Babel:Santa

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Today's featured article – Windows XP Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters. It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...) Recently featured: Switzerland St. Pierre and Miquelon Minotaur Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Switzerland Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...) Did you know... ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer? ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan? ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person? ...that Santa is mean to his elves? ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa? ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares? ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world? ...that reindeer are never magical? ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?

In the news Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured) Grandma gets run over by a reindeer. There's a new threat to christmas this year. Christmas is shortened, somehow Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die Rudolph goes crazy Santa becomes mean; the elves revolt Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore On this day... March 18: Suicide-by-Boasting Day, National RAD day (pictured) (UK, 1989-2000, 2007), End of the Boob Festival (Neptune) c.51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two Homo erecti discover fire. 1904 - Dessie Noonan is the first to commit suicide by boasting. 1906 - Pope declares suicide by boasting a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder. 1906 - Pope says his decree was best decree ever. He is found dead in a hotel outside Reno, NV with a syringe in his arm. 1953 - President Joseph McCarthy briefly bans kitten huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass." 1954 - Scientists discover the Moon. 1955 - Scientists find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun. 1966 - The Evelyn War ends, and Michelle Pfeiffer, a secret code developed by Captain Obvious, officially replaces traditional right-to-left writing, as decreed by the Kansas Board of Education 1991 - Rad Suits become the latest craze in the UK, after teen hero Margaret Thatcher is seen in one. 1992 - Michael Jackson re-releases Bad as Rad. However, no-one is impressed when it is just the same track with "rad" replacing "bad" in the lyrics, and the song does very badly. This causes him to turn a paler shade. 1994 - Tears for Fears reach Number One on the new show Top of the Flops. They would have reached Number One on Top of the Pops, but failed to say "rad" during the entire song. 2000 - Rad Day is abolished after the phrase isn't considered rad anymore. 2005 - Rick James dies of chronic diarrhea... finally! 2007 - Rad Day returns for one year with a concert featuring Michael Jackson. The 10 people that attended say things were "Like, well rad init." 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns it. It is never seen again. Colonization of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.

Writer and Noob of the Month

Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month. Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users. Isn't Santa wonderful? Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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