From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
|
|
In the news
|
- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
- Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
- Mandatory elf gathering goes horribly wrong
- While making presents, Santa falls in the wrapping machinery
- The reindeer veer off track while deivering presents
- Santa fails to remember getting the flying powder before entering the sleigh
- Santa's elves lose some of the presents they made; expect delays
- Santa's present-making machinery malfunctions and goes haywire; many elves die
- Easter comes on Christmas; millions confused
- Santa revealed to be ordinary person with immortality potion
- Elves revealed to be robots; noone knows what to think anymore
|
On this day...
|
June 13: Double Entendre Day *wink wink*
- 1891 - A horse walks into a bar for first time. Historians are not sure if he was a little horse.
- 1898 - A chicken "crosses the road" for the first time, but the event goes unnoticed by the media except for the news truck that ran it over.
- 1954 - A priest, rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, an event also unnoticed by media due to lame double entendre jokes that follow.
- 1955 - Martin McFly goes "back to the future" where things are "heavy" and Oedipal projection problems develop, requiring playing of Johnny B. Goode before it is written.
- 1956 - The word "whoa" is uttered the first time in history by a man seeing the worlds most beautiful woman completely naked being eaten by a giant robot octopus skateboarding out of a burning helicopter.
- 1967 - Thurgood Marshall "joins" the Supremes. The newly augmented group shortly releases their next album, For Great Justice.
- 1974 - A blonde agrees to a double entendre on the condition that all participants use protection.
- 1979 - George Lucas "releases" his biggest movie.
- 1981 - Quotation marks become "compulsory" to denote double entendres. Everybody "agrees" to this new law. Some "people" oppose the "abuse" of the "quotation" mark, obtaining a null "support" from the media (wink, wink, double wink).
- 1982 - Magic Johnson "roots" Yao Ming, gets AIDS.
- 1983 - Pioneer 10 becomes the first "man-made" object" to "pass the orbit" of Pluto. Uncyclopedian avoids easy Uranus joke.
- 1985 - Martin McFly comes "back from the future". Girlfriend "likes his truck" and McFly "gets his truck waxed".
- 1997 - A woman enters into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. And the barman "gives her one".
- 2000 - World's first self-reflexive "double entendre" is created.
- 2000 - George W. Bush makes one of his hundreds of speeches to "help" America (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
- 2004 - A woman pulls in to a gas station and asks the attendant to "fill her up". Attendant sells her some petrol. Opportunity for double entendre is missed, attendant is lynched.
- 2005 - Captain Crunch "promoted" to admiral for "services" to the nation.
- 2007 - A woman walks into a bar, but faints before the barman can make a double entendre. Woman is taken to hospital. Doctor tries desperately to save the double entendre that could have been, but sadly fails and the woman dies.
|
| Colonization of the Week
|
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
|
|
Today's featured picture
|
|
|
As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
|
|
Writer and Noob of the Month
|
- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
|
|
Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
|
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,405 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of psychotic reindeer.
