, everyone else knows damn well it was due to dinosaurs playing with matches.
- c.45,000 BCE - The first ironic use of "Oopsie" is uttered by a Homo sapiens as he drops a rock on a Neanderthal.
- 1403 - Timur the Lame regrets killing millions, explaining that nobody ever taught him about self-control.
- 1804 - Aaron Burr kills Alexander Hamilton in a duel and causes an uproar: "I didn't know the gun was loaded."
- 1883 - Krakatoa volcano explodes massively, killing many thousands. Odin categorically asserts, "It didn't happen on my shift."
- 1928 - Sur Alexandur Flemminge dizkuvvas a tipe of mold wiv mirakulus heeling propurtees and iz tranzfourmed into an invinssibble sooperhero, skurge ov orl villins and protektur ov ver peepul ov Goffam Sitty.
- 1973 - When Francisco Franco's handpicked successor Admiral Carrero Blanco is assassinated, The Family Circle's Billy is arrested. When questioned, he insists it's "Not me."
- 1976 - David Berkowitz, aka Son of Sam, goes on a killing spree. He blames his dog Sam who orders him to do so. It is found that his cat Chauncy is a ventriloquist and is the one really responsible.
- 1989 - Billy Joel says that he didn't start the fire and takes a ridiculous amount of time to explain.
- 2003 - US-led forces leave Iraq in ruins with no recovery plan. George W. Bush states "We found it like that."
- 2015 - Disneycorp. releases Star Wars: The Force Awakens basically with the same plot repeated from earlier Star Wars movies: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Today's featured picture
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As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
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Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
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Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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