From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
|
Did you know...
|
- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
|
|
In the news
|
- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
|
On this day...
|
September 11: International Worst Inventions Ever Day
- 13,800,000,000 BCE Universe invented. Previous universe wiped out due to Large Hadron Collider collision.
- 3000 BCE - Egyptians invent papyrus. Moments later, the paper cut is invented. Still some moments later, some pretty expressive swear words are invented.
- 33 CE - Judas invents the noose while just hanging around.
- 100 CE - Romans invent the wedgie to torment Christians.
- 911 - Nostradamus, having predicted 9/11, invents the telephone number 911.
- 1753 - An Oxford University student invents the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
- 1883 - The Worst Invention of the Year is a tossup between Islamic Fundamentalism (Middle East) and Christian Fundamentalism (United States).
- 1934 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky invents the helicopter ejection seat.
- 1939 - Inspired by an awful experience at summer camp, Hitler invents his own franchise of camps.
- 1945 - Morning After Pill not yet invented; George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush invent George W.
- 1961 - Hair scientists invent the mullet (pictured). The nesting bird population increases dramatically.
- 1968 - The internet is developed, sporting six-pack abs and huge rockets and not an ounce of fat. However, 30 years later...
- 1972 - Construction of the Trans-Amazonian Highway is completed. Lesbian Amazonians are slightly miffed.
- 1981 - Road rage is invented when the Trans-Amazonian Highway is extended through your cubicle.
- 2001 - An aircraft magnet is accidently turned on in the Pentagon.
- 2001 - Osama Bin Laden invents the world's first airplane/building
hybrid
- 2001 - American Airlines mysteriously loses 2 planes.
- 2002 - Emo movement is saddened but remains vaguely hopeful when it is invented.
- 2002 - The White House invents WMD.
- 2006 - An antigovernment father spends the day without turning on TV or radio, insisting that he doesn't want to hear about what happened five years ago, but in truth, hasn't paid the electricity bill.
|
| Colonization of the Week
|
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
|
|
Today's featured picture
|
|
|
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
|
|
Writer and Noob of the Month
|
- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
|
|
Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
|
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,352 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of psychotic reindeer.
