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Today's featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause.
Norse Korea's military strategies are inspired by the wisdom of the All-Father himself, who apparently advised, "Why invade your neighbors when you can just hold a never-ending parade and fire missiles that look like they were designed by Loki for his next prank?" The country’s nuclear tests resemble the ravings of a berserker, though one wonders if they might actually be Odin's attempt at a mid-life crisis — "Look, I can totally outshine Ragnarok, guys." (more...)
Previously featured article – Mark Levin
Mark Reed Levin (born September 21, 1957) is an American talk radio personality, host of The Mark Levin Show as well as a television show on Fox News. He has also written seven books. He specializes in current events, constitutional analysis authentic enough to make Wikipedia call it "incendiary," and his signature civil response to participants, including to adversaries he often invites to phone the show. And if you have a problem with that, buster, you can get the hell out of my article, you big dummy. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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March 29: Get Down And Boogie Day in Orthodox Funk
- 1700 BCE - Moz-Iz eases on down the mountain with the 10 Commandments of Groove.
- 1580 - The Pope releases his first Billboard hit, F*** The Pro-Testants.
- 1776 - The Boston Tea Party is ruined when colonists drop the tea in the harbor.
- 1809 - Pat Sajak is crowned Duke of Fjords in Finland. (pictured)
- 1844 - The Democrats are split in their convention. Then from Nashville comes a dark horse riding in; it is James K. Polk with the snappy slogan, "Better a Polk in the eye than a limp Johnson".
- 1902 - Al Gore invents prototype for the internet, known as "Magic Communi-box".
- 1936 - Joe Louis beats Marvin "The Jersey Jew" Rabinowitz in Madison Square Garden for the heavyweight boxing title. Rabinowitz, 76, would retire to Florida soon afterwards.
- 1969 - U.S. schools change their atomic bomb attack response protocol from "drop and cover" to "get down and boogie".
- 1982 - Kentucksylvania admitted as 30th Spade of Amerika.
- 2003 - The new Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy is released to stores in a far away alternate universe.
- 2011 - Today, a funky possum pisses in your eye.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Today's featured picture
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As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
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Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
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Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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