Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
|
Lies Did you Know?
|
*... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole?
- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
- ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole?
- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
- ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole?
- ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
- ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole?
|
|
Lies recently told In the news
|
|
|
On this day nothing happened...
|
October 28: National Realism Day, 2nd Bolognese Day (First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster), Carp de Diem (US: Day of the Goldfish), Feast Day of Saint Jude usually celebrated by going "Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah, hey Jude" for fifteen minutes
- 65 CE - Saint Jude is martyred when someone tries to axe him a question.
- 977 - Japanese try hard to train carp with no success. They would later find out the fish were just being koi.
- 1066 - William the Bad Motherfucker PWNZ the Saxon army. Maybe they should have stopped playing so much damn jazz and maybe picked up a sword, eh?
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus lands in Cuba, stocks up on Cuban cigars, Che Guevara memorabilia.
- 1793 - Eliphalet Remington, American firearms manufacturer, was born. Americans traditionally celebrate his birthday by turning to the person on their left and shooting them.
- 1942 - The Alaska-Canadian (Alcan) Highway is completed, allowing Alaskans easy access to thousands of pounds of primo BC bud.
- 1955 - John McClane born in Yippee-Ki-Yay, MF.
- 1955 - Bill Gates is born. Biblical scholars widely regard this as one of the signs of the End Times described by the Bible in Revelations 4:16 – "Yea, and there shall come a great Monopolist, and this Octopus shall cast his tentacles wide, and He shall spread darkness upon the land, in the form of buggy software, security holes, and poor interface design".
- 1962 - As the world steps away from the brink of nuclear war, people of all nations find they just got a huge dose of reality. They then grab a snack and the sugar rush returns them to stupid thoughts.
- 2001 - God loses concentration for a minute and the sun sets on the British Empire, the British take this opportunity to take the whole world... bar France... again. Why can the frogs never be conquered?!?!?
- 2010 - Old MacDonald claims that Michael Jackson appeared to him, on his farm, dressed as Captain EIEIO.
- 2012 - America realizes they were responsible for the worst genocide of them all and give the country back to the Indians. Indians find it is more broken than expected and move to another galaxy.
|
|
Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
|
|
