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Today's featured article – The Addams Family The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. John Addams was born on October 30, 1735 in Quincy, Massachusetts. However, creepily, he was not known as John Quincy Addams, as that would be the other one, who was not known as anything at the time. John was the son of a cordwainer, also named John and also not named Quincy. He was a Puritan, railing against libertinage and debauchery. And he was a Federalist. All pretty creepy, at least the archaic verbiage. (more...) Recently featured: Finnish sauna The B-52s UnNews:I had a birthday and you need to know it Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Finnish sauna The Sauna (pronounced SOW-NAH), or "Really Hot Place Containing Naked People" is a Finnish invention that many nations (i.e. Russia) falsely claim to have invented (See liar),[1] It was first recorded in the year 1050 B.C (Before cookies) by the Sosumi people in the Arctic Circle as a range of sounds to use everytime they hooked in a seal for dinner. (more...) Lies Did you Know? *... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in? ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries, ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in? ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries, ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in? ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries, ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?	Lies recently told In the news French guard Buckingham Palace (pictured) Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients Israel boasts of precision in bombings it didn't do Ukraine destroys large Russian warship, again GOP will have no candidates in 2024 Argentina goes off the deep end Beatles complete sequel trilogy On this day nothing happened... April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day, among gamers known as Explosion Day 30,000 BCE - The first clitoris is born. 1559 - University of Padua, Italy recognizes the clitoris' existence. 1775 - In a New York study on human sexual behavior, researches find the clitoris to be more important to female sexual pleasure than the actual vagina. Men with small penises find new hope. 1907 - The first vibrator is introduced in France. 1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues. 1941 - Roberto Carlos, formerly Brazil's greatest manwhore (presently a widower), is born in Cachoeiro de Itapemirim. Many clitorii become excited. 1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse. Condom sales decline. 1969 - Clitoris piercing becomes a popular fad with the exception of the 10 kilo (22 lb.) dogbone style. 1998 - Windows 98 is released. Memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the "World's Biggest Clitoris". (pictured) 1990 - Clinton has oral sex with two girls from next door, their mothers, their aunts, and every female in the local phone book up to the letter "G". 2007 - Wikipedia celebrates The First Ever International Main Page Huffing Day. 2007 - Aperture Science launches their Bring-Your-Daughter-to-Work Day, which is the perfect time to have her tested for STDs. 2011 - Aperture Science launches a new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas. Due to the large numbers of explosions during the destruction of their facilities, the day is named Explosion Day. Nobody knows why.
Today's featured eyesore picture [vote] Trojan horse.png Trojan horse.png - 20 Happy Humpin' Horses ( 20 / 0 ) Looking for protection for your stallion? Safe sex whilst getting your oats? Look no further than Trojan Horse condoms. For the serious rider. Available in "Large", "Extra Large" and "Ouch!". Image credit: sannse
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Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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