Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
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On this day...
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October 6 : Anniversary of the Invention of Fire, World's Most Dangerous Day to Be Flammable
- 4,327,340 BCE - Fire is invented. Matches, which had been in use for years beforehand, now finally have a use.
- 4,327,339 BCE - The competition to create the biggest bang results in the accidental creation of aerosols.
- 105 BCE - The Greeks invent a fire which doesn't go out when in contact with water. They call it "Greek Fire". It is quickly nicknamed AAAAAAAAA!
- 103 BCE - A hasty rebranding of Greek Fire goes wrong, and the newly renamed "AlphaFire+" is scrapped. Nobody bothers to write down the formula.
- 1081 - King Wilhelm IV of North West Prussia dies. The North West Prussia Gazette finally has front page news that doesn't involve the word "sauerkraut".
- 1611 - Several people are executed for petty theft in Hungary, much to the amusement of the Austrians, who framed them.
- 1612 - Hungary goes to war with Austria.
- 1613 - Several Austrians are extradited to Hungary, where they are executed for obstructing the cause of justice. Hungary withdraws from Austria, after 40 million people have died.
- 1846 - Mr. Georges "Bang-Bang" Firework, of Sparkler Street, Catherine Wheel, New Jersey, finally invents the trampoline.
- 1859 - Mr. Henry "Boing-Boing" Jumper, of Trampoline Terrace, Bouncy, Ohio, finally invents the firework. Various historians later switch the facts to amuse themselves.
- 1910 - People realize fireworks are better at night. It would be several centuries before it is also realized fireworks are better outdoors.
- 1913 - Parties are held throughout London, celebrating the fact that they have just signed a peace treaty with Germany.
- 1936 - An Austrian physicist discovers the long lost formula for AlphaFire+. Unfortunately, his lab then burns down.
- 1957 - Historians jump with joy as they discover what Edward Crapper invented.
- 2002 - The official date of the discovery of fire is discovered by historians. They attribute the discovery to Mr. Alfred "Burn-Burn" Hotstuff.
- 2012 - Pope Benedict XVI discovers his butler has been stealing his clothes and flogging them off a stand outside St. Peter's.
- 2018 - Brett Kavanaugh celebrates joining the USA Supreme Court by drinking out of a beer barrel. Head first.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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