From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Today's featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.
Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."
Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)
Previously featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
|
|
In the news
|
- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
|
On this day...
|
March 19: Oh my god... I'm like... so freaking high right now... Kitten Huffing Day (traditional)
- 1000000 BCE -The first kitten is discovered by Egyptians. They try eating the kitten to get high but discover that you must sniff the critter.
- 1300 - Chinese explorer Hu Flhung Dhung brings back kittens to which the Chinese become instantly addicted.
- 1301 - Exactly one year later, the Chinese invent a more refined way of getting kitten into your system, now known by the street name "heroin". It is really kitten in pure form.
- 1462 - Holy Roman Emperor Yugo Hugo IV dies because he finds someone else's shoe wedged next to his toilet.
- 1915 - U.S. President Woodrow Wilson becomes the first American to get high on kittens.
- 1915 - Pluto is photographed for the first time, discovering the first extra-terrestrial colony of humans huffing kittens.
- 1942 - The U.S. implements wartime rationing of kittens and all cats under two years old.
- 1969 - Keith Richards swears that he has huffed his last kitten.
- 1972 - After huffing several hallucinogenic tigers, India and Bangladesh sign a friendship treaty.
- 1978 - Keith Richards swears that he has huffed his last kitten.
- 1981 - Paint and Chihuahua huffing causes fatalities as kittens are in short supply.
- 2003 - Saddam Hussein is forced to huff goats due to the impending U.S. invasion.
- 2007 - Keith Richards snorts his dad, wins "Reformed Huffer of the Year" award from PETA.
|
| Colonization of the Week
|
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
|
|
Today's featured picture
|
|
|
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
|
|
Writer and Noob of the Month
|
- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
|
|
Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
|
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,406 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of psychotic reindeer.
- ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
